


I Heard You On The Radio

by thatwasahaiku



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-13
Updated: 2013-03-13
Packaged: 2017-12-05 03:55:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 95,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/718610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatwasahaiku/pseuds/thatwasahaiku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam hadn’t meant for it to turn into a thing- a big, popular, almost the entire school was talking about it sort of thing. The podcasts started out as a way from him to vent some pent up aggression and actually be himself for once. And what better place to reveal ones true inner being than through the veil of anonymity that is the internet? It also helps being anonymous when you find yourself inexplicably attracted to the new student everyone has their eye on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so basically this fic is complete, but I'm going to post the chapters as I edit them a bit. Also, as a warning, I did take some creative liberties with the guys' characterizations (particularly Liam's, ie. his cursing). Some of you may not like that and I totally understand. Just don't read this then :)

It was Harry that dared him to do it, a drunken Harry to be more specific.

 

“Loosen up, mate.” He had slurred into Liam’s shoulder in the backseat of the cab taking them back to Liam’s abandoned house. “Really, you just need to do something about those things inside you” he poked a thin finger at Liam’s chest, right under his heart.

 

“Harry, you’re completely smashed.” Harry had giggled at that and collapsed onto Liam’s lap.

 

“That may be true, but at least I know how to use my feelings.”

 

“I can use my feelings! I feel like you’re going to regret this entire night in the morning. See, feelings.” Liam smiled down at his drunken friend.

 

Harry sat up, his curls in disarray and his eyebrows rose in amusement. “You are a mother, Liam. And I’m allowed to say this as your best friend for the past three years. You are a mother who keeps her feelings pent up on the inside and if you don’t do something about it, one of these days you are going to explode.”

 

“Not literally I hope” Liam rolled his eyes at Harry’s drunken advice, trying to play coy about the fact that the words actually stung.

 

“Yes, literally. Blood and guts everywhere. God, you’re an idiot. You know what?” He leaned in, his eyes wide. “I dare you to do something, Liam Payne.”

 

Liam laughed. Harry’s drunken dares usually ended up being the ridicule of sober Harry and Liam hoped that whatever he was about to say could be held against him in the daylight. “And what exactly do you dare me to do?”

 

“I dare you to find some way of venting. Call a suicide hotline; make a fucking blog, I dunno. Just do something.” He sat back against the pleather cab seats.

 

“Will do, Haz. Will do.”

 

The cab turned onto Liam’s drive, the house empty of all light and life. Liam pulled his best friend out of the car, paid the driver and dragged Harry into the guestroom that was practically his. “See you in the morning” Liam flicked the lights off and gently shut the door before trudging up the stairs to his attic bedroom.

 

Harry’s words kept echoing in his head, over and over. _‘If you don’t do something about it, one of these days you are going to explode.’_ Liam laughed, his voice bouncing off the empty walls.

 

The fact was that Harry was right, in only the way that Harry could be right. Liam didn’t use his feelings, not in the slightest. Sure he laughed and joked around with the rest of the guys. He got upset when his mom called and said that she would be out of town for a week (“it’s an important group of meetings, I really can’t miss this.” “Okay, mom. Don’t worry about me”). He even indulged in self-pity when faced with a particularly adorable couple. He had feelings; he just didn’t show them.

 

In fact, Liam prided himself on being the quiet one of the group. Niall, Louis, and Harry were all the energy anyone could ever want, so why would his opinion matter when you could have all of theirs? Liam would humor them every once in a while with a little anecdote or clever quip, but for the most part his role of the group was to make sure that they didn’t kill themselves or get them all detention. No one ever really asked about his feelings so Liam never shared them.

 

He reached the landing at the top of the stairs and opened the door to his room- solitude at long last. As much as Liam enjoyed being around Harry and the rest of their friends, nothing could beat some quality alone time. Before taking a much-needed shower (he ranked of beer, sweat, and dirt) Liam swiped his fingers across his laptop track-pad. It hummed to life and he began to scroll through his music for something to listen to while he showered. He loved being alone, but he hated silence.

 

The thought occurred to him after having a good old-fashioned wank in the bathroom that maybe he could use the internet as a way to vent like Harry suggested. A blog was too overrated but as Liam thought through the other possible internet outlets, the idea of a podcast- or more like the idea of using the voice that he rarely used outside of the comfort of his friends- sounded attractive.

 

An hour later, Liam found himself on some sight telling him how to create his own podcast.

 

Two hours later Liam had his site set up, and was pulling on his headphones and plugging in his microphone to begin recording.

 

By the time the sun was beginning rise of the woods in Liam’s backyard he was finally done and relatively pleased with the product. It was half an hour of pure Liam. He had talked vaguely about the problems in his life, he had played some of his favorite songs and discussed the possible meaning behind the lyrics, and he had even dished out some school gossip he had been dying to tell someone. It was a complete mess but he was proud. Sure, there was no way anyone would ever hear it or comment on it, but it was out there.

 

The thing was, someone had heard it. And that someone passed it on to another someone, who passed it to another and another and another until somehow Liam found his late night creation the topic of conversation between two freshman girls in his study hall.

 

“I totally knew that’s why Mrs. McBain got fired, I totally knew it.”

 

“Please, you did not know that. I thought you liked her?”

 

“I only liked her when she gave me good grades.”

 

“True, true. And did you hear that last song he played, something about a Ferdinand? I don’t know, but I’ve had the melody stuck in my head for ages”

 

Liam had bolted out of the room as soon as the bell rang to go to the computer lab. He signed in with the attendant and rushed over to an empty computer in the far corner of the room. _Please, tell me this isn’t happening right now. Please, please, please._ Liam bit his lip as he logged in and impatiently waited for the internet browser to come up. When it did, he typed in his site’s url with shaky fingers. _Please, please, please._ The screen loaded and the title he had thought so clever at 5:30 in the morning stared back at him. Talbert Tales. The only post was his podcast, and the playcount read a number larger than Liam had ever expected. 328. He gulped and clicked the post itself that took him to a screen with the comment section. There were 15. _Oh, hell_.

 

He sat back in his chair, staring at the screen. _Well… Harry will be pleased at least_. With that thought Liam reached into his backpack and fished for his phone, ignoring the glare of the attendant. He quickly typed a text to his friend and waited for the response.

 

**(8:54)  
Haz, I think I did something I’m going to regret. Come to lab 2011**

 

Harry was quick to respond

 

**(8:55)  
did u knock some1 up????**

**(8:55)  
b there in a sec**

 

Liam rolled his eyes and slipped his phone into his pocket, his attention returning to the screen. This actually happened. Refreshing it only seemed to deepen his shame as with each click the play count increased.

 

“So, who is she?” Liam looked up to see Harry standing above him, a wicked smile on his face.

 

“You might want to sit down.”

 

“What’s this?” He nodded at the screen, reading the title of the page. “Oi, someone was talking about this today in English.” He grabbed the chair next to Liam and sat down. “It actually was half decent, the music selection was really on point.”

 

“That’s…that’s what I have to talk to you about.”

 

“Why are you whispering?” Harry asked, confused.

 

“Well, I…uh.”

 

Harry gasped, his eyes lighting up. “It’s you?”

 

For once, Liam was glad that his friend was actually cleverer than he let on.

 

Harry clapped his shoulder and pulled him in for a side hug. “Good on you mate! Looks like you finally got a decent pair of balls. Took you long enough to grow ‘em.”

 

“Shut up.” They laughed like the teenage boys they were and Liam exited out of the site and signed off the computer.

 

“So, are you going to tell anybody?”

 

“Of course not! Are you kidding me? Why would I ever tell anyone?”

 

“Dunno… you may like the attention.” Harry shrugged as they walked out of the lab and into the hallway.

 

“Harry, do I like attention?”

 

“Well, then are you going to keep it up?”

“’Course not.” Liam answered simply. That was a dumb question. The point of making the thing was getting his voice out there, not for people to actually listen.

 

“I think you should.” Liam turned to stare at his curly headed friend.

 

“Why?”

 

Harry shrugged again. “I think it could do you some good. Remember,” he began to turn down a side hallway where Niall was waiting for him to walk to their biology class. “You could explode if you don’t get it out there.”

 

Liam waved to the pair and resumed his own trek to his physics class. After greeting the teacher he slipped into his desk in the back of the class and began to think. Would it really be worth it to continue? From the sounds of it, people liked it. Harry said people were talking about it, and all the comments he had read seemed positive. Liam pulled out his notebook and uncapped his favorite pen. Once the page was filled with useless doodles and lyrics, he had made up his mind.

 

“You can’t tell anybody.” He said by way of greeting to Harry at the end of the day.

 

His eyes lit up. “You’re gonna keep it up?”

 

Liam nodded and tossed his backpack into the passenger seat of his car. “Yea, but I want the whole thing to be anonymous so I don’t get in trouble or anything. Think you can keep it a secret?” Harry clapped his hands together, a trait he seemed to be picking up from Louis.

 

“You can trust me, Liam. I won’t tell a soul.” 


	2. Chapter 2

Liam woke to a combination of thin arms, spindly legs, one incredibly long torso, and a full head of curly brown hair all landing on top of him. No, jumping. Jumping on top of him would be a better way to describe the incredibly rude way Liam’s best friend woke him up on the Sunday before their senior year of high school.

 

“Liam! It’s time to wake up! Get up, get up, get up!”

 

Liam rolled over, sinking deeper into his pillow. “Harry,” his voice was muffled, “get the fuck off of me.”

 

“But, Liam we can’t waste today! It’s our last day of freedom, you have to get up.” Harry tugged on Liam’s arm hanging over the side of the bed. Annoyed, he yanked it from Harry’s grasp and stuck it back under the covers.

 

There was a knock at the door and Liam groaned. “Is he up yet?” Niall stuck his blonde head in the room.

 

“Haz, I thought we told you to wake him up!” Louis popped his head in above Niall’s.

 

“I’m trying, Lou! He won’t move.” Harry sighed and collapsed at the end of the bed. “You guys try.”

 

“Okay. Nialler, you get his feet and legs. Harry you, the arms. And I’ll take th-”

 

“I’m up, I’m up!” Liam pulled the pillow off his face and twisted around to sit up and stare at his three closest friends. “Have I told you recently that I hate you?”

 

“It’s been about two months, but it’s nice to hear you still feel the same.” Louis let out a laugh and patted Liam’s cheek. “You really need a shave, mate.”

 

“And a shower” Harry added, “you smell pretty rank.”

 

“Thanks.” He brought a hand to his mouth as he yawned. “So after I shower, what are our grand plans?” He looked expectantly at Niall.

 

Niall shrugged and looked at Harry who shrugged and turned to Louis. “Well don’t look at me!” Louis shouted, throwing his hands into the air.

 

“It was your idea to do something today.” Niall pointed out.

 

“I thought you were starving and wouldn’t be able to go on living for another minute if you didn’t get something to eat soon.” Louis snapped

 

Niall smiled as he remembered, Louis’ jibe not bothering him in the slightest. “Oh yea! Hey, Liam you got any food?”

 

Liam pushed his duvet aside and swung his legs over the side of his bed. “You know where to go. Mum’s not home so have at it.”

 

“Do you guys have any of that tea she brought back from Greece left?”

 

Liam shrugged. “Dunno. But can you make me a cup of whatever you make as well?”

 

“And me”

 

“Me too, Nialler.”

 

“Four cups of whatever, will do.” Niall began to head to the door before Liam’s voice stopped him.

 

“And restrain yourself a bit in the kitchen, I need something to eat for dinner tonight.” Niall’s laugh echoed in the stairwell, still ringing long after he had left the room. Liam shook his head and smiled at the other two. They all knew that there would barely be anything left once Niall was done.

 

“So, we’ll stop somewhere to get something yeah?”

 

Harry answered, “don’t we always?”

 

Liam nodded. His bones seemed to creak as he stood up from his bed and stretched. Maybe he hadn’t been as vigilant as he should have been in his work out regimen this summer. Hell, he hadn’t been vigilant in anything this summer. While his friends had all been traveling the world he had stayed inside all day, the empty house swallowing him whole. Jealousy had raged through him when he first learned that all of his friends were going back to their respective homes while he had to stay in America, but Liam was used to the jealousy and the abandonment. He was always the one left behind, that’s just how it worked. Liam struggled to remember the last time he had actually been out of the country (two years ago, his mother had taken him with her to a trip to London and left him alone for half a week) just as much as he struggled to remember the last time he left the house (four days ago, he needed milk and a restock on his store of frozen pizza). It had been a typical summer, really.

 

Louis fell onto Liam’s bed, taking his vacated spot, pulling Harry’s feet into his lap as he did. “How you feelin’, Li?”

 

“Tired.” Liam responded tersely. The others laughed, Harry falling into Louis’ shoulder.

 

“It’s only half past 8!” Harry pointed out.

“Tomorrow’s going to be a bitch, won’t it?” Louis had reached a hand around Harry’s neck and was playing with his curls. “It’ll be easier for us, our sleep cycles are eternally fucked up.”

 

“How was Doncaster, by the way? The family doing well?” Liam stuck his head out of the bathroom door to ask his question.

 

Louis grinned widely and his eyes lit up, the topic of his family always a soft spot for him. “They’re all lovely. The girls have grown so much, it was hard to believe that it had really been a few months since I’d seen them last.”

 

“Time flies when you’re halfway across the world.” Harry mused, his voice deep.

 

“That it does, Hazza.”

 

Liam tuned out the rest of their conversation while he showered. He knew they were presumably just catching each other up on their respective lives and telling the other all about the extravagant adventures they had had. Liam longed for the day when he would be the one leading the extravagant adventures and finally have stories of his own to tell. His body finally clean, he turned the shower off and pulled a worn towel off the rack and wrapped it around his waist. When he walked out into his room, Harry was sitting in his desk chair messing about on Liam’s computer. Louis was nowhere in sight.

 

“Where did Tommo run off to?” Liam asked his closet. He began to sift through the shirts, displeased with them all.

 

“He thought he should go help Niall.” Harry didn’t look up from the screen.

 

“Probably a good idea.” Liam selected a plaid button up and tossed it to his bed (it landed on the floor). He moved to his dresser where he pulled out a clean pair of boxers and found some relatively clean jeans.

 

“So you finally gonna make a move on him, this being senior year and all?”

 

Harry seemed unfazed by Liam’s blunt question, but retorted “So you finally gonna learn how to mind your own bloody business, this being senior year and all?”

 

“Nah, you know I can’t do that, mate.” Liam let the towel drop to the floor and began to change. “It’s my job as your best friend.”

 

“Technically, all of you are my best friends.”

 

“But since I met you first, I have priority, right?”

 

“I don’t think meeting you in first period, and the others in third really counts as meeting you first.”

 

“Harry, just let me have this one thing, please?” Harry spun around in Liam’s chair, his hands folded across his stomach. His mouth was a tight line, his eyes narrowed and emotionless. Liam stuck out his bottom lip and did his best to imitate a puppy dog. Harry’s face didn’t break.

 

“If anything, Louis is my best friend.” Harry finally spoke, an air of indignation in his tone.

 

Liam raised his eyebrows. “No, Louis is your best friend who you want desperately to fuck senseless. I’m your best friend who will kick his ass when he breaks your heart.” He adjusted his shirt and glanced at his reflection in the mirror. His hair was a mess and chances were that Louis was going to comment on it, but he really couldn’t be bothered to do anything to it. “That sound about right?” Harry ignored him, his face furrowed in a dark scowl. “Oh please, Harry. You’ve had a crush on the poor guy since freshman year.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Harry’s head bent in shame, “and lower your damn voice.”

 

“And for some reason you think I’m the one who has problems confronting my feelings.” Liam couldn’t believe the extreme hypocrisy in his friends sometimes. “Look, you know I’m here for you to talk and I mean that. Even if it means late nights sobbing into ice cream about how pretty Louis looked in his striped jumper and suspenders combination, I really don’t mind.”

 

Harry swept his curls out of his eyes and grinned. “Thanks mum.”

 

Liam pulled Harry’s head into his chest and squeezed. “Anytime, love. Now let’s go see what disaster the boys have managed to make downstairs.”

 

* * *

 

After debating the matter over for ten minutes, the boys had decided that the best way to spend their last day of freedom was to go into the city. Niall wanted to stop by the record store while Louis had some books he was dying to get and of course Harry went along with whatever Louis wanted, and as always Liam was just there for the ride. They all had their little niche and Liam’s was just being in the midst of it all; he was the glue that held them all together.

 

They all headed their separate ways once they got off the train, planning to meet back at their (Niall’s) favorite local sandwich shop a little after noon. Niall took the subway to the record store while Harry, after ignoring Liam’s knowing smile, waved back at Liam as he and Louis headed over to the used bookshop a few blocks over. _So much for spending our last day together_ , Liam muttered to himself.

 

He glanced at his watch; he had over two hours to kill by himself. For about a fourth of the time he wandered aimlessly through the crowd, following the tide as it pushed him from street to street. The city was lost to him; his mind was focused on what he was going to say on his podcast that night. What did he really feel like he needed to say? Eventually he found himself on the steps of an art museum of sorts. He checked the time again, thought _why the hell not, I’m in need of some inspiration_ and wandered into the building.

 

It was a rush of cool air and a stiff sense of high-class culture that greeted him. The feeling of discontent and not belonging were overwhelming (in general, Liam despised museums. He felt like they were cold and unnatural and lacked passion), but he pushed passed it and stepped into the first room. It was empty save a couple of what seemed to be hipsters. Liam rolled his eyes at them but tried to focus on the sculptures and paintings that filled the room. He began to walk up to a particularly neon painting, the paint splatters already giving him a headache, but stopped just as he realized one of the hipsters was moving to the exact spot he was planning on taking. Liam backtracked awkwardly to avoid a confrontation of any kind and twisted on his heels, nearly knocking over a different museumgoer.

 

“Oh, sorry!” Liam and the boy he had almost run into both took a step back to steady themselves. But Liam’s voice died in the back of his throat as he took in the guy now standing right in front of him. He was tall, tanned, and _holy fuck he’s hot. I shouldn’t think he’s hot, but damn. He’s hot._ His jaw line seemed like it would be able to cut glass and _his eyes, how are his eyes even real_. Liam ducked his head and quickly sidestepped the attractive boy he had almost bumped into, fleeing to the other side of the room. _I’m such an idiot. I am such a bloody idiot._ From the corner where he was feigning great interest in a sculpture made up entirely of what seemed to be knitting needles, Liam attempted to compose himself. Attempted and failed.

 

The boy went up to one of the hipsters and whispered something into her ear. She laughed and Liam blushed with _jealousy? Why the fuck am I jealous?_ He turned his head to look at the knitting needle sculpture from a new viewpoint. _If anything I should be embarrassed. God, this is why I don’t go out in public._ Seeing as his new viewpoint didn’t change the sculpture at all, Liam found himself looking over the other boy with his dark jeans and tight white t-shirt. He was wearing what looked like dress shoes, but they were scuffed, showing signs of repeated abuse. _This guy looks like he walked out of fucking GQ._ Liam scolded himself for staring too much and tried not to think about the tattoos on the boy’s arm and what might it feel like to trace them with his clumsy fingers. _Pull yourself together, Payne. A big gay freak out isn’t really how I should be starting senior year._

 

Liam was able to breath easier once the tattooed boy and his friends left the room and after giving them a minute, Liam too left the room and wandered into another exhibit- where the boy and his friends were standing in front of the main portrait discussing it. _Well, fuck_.

 

He didn’t mean to follow the boy around the museum, honest. It was just that he seemed to go into all of the exhibits Liam was interested in. He couldn’t help that the boy with enticing black hair and his friends had good taste. For the most part it seemed like Liam was some sort of stalker, but in his defense there were a few rooms where he was the first one and the boy followed him. _Boy’s not exactly the right word. He’s a man,_ Liam thought to himself as he walked by said man on his way out of a room. _He’s more of a man than I’ll ever be._

 

Liam finally escaped the man in a room near the back of the building, with four paintings as the sole occupants. He sighed in relief at the sight of the empty room and walked forward past a bench in the middle to inspect the paintings. They were imitations of Thomas Cole’s _The Voyage of Life_ series, and as much as Liam despised imitations of the real thing, he had to admit he was impressed. They had a style all their own, but the artist seemed to have understood what Cole was trying to say with each. In a sudden burst of inspiration he sat down on the bench, pulled out his red moleskin notebook and pen he kept with him at all times, and began scribbling away.

 

What started out as a rant on the fragility of life and the path everyone must take and the toils that will stand in the way turned into a long rambling inner debate on sexuality, Liam’s sexuality to be specific. It was a topic that Liam rarely thought about. He was pretty sure that he could swing that way, if the right guy came around, but doubt and uncertainty seemed to plague his every thought. _Damn tattoos._

 

Liam set the pen down after finishing the forth page and sighed. He had barely scratched the surface; there was still so much to say, but no one to listen. There was never anybody to listen.

 

“Egh hem.” Liam felt his stomach lurch. _Why can’t I have a moment’s peace?_ He turned around to see the very person he had spent pages questioning his sexuality about standing right behind him. “Just thought I would introduce myself, seeing as we’ve seen so much of one another today.” _Bloody hell, his voice_ was all Liam was really able to process before his mouth began moving of his own accord.

 

“I’m not stalking you, I swear.” And before Liam could even blush the other was laughing.

 

“I didn’t say you were, mate.” He plopped down on the bench and Liam scooted over to give him some more space. “The name’s Zayn.”

 

Zayn reached his hand out and Liam took it in his own. His mind was racing at what felt like a million miles a second, but all he could seem to say was, “you’re not American”

 

Zayn’s laugh filled the tiny room before he shook his head. “Nah, I’m from Bradford. And neither are you from the sounds of it,” he paused, waiting for Liam to fill in his own name.

 

“Oh, right. Liam. Liam from Wolverhampton.”

 

“Well, Liam from Wolverhampton, it’s nice to make your acquaintance.”

 

That smile is going to keep me up for weeks, and I’m not even supposed to fancy blokes. “Likewise.” Liam smiled while praying that his smile didn’t come off as weird or anything. Zayn shifted in his seat. “So, ugh” Liam searched his mind for some sort of conversation starter. “You like this?”

 

Zayn raised an eyebrow. “This?” he obviously wasn’t following. Liam nodded towards the four paintings in front of them as clarification. “Oh,” Zayn took a moment to stare at the paintings, taking them all in. “I do, actually. More of a modern art guy myself, but I appreciate the classics, especially when made new.”

 

Liam smiled. “They might be my favorite paintings ever. The originals, I mean. These are nice too”

 

“Ever?” Zayn sounded surprised.

 

“Ever.” Liam nodded in confirmation and tried not to focus on how close Zayn’s arm was to his own and _wow maybe I am gay if I’m getting this hyped up over sitting next to some random stranger with tattoos._

 

As Zayn thought for a moment panic crashed over Liam, taking precedent over his maybe-maybe not gay freak out. _Fuck, why did I say that? I shouldn’t have said that, now he’s going to be judging my taste and I don’t even really like art. God, this is exactly why I don’t talk to anyo-_

 

“I can see why.”

 

“Yea?” Liam’s voice was deadpan. Zayn responded by bumping him playfully in the shoulder. They had only known each other for over an hour (and only the past five minutes would really be considered as ‘knowing’) and yet Zayn was acting like they were some sort of close friends. Then again, maybe Liam had just forgotten how close and personal Brits can be.

 

“Yea. They’re all pretty powerful pieces. I like in the third one especially how the guy feels like he’s all alone in the midst of all the turmoil and strife, but he’s really not alone. He’s never been alone, he just chooses to ignore what’s right in front of his face.”

 

“Insightful commentary. I have to admit, I’m impressed.” And that was the truth. Liam was impressed, beyond impressed even. _Of course he would pick my favorite, of fucking course._

 

“What can I say, art history class sometimes pays off.”

 

“Her mind’s made up, she don’t wanna go steady. She’s only seventeen so she’s probably not ready.” Liam’s heart jumped out of his chest. “A-M-A-N-D-A norgaard.” Liam scrambled for his phone as Zayn ducked his head into his chest and laughed.

 

“Hello?” Liam tried to keep his voice low, embarrassed beyond belief and trying desperately to ignore the smirk Zayn was sending his way.

 

“Liam! Where are you? We expected you to be here by the time we all got here!” Niall was practically yelling into the phone telling Liam that the restaurant was packed and he had to step outside to make the call.

 

“Shit, I’ll be right there. Can you put in my usual?”

 

“Sure thing, mate. Poor Haz thought you died though, not even Louis could calm him down. Kept yelling for his mum”

 

Liam rolled his eyes at the image of Harry playing up his anxiety just so Louis could comfort him. “Tell him mum will be there in ten and to stop blubbering into Louis’ shoulder.”

 

“Sounds good, Li. See you in a bit.”

 

“Yea, bye Niall.” Liam hung up and slipped his phone back into his pocket. Zayn was looking at him fondly. _Fondly?_

 

“So I guess I’ll see you around.” Zayn seemed hopeful and Liam smiled to reassure him, though he wasn’t sure if he could handle seeing Zayn again.

 

“Yea. I’ll let you know if I decide to go to any more underground art exhibits.” And with that Liam stood up and walked out of the room, already cursing at his last words. The fact that he would never see Zayn again was comforting and by the time Liam got to the restaurant, his meal already waiting in his spot for him right next to Niall, the tattooed boy was the furthest thing from Liam’s mind.

 

* * *

 

**_Well ladies and gentlemen and whomever the fuck is listening, here we are. The eve of a new school year has finally dawned. Bet you guys didn’t think I would keep this whole thing up, did you? Well, I am… obviously. Anyways, I’ve kind of forgotten how I’m supposed to do this whole thing after not doing for almost three months. How have you managed to deal without my shit stories and jokes? You’re lucky you don’t have to deal with them all the time like my friends do. They probably hate me. Just kidding, they don’t hate me. In fact, my best friend is here right now and he is shaking his head at me to confirm… that… okay, so my friends don’t hate me. That’s quite a relief._ **

****

**_So school starts tomorrow and I will finally be able to see all of your lovely faces again! Who’s excited? I know I’m more excited about the fact that this is going to be my last official first day of school ever, but don’t worry, seeing your smug smiles will be nice as well. Yep, you heard right. This host is in fact a senior at our lovely abode, good old Talbert High School. After this year, just two measly semesters I will finally be free to go out into the world. Unless you too are a senior, you really don’t understand the beauty in what I just said. One more year, we have one more year and then we’re finally free._ **

****

**_Now I, like a majority of my senior class, have no earthly idea where the fuck I want to go to college or what I want to major in or what I want to do with my life. But that’s the beauty of the future- it’s unknown. We can plan as much as we like but we never really know what something is going to be like until we are actually in the moment living it._ **

****

**_Okay, enough ranting on my part. Before I delve into a quick recap of the summer drama all of you will be eagerly discussing tomorrow morning in your new homerooms, here is a song by a band that I have recently fallen back in love with. Albeit a bit cliché, this song is peppy and damn it, sometimes I like peppy songs. Here’s 5 Years Time by Noah and the Whale._ **


	3. Chapter 3

The first day of senior year was like every other first day Liam had ever experienced: it was just another day of school, or in other words, hell. He woke up at 5:45 after hitting the snooze button roughly three times and managed to take a quick shower before grabbing his backpack out of the closet and heading out the door. Harry was waiting for Liam when he picked him up, two travel mugs of tea in his hands.

 

“You ready to kick this year in the ass?”

 

“How about you give me until first period, then I’ll probably be up for a few rounds in the ring.” Liam took a sip from his tea.

 

 Harry chuckled. “I feel you, man.”

 

Silence fell between them as Liam drove through the winding roads that led to their back road high school. A large part of Liam still couldn’t believe that this was actually happening. He was actually a senior, the top of the food chain. After nine months he would be able to live his life as he saw fit. Nine months and he would finally be able to move out of the house that always seemed too big, the house that seemed to remind him every day just how alone he was.

 

Liam fiddled with his ipod and began playing some music to fill the silence. Not that he necessarily minded the silence or anything. In fact, one of the best things about having Harry as a best friend was that he could tolerate Liam’s tendency to sink into himself and not speak for a while. It was just that Liam thought that car rides were not the best place for silence to fill. Besides, he knew his younger friend was more worried about their first day than he let on and probably needed all of the comfort he could get. Harry smiled when he recognized one of his favorite songs from Whatever People Say I am, That’s What I’m Not and began to hum along.

 

“This cd is brilliant, you know that?” Harry sighed dreamily.

 

“You might’ve mentioned it before. Or like a million times. I can’t really remember.”

 

“Still true, no matter how many times I’ve said it.”

 

The two sat in silence for a while, letting Alex Turner’s voice soothe them as Liam drove his jeep through the winding roads that led to their high school.

“Last night was good.”

 

“Yea?”

 

“Yea, it was. Did it feel good getting back behind the microphone?”

 

Liam shrugged, keeping his eyes on the road. “Dunno. I guess.”

 

“Well, I’m glad you’re keeping it up. You probably haven’t realized, but it has helped you.” Harry smiled encouragingly at Liam, who’s face remained passive in doubt. “It really has, Li.”

 

* * *

Liam pulled into a parking spot and the boys dismounted from the jeep. After tousling his curls a couple of times, his face furrowed in concentration after each shake of the head, Harry grabbed his backpack and joined Liam on the way into the building.

 

“Think the guys are already here?” Liam questioned Harry as they strode through the front door. It was 6:50, and school didn’t officially start until 7:20. Since freshman year the boys had always met in the courtyard in the middle of the school before the day began. It was a tradition that Liam knew he was going to miss most once he was finally done with this place.

 

“Louis’s there, he just texted me.” Harry replied as they rounded a corner then swerved before they ran into a group of cheerleaders.

 

“Harry!” it seemed like all of the girls seemed to cry in unison, as if they were one entity. It was only a matter of seconds before the group of girls swallowed Harry whole. Liam watched from a few yards back as Harry hugged each of the girls and complimented them all on some physical aspect or whatever it was that Harry did to make everyone like him.

 

After realizing that Harry would be trapped for quite a while Liam decided to stop by the main office and pick up their schedules so they wouldn’t have to deal with the crowd before homeroom. He also needed to stop by and say hello to all of the secretaries, so the quick trip would kill two birds with one stone. For the past two years Liam had found himself an office aid and he was ashamed to admit just how much he had missed the secretaries’ lovable charm and quick-tongued gossip over the summer months.

 

They greeted him warmly, all pushing their chairs aside and pulling him into tight embraces or giving him endearing pats on the head. After giving them a brief rundown of his summer (“stayed at home mostly, worked on college applications and such.”) and grabbing Harry’s schedule along with his own, he left the office with a promise to return later in the day and made his way back to where he had left Harry.

 

Liam reached an arm through the outer layer of girls and tapped Harry on the shoulder to alert him of his presence. Harry turned, and smiled. His eyes wide with what Liam could tell was panic, but to anyone else, excitement.

 

“Okay, well I’ve gotta run. It was nice chatting with you, Cher!” He gave a skinny brunette a quick hug before squeezing his way back to where Liam was waiting.

 

“You too, Harry. And I’m serious about our little mission, you just have to let me know.” She winked devilishly at Harry before turning her gaze towards Liam. “Hey, Liam.”

 

“Cher.” Liam nodded. He was surprised that after having multiple classes with the cheerleader she had actually managed to get his name right. _Good for her._

 

Harry fell in step with Liam’s stride as they dodged the various groups of underclassmen on their way to the courtyard. Liam reached the door first and held it open for Harry.

 

“Such a gentleman” Harry pretended to swoon before taking a step.

 

“Just move” Liam shoved Harry forward, letting the door swing shut behind them. Niall and Louis were sitting on top of one of the picnic tables, hunched over what looked like their schedules. Louis practically screamed when he looked up and saw the two walking towards him.

 

“Hazza!” he jumped down off the table and vaulted himself at the youngest boy of the group. “Please tell me you picked up your schedule!” Harry looked at Liam from over Louis’ shoulder.

 

“I got ‘em both right here.” Liam waved the two envelopes in the air.

 

“What are you waiting for? Open them!” Louis screeched.

 

“Lou and I have study hall together for seventh.” Niall spoke from Liam’s side where he moved to after sliding off the table and tossing his trash from breakfast away. “You two better have it too or else I’ll kill you.”

 

Liam handed Harry his schedule while he fumbled with his own. After ripping it open he began to list off his classes aloud. “Music theory, office aid, statistics, environmental science, English, government, and” he lifted his eyes, a smile tugging at his lips, “study hall”

 

The boys all cheered in response. “Now you.” Louis hung over Harry’s shoulder while Harry struggled to cleanly open the envelope. He finally gave up on doing things cleanly and opened the thing with his teeth, resulting in a few chuckles from Liam.

 

“And?” Niall asked. Harry’s face betrayed no emotion and the tension was too much for Louis to handle so he stretched his neck, trying to see the schedule in Harry’s hands.

 

“And?” he repeated Niall’s question. Harry cocked an eyebrow in response.

 

Louis pulled away from Harry, his voice filling the air. “Yes! Biggest mistake these pricks could ever make!” They all laughed as Louis pulled them into a big group hug. “Finally, the first class we all have together since freshman year”

 

“You should tone it down a bit,” Niall pulled apart from the hug. “You might draw attention to the fact and make them all change their minds.”

 

“They could never resist these precious dimples” Louis pulled on Harry’s cheeks, who smiled despite his face being distorted.

 

“Shove off” Harry tried to elbow Louis in the ribs but as always; Louis simply sidestepped him and continued on.

 

“Besides, everyone in the office loves Liam. Those lovely old secretaries couldn’t deny our old mum anything, even if they wanted to.”

 

“Don’t drag me into this, I don’t want to abuse my power or anything.”

 

“But what’s the point of power if you can’t abuse it?”

 

“Tommo does have a point” Niall spoke as they all took their spots around the table.  “I’m surprised you haven’t made use of all that special treatment you get. You could get away with murder in this place”

 

“Probably not murder,” Liam reasoned.

 

“Just about! I bet you know more than that Talbert Tales prick.” Louis chuckled to himself. “You could give that guy a run for his money”

 

“I dunno, that guy seems like he knows a lot.” Harry elbowed Liam in the side. “Besides, Liam would never have the balls to do anything with all he knows.” Liam elbowed Harry back, pushing him into Louis who bounced him back to Liam like Harry was some sort of tennis ball.

 

“Gee Harry, tell me how you really feel.” While Liam did appreciate everything Harry did for him in helping him covering up his whole secret life, there must have been a way of diverting the attention away from Liam that didn’t leave Liam feeling bad about himself.

 

The warning bell echoed throughout the courtyard and all of them groaned. Liam stood up. “Alright then,” He grabbed is backpack and slung it over his shoulder. “See you in study hall.” They all remained in their seats as Liam started walking towards the door.

 

“Bye Liam!” Niall called out.

 

“Better hurry, you don’t want to be late!” Louis joked and the others laughed.

 

Liam ignored their banter about his freak paranoia about being late and entered the main building, the cool air conditioning welcoming him into its arms.

 

* * *

 

“Aw, Liam! Are you really waiting here to walk me to class? Are you going to carry my books too?” Niall fluttered his eyelashes at his counterpart.

 

“Only if you pay for dinner.” Liam retorted before playfully shoving Niall into the lockers that lined the hallway. Niall just laughed and threw an apology to the poor girl he had almost run into over his shoulder. “So, library?”

 

“That’s where study hall was last year, so I guess.” Niall shrugged.

 

“Cool. Cool cool cool.”

 

“Alright, Abed.” Niall laughed at himself, proud for getting one of Liam’s references.

 

“So who’s the teacher going to be then?”

 

“Hoping it’ll be Cardle. That’s who we had last year.”

 

Liam murmured. Mr. Cardle was one of the most popular teachers in school and if Niall was right in thinking he was going to be in charge of their study hall period, then Liam would personally bow down and kiss the feet of Lady Fate.

 

“Liam! Niall!” Harry was waving at them both by the door of the library.

 

The door opened and Louis stuck his head out. “Hurry up, Liam! Cardle might make you go get a late pass.”

 

“So it is Cardle then?” Niall’s voice rose in excitement.

“Let’s roll, ladies.” Louis pulled his body back into the library. Harry held the door open for Niall and Liam, letting it shut behind them as they all walked in.

 

Mr. Cardle was sitting at one of the tables near the front of the room. The librarians were eyeing him angrily, glaring at his feet propped up in front of him. He peered at the boys as they all filed into the room. “Ah, Tomlinson, Horan, Styles, and I’m assuming Payne.”

 

“Miss us, Matt?” Niall pulled up a chair and mirrored his teacher’s lax body position.

 

‘That’s Mr. Cardle to you.” He swung his feet off of the table and reached forward with a rolled up magazine to swat Niall’s off as well.

 

“Have a nice summer then?” Louis dropped his bag to the floor and leaned his hands forward to grab onto the back of Niall’s chair.

 

“Excellent. Extraordinary. Loved every minute of it. Now take a seat and get to studying.”

 

Liam looked around at the other kids in the library. _People actually studied in study hall?_ Liam couldn’t seem to believe it, especially with such a laid back teacher.

 

“You seem uneasy.” Liam turned to see Mr. Cardle was staring at him.

 

“Oh. No, Mr. Cardle. I’m fine.” He gave him a reassuring smile.

 

“Study hall’s not just for delinquents, you know.”

 

“It’s not?” Niall gasped.

 

“We must be in the wrong room then.” Louis reached down and grabbed his things. “Sorry, we’ll be on our way.”

 

Mr. Cardle rolled his eyes. “Keep the voices to a minimum, I don’t want these guys” he tilted his head back in the direction of the checkout counter, “to give me a bad rep or anything.” He unfurled his magazine and flipped through the pages. “Now, be gone.” He flicked a hand. “Go sit and discuss whatever it is you children discuss these days.”

 

Niall sighed and stood up from his seat. Harry, Liam, and Louis all took a few steps back to accommodate him. “Alright mates. Where to?” They all looked around for a table large enough for the four of them. None of the tables to the left of all the bookcases had enough empty seats for the four of them.

 

“Let’s check on the other side.” Liam suggested and they followed Harry around the back of the library. “So, how was everyone’s first day?” Liam asked to the boys in front of him.

 

“Wonderful.” Niall’s cheery voice called back.

 

“Shit.” Harry drawled.

 

“A complete load of bollocks.” Louis said over his shoulder.

 

“Well, glad to know senior year’s no different.” Liam sighed. His own first day had been a jumble of people he didn’t care about and syllabi that he knew would end up being disregarded by the time the second quarter rolled around.

 

“There’s only one table that’ll fit all of us.” Harry had stopped at the edge of the furthest aisle. “Unless we want to split up to two tables.” Niall came and stood beside him and surveyed the prospects.

 

“Well let’s go sit down!” Niall shrugged.

 

Louis rested his head on Harry’s shoulder. “But, there’s some kid sitting there.”

 

“Niall, who is he?” Harry demanded.

 

Liam craned his neck to try to see the kid they were talking about.

 

“How am I s’possed to know?”

 

“Niall, you know everyone in this place, even the janitors.” Louis reasoned.

 

“And there’s nothing wrong with that!”

 

“Let’s just go sit down. I’m tired of just standing here.” Liam groaned and pushed the group of them forward. They obliged and moved forward. Liam stepped around Louis and took a look at the kid that Niall surprisingly didn’t know.

 

If Liam was going to have to bend down and kiss the feet of Lady Fate for Mr. Cardle being their teacher, then he was going to have to strangle her as well for the sight that greeted him.

 

_I hate everything._

Zayn was sitting alone at the largest table with his backpack lying in front of him.

 

_I really do, I hate everything._

His elbow was resting on the edge of the table to support his hand that was resting under his chin. He looked completely focused as he poured over some book. His arms were annoyingly enhanced by the sleeves of the black button down being pushed up to a point just above the elbow. _Really? How...just…how? This has to be some sort of sick joke, it has to be._ Liam bit his lip as his eyes focused in on the small tattoo on Zayn’s left arm.

 

“Hey mate, you mind if we sit here?” Zayn looked up at the sound of Niall’s voice, his face masked in fear. His deep brown eyes were searching for what he could have possibly done wrong but then they met Liam’s. He felt his stomach lurch as Zayn smiled up _at me_. Liam’s eyes dropped to the ground so fast he was afraid they might actually pop out of his head.

 

“It would be a bit rude of me to say no, now wouldn’t it?” Zayn shrugged and pulled his backpack off the table, letting it fall to the floor with a thud.

 

Louis pulled up a chair next to Zayn and plopped down. Harry took the seat next to him and propped his feet on the table. Louis eyed him, and then mirrored his actions. “Yea, that would be a bit of a dick move. I’m Louis. This here is young Harold, golden ray of sunshine over there is Niall,” he pointed to where Niall had pulled up a chair next to Harry “and the quiet one is-“

 

“Liam. Liam from Wolverhampton.” Zayn took over to much surprise from the boys.

 

“Hang on, how do you two know,”

 

“Since when have you talked to anyone besides us?” Harry cut Niall off. He seemed genuinely offended, but there was a slight tremor of pride deep within his voice.

 

Liam shrugged and sat down in the vacant seat between Niall and Zayn. “We met in passing.”

 

“He was stalking me.”

 

“I was not!”

 

“There were witnesses that can attest to said stalking.”

 

“And yet you were the one who actually approached me”

 

“That doesn’t change the fact that you were stalking me.”

 

“I can’t help it that you have good taste in art!”

 

“If that’s what you need to tell yourself to sleep at night.” Zayn winked at Liam. _God, fate truly is a cruel mistress._

 

Liam threw his hands in the air in defeat. “Whatever.” He grumbled. It took a few moments of silence for him to look up and realize that the rest of his little gang was staring at him. “What?”

 

“It’s just…” Louis looked at Harry for the right thing to say.

 

“It’s just that we’ve never heard you talk that much to someone that’s not us.” Harry stated, glancing at the others for confirmation.

 

Liam didn’t know what to do with himself so he just stared at his hands folded together under the table. _It’s just easy to talk to Zayn_ he thought, but didn’t voice aloud. It would be a stupid thing to say, seeing as this was really the second time Liam had actually ever spoken to Zayn and he had a feeling that he shouldn’t scare him off.

 

“Oh yeah, I’m Zayn by the way. Zayn Malik.” Zayn waved a hand at all of the boys before running it through his hair.

 

“So Zayn, who Liam might or might not have stalked, tell us a bit about yourself.” Niall took over the conversation smoothly. “Where’d you move from? I’m assuming you’re new or you’ve been hiding under a pretty big rock for me not to find you.”

 

Zayn’s smile faltered a little, as if this was something he had been telling people all day (which it was). “I’m from Bradford. My dad’s job got us all sent over here and so here I am.”

 

“Short, sweet, and to the point. I like it!” Louis grinned warmly at Zayn across table. He was trying his best to make the new kid as comfortable as possible and luckily for Louis, it was actually working.

 

“Thanks, I think.” Zayn chuckled to himself. “What about all of you? I already know where Liam’s from, but are the rest of you guys from back home as well? You all have the accents so…” his voice trailed off.

 

“Indeed we are. Well, Niall’s from Ireland but we don’t hold that against him.” Harry ignored Niall’s shove and continued, “I’m from a village in Cheshire while Louis hails from Doncaster.”

 

“And somehow you all ended up here?” 

 

“Exactly. As fate would have it, we all ended up in remedial Spanish together and bonded over our lack of American accents.”

 

“And inability to speak Spanish.” Liam piped up

 

Louis nodded, “and our complete inability to speak Spanish. I’m surprised we all managed to pass that class, really.”

 

“Niall almost had to retake it, remember?” Harry poked Niall in the cheek. Niall pushed his hand away and sat up in his chair.

 

“Those were dark times man, dark times.” He shook his blonde head and tried his best to keep a smile off of his face.

 

Zayn joined in their laughter and Liam tried his hardest not to think about how good his laugh sounded as it mixed in with theirs, how effortlessly Zayn was already fitting in. _And it’s only been five minutes._

 

* * *

 

When the dismissal bell rang after the afternoon announcements, the boys were still wrapped up in their own little world. It wasn’t until Mr. Cardle came over and told them to get going or else they wouldn’t beat the busses that they realized the school day had actually ended.

 

“Hey, um which way to the busses?” Zayn asked while shoving his book, long forgotten, into his bag. They all looked at each other and then down at Zayn.

 

“No, you are not taking the bus. No way.” Niall said incredulously.

 

Zayn shrugged nonchalantly. “I don’t have a car yet.”

 

“We can’t let you take the bus your senior year! Where do you live?”

 

“Ugh, some neighborhood called Thunder Oaks Village, I think? Bit of a weird name”

 

“Hey!” Harry yelled in excitement, which drew the attention of the librarians standing by the door.  Seeming not to care who listened to their conversation as they left the library and went out into the crowded hall, he continued just as loudly. “Liam lives in the next development over!” A couple of freshmen looked over in surprise at Harry’s loud voice, but the boys were all used to the stares Harry (and usually Louis) brought upon them.

 

Louis imitated the volume of Harry’s voice and exclaimed, “It’s simply not acceptable for you to ride the bus! Our job as your new friends is to make sure you don’t do anything to embarrass yourself, so no bus. Liam can give you a lift, yea?” he glanced at Liam walking a few steps behind him who nodded. “Don’t worry, mum will take good care of you.”

 

“You sure that’s okay?” Zayn whispered into Liam’s ear. _Jesus Christ, he’s close_. It was a benefit of their heavily populated school.

 

“‘Course not. It’s no problem at all.” Liam assured Zayn and himself.

 

“Well now that’s settled, let’s go get something to eat. I forgot how utterly unfulfilling the cafeteria food could be.” Niall cradled his stomach as they walked out into the parking lot.

 

“I can’t, I have to stop by Eleanor’s to talk about her audition piece to...to… some school, I can’t remember.” Louis clapped Zayn on the shoulder. “It was nice meeting you mate, we foreigners need to stick together.” He winked and ruffled his fingers through Harry’s hair, then began walking to his car at the top of the lot.

 

Niall turned to the other three. “You guys still game? We could hit up Mike’s, even though it might be a bit crowded.” Liam looked to Harry and Zayn. Harry shrugged in indifference and Zayn just smiled, his brown eyes glistening in the harsh sunlight.

 

“I’m at your disposal.” Zayn said and Liam tugged on his backpack strap to give his hands something to do.

 

“Yea,” Liam smiled. “Mike’s sounds good.”

 

* * *

 

By the time Liam finally got home from dropping both Zayn and Harry off, he felt as if he could collapse in a moments notice and sleep for a week. So without even bothering to change into sweatpants or anything more comfortable, Liam dropped his things to the floor and curled up in his bed. He had forgotten how much it sucked getting up before the sun, especially when one stayed up until almost 3 in the morning doing absolutely nothing.

 

Liam pulled the duvet closer and shifted where his head rested on his pillow. Mike’s had been crowded, just like it always had been and would continue to be whenever school let out. Liam thought their entire senior class had been packed into the tiny diner and he was proud of himself for lasting as long as he did. Well, he didn’t really have a choice in the matter. It seemed that news had gotten around school that there was a new student and they were all just dying to meet Zayn. Most of the time they spent in the packed restaurant had been waiting for Zayn to come back from one popular kids’ table or another. _I never got that sort of attention when I was new,_ Liam spoke to his ceiling. _Then again, I don’t really look like Zayn, do I?_

 

For some reason, Liam still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that the guy he had practically drooled over in the art museum was actually his age, enrolled in his off the beaten path high school, and more importantly not a figment of Liam’s imagination. _He’s real, and he’s in one of my classes, and he lives five minutes away, and I think I might actually die._ Liam groaned. _I really need to keep these feelings to myself. Hell, I’m embarrassing as hell._ He tried to push all thoughts of being attracted to Zayn in any sense to the back of his mind. Liam didn’t need those thoughts, especially now; he had more important things to worry about. It was one thing to daydream about a person you met in a museum and would never see again, and another to fantasize about someone you could actually be a close friend with. _He’s off limits, Payne_.

 

He sunk further into his pillow trying to forget what a fool he might have made of himself that afternoon. It seemed like Zayn enjoyed being in their company. He had laughed at all of Harry’s jokes, played along with Louis’ banter, and even offered to share his food with Niall. Liam knew deep down that Zayn was a perfect addition to their group dynamic and if things worked out, it would be like he had been with them since remedial Spanish. But from the looks of it, the new kid had also seemed to win over the popular crowd as well and Liam wondered just how long Zayn would stay in their group. He wondered just how long Zayn would actually be his friend. _It is high school after all._  

 

* * *

 

**_Just to remind you, that was Painted Sun in the Abstract by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross from the soundtrack to The Social Network. I know I raved on and on about it before I played the song, but really, if you haven’t seen it you should go and fix that as soon as possible. It was a bit unlike the things I normally play for you, but I hope you liked it._ **

****

**_I also hoped everyone enjoyed their first week back to our own circle of hell! All right, maybe it wasn’t all that bad, but I know that I’m still not used to the whole waking up early thing. It’s like I can handle anything the teachers throw at me, but getting up before the world starts to stir just sends me into a downward spiral. Is that just me? I hope it’s not just me… that would be really unsettling. It’s always unsettling to find out that you are the only person to feel a certain way. You begin to think you’re all alone and think that no one else will ever sympathize with you or anything so you retreat back into your shell and act just like everyone else. You do what everyone else does so no one notices that you feel differently or act differently. You do what you have to do to blend in._ **

****

**_Wow, that took a turn for the worst. Sorry about that, I think all this sleep deprivation is starting to go to my head. Now, so I know there have been plenty of rumors flying around that certain members of the foreign language department all went to Palm Springs over summer break and got completely and utterly wasted. So wasted that some of them actually got sent to jail. I can confirm that this rumor is mostly true. They did all pitch in to rent a beach house for two weeks and did have some wild times, but unfortunately a Mr. Grimshaw managed to evade being put behind bars. Sorry to burst your bubbles ladies, the teacher you all have heart eyes for is not as much of a bad-boy as you would all like to believe. Now Mr. Cardle on the other hand, that’s a different story._ **


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam hadn’t meant for it to turn into a thing- a big, popular, almost the entire school was talking about it sort of thing. The podcasts started out as a way from him to vent some pent up aggression and actually be himself for once. And what better place to reveal ones true inner being than through the veil of anonymity that is the internet? It also helps being anonymous when you find yourself inexplicably attracted to the new student everyone has their eye on.

“That was holding! Holding, you idiot! Are you blind? Haz, I think that ref is blind, how else could you miss that?”

 

“And now what’re you doing? A penalty? Really? You call that shit but you ignore the face mask?” Harry threw his hands in the air as the stands erupted in cheers.

 

“Go! Go go go!”

 

“Run you idiot! Run the damn ball!”

 

“What!! What kind of call was that?”

 

“ A bullshit call, that’s what it was!”

 

“Did you see that?” Louis grabbed Harry by the shoulders. “What are these refs thinking? Are they even watching the same game?”

 

“This is an outrage!” Harry shook Louis’ shoulders as well.

 

“The real outrage is you two jumping all over the place and nearly knocking over my hot chocolate before I can finish it.” Niall interrupted the two as they took out their frustration on each other.

 

“Niall, you lack school spirit.” Harry spoke down to the blonde who was the only one actually sitting on the bleachers; everyone else in the student section was standing up and moving with energy. Though none were as involved in the Friday night football game as Harry and Louis, they all surely cared more than the Irishman. “It’s really quite disappointing.” He pulled off his beanie and shook his curls.

 

“It really is.” Louis pulled is gaze from the field and stared at Harry. “I mean even Liam cares more than Niall.”

 

“I think I take offense to that.” Liam spoke up from Niall’s other side. Liam’s nose was starting to go numb and his hands were shoved deep in his jacket pocket. _It’s the end of September, why is it so cold already?_

 

“If you think you take offense, then I don’t think you’re really that offended.”

 

Liam rolled his eyes at Zayn, standing next to him on the end. “Thanks for the support.”

 

“Don’t mention it.”

 

“At least if I had school spirit it would be for the school I actually go to” Niall, now quite annoyed, quipped.

 

“But where is the fun in supporting our own school?”

 

“Seriously, we hate all of these bastards, remember?” Louis spoke absentmindedly, more to agree with Harry than anything else.

 

Niall shrugged. He finished his lukewarm drink and after peering through the chain link backing on the bleachers tossed the paper cup behind him. His blue eyes met Liam’s. “Don’t give me that look, Li.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Liam’s gaze went back to the field. Sometimes the whole ‘recycle that, you complete idiot’ argument wasn’t worth having with Niall.

 

“What on earth are you doing? Run the damn ball, stop going sideways!” Louis screamed at the top of his lungs, his voice got lost in the crowd.

 

Harry echoed his sentiments. “I could throw a better pass than that, and I’m a bloody musician!” a group of girls the row in front of them turned and stared at Harry. He winked suggestively down at them. “It’s true.” They giggled amongst themselves, whispers flying back and forth as they turned back around.

 

“Careful Haz, don’t want all the girls falling for you.”

 

“Jealous, Lou?”

 

“I just don’t want anyone taking my place as president of the Harry Styles fan club. A position I happen to take very seriously.” Harry’s laugh disappeared in cheers as their school’s team advanced ten yards.

 

“Can we go home now?”

 

“Niall, we’ve only been here for half an hour!” Liam could see his breath as he spoke. It twisted and curled in the night air like smoke; a haunting beauty.

 

“Half and hour too long if you ask me.”

 

“You just need to get into the game!” Louis reached around Harry’s legs to pat Niall on the back.

 

“What I need is warmth.” Niall grumbled.

 

Liam laughed. Since freshman year they had made it their mission to attend every football came they possibly could. They had suffered many cold, wet rainy nights and it had become as much of a tradition for Niall to grumble and complain as it was for Harry and Louis to cheer for the opposing team and pick fights with their own classmates.

 

“It’s not all that bad Niall. It’s going to get a lot worse, seeing as it’s only September.” Liam patted Niall on the head.

 

“How the hell are you so warm?” Liam turned to look at Zayn who was staring at him, an eyebrow raised.

 

“Oh, I’m freezing my balls off, don’t worry.” Liam joked.

 

“Good, I was starting to think you were immune to the cold or something.”

 

Liam tried his best to ignore the feeling Zayn’s smile sent racing through him; it was hard. Even harder was trying to ignore how Zayn’s laugh made him want to curl up inside his voice and never move again, and as Zayn let out a snicker Liam wondered how he was possibly going to be able to survive an entire year being his friend.

 

The first month of school had dragged on and on, and yet it seemed like only yesterday he was giving Zayn a ride home on that first day. To Liam’s surprise (as well as slight, slight dismay) Zayn stayed a part of their renegade gang. While every so often he would go off and socialize with those of the upper social ranking, most of his time was spent with the four boys. Liam could ignore his stupid feelings if Zayn had left them within a week to go hang out with some other crowd, but how could he ignore Zayn when he drove him home from school every day? How could he ignore Zayn when Zayn began to slip effortlessly into different aspects of Liam’s life? And how on earth could Liam ignore _those fucking lips_?

 

Liam pushed his hands deeper into his pockets. Zayn was looking incredible in the cool fall night. Well, he always looked incredible to Liam, and tonight was no different. Liam found himself focusing on Zayn’s cheeks, his jawline lined with bits of stubble that would go left unshaved for another few days yet, his eyes that seemed to go on forever, and his lips. Lips from which Zayn’s breath slipped out slowly, evenly.

 

“You mind?”

 

“Huh?” It seemed like Liam had missed something while watching Zayn’s breath escape him.

 

Zayn’s eyes were somehow still warm underneath the stadium lights. He shook the pack of cigarettes he was holding in his hand. Liam hadn’t even noticed him pull them out. “I asked if you minded if I had a quick smoke. Or, if anyone will mind really.”

 

“Oh,” _Yes, yes I mind. Do you not know how damaging smoking is? It’s one of the most disgusting things and,_ “Nah, I don’t mind. Knock yourself out.”

 

Zayn smiled. _Hell._ “Thanks.” He slipped one out and brought it to his lips where it sat perched on the edge of his bottom lip as he fumbled around in his pockets for his lighter. Liam tried to focus back on the game, cheering as the running back made a particularly impressive dive over a cornerback before getting tackled. Out of the corner of his eye he watched as Zayn took a drag.

 

Liam inhaled sharply, the cold air ripping through his lungs. _No wonder they make smoking such a hard habit to keep_. He bit his lip, trying to play off the fact that he just gasped. Zayn exhaled. _Fuck_. The smoke was, in a way, stunning as it coiled and curled in the slight breeze. It was as enchanting as the warm air escaping from Liam’s own lips. Liam thought he could spend hours watching Zayn smoke. _God, I sound like some lovesick idiot._ Zayn’s eyes were closed. He looked peaceful, like he had waited a while for this moment. His fingers trembled slightly and he raised the cigarette to his lips again. _I don’t know if I want to sit him down and tell him all about the hazards of smoking so he doesn’t end up killing himself or grab him by his stupid jawline and kiss him until I can taste him on my tongue and breathe that smoke out of my own lungs. Talk about your conflicts of interests_.

 

“This is a complete lost cause.” Louis groaned as the opposing team fumbled and their school’s defensive end recovered the ball for a touch down. The rest of the crowd was ecstatic; it had been years since the school had a football team that could actually play. From the looks of it Louis and Harry were the only two still cheering for the other team, even their fans had started supporting the boys’ school.

 

“A disaster. This is a disaster!” Harry sighed dramatically. “Louis, hold me.” And he leaned into Louis, his body going limp. Louis slid a few steps to his right, letting Harry stumble and slip off the bench. Harry’s eyes flew open in shock and he yelled as he fell and crashed into the group of girls.

 

“You absolute prick!” he yelled. “Sorry, my mate’s a prick.” He apologized to them all, struggling to keep a bright smile off his face. They helped Harry back up to his feet, some looking in awe of his close presence, and he soon took his spot back in between Niall and Louis. “You’re a prick.”

 

Louis shrugged, keeping his eyes on the cheerleaders as they threw a girl into the air. “dunno what you’re talking about.”

 

“I think you do” Harry pushed Louis off the edge of their row, sending him stumbling down the stairs, fighting to stay upright. Zayn chuckled quietly so only Liam could hear him.

 

“You’ll get used to them.” Liam mumbled into Zayn’s ear.

 

“Yeah?” Zayn exhaled a cloud of smoke.

 

“Yeah.” _I shouldn’t like this as much as I do,_ Liam tried to convince himself, _there are so many things wrong with second hand smoke, but damn._  
 

“You think I would be by know. It’s been a month or so.”

 

“You want to know something?” Zayn nodded. “It took me until the end of freshman year to get used to them. You’re doing just fine.”

 

Zayn let out a deep laugh, as if what Liam had just shared was actually entertaining and funny. Liam focused intently on making sure his face didn’t betray anything too embarrassing like his blatant feelings of attraction.

 

“That’s actually comforting, Payne. Thanks.” He flicked the cigarette to the ground and used the toe of his shoe to squish it down.

 

“Liam, you wanna walk with me to the snack bar?” It was impossible to resist Niall’s blue eyes as he stared up at Liam.

 

“Sure. You wanna come, Zayn?”

 

Zayn thought for a moment before shaking his head. “Nah, I think I better stay. Keep these two” he nodded a head towards Harry and Louis who were yelling expletives at the referees, “Out of any serious trouble.”

 

“Alright then. We’ll be back.” The two boys squeezed their way past their friends and out onto the open stairs. “And don’t pick any fights while we’re gone. You know how much Liam hates to miss being able to mother you.” Niall warned Louis, who feigned confusion as to what Niall could possibly be referring.

 

* * *

 

“Dude, did you just see that lightning?”

 

“Zayn, are you seriously asking me that?”

 

“Oh…yeah…sorry”

 

Zayn reached the jeep first and stood with his arms crossed as he waited for Liam to catch up. The parking lot was practically empty seeing as the game had ended almost an hour earlier. Zayn had convinced Liam to stay a bit after the game ended to talk to Cher and some of the other cheerleaders, meaning Liam had to stand awkwardly by himself a few feet back from the circle of cool kids while Zayn flirted and joked about. Liam didn’t mind really, he’d had to endure longer stretches of time waiting for Zayn. It was just something that he did for his friend. Liam knew deep down that he shouldn’t keep doing this. Zayn was a big boy _I’m sure he’s big_ and was perfectly capable of finding a ride home. But Liam had grown fond of the late night drive homes he shared with Zayn, the closeness the two would share as they talked like they actually knew what was going on in their lives. Liam looked forward to whenever he and Zayn could be alone. Sure the big group dynamic was wonderful, but true to human nature Liam was a selfish beast and he wanted Zayn all to himself. If he wasn’t able to fulfill his pent up sexual fantasies then he was going to take the next best thing, which in this case was giving Zayn a ride home after the football game.

 

Liam unlocked the doors and they both climbed in. Not a second later (or maybe it was a minute) all hell broke loose and the heavens erupted. Rain poured down like it had never before. Liam turned the key in the ignition and flicked on the headlights and windshield wipers. Neither did anything to help the visibility; they couldn’t see shit.

 

“So…” Liam looked at Zayn

 

“We’re gonna wait this whole thing out?”

 

“If that’s alright with you.”

 

“’Course it’s alright. There’s no rush for me to get home.”

 

A loud crack of thunder seemed to shake the entire car. “Good.” Liam laughed. “We might be here for a while.”

 

Zayn reached over to where Liam’s iPod was resting in the cup holder, a wire connecting it to the stereo. “This cool?”

 

Liam nodded. He had kept his iPod out of the car in fear that Zayn might go through it and not be impressed with Liam’s taste in music- a thought which bugged Liam more than it should’ve- but he caved last minute as he was leaving his house and now Zayn was going to see a different side of Liam. “What’s mine is yours. I don’t know if you’ll find anything you like, though”

 

Zayn didn’t look up from the screen, his brow crinkled in concentration. “I like everything.” He looked up to meet Liam’s gaze and Liam’s stomach flipped. “I’ll find something we both can shamefully admit we love and sing along to at the top of our lungs.”

 

“Because that’s what being friends is all about.”

 

“Exactly. That and having sleepovers on Friday nights and gossiping until three in the morning about who’s shagging who while giving each other makeovers.”

 

“Um…”

 

“You mean you don’t do that over here in America? Shame, I look lovely in lipstick.”

 

Liam couldn’t help himself as a Louis-worthy cackle escaped his lips. “You have got to be kidding me.”

 

“It’s the honest to god truth.” Zayn raised his right hand solemnly. “No one in my family can pull it off quite like I can.”

 

“I really don’t know how I feel about that.”

 

“You don’t have to know, you just have to accept it, Payne.”

 

Liam laughed because it’s easier to laugh than to sporadically reach out and start kissing a guy who just told you he looked fabulous in lipstick. Laughing’s a lot more socially acceptable. “That’s probably something only the cool people do. Us lowly peasants play video games and eat pizza and make prank phone calls.”

 

 “Cool people?” Zayn mocked Liam’s voice. “Do I hear a bit of resentment in your tone?”

 

“Just pick a song already.” Liam changed the subject hastily. Zayn mumbled something and resumed his inspection of Liam’s vast music collection. He turned his head to stare out his window, the rain still crashing down.

 

“Okay. Now, you’re going to have to sing this with me.”

 

Liam tore his gaze away from the raindrops to look at Zayn. “What if I don’t know the words?” _no, I’ll know the words. I just don’t want to sing in front of you. Do you not know how personal singing is? It’s like wrenching out your heart and soul for someone to see_.

 

“Trust me, you’ll know them.” Zayn winked wait, was that a wink? Maybe he had something caught in his stupid eyelashes.

 

The opening beats to Party In the U.S.A began pumping through the speakers and Liam groaned. “No”

 

Zayn reached out and poked Liam in the cheek, already singing along. “I hopped off the plane at L.A.X with a dream and my cardigan.” He pulled on his own gray cardigan under his jacket “Welcome to the land of fame excess, am I gonna fit in?”

 

Liam rolled his eyes and remained silent as Zayn continued singing along. It wasn’t until the chorus began that he found himself humming along under his breath. Zayn laughed, alerting Liam to the fact that Zayn knew he was humming. _Fuck it._

 

“I’m noddin’ my head like yeah, I’m movin’ my hips like yeah” Liam suddenly belted out. Zayn threw his hands in the air in success and they both continued singing loudly. “I’ve got my hands up, they’re playing my song. I know I’m gonna be ok. Yeah, it’s a party in the USA. Yeah, it’s a party in the USA.” _This is the kind of thing that I’m going to remember forever. Moments like this._

 

* * *

“Hey.” Zayn’s voice pulled them all out of their respected reveries as they sat in the library during study hall. “Have you guys heard of Talbert Tales?” Liam knocked over the bottle of iced tea he was sipping from and Harry patted him roughly on the back as Liam choked on the drink.

 

“Have you been living under a rock or something?” Louis asked bluntly, oblivious to Liam and Harry's fumbling.

 

“It must be the hair. Probably blocking out all forms of intelligent life.” Niall joked.

 

“That doesn’t even make sense.” Liam mumbled to himself. His tea had gotten everywhere but luckily his statistics textbook had been saved thanks to a quick-handed Zayn. 

 

“So say’s the guy who asked me for hair advice.” Zayn rolled his eyes at Niall and handed Liam his textbook back.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Niall blushed. He crossed his arms as the others were all laughing at Zayn’s comment.

 

“You asked for hair advice from the quiff?” Harry laughed at the image of Niall with Zayn’s haircut.

 

“Why didn’t you come to me? You know I could help you more than Zayn.” Louis was more offended than amused.

 

“Let’s just forget I said anything and go back to pretending I’m in love with my hair.”

 

“Sorry mate, can’t really let you live that down.” Zayn shrugged.

 

“Besides, your blonde locks are what makes you so adorably Irish. If you did anything different we may have to kick you out of the band.” Louis spoke gravely

 

“Vote you off the island” Harry chimed in.

 

“You’d be the weakest link” they turned to look at Liam. He bent his head down in shame and finished wiping the table clean with his extra sweatshirt. “Sorry, I tried.”

 

“Anyways, the Talbert Tales thing.” Zayn brought them back to the more important question at hand. “You guys know what that is?”

 

“Everyone knows what it is. It’s like our school’s thing.” Liam tried to sound as relaxed as possible. Harry flashed him a quick smile to reassure him.

 

“So you don’t know who it is?”

 

“No one does. That’s the whole point of the thing. The kid would get in serious trouble if administration knew who he was” Harry took over for Liam.

 

Zayn sighed in frustration. “That’s what everyone’s been saying. No one knows who the guy is.”

 

“Why do you care?” Liam snapped. People didn’t go asking around about his identity. It was something that they just accepted. He never had to worry about people snooping around before and he really didn’t want to start now.

 

Confusion flashed across Zayn’s face. Liam realized his tone might have been a bit much. “I-I don’t. I was just wondering.”

 

_Aw, shit._ Liam weighed the benefit of trying to apologizing for his tone or just letting it slip by into the past and decided on the latter. Harry patted Liam on the back again, squeezed his arm and returned to what he was working on. Liam watched the others as they all resumed their studies, one of the few times study hall was actually used to study. Zayn had his nose stuck in a book for his English class, his fingers fiddling with a blue highlighter. Liam tried not to be creepy as he watched Zayn uncap the highlighter with his mouth and underline a passage. _Why does he care?_ Liam asked himself as he returned to his statistics homework. _Why?_

 

* * *

 

It was 10:26 on Sunday night and Liam felt like he was going to puke. It had been ages since he had been this nervous to record a podcast, absolute ages. _I just need to suck it up and get this over with. It won’t be that bad, it won’t._ Liam didn’t move from his bed where he had been laying on top of his clean laundry yet to be put away for the past half hour. _I just need to pretend like Zayn never said anything and just do what I originally planned. I can do that. I can do that. Can I do that?_ Liam groaned, his mind replaying the conversation they had in study hall that past Tuesday.

 

_I shouldn’t care about Zayn. I need to just block him out of my mind. I need to focus. Focus focus focus. I need to focus._ Liam got off the piles of laundry and plopped down in his chair in front of his desk. He glanced at his notes he had printed out a few hours prior. They were neat and organized: what songs to play, which gossip stories to discredit and which to allude to, and what comments on past podcasts he wanted to discuss. Liam had to just follow the script and it would all be fine. _Fucking Harry,_ Liam cursed his best friend as he opened up his computer program.

 

Earlier that day when Harry came over to study for a government test, Liam asked the younger boy if he should be concerned about Zayn snooping around and Harry’s eyes had lit up mischievously.

 

“Nah,” he giggled. “I don’t think you should be concerned. But, I do think you should mess with him”

 

Liam didn’t follow. “What do you mean?”

 

“You should totally mess with him.”

 

“I heard you the first time. The question is how am I s’possed to mess with him?” Liam pushed his notes aside and folded his hands under his chin. “Really, how? I’m intrigued.”

 

Harry sunk back into the cushions on Liam’s couch and pondered for a moment. “I know!” he leaned forward again. “Start out small. Just give him a shout out or something. Like ‘hey, I hear some punk ass kid is asking around about me.’ Or, I don’t know…something like that. Something that will freak him out.”

 

“I don’t think it’s possible to freak Zayn out. He’s just so laid back about everything.”

 

“Not when you snapped at him. Should of seen his face, he was a bit upset.”

 

“Was he really?” Liam felt his stomach drop into the very depths of hell. He had hoped and prayed that Zayn shrinking back into himself after Liam’s harsh words had just been his imagination. _Guess not_.

 

“Don’t get all Liam about it. He’s a big boy. You just don’t snap that often. Speaking of which, you need to learn how to keep calm about the whole thing. You’re a shit actor.”

 

“Good thing Louis is the one in drama.”

 

“Ugh, don’t remind me. I have to go talk to the drama lady about Niall and I helping play music for their show”

 

“Since Louis asked”

 

“Since Louis begged is more like. I don’t know how he can stand the lady, she’s certifiably insane.”

 

“So is Louis in case you weren’t aware.”

 

“But Louis is Louis.”

 

Liam shook his head. Harry was starting to get his heart eyes again and Liam really didn’t want to think about crushes or liking anybody or wanting to kiss boys. He had thought about telling Harry about his miniscule crush on Zayn that seemed to be manifesting inside him, growing with each passing smile or cheeky comment, but knowing just how much Harry loved to meddle, he had kept quiet. Liam loved Harry, he really did. The boy had been there for Liam since their first day of freshman year. And even when Liam could see that Harry was far more compatible with the likes of more outgoing people like Louis, Harry stuck by Liam’s quiet side. However there was something about keeping Zayn a secret that Liam liked. He didn’t have to worry about anyone spilling the beans. He was the only one who knew and he was going to keep it that way.

 

* * *

 

**_Can you guys believe that it’s already October? September flew by; please tell me that I’m not the only one who thinks this, please. You know, I wonder how many times I ask you guys to validate my thoughts. I bet if you went through the archive and counted them there would be at least a million. Well, a million might be a bit of an exaggeration but you get the idea._ **

****

**_I hope you guys have been having fun listening to me tonight. Sorry if I’ve been a bit all over the place. I really should just stop this take and record again but it’s almost midnight and I still have homework to do. Nothing quite like procrastination, am I right?_ **

****

**_Now before I play you one quick song, I want to give a shout out to a particular listener, a Mr. Zayn Malik. Hey Zayn, how’s it going? Are you having a nice night, because I really hope you’re having a nice night. So I hear you’ve been asking around about who I am. Had any luck yet? Obviously not, since I would know if you knew who I am. You don’t believe me? I have my sources, trust me. But I just wanted to say a quick hello. I don’t know if you’re going to continue your little investigation. Hell, I don’t even know why you’re asking around in the first place. But if you do, good luck. Keep me updated!_ **

****

**_And now, I bid all of you adieu. Good luck this week with your classes. I hope you find a way of passing any quizzes or tests. And don’t stay up too late! Zayn, this song is for you. It’s called Who Are You, by one of the greats, The Who._ **


	5. Chapter 5

((ZAYN’S POINT OF VIEW))

 

“Zayn, do you know what time it is? It’s almost midnight.”

 

“Yes, mum. I’m perfectly aware, I just need to get this lab report done for class tomorrow.”

 

Zayn’s mother rested her head against the doorframe. It looked like she was going to say something else, but nodded instead. “Alright. Goodnight then.”

 

“Night.” Zayn kept the smile on his face until he heard the door click shut. _Finally._ He jumped up from his bed where he had been laying while pouring over the lab report that he had finished three days ago and crossed his room to his desk where his laptop was resting, the only thing on the desk. He was a minimalist: a few pictures here and there, a couple of pens in a novelty cup he got when he went on a class trip to London, and a stack of books in the far corner. Most of his important things like textbooks and such were in the drawers. Zayn didn’t like clutter. He liked the look of his wood desk, smooth and clean, with his laptop the main focus of the desktop. It looked like something out of a furniture magazine. The rest of his room however, a completely different story.

 

Zayn pulled out his desk chair and sat down, his legs curling up beneath him. The Talbert Tales homepage was already on the screen when he opened his laptop as it had been for the past three hours. Hope fluttering in his chest, he clicked refresh. No new post. Zayn sighed and leaned back in his chair. _Why do I care so much?_ Zayn asked himself, except ii was a rhetorical question (as weird as it might be to ask oneself a rhetorical question) and Zayn knew perfectly well why he cared so much. He liked the guy. He liked the guy a lot. Zayn hated to admit it to himself- _I mean who falls slightly in love with someone’s voice? -_ But he really did like the host of the underground podcast.

 

 _He’s clever and he’s funny; he’s witty and sharp tongued; he has such a good taste in music, and I bet he’s fit. Yea, he’s probably fit._ Zayn closed his eyes and tried for the millionth time to imagine the body behind the mystical voice. _Nothing._ Zayn had such an active imagination in every other aspect of his life but for some reason he couldn’t picture a face to put with the soothing voice. It was the voice that set him on edge and drew him in, making him wait anxiously for updates every Sunday night. It had taken every ounce of courage he had to start asking around school to see if anyone knew anything about the guy. Zayn wanted to keep his feelings to himself, but he couldn’t help it; he needed to open Pandora’s box.

 

Zayn left his laptop open and wandered back to his bed. He could remember months back _had it really been months?_ when his parents first sat him down and told him they were moving across the Atlantic ocean to America. He had been terrified. He had been anxious. He had been devastated. There was no place for Zayn in America. There wasn’t even a place for him in Bradford. He just didn’t belong. It was thanks to finding the Talbert Tales website that Zayn had any hope in his new life whatsoever. He had the anonymous voice to thank for his somewhat easy transition to American life, for being someone that understood him, for being a friend. _Wow, who thinks of a voice as a friend? Something is wrong with me._

 

(He hadn’t discovered Talbert Tales until a week before they moved. His mother had come into his room with a handful of pamphlets and tossed them onto his desk.

 

“This is where you’ll be going to school. Learn up.”

 

Zayn had left them to collect dust for a while until it was finally time for him to start packing his room. Knowing full well that the pamphlets wouldn’t give him any insight into his future school, Zayn had turned to the internet and as always, the internet didn’t let him down.

 

 _Talbert Tales_ he had thought when the link popped up as the second hit in a Google search. _What’s this?_ He clicked and listened to the most recent post.

 

He clicked the previous week’s post.

 

He found himself a month back.

 

Two months.

 

Three months.

 

The podcast that started it all.

 

Zayn had listened to every post that first night instead of packing (something he regretted slightly in the morning). The posts were funny. They were clever. They made Zayn think. Whoever made them was someone that Zayn felt like he could be friends with. _If this is what America is like, maybe it won’t be all that bad_ )

 

Zayn collapsed onto his bed and grabbed one of his pillows to cover his face. He screamed into it, the cotton pillowcase rough against his stubble. _I hate that I care. I wish that I could just not care about anything. I wish I could be like Liam_. Zayn lifted the pillow and breathed in the cool air. _Liam doesn’t give a shit what anyone thinks. He’s just so laid back and relaxed_. A smile found its way to Zayn’s face. He always felt like he had so much to say, but no one to listen. _I bet Liam never feels this way. He doesn’t have to worry about what anyone thinks. No one could ever think poorly of him._

 

His phone vibrated loudly on his desk where he had left it lying by his laptop. Zayn sighed loudly, though the dramatic effect was lost seeing as he was the only one to hear it. Zayn made no move to get up and check it. _Probably just Louis mooning over Harry again_. The thought occurred briefly to Zayn that it could be someone else texting him, like Niall or Liam. _Nah, Niall never initiates the conversation unless it’s about going to go to a party or to get something to eat. And Liam…Liam doesn’t like me all that much._ Zayn grimaced. _He likes me just fine but…not as much as I like him._

 

Liam was the only person who looked at Zayn and truly looked. Liam’s brown eyes would glance into his own and whether it was for a moment or a minute, Zayn felt like Liam understood. It was something that unsettled the hell out of Zayn. It put him on edge; but it was a feeling that Zayn was starting to love, to thrive off of even. If he wanted to be frank with himself (which he didn’t), Zayn was slowly starting to develop a small crush on the boy with his stupid biceps that always seemed to stick out from his t-shirts and his uncanny way of being able to read Zayn like no one else had ever before. _But I can’t really say that to his face, now can I?_

 

Zayn finally got up to check his phone. It was Louis asking if he had listened to the newest Talbert Tales yet. Excitement welled up in the pit of Zayn’s stomach and his fingers were shaking as he refreshed the page and clicked play on the new post.

 

 _Why was Louis so anxious for me to listen to this?_ Zayn asked himself halfway through the half-hour long podcast. _I didn’t tell him anything… what’s so special then?_ He chalked it up to Louis just remembering Zayn asking about the guy behind it all and brushed the thought off.

 

“Now before I play you one quick song, I want to give a shout out to a particular listener” _Lucky bastard, whoever they are_ “A Mr. Zayn Malik.”

 

_Fuck_

_No way_

_I just…_

_Fuck_

_Fuck_

 

Zayn rewound the track a few seconds and pressed play. “A Mr. Zayn Malik.”

 

_There is no way_

_This is a dream_

_A cruel and twisted and incredibly fucked up dream_

_I just…._

_No_

 

He continued to listen while gripping his hands together so tightly he would find subtle bruises on his fingers the next day. Convulsions of laughter crashed over him as he listened to the cheeky voice. _I’m dreaming. This has to be a dream_. Zayn felt like jumping out his window and howling into the night sky like someone on teen wolf.

 

“Who Are You, by one of the greats, The Who” Zayn couldn’t take it. He simply couldn’t take it. He shut his laptop and jumped onto his bed without even thinking about the noise it would cause. _I’m acting like some little girl who just had their first kiss, but I really don’t give a shit._ Zayn had to bite his thumb to prevent from actually squealing out loud.

 

He quickly texted Louis back (a simple ‘ahaha dead :) x.’) and opened his bedroom window. His package of cigarettes was located in the biggest pocket of his backpack. The pockets in his seat pants were deep enough for his lighter and the carton so he slipped both into one and climbed out onto the roof, taking care not to slip on the shingles. Zayn sat down and pulled out a cigarette. He held it for a while in between his lips while his arms wrapped themselves around his knees, pulling them closer to his chest.

 

 _I think I’m dreaming. This has to be a dream. This is too good to be true._ If there had been anyone around Zayn would have tried to hide the blush spreading across his cheeks and the smile that lit up his eyes. But since he was alone, he felt no shame in letting his emotions ring clear on his face.

 

He was happy, utterly and inconsolably happy. Granted, now he was going to have to stop asking around because he didn’t think he could handle any more attention from the voice behind it all, but in that moment Zayn didn’t care. He didn’t think about what it was going to be like at school the next day (technically in a few hours) nor did he think about what it would feel like when the embarrassment of being called out on his snooping around finally set in.

 

All Zayn could really think about was the feeling fluttering deep within his chest. He hadn’t felt this happy since making Liam sing some Miley Cyrus song with him in the middle of a rainstorm. It was one of those feelings that Zayn would draw back upon for inspiration. It was a feeling that he couldn’t get rid of even if he wanted to for some inane reason. Zayn pulled out his lighter and lit the cigarette still dangling from his lips. _I love America_.

 

* * *

((LIAM’S POINT OF VIEW))

 

 **(from Haz Styles 6:13)**  
Liam  
  


 **(from Haz Styles 6:13)**  
Liam  
  


**(from Haz Styles 6:14)  
Liam**

**(from Haz Styles 6:16)  
answer meeeeee u prick**

**(from Haz Styles 6:21)  
I kno where u live**

**(from Haz Styles 6:20)**  
dnt make me come to ur house  
  


**(from Haz Styles 6:25)  
Liam Payne answer me rite now **

**(from Haz Styles 6:28)  
I h8 u **

 

Liam pushed his textbook and notes off of his lap and stretched. Cracks rippled down his spine, tension leaving his joints, relief surging through him. His phone had been buzzing on his desk for the past half hour or so but he put it over there for a reason; he needed to study. If he studied for his environmental test now then he wouldn’t have to worry as much for it later in the weekend (meaning Sunday night). Besides, he had other things to worry about than his test: there were college essays to write and scholarships to find; there was a room to clean and a grocery list that needed to be filled; there were memories to be made and feelings for certain people that desperately needed to be forgotten.

 

He glanced at the clock hanging above his bedroom door; it was a little after 6:30. _I’ve been at this for four hours; I think I deserve a break_. Liam got up and checked his phone, not surprised that all of the text messages and missed phone calls were from Harry. As he was clicking through them all, his phone vibrated again signifying an incoming text.

 

**(from Zayn Malik 6:33)  
Liam, where you at? We’re all at Harrys. Come over :) xx.**

 

Liam’s stomach did flips whenever Zayn texted him and this text spared him no mercy. _It’s those stupid endearing x’s._ There was still half of a chapter left to review, and his room still needed tidying up. _But…Zayn asked. Not asked, more like told. He told me to come over. That means he wants me to be there. No, not wants as in wants wants… he just likes being in my company. Like a friend._

 

**(to Zayn Malik 6:34)  
there going to be food?**

 

Liam knew it was a stupid question to ask, but sending it would let them all know that he was coming. His phone vibrated again and Liam hit answer without even needing to check whom it was.

 

“Hey, Harry.”

 

“Liam! Where have you been? Why did you answer Zayn and not me?”

 

“Because Zayn’s not annoying as hell”

 

“Are you replacing me?” Harry yelled and Liam could hear him let the others know that Zayn was replacing Harry. Their laughter was loud enough that Liam could hear it despite his phone’s shitty connection.

 

“No, I’m not replacing you.” Liam laughed at the idea. _If only Harry really knew_. “What did you guys order?”

 

“We cooked!”

 

“You cooked?”

 

“Well… mum cooked for us.”

 

“That makes a lot more sense.” Liam ran his fingers through his hair. He had gotten it cut earlier in the day and wasn’t used to hardly anything being there. It took everything in his power not to just sit in his bed while staring at his reflection, running his hands through his hair. _That might be a bit narcissistic…and creepy_. He tried to picture the guys’ reaction to his new haircut. Last time he cut his brown locks Louis cried, though that was more because Liam was finally shedding the Bieber hair than anything else. “Give me twenty minutes, yea?”

 

“Awesome. Oh, and bring your season two of the Inbetweeners.”

 

“You on season one now?”

 

“Yeah. Zayn was feeling a bit homesick so all of us are trying to help cheer him up.”

 

“Seriously? Shit, that sucks. Yea, I’ll bring it. See you soon.”

 

“Hurry up or your pasta will get cold!”

 

Liam hung up without replying to Harry’s last words and tossed his phone over his shoulder onto his bed. He felt sick to his weak stomach. _Why hadn’t Zayn said anything about feeling homesick? I thought we were friends… I thought we were starting to get close._ The memories of night drives and sing along sessions flashed through his mind. Late night talks sitting in Liam’s car, parked in Zayn’s driveway. Looks passed across the table at Mikes while Niall stuffed his face and Louis and Harry meddled with their waiter _. I’m just reading too much into everything. Zayn’s closest to Louis in the group, not me. Why would I think that he would come to me with his problems? Sure, we’ve had talks, multiple talks where we both just open up…but…fuck._

 

Season two of The Inbetweeners was located in his vast pile of random movies and cds. Liam tossed it onto his bed along with a few other movies for good measure and went to change. His mind was still racing faster than it had in a long time; anxiety was rolling through his system in waves. Hell, he hadn’t been this nervous since walking into school almost three weeks prior after giving Zayn his initial shout out. _Now that…that was nerve wrecking. I don’t even know why I’m so nervous_ Liam spoke to his reflection as he put a bit of product into his new hair. _I’m just going to help cheer a friend up._ He gave his reflection a smile. _But what if I can’t help cheer him up?_ The smile fell and turned to a frown. Liam felt nauseous. _This is my curse_ , he observed, _I care too much about people who won’t reciprocate the sentiment._

 

* * *

 

“This has got to be one of the stupidest episodes of Dr. Who ever made. Literally the worst.”

 

“But it’s Agatha Christie! Niall, how can you think it’s the stupidest episode?”

 

“Liam, it’s a giant wasp.” Zayn stared at Liam over his cup of tea. “It’s the dumbest episode. You have to admit it.”

 

“No it’s not…”

 

“C’mon Liam. Seriously, which episode is worse than this, really?” Louis scoffed.

 

“The…the one with the gridlock was dumb.” Liam spluttered. “The huge traffic jam one.”

 

“Please. A traffic jam is far more interesting than a giant wasp.” Harry pushed Liam’s feet off of the coffee table with his own.

 

“Whatever. I’m allowed my own opinion.”

 

“Yea, but your opinion is wrong.”

 

“Piss off, Zayn.” Liam wished he were sitting next to Zayn instead of squeezed on the couch by Harry and Louis so he could flick Zayn’s ear or something.

 

“So…are we going to keep this on then?” Niall questioned.

 

“Since Liam loves it so much, we might as well keep it on.” Zayn spoke from the armchair where he was curled up under a quilt. He ducked when Liam threw a plastic fork at him. “Oi, better watch it.” Liam just rolled his eyes at Zayn’s very vague threat. But since Zayn had spoken no one made a move to change the disc. Liam counted this as a personal victory.

 

They all grew silent as the Doctor and Donna introduced themselves to Agatha Christi. Liam knew deep down that everyone else liked the episode as much as he did, even if they refused to admit it. Anything with Donna was wonderful, even episodes where the antagonist is an alien who can take the form of a giant wasp. If it had Donna in it, it was tolerable in Liam’s book.

 

“Okay. No.” Louis cried after Donna encountered the wasp for the first time. “We need to talk or something. I can’t focus on this, it’s too unbelievable.”

 

“If that’s the only unbelievable thing about this show then I thi-”

 

Louis cut Liam off. “So, are we going to go to homecoming?”

 

Liam frowned. _Well that’s an abrupt topic change_. “Um… are we?” He looked at Harry who lifted his shoulders sharply then dropped them dramatically.

 

“Because I don’t think we should.”

 

“Why not?” Louis never had such a strong opinion on these things and Liam was taken aback.

 

“We’ve been to homecoming before and it never changes. It’s always the same thing: same decorations, same crappy punch, and same shitty music. It’s not worth it.”

 

“Yea,” harry echoed Louis. “It’s dumb.”

 

“Besides, we can get shitfaced at the after parties without having to cough up the money for a ticket.” Niall’s logic was relatively sound.

 

“But Zayn’s never been to a dance.” Liam said simply, the first argument for going to the fall dance he could think of.

 

“I’ve been to dances.” Zayn shrugged underneath the quilt, the folds masking the severity of his movements. “This isn’t up to me.”

 

“But…” Zayn had to go to homecoming. Liam knew something the others didn’t. _Was it worth just spilling the beans? “_ But, Zayn, you have to go.”

 

“Why does Zayn have to go?” Harry asked accusingly.

 

“Zayn can do whatever the fuck he wants mate.”  Niall interjected, more to hear the sound of his own voice than support one side or the other.

 

Zayn was looking at Liam, confusion clear in his eyes. Liam blushed slightly then said, “Well you’re on the homecoming court, so you have to go.”

 

“I’m-I’m what?”

 

“He is?”

 

“Our little Zayn?”

 

“Oh come here you precious thing!”

 

“I’m so proud of you!” Harry, Louis, and Niall jumped onto Zayn’s lap, nearly knocking the chair into the wall. Liam remained in his seat on the couch, watching the three others smother Zayn with love and affection that only teenage boys can give.

 

“Wait,” Zayn’s head poked out from underneath Harry’s arm. “How do you know?”

 

“Liam’s an office aid.” Niall informed Zayn, pulling apart from the group hug to return to his seat on the floor in front of the couch, careful as to not step onto the empty plates or knock over any of the cups. “He knows loads of stuff before anyone else.”

 

“Such as the fact that Zayn is on the homecoming court, which I shouldn’t have even told you since the principal isn’t announcing it until Monday.”

 

“We won’t tell a soul, will we Lou?” Harry asked Louis as they too pulled away from Zayn.

 

“Nah. I guess we can keep it a secret for the weekend.”

 

“I mean it, you guys can’t tell anyone.”

 

Niall leaned his head back to knock against Liam’s leg. “Don’t worry about it. We know the drill. You slip up and tell us something and then we pretend like it never happened. We got your back, mum.”

 

“Yea, we won’t tell anyone.” Zayn agreed. “But…are you sure?”

 

Liam nodded. Zayn looked so pleased, embarrassed even. _He looks adorable and I just want to keep that smile on his face forever, no matter what it takes._ “I helped count the ballots myself.”

 

“Well then I guess I’m going to homecoming then.”

 

* * *

 

“So how long has he been feeling this upset? I thought things were going well for him. I mean his high off of the Tablert Tales thing lasted forever.” Liam asked Louis when the two were alone in the kitchen, Louis helping Liam clean so Harry’s mother wouldn’t have to do it later.

 

The others were still in the living room drinking the fresh cups of tea that Liam had made for them all. Zayn was feeling better; at least that’s what he told them all repeatedly whenever they asked over the course of the night. He didn’t seem upset when Liam showed up, but Louis whispered in his ear that it had been bad. They were starting to think it was hopeless until Liam had finally answered their texts and promised to be there as soon as he could. Louis whispered that it was because Season two of The Inbetweeners was Zayn’s favorite. That’s what Liam told himself too, even though they had ended up watching Dr. Who instead.

 

Louis finished washing a pot and handed it to Liam to dry before answering. “Well,” he paused, the words not really coming as he wanted them to, “I think it really hit him last week when he got his SAT scores back that he wasn’t going back home and he was stuck here in America. Like the fact that he’s going to have to go to college here unless he wants to move away from his family… it all just sort of hit him at once, I guess.” He picked up a pan that was used to bake the lasagna and began scraping the remnants away. “You know, we all had that realization at one point or another.”

 

Liam nodded. He remembered that phase in his life all too well and it was something he really didn’t like dwelling on. The said phase was harder on the other boys than it was on Liam however. See, Liam knew deep down that he wasn’t going to be able to go back home. He had only visited Wolverhampton a handful of times since moving to America four years ago and the chances of him being able to move back after he finished school were slim to none. To put it in statistics terms (which he really should have studied for instead of getting his hair cut), Liam was 99% confident that the likelihood of him being able to return to anywhere in the UK was between 0 and .00000000001. The others however, got to go back to their quaint villages and towns almost once a year. They still had ties to the UK; they could still technically call it home. Their pain and longing for that sweet British air was stronger than Liam’s desire. _It makes sense that Zayn would confide in them rather than me. I don’t get it. I’ll never truly get it_.

 

Louis finished washing the pan and handed it to Liam who began to wipe it dry. “So. When do you wanna leave for Cher’s?” 

 

Liam raised an eyebrow. “Um…what?”

 

“Cher’s party. The one we’re all going to? You’re the one driving us all. Well, I think you’re the one driving us all”

 

“Oh.” Liam knew it was better not to fight the plan and just roll with it, even if he did loathe parties more than anything else. “Yea, I guess.”

 

“So when do you wanna leave?”

 

Liam exhaled deeply. Now that he was thinking about it, he really wasn’t in the partying mood whatsoever. In fact, he just wanted to go back home, make himself another cup of tea, put on an episode of Doctor Who, and work on his college essays. He wanted to curl up in a ball and not think about how brightly Zayn smiled when he had walked into Harry’s living room.

 

“I’m ready whenever you guys are.” Liam shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. Tonight wasn’t about him. It was about cheering up Zayn, reminding Zayn that things weren’t necessarily all that bad in America.

 

* * *

 

 _I hate parties. Liam muttered to himself. I really really do._ He looked down at the red solo cup in his hand. He hadn’t taken a sip from it since it had been pushed into his hands two hours prior. It was shitty beer fitful for the incredibly shitty time Liam was having at the shitty party. The music was loud and didn’t vary from the same 5 songs every radio station overplayed. It seemed like everywhere he looked there was a couple making out and Liam really didn’t need his single status shoved down his throat at every single turn of the head.

 

He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. Finally, someone wants to talk to me. Except Liam knew that probably wasn’t the case. He was Liam; no one wanted to talk to him.

 

 **(from Zayn Malik 2:13)**  
roses r rd  
vilts r blue  
i wanna lve  
whre r u????  
  


Liam’s laugh sounded more like a witch’s cackle than an actual laugh and several people turned to look at the loner. He ignored their stares and typed a reply.

 

 **(to Zayn Malik 2:13)**  
study. You?  
  


**(from Zayn Malik 2:14)  
lvng rm**

 

Liam slipped his phone into his pocket, the smile still on his face. He hoped this meant that Zayn was in better spirits and the party had helped cheer him up more than hanging out with just the boys. Zayn needed to feel better and if getting wasted was the answer, then so be it.

 

“Excuse me.” He mumbled as he tried to make his way to the living room from the study. Cher’s house was filled with obnoxiously long hallways and Liam swore he was stuck in the longest one. He stuck his arms out and pushed his way in between two girls making out. “Sorry, ladies.” He blushed but they didn’t seem to notice the distraction. “Oh, okay then.” He looked around the living room for Zayn.

 

His heart dropped. It plummeted. It jumped off the empire state building after leaving a tearful suicide note. It leapt out of a plane without a parachute and tumbled to the sea below.

 

Zayn was on the couch with some blonde girl. He was that some blonde and she was Zayn. They were one being. His hands were wound in her hair, hers cradling his neck. They were in their own little world, oblivious to everything around them, oblivious to Liam.

 

* * *

 

**_Have you guys ever seen something that makes your heart just break? Or heard something that ripped you to shreds? Or I don’t know, smelled something that tore you apart? Have you ever had one of those moments where you think your entire world is collapsing upon you and you have no earthly idea why? You’re supposed to have your shit together. You’re supposed to be strong and not care what happens to you. Everyone is depending on you to be the strong one. It’s up to you to be the rock upon which everyone else rests. But then there’s an outlier. Something that creeps up on you and blindsides you. You didn’t know how to prepare yourself for it, because you never thought it would happen._ **

****

**_Well…I just had one of those moments the other night. And not to wallow in self pity or anything…it sucks._ **

****

**_So here’s a song I’ve been listening to on repeat; probably not the healthiest thing by any means. It’s all about nostalgia and looking back on the past, or at least that’s how I interpret it. I’ll get to the gossip and all the shit you guys actually listen for after this. It’s his last line that gets me. Like… really gets me and I don’t even know why. Feelings are some pretty messed up things if you ask me. This is Frank Ocean singing, or rapping? I don’t know. Bad Religion by Frank Ocean. I hope you like it as much as I do, the massive masochist that I am._ **


	6. Chapter 6

_Worry worry worry. That’s all I seem to do anymore, and it’s only November. Oh my god, it’s November. I’ve already turned in college applications. What if I messed up something? Oh god. How long ‘til February?_

Liam’s snooze went off for the third time. He pressed it again, not even caring anymore. If he pressed snooze one more time he could still get to Zayn’s in plenty of time, he would just be a little late. (Of course late by his definition was only arriving at school twenty minutes before the bell rang rather than half an hour before.) Liam blinked his eyes and suddenly his phone was ringing again. Blearily he lifted it to press snooze but realized the snooze button wasn’t there; Harry was calling him.

 

“Hullo?”

 

“Liam can we ditch today?”

 

“Why’re you asking if you already know my answer?”

 

“C’mon. It’s a Tuesday. Nothing happens on Tuesdays.”

 

“School happens on Tuesdays.”

 

“I repeat, nothing happens on Tuesdays. Please come! The guys are all down for going into the city. It’ll be like our own senior skip day”

 

“Nah, I can’t miss today’s environmental lecture. And I have a music theory test first thing in the morning.”

 

“You are completely unbelievable Liam Payne. Well, have fun alone in study hall”

 

“Oh, I will. Don’t get into too much trouble up there” Liam hung up. He rolled on his side. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to skip. In his dream world he would have the guts to skip school for no reason other than he just needed some air, and would be able to go into the city whenever he liked. But in his dream world Liam looked like a model and was best friends with Andrew Garfield…so he couldn’t really make any decisions based upon that. He typed a text to Zayn.

 

**(to Zayn Malik 6:01)  
going to school?**

 

Zayn didn’t answer until after Liam had taken a quick shower and was eyeing his clothes while running a towel over his hair.

 

**(from Zayn Malik 6:22)  
Nah. Gonna go 2 the city w/ guys. U should come! Xx. **

 

_I guess this means I have time to actually eat breakfast at home sitting down instead of in the car on the way to Zayn’s._

 

**(to Zayn Malik 6:24)  
I actually have school to go to:( have fun! **

**(from Zayn Malik 6:25)  
it’ll b boring w/out u **

 

Liam was tempted to respond. _Tempted as hell_ , but he didn’t know what to say. _What do you even say to that?_ His thumbs hovered over his phone for a good minute. It would be easy to joke back, to make a few jokes. _To flirt._ Before doing something he would regret, and he’d done many things he regretted the past few weeks, Liam slipped his phone into his back pocket and continued to get ready.

 

* * *

 

The day passed fairly quickly and it wasn’t until study hall that Liam realized just how lonely he was going to be for the duration of the seventh period. Their usual table in the back of the library felt too big. Liam sat in his usual spot and let his backpack take Zayn’s place next to him. He pulled out some of his music theory work and began filling out a worksheet on identifying key signatures.

 

F

 

G

 

B flat.

 

A

 

A flat

 

C

 

D

 

The notes started to blend together. He found himself reading notes in the bass clef as notes in the treble clef. Almost an entire page in his workbook had to be erased and redone. _Good thing I know not to use pen_.

 

“Where’s the rest of your little crew?”  Liam looked up from his work to see Mr. Cardle standing at the opposite end of the table. He was eyeing Liam, a sad smile on his face. _It’s like he pities me. He thinks I’m nothing without them_.

 

Liam set his pencil down and smiled. “They’re all sick.”

 

“All of them?”

 

Liam nodded. “Some freak flu or something.”

 

Mr. Cardle stroked his chin. “Hmm… well that’s just a downright shame isn’t it?” He gave Liam a smile, an I-see-through-your-bullshit smile.

 

“It really is.” Liam didn’t break.

 

“Well…have fun working on,” he squinted down at Liam’s workbook. “Lines and letters.”

  
“It’s music theory actually”

 

“Oh, really?” He walked around the table to stand behind Liam. “I’ve always wanted to get more into music. I used to sing in college.”

 

“No way!”

 

“Way! I was in an a cappella group.”

 

“That’s so cool, oh my god.”

 

Mr. Cardle shrugged like it was no big deal, though Liam could tell that it was. “I guess it was pretty cool.” He straightened up. “I’ll let you get back to work then. Let me know if you need anything. Or don’t…I don’t really care. You’re a big kid. I’m assuming you can fend for yourself.”

 

Liam laughed at that. “Yea, I can.” He gave his teacher a little mock salute and returned to the key signatures.

 

After what felt like an hour later he glanced up at the clock. It had actually only been about two minutes since Mr. Cardle wandered back to the front of the library. _I hate everything._ There were still over 45 minutes left in the period.

 

Suddenly Liam felt like he’d had enough: enough sitting by himself in the corner, enough letting people think he was incapable of taking care of himself, enough not being able to do what he wanted to do, enough not living his life. Liam felt like his heart was too big for his chest; it was pounding against his frail insides, it was shaking him, unsettling his natural order and balance. He needed to do something for him. _Of course my mind would go straight to Zayn._ Liam closed his workbook and shoved it into his backpack, which he then threw over his shoulder. He strode to the front of the library. He had a purpose; he had intention.

 

“Hey, Mr. Cardle.” The teacher looked up from his gossip magazine.

 

“Yes, Liam?”

 

“Can I go to the front office and see if they need any help?” and for clarification, “I’m an office aid.”

 

Mr. Cardle’s shrug was enough of an okay for Liam so he turned on his heels and left the almost vacant library. The hallways were quiet and empty. Relief entered Liam as he took in a deep breath. Already he felt much better. If he was going to be by himself, at least he could be doing something productive. _I should see how the guys are doing…see if they’ve gotten themselves arrested yet. Let’s see, by now they’re probably arguing over where to go to next. Niall just dragged them all to go get something to eat and-_

 

Liam felt a body run into his own. A mass of curls and suddenly he was on the floor. _Ow._

 

“Oh my god, I am so sorry.” A girl was towering over him. _How did I end up down here?_ She reached out a manicured hand and helped him to his feet “I am so, so, so sorry, Liam. Are you okay?”

 

“Don’t worry about it, I’m fine.” Liam straightened himself and took a good look at the girl who had knocked him over. He vaguely recognized her from passing. _Probably a junior._ She was wearing a black dance team jacket over a bright floral dress. “Wait, you know my name?” _I’ve never spoken to her in my life._

 

The girl blushed furiously. It was _…cute_. “Oh god, is that creepy? I’m so sorry.” She looked so flustered, like she was nervous to be around Liam.

 

“Really, it’s fine.” He stretched out an arm to awkwardly pat her on the shoulder reassuringly. “Just took me by surprise is all.”

 

“Oh. Well, good.” She smiled. “My name’s Danielle by the way.” She brushed a few of her curly strands out of her eyes. Liam shook her hand. “And once again, I am so sorry. You’d think for a dancer I wouldn’t be as clumsy.” She laughed easily at herself and Liam found himself smiling. _Her smile’s contagious_.

 

“I’m Liam. Though, you apparently already know that. How do you know that?”

 

“Oh!” her blush was back. “Um…I just know who you are. You and your whole crew I guess.” _Ah, guilt by association._ “And to be honest you’re the only one I think anyone can stand. Any of my friends that is.”

 

“Didn’t know my friends and I were such a popular topic of conversation among the halls.”

 

“Well… you’re not. I mean, you are. But I mean…” Danielle brought her hands to her face and moaned. “Why do I even talk?” she peered at him through a split in between her pointer and middle fingers. “I’m just making a fool of myself right now, aren’t I?”

 

Liam laughed. _She’s actually adorable_. “You’re really not. I think it’s cute.” _Did I just say that to an actual living breathing human being? Today must be some kind of self-empowerment day or some shit._

 

Danielle’s hands dropped back to her side and she fiddled with the zipper on her jacket. “Thanks. Anyways, why aren’t you in class? Do I need to report you, because I will; don’t test me, Liam Payne.”

 

His heart fluttered at her playful jest. _Is she flirting with me? I think she’s flirting with me. Who needs Zayn Malik?_ “I have study hall right now but none of my mates are there so I thought I’d go see if they needed help in the office running passes or anything.”

 

“Really? No way! I’m an office aid right now actually.” She pulled a handful of passes and her official ‘office aid’ laminated hall pass from her pocket. Liam recognized the passes as the same he’d been handing out a few periods earlier.

 

“That’s awesome!” Liam said awkwardly. _And this is where I usually stop being good at the whole conversation thing._ His hand tightened around his backpack strap.

 

“Do you want to walk with me? Since we’re going to the same place. I mean, I could just awkwardly follow you but I have a feeling that might be a tad uncomfortable.” Danielle nodded her head in the direction of the front office.

 

 _She isn’t sick of me yet and she’s cute? I’m dreaming._ “Sure, if you don’t mind the company”

 

“No, not at all!” She waited for Liam to come beside her to start walking.

 

“So…”

 

“So…”

 

“You uh, come here often?”

 

Danielle cackled, her laughter ringing loudly against the whitewashed walls. “Is that your best pick up line?”

 

“I just wanted to break the ice, not chat you up!”

 

“Good,” she was still laughing. Liam found himself chuckling as well “Because you really shouldn’t use that on people. Won’t help your game at all”

 

“So that’s what I’ve been doing wrong all these years, using the wrong chat up line” Liam tutted himself. “Should’ve run into you years ago. Would’ve saved me from plenty of embarrassing situations.” 

 

“Please. I’m sure your game is just fine despite the horrible pick up lines.”

 

“I repeat, it wasn’t a pick up line” Liam reached the office door first and held it open for Danielle.

 

“Whatever you say. But that,” she pointed to him holding the door, “that works.”

 

“Does it now?”

 

Danielle nodded and winked at Liam before walking around the front desk to talk to one of the secretaries and drop off the excess passes.

 

* * *

 

**(to Danielle 4:26)  
so…**

**(from Danielle 4:27)**

**U come here often? ;)**

**(to Danielle 4:30)**

**Shut up omg. SOOO are you doing anything this Saturday?**

 

Liam bit his lip hard. The feeling of living in the moment was still surging through his veins even though school had ended hours ago. Though Danielle had been the one to ask to exchange numbers, it had been Liam that kept the conversation going _It’s easy when you know the other person fancies you_. Normally he would have consulted Harry before taking the step to even talk to someone in a flirtatious manner. Normally Harry would be by his side egging him on to ask whomever it was out on a date. But Liam was alone in his room and Harry (as well as the others) was oblivious to Danielle’s existence. He should have mentioned her when Harry called to see how school went and brag about the famous people they apparently saw on the streets. Liam really should have, but he didn’t. And he didn’t know why.

 

**(from Danielle 4:32)  
I have a dance competition for most of the day but I’m free after 5. You have something in mind? **

 

Liam’s heart soared. _This is it._

 

**(to Danielle 4:35)  
I was thinking about going to a movie but I get weird looks whenever I go alone so I thought I would just ask you to accompany me **

**(from Danielle 4:40)  
like a date?**

**(from Danielle 4:42)  
I’d love to btw :) **

 

 _If asking out Zayn was this easy, I would have done it ages ago. Wait…what the fuck?_ Liam was disgusted at his shameless sub-conscious. _I just asked out a girl and she said yes. This is no time to think about some bloke. A bloke who’s my friend. A bloke who may or may not be dating that Perrie girl._ Liam’s stomach churned at the thought of the blonde. She seemed nice and was generally sweet whenever she was hanging off of Zayn’s arm. _Should I tell Zayn about Danielle?_ Liam weighed the pros and cons of confiding in Zayn. _Nah…I don’t want to be a bother._

 

**(to Danielle 4:50)**

**Awesome:) see you tomorrow then!**

 

* * *

 

“That was awesome. Beyond awesome. That was incredible. I just… wow”

 

“Liam,” Danielle pulled on Liam’s arm. She was trying her best not to laugh, but failing miserably. “It was just a movie.”

 

“But it was such a good movie! Didn’t you think it was a good movie?” he waved his free arm around for emphasis.

 

“Yea. It was good. Not the best movie I’ve ever seen.”

 

“Did we even watch the same thing?” they followed the cue out of the theatre and into the lobby.

 

“Fine. You’re right.” Danielle submitted. “It was awesome.” She rolled her eyes and Liam could tell she was agreeing with him just to shut him up. It bugged him slightly that she didn’t stand her ground, but it was their first ‘date’. He shouldn’t expect her to be his soul mate or anything. “Hey, I need to run to the bathroom real quick. Wait for me here?”

 

“I was thinking you could just walk home.”

 

“Such a gentleman.” Danielle pulled her arm away from Liam’s and joined the line waiting for the women’s bathroom.

 

 _Why does it take so long for girls to go to the bathroom?_ Liam pondered. _One of life’s biggest mysteries right there. Like…what are they doing in there? It’s as if the bathroom has some sort of alternate timeline or something.  A minute in there is like half an hour out here_. He had wandered to the edge of the lobby and was standing by one of the novelty arcade games. The movie theatre was packed and everywhere Liam looked he saw someone he knew or at least vaguely recognized. For a while he got lost in people watching; asking himself what their story was, what put that smile on their face, why they decided to wear that sweater skirt combination out of the house. _Quite lucky the guys decided to stay in tonight. I don’t have to worry about seeing them and having to explain myself._

 

But fate was never truly on his side (at least that’s how Liam saw it) and the voice that haunted his dreams pulled him back to reality.

 

“Liam?”

 

He looked up and his stomach did a fucking cartwheel. “Oh. Uh, hey Zayn” _crap._

 

Zayn departed from the group he was with and walked closer, looking around. He was confused. “What’re you doing here?”

 

“Oh, you know.” Liam laughed on the verge of hysteria. “Just seeing a movie”

 

Zayn looked around again. He was now standing right in front of Liam. Liam could smell his overwhelming, yet enticing cologne, _how have I only just noticed this now?_ He found his hands clenching into fists. “By yourself?” Zayn was really confused.

 

“Yes. I mean, no. Well now I’m by myself but I mean-”

 

“Just spit it out mate” Zayn was starting to laugh at Liam’s struggle. Liam had to focus on something other than Zayn’s sparking _sparkling, what bullshit_ eyes.

 

Liam felt an arm squeeze back in between his own. “Hey.” He turned to see Danielle.

 

“Oh, I get it.” Liam would be kidding himself if he said he didn’t hear a bit of disappointment in Zayn’s voice. He shrugged it off and stood up straighter.

 

“Zayn, this is Danielle. Danielle, Zayn.”

 

Zayn smiled widely _why does it look so fake?_ and stuck out his hand. “Hey! Nice to meet you.”

 

“Likewise.” Danielle shook his hand. “You know I voted for you for homecoming king.”

 

“You did? Why thank you.” Zayn was giving her all of the charm he could muster. At least, that’s how Liam seemed to be interpreting their exchange.

 

“Sorry it didn’t work out in your favor.”

 

Zayn shrugged. “I don’t mind. Ed’s a cool guy. Besides it was an honor just to be nominated. I mean people only know who I am because of the Talbert Tales thing.”

 

“Oh please, you were well known before that.” Danielle jested. “Did you ever find out who the guy is?” Liam felt his arm tense up like he was preparing to throw a punch.

 

“Well we should get going. You wanted Chinese, yea?” Liam jumped in before Zayn could respond to Danielle’s question.

 

“Right!” She had totally forgotten, swept away in the Malik charm _. I know how that feels._

 

“It was nice meeting you, Danielle. See you later, Liam.” Zayn waved at them both and turned around. He walked over to a group of art kids he knows everyone and they all moved as one to go to their theatre.

 

“He’s so nice!” Danielle gushed into Liam’s shoulder as he shielded her from the bitter wind that hit them as soon as they left the building.

 

“Yea, he’s a good one that Zayn.” He opened up the car door for her.

 

“Not as good as you though” Danielle kissed him on the cheek before sliding into the passenger seat.

 

* * *

**(to Zayn Malik 11:17)  
hey**

**(from Zyan Malik 11:17)  
hey :) **

**(to Zayn Malik 11:19)  
so…did you tell the guys about Danielle? I just need to know if I’m gonna have to run haz damage control **

**(from Zayn Malik  11:20)  
no**

**(from Zayn Malik 11:21)**

**didn’t think it was my place 2 say anything xx.**

**(to Zayn Malik 11:23)**  
thanks  
  


**(from Zayn Malik 11:24)**

**so y didn’t u tell us? X.**

**(to Zayn Malik 11:27)**

**idk**

**(to Zayn Malik 11:31)**

**stupid reasons. You’re the only one that knows. I’ll tell the rest if it’s ever official**

**(from Zayn Malik 11:36)  
looked pretty official 2 me. But good 4 u, she looks nice. U picked a good one :) xxx.**

**So I guess that’s Zayn’s stamp of approval. I should feel lucky. I should feel happy…but why don’t I?**

**(to Zayn Malik 11:40)**

**you busy tomorrow? Wanna hang?**

**(from Zayn Malik 11:42)  
I want 2 but cleaners will b here all day :( u can come over n chill if u want?**

**(to Zayn Malik 11:43)  
sounds good **

**(from Zayn Malik 11:43)  
:) xxxx.**

 

* * *

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

 

“Language, Payne! Do you kiss your mum with that mouth?”

 

“I have every right to be upset right now, Zayn. Every damn right.”

 

“It’s air hockey.”

 

“So?”

 

“So it’s just a game”

 

“A game that we’re playing again”

 

“We are not playing again. The pizza’s probably ready.”

 

“After we eat then”

 

“Liam whatever-your-middle-name-is Payne.” Zayn tossed his red mallet into the box where the extra mallets and pucks were kept. “We’ve been playing for the past hour.”

 

“And I’ve lost every game.” Liam couldn’t help himself; he stuck out his bottom lip and pouted. He hated loosing. Loosing was the absolute worst, especially when one was as competitive as Liam and especially when the person one lost to looked as adorable as Zayn did in his sweat pants and white v-neck shirt.

 

“You’re getting better.” Liam raised an eyebrow. “Well, a bit better.”

 

“You’re full of shit.” Liam tossed his mallet into the box as well. “Pizza then?”

 

“Yea.” He checked his watch. “The cleaners are probably done with the upstairs, so we can take it up to my room to eat while they start down here.”

 

“Lead the way.” Liam followed Zayn up the stairs and out onto the main floor. He could hear Zayn humming We Are the Champions, but decided that was an argument not worth having on an empty stomach. He went to the oven and pulled open the door while Zayn fetched some hot pads to pull out the tray with.

 

“We did good.” Zayn inhaled deeply and Liam giggled under his breath. “Shut up. Do you not want any?” He waved the tray under Liam’s nose, letting the smell waft around Liam’s face.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“Whatever. The pizza cutter’s in the third drawer down. Left of the stove.” Liam followed the instructions and pulled out the cutter. With a few quick strokes Zayn sliced up the pizza and slid three slices on to each of the plates he had pulled from a cabinet. He lifted both plates and nodded towards the stairs leading to the upstairs. Liam led the way to Zayn’s room, after making sure to grab a handful of napkins and water bottles for both of them.

 

“I’m so hungry I could ride a horse.”

 

“I don’t get it. Well I could ride it to the store I guess.” Zayn finished the family guy quotation and the pair laughed. “Eat up.” He handed Liam a plate.

 

“Thanks.” He looked around for a place to sit. Zayn had plopped down on his king sized bed. As much as Liam would love to just sprawl out besides him and eat pizza… it probably wouldn’t do his little crush any good. So he compromised by pulling Zayn’s desk chair across the room and sitting down, propping his feet up on the bed.

 

“I really don’t understand how you’re so bad at air hockey, I really don’t.”

 

“Do we really have to talk about this now?” Liam shoved a slice of the pepperoni pizza into his mouth. _Who cares if this is going to go straight to my gut, this is so good._

 

“I just can’t get over it! I mean you’re good at everything, who would’ve thought that air hockey would be your Achilles heel?”

 

Liam finished chewing and retorted “Don’t really have any means to practice now do I?”

 

Zayn raised his slice above his head and took a bite. He looked like some Greek god, except with pizza being fed to him rather than grapes. _I have a girlfriend. Or… someone who might be a girlfriend. Just think about her_. Liam took a large bite.

 

“Shit.” He looked up to see Zayn staring at his vibrating phone.

 

“What’s up?”

 

“It’s Perrie.”

 

“Oh.” Liam nodded. Zayn had given Liam the gist of their relationship before the air hockey tournament from hell had commenced. From what Liam had gathered, there was no strict relationship. Zayn thought Perrie was hot. Perrie thought Zayn was hot. They made out when they were drunk. Sometimes they acted like a couple, and sometimes Perrie acted like a complete and utter psycho stalker. “She’s calling?”

 

“Yea. Well, she just did. Probably will call again though.” The phone started vibrating again in his hand. “See?”

 

“Here, let me answer it.”

 

“Seriously?”

 

“Yea. Toss it here.” Zayn did as Liam asked. Liam cleared his throat before clicking answer. “Um, hello?” His voice was high pitched and girly. He was using his best American accent, something he had perfected through the course of Talbert Tales. “Who is this and why do you keep calling? ... Ugh, okay… That’s really cute! Like super super cute. You must be so proud of yourself. But we’re kind of busy at the moment” Liam let out a girlish giggle for good measure. “Yea… like busy busy. So please fuck off. Thank youuuu” he blew a few kisses into the phone and clicked end call. “Done.”

 

Zayn was silent for a few moments then suddenly an explosion of laughter bubbled from his lips. “That- that was awesome.” Zayn managed to wheeze in between fits of laughter. “Oh my god.” He had to move his plate out of the way of his flailing limbs.

 

Liam blushed and focused on eating his pizza. _That was the dumbest thing oh my god why did I just do that? At least now Zyan knows my deep dark secret love of impersonating valley girls._

 

“Seriously, Li. That was awesome.”

 

Liam shrugged. “I hope you don’t get in trouble for it later.” Zayn’s laughter was getting more and more infectious. _To hell with it,_ Liam started to laugh too.

 

Zayn wiped tears from his eyes. “I’m literally crying right now. I just…since when can you impersonate a girl that well? And your accent, oh my god!” He fell back on his bed. “That was perfect. If I didn’t know it was you I would have thought you were some random American teenage girl.”

 

“Glad to know all my practice can be put to good use.” _If only Zayn really knew how much practice with an American accent I get. At least an hour every Sunday for almost half a year starts to pay off_. Realization of what he’d just done set in all at once. “Oh no, that wasn’t too harsh was it?” he brought his hands to his face. “I probably just tore her to shreds, oh god. Why did you let me do that?” He kicked Zayn’s foot. “You’re supposed to stop me from doing stupid things.”

 

“That wasn’t stupid, that was incredibly awesome.” Zayn pulled his plate of pizza back on his lap now that his fits of laughter had passed. “And pretty stupid actually. What were you thinking?”

 

“Trying to be a good friend, I suppose.” He leaned back in Zayn’s chair and moaned. “This is why I’m antisocial.”

 

Zayn picked off a piece of his crust and flicked it at Liam’s face. It hit Liam’s nose. “What was that for?”

 

“Just felt like it. Besides, now I have to deal with Perrie’s shit. You owe me.”

 

Liam crossed his arms defiantly. “See if I do you any more favors.”

 

“If that was your idea of a favor, please, no more.”

 

“Gee, thanks. You’re doing wonders for my self esteem right now.”

 

“You know I love you, Li.”

 

Liam sighed. He wanted those words to be real so badly he could puke. He wanted them to hold meaning and value rather than act as a simple placeholder. He wanted love. “The feeling is mutual, Zayn.”

 

* * *

 

**_So life’s actually been picking up for me. I’m sure all of you are glad to hear it, seeing as I won’t be a depressing sack of emotions any more. Yea, life is going well. I turned in most of my college applications- juniors and underclassmen I highly recommend doing early decision or early action if you can. It’s stressful as shit to get done but man, the relief I feel is unbelievable. Um…what else? Oh! I flirted a bit and I didn’t die! That’s actually a big deal. I’m sure some of you guys can sympathize with me on that front._ **

****

**_Hmm… what else do I need to get off my chest before we get into things? Right! Right right right. Okay, so I was zoning off in class today and I came up with this brilliant idea. At least I hope it’s brilliant. You can tell me if it’s not and I’ll shut up. Basically I was thinking that I could add a new segment to my little show. Well, not so much add as elaborate upon another. I know I already comment on your comments, but every once in a while I’ll see one asking for advice. So I just thought to myself instead of analyzing some random poem, ‘why don’t I try to help out my adoring peers?’ Yes, I call you adoring peers in my head, shut it. So if you guys have anything you want to get off your chests, or need advice on just leave a comment below with the title ‘Advice Please!’. And I’m not going to answer it if the please isn’t there, I’m all about the politeness people._ **

****

**_Okay. Quick song before I tell you guys all about how administration is trying to take away some of our privileges, which is complete bullshit if you ask me. I’ve been in a real fuck the world sort of mood lately, so here is Fuck The World by The Queers._ **


	7. Chapter 7

“And then Niall grabbed the plate and dumped it down the guys shirt while the rest of us literally sprinted out of the restaurant.”

 

“You just made that up”

 

“I promise on my… on my laptop. That really happened.”

 

“No way.”

 

“Zayn, I’m being serious. Do you really think I would make that up?”

 

“I’ve learned that you have a devilish streak in you, Liam. Of course I’m going to doubt your more outlandish stories.”

 

“Fine. Go ahead and doubt me.”

 

“I will. I am”

 

“Good.”

 

“Good.”

 

“I don’t care.”

 

“Well neither do I” The two stopped their conversation and focused on the game of FIFA they were playing.

 

It was almost 11 on thanksgiving night. After an awkward family dinner Liam had texted Zayn out of desperation; he needed someone to talk to, he needed a distraction. Neither of his sisters had been able to come home for the holiday, so Liam was left alone with his parents. Normally, it wasn’t that bad. He was used to it just being the three of them. Well, usually it was just him seeing as his mom always seemed to be traveling and his dad tended to stay in his apartment in the city as to avoid dealing with the awful commute every morning. Liam could handle being around his parents. He loved them dearly. They took care of him; they were there for him.

 

But like every teenager, Liam knew that his parents didn’t understand him. All they did was ask him the same questions, expecting the answers they gave their parents when they were his age. They didn’t seem to understand that times had changed. They couldn’t wrap their heads around the fact that Liam didn’t know what he wanted to do. Sure, he had an idea (more like a faint glimmer of a hope, or a dream that he only allowed himself to think upon when he was alone in his room), but for the most part Liam’s future was unknown. He didn’t find anything wrong with it, but his parents did. His parents found it very disconcerting.

 

 

Zayn had been quick to answer Liam’s text for help, offering Liam to come over and spend the night at his place. Liam had declined, instead suggesting his own abode. Zayn had agreed and by the time he had shown up on Liam’s front door step with a backpack slung casually over his shoulder and his hair shoved back under a wool beanie Liam was feeling much better.

 

He surprised himself, turning to Zayn rather than Harry. Harry had always been by his side in times like this. But it was Zayn’s number he had searched for in his contacts, not Harry’s. _I just don’t want to bother Harry. I always bother Harry. For the past 3 years I’ve always bothered Harry. I need to give Harry a break._ Liam repeated to himself over and over, trying not to read into his own thoughtless actions. _It’s not a big deal. Zayn’s my friend too. We’re friends. Good friends_.

 

“So”

 

“So?”

 

“So what I’m getting at is you’re good at fake hand eye coordination, while I am good at real hand eye coordination.”

 

“We can play best 5 out of 7”

 

“Oh, we’re going to play best 5 out of 7” Zayn tossed his controller on the ground in front of him. He fell backwards in his beanbag, his hands covering his face in shame as the screen pronounced Liam the winner once again. “Maybe even best 7 out of 9”

 

“Whatever you want”

 

“I want you to give me a fighting chance in this stupid game”

 

Liam laughed at Zayn collapsed on the beanbag, the perfect image of defeat. “Now you understand my pain. Loosing a game of FIFA hurts as much as loosing a game of air hockey.”

 

“Doesn’t change the fact that loosing sucks.”

 

“Look, maybe you can do the practice again.”

 

“Again.”

 

“Yes, again.”

 

“You mean for like the tenth time”

 

“Or, just again. Don’t need the specifics” 

 

“I hate you”

 

“Nah, you don’t hate me”

 

Zayn sat up. He rubbed his eyes for a few seconds then sighed. “No, I couldn’t hate you. You’re too sweet. Mind if I use the bathroom?”

 

Liam nodded to where it was, but spoke “Down the hall, first door on your left.”

 

“Thanks.” Zayn got up and left the basement rec room. Liam hummed along with the cheesy video game theme music as he shifted in his beanbag to find his phone. There were three texts from Harry: asking if he needed to come over with ice cream, telling him that he’ll be away from his parents in less than a year so there was no need to worry about whatever they told him, and a simple ‘call me, we need to talk about tomorrow’.

 

Liam pressed the call button and waited not so patiently for Harry to answer.

 

“Liam!”

 

“Harry!”

 

“You’re calling!”

 

“Indeed! You asked me to after all” Liam could tell that Harry was already drunk. His family liked to open up the eggnog almost as soon as the Macy’s day parade was over.

 

“But you never call!”

 

“Harry, focus. What did you need?” his hands fiddled with his controller as he waited for Harry to remember.

 

“Umm…. Oh! Have you told Zayn about tomorrow? We can’t seem to reach him, and just wanted to make sure he was cool to come with us.”

 

“No, I haven’t. But I’ll let him know when he gets back from the bathroom.”

 

“Wot? Zayn’s with you?”

 

“Yea”

 

Harry made some sort of sound, one that could only be really classified as pouting. “Well aren’t you all buddy-buddy now.”

 

“Jealous, Styles?”

 

“Incredibly. You’re replacing me, how else am I s’possed to feel?”

 

“I’m not replacing you”

 

“Doesn’t matter, because I’ve been hanging out with Louis a lot lately. So you’re the one being replaced.”

 

“Your logic is beautiful.”

 

“Fuck logic”

 

“Aha, apparently” Liam laughed into the phone. Drunk Harry was the best Harry, at least when Liam didn’t have to take care of him that is. “So you’ve snogged him yet?”

 

“Leave me alone”

 

“It’s a simple question! Just get him drunk too; we all know how Louis gets when he’s pissed. Make your move on him then”

 

“Why you talking to yourself about Louis being drunk?” Liam looked up to see Zayn walking back into the room. He plopped down on his beanbag and realized that Liam was on the phone. “Oh,” he lowered his voice to a whisper. “Sorry.”

 

“No worries, it’s just Harry” Liam assured Zayn. _Oh shit, did he just hear me telling him to snog Louis? Oh god, Harry is going to kill me._

 

“Is that Zayn?” Harry asked

 

Liam pulled the phone from his ear and hit the speakerphone button before answering. “Yea, it’s Zayn.”

 

“Hey Hazza!” Zayn called out.

 

“Oh, you put me on speakerphone. How considerate.”

 

“I try, I try.”

 

“Okay, I guess I’ll leave you two to your little date night” Liam gritted his teeth at Harry’s jibe. _He’s just playing around. Zayn’s not going to get offended or anything. He’s just joking_. “What are you guys doing anyways, eating petit-fours and discussing Tolstoy?”

 

“Dostoevsky actually, and the plausibility of all his themes revolving around humanity’s greed and need for power.” Zayn played off Harry’s joke effortlessly. He winked at Liam.

 

“Yea, you have anything to say on the matter?” Liam asked Harry. “You’ve read Crime and Punishment, yea?”

 

“I’m friends with a bunch of idiots.” Harry scoffed.

 

Zayn laughed at Harry’s reaction. “That would make you an idiot by association.”

 

“I’m hanging up on you now.”

 

“Bye Harry!”

 

“Bye!” Liam hung up the phone, still laughing to himself. “Humanity’s need for power?” He raised an eyebrow at Zayn.

 

“What? Perfectly plausible.”

 

“You’ve actually read enough Dostoyevsky to see a common theme in his works?” Zayn blushed. _He’s embarrassed…why? Hell, if I read Russian literature for fun I’d want to rub it in people’s faces all the time, are you kidding me?_

 

“I mean, I’ve read a bit.” _Like it’s no big deal_

 

“God,” Liam sighed in exasperation, “I hate smart people”

 

“You’re intelligent too, Liam. You’re one of the smartest people I know.”

 

Liam grinned at the compliment. “Unfortunately not smart enough to have a discussion about Dostoyevsky’s themes.”

 

“It’s okay, only the best of the best can handle that conversation.” _What would it take to be the best of the best? I want to do whatever it takes. I’ll do anything._ “Even I probably couldn’t last that long.”

 

“You can’t last long in anything”

 

“Was…was that what I think it was?”

 

“I was referring to this game. Don’t know where your head is” Liam was proud at himself for not blushing. “So best 5 out of 7?”

 

“Yea.”

 

After Liam had won the best 11 out of 13 and while Zayn was customizing his team’s jersey’s (claiming that it was the awful color combination that was throwing his game off) Zayn asked, “So… what were you talking about earlier?”

 

Liam searched his mind for what Zayn could possibly be referring to. “Ugh, dunno?”

 

“I mean with getting Louis drunk and making a move on him”

 

Liam’s heart sunk. “You ugh, you want something else to drink?” he shifted forward in his beanbag, poised to get up and cross the room to the mini fridge in the corner.

 

“Yea I do, but that can wait until after you tell me.” Zayn paused his customizations to look at Liam.

 

“Well, ugh…” Liam ran his fingers through his hair. “You see…”

 

“Does Harry have a thing for Louis?”

 

_Well, here we go_. “I don’t think calling it a thing would do it justice”

 

“So that’s a yes?”

 

“The yes to end all yeses.” Zayn nodded, and smiled like he knew something Liam didn’t. Liam shrugged it off and elaborated on Harry’s feelings for their friend. “He’s been in love, and I use love tentatively seeing as we’re bloody teenagers and what do we know about love, with Lou since about sophomore year. He claims that Louis is his soul mate, and in all honesty he probably is. It’s like they’re that one high school couple that will end up getting married and actually stay together being cute and adorable and making all of us hate ourselves. Thing is, we don’t know if Louis even feels the same for Harry. We know he swings that way, but we don’t know if he would for Harry. And even if he did, Harry would be too chicken to do anything about it. As much as he loves Louis and wants to snog him, his nerves and insecurities will always get in the way”

 

Zayn messed around with his team’s jerseys for a minute or so in silence, letting it all sink in. Liam took the opportunity to go get them both more drinks and some more snacks from upstairs. By the time he had returned it seemed Zayn was finally pleased with his choice and was ready to speak.

 

“Harry seriously feels that strongly?”

 

Liam handed Zayn a bottle of Mountain Dew. “Seriously. Though, don’t tell him I told you, because he’ll probably kill me if he finds out I told someone. After two years of keeping his secret, the cats finally out of the bag” He collapsed onto his beanbag. “You wanna play again”

 

“Yea, now that my team looks badass I’ll finally be able to kick your ass.” Zayn fiddled with the controls and they began a new game, listening to the announcer and saying his lines in perfect timing.

 

Zayn began with the ball and let his midfielder take the ball. “You know,” Liam’s team took the ball easily. “Louis feels the same”

 

Liam pressed pause. “Excuse me?” He turned slowly to stare at Zayn. “What did you just say?”

 

“Louis feels the same. He likes Harry about as much as Harry likes him apparently.”

 

“You’re kidding me”

 

“Dead serious, mate”

 

“Louis likes Harry”

 

“Louis likes Harry” Zayn confirmed

 

“Louis likes Harry…” it still wasn’t setting in., “He told you this?”

 

“On multiple occasions. A bit annoying actually, the lovesick fool”

 

“Oh my god”

 

“This is a good thing!” Zayn reached over to pat Liam on the back. “Now they can get together and finally stop complaining.”

 

“Zayn, I don’t think you understand the severity of the situation.”

 

“Explain then”

 

“I…” Liam couldn’t find the words _. This is big. This is huge. Louis likes Harry. They can finally get together and be happy. They’re going to be so cute together. Harry is going to be so happy. Oh my god, Harry’s going to be so happy. Wait…will Harry even believe me? He’ll think I’m playing a prank on him…”_ Should I tell him? Harry, I mean”

 

“Why wouldn’t you?”

 

“Well, what if this is something that Harry needs to do for himself; finally get the courage to do something about his feelings.”

 

Zayn thought that over. Liam stared at his hands while he waited for Zayn to respond. _Oh my god, Harry is going to die._ “If you don’t want to full on tell him, you could at least nudge him in the right direction.” Liam looked up from his cuticles. “Like, tell him enough to hype him up to do something but don’t give it away?”

 

“Are you going to tell Louis?”

 

“Only if you tell Harry.”

 

Liam pondered that for a moment. “They’re idiots, aren’t they?”

 

Zayn laughed. “Are you just now realizing that?”

 

“Please, I know more than you. No you idiot. I mean, about them ignoring what’s right in front of their faces. They’re idiots”

 

Zayn looked him in the eyes. Liam’s heart fluttered. _There he goes again, staring into the very depths of my soul. Except he wouldn’t like what he finds if he could really see me._   Liam stared back. Zayn’s eyes were gorgeous. There was so much emotion, so much pain and hope. Liam thought he could stare into them for hours, _but that might be a bit creepy._

 

“Yea, they really are idiots aren’t they?”  Zayn echoed

 

* * *

 

“Are you boys ready for a fight to the death?” Louis yelled in their faces when Zayn opened up Liam’s front door the next morning. They both flinched at the severity of Louis’ voice having stayed up later than they probably should have. Not that they cared, this is what being young was all about.

 

“Too early for your crap, Louis” Liam shut the door behind them. Louis was skipping down the sidewalk to where his mother’s van was parked, Harry in the passenger seat and Niall’s blonde hair visible in one of the back seats.

 

“And I don’t think a nerf-gun fight really counts as a fight to the death.” Zayn remarked on the boys’ Black Friday tradition that Liam had filled him in on the night before. Said Black Friday tradition consisted of joining the mad rush at Toys R Us and stocking up on nerf guns, pigging out at Niall’s while having a Die Hard Marathon, sneaking out to one of the foreclosed houses in Niall’s neighborhood once it got dark and having a nerf gun battle, and then going back to Niall’s and crashing. It was a silly tradition but they all loved it and hoped Zayn would have as much fun saying John McClane’s lines with mouths stuffed with Chinese or Mexican food as they did.

 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Malik. Just you wait!” Louis cried and Liam and Zayn followed the energetic boy to the van.

 

“Is it too late to back out now?”

 

“A bit late, yea. Don’t worry, we can form an alliance so no worries.”

 

“Hey!” Harry called out of the rolled down window as they neared the van. “No alliances, Liam!”

 

“How did he hear that?” Liam grumbled before raising his voice. “You and Louis form one every year.”

 

“What?” Louis gaped at Liam, his hand held up to his chest. “You’re only realizing this now?”

 

“Just get in the car and drive.” Liam joked. Niall opened the back door from the inside and Liam and Zayn climbed in.

 

“Everyone buckled?” Liam asked after they all got situated. They all confirmed and Liam reached forward to pat Louis on the shoulder. “Take us away Tommo”

 

“And away we go!” Louis turned the key in the ignition and music immediately began pouring from the speakers. Zayn laughed loud at the chorus to Beyoncé’s Diva began. The bass was shaking the entire van. Liam leaned into the headrest and smiled. He thought he heard Zayn comment on how they were all idiots, a complete bunch of idiots, but shook it off as his imagination. However he knew that it wasn’t his imagination that Zayn was singing along, but decided not to say anything. Choosing instead to sing along.  

 

* * *

 

“Okay, seriously, where are Louis and Harry?” Liam craned his neck to look over the sea of people in the Toys R Us. Niall was clinging to his side, afraid of getting swept away in the masses. Liam gripped the shopping cart filled with nerf guns and glow in the dark bullets. His knuckles turned white, he was gripping the handlebar so hard. “You see them Zayn?”

 

“Nah, I lost track of them half an hour or so ago.”

 

“This was supposed to be a quick stop, in and out.”

 

“It’s like this every year, Li.” Niall squeezed closer to Liam as a woman with an overflowing cart pushed passed them, towing a child behind her on a leash. “That’s just cruel.” He stared at the poor kid as they disappeared into the crowd.

 

“Yea, yea.” Liam wasn’t really listening. He hated this part of their Black Friday ritual most of all. How they boys always managed to lose their nerf guns over the course of the year was beyond him. Liam knew exactly where his vast collection of nerf guns were and could locate them in a moment’s notice, _so why couldn’t they?_ “Zayn?”

 

“Right here.” Liam felt Zayn’s hand on his arm. Liam turned his head to see Zayn literally right beside him, practically pressed upon him. _How did I not notice?_

 

“Oh. Okay.” Liam took a deep breath. “Let’s go try to find them” He pushed the cart forward, apologizing to their fellow customers. Niall and Zayn stayed by his side, knowing full well Liam’s mother instincts would go into full on over-drive if he lost sight of them as well.

 

“We need to get them leashes like that kid had” Zayn joked as they went through the board game aisle.

 

“No we shouldn’t!” Niall yelled. He got distracted momentarily by a star wars version of Life, but soon continued,  “That’s wrong on so many levels. I don’t care if it’s a cute leash like with a monkey face or whatever. It’s treating your kid like an animal.”

 

“Kids are animals, have you not been paying attention to your surroundings?” Liam called back over his shoulder as they weaved their way through the Lego aisle. “Zayn, can you call Harry again?”

 

“Sure.” Zayn fished around in his jacket pocket for his phone. Liam pulled his attention away from Zayn’s fingers as he scrolled through his contacts _focus focus focus_ and turned the corner into one of the main walkways. 

“Where to?” Niall asked, looking around blindly.

 

“Let’s think. Where would Louis and Harry go, realistically?” He looked at Niall for a moment as they both pondered his open ended question. “Really, Liam?” Liam scolded himself. “This way.” He pushed the cart forward, knowing exactly where they were going to find the two boys. “Zayn, this way” Zayn looked up from his phone and weaved his way through two women to follow Liam and Niall as they pushed through the crowd.

 

“Aha!” Niall darted ahead to where Louis and Harry stood, towering over what looked like a million little girls in the dress up section. Harry was wearing a tiara on his head, and Louis was waving a glittery purple wand through the air. Both boys had the biggest smiles on their faces, their eyes only seeing each other.

 

Zayn leaned into Liam’s shoulder. “What idiots”

 

Liam turned his head _holyfuck he’s right there_ and rolled his eyes. “Why do we keep them around?”

 

“Liam! Zayn!” Harry called, waving his hands above his head.

 

“He looks like a-”

 

“Fairy princess” Zayn finished Liam’s sentence. They both had seemed to miss the hot pink wings Harry had strapped to his back in their first look but were definitely seeing them upon closer observation.

 

“What’re you doing?” Liam scolded the two princesses.

 

“Having fun!”

 

“This is a toy store after all, silly!” Louis bonked Liam on the head with his wand.

 

Liam tried his best not to smile, but it was pretty damn hard with the pair dressed as they were. The girls surrounding them were staring at them with wide eyes. It was like Harry and Louis were godsent or something and each one of them were going to run off and find their mothers and tell them that they’ve fallen in love.

 

“We better get going. Niall said his mom already ordered the food”

 

“But we were just about to crown little Abhinn here as our junior queen!” disappointment poured out of Louis’ voice and Liam panicked for a moment. _That little girl better not start crying._

 

“Well tell her the ceremony’s been postponed and you need to return to the Fairy King castle to work on important business.” Zayn resolved the problem as quickly as he could. Harry and Louis spread the news to all of the disappointed girls, and after telling Louis to go put the wand away for the third time, Liam led them all back to the front of the store to check out.

 

“Next stop, Yippie ki-yay mother fuc-”

 

“Harry!” Liam whipped around. His voice was loud and people were staring. “There are kids around!”

 

Harry shrunk into Niall’s shoulder and pretended to sob. Niall comforted him. “Why d’you have to be so cruel?”

 

“Poor Hazza” Louis rubbed Harry’s back.

 

“It’ll be okay. Mum didn’t mean it” Zayn joined the group hug formed around Harry after winking at Liam over Louis’ shoulder.

 

Liam shook his head and began to pile their things onto the checkout belt.

 

“Did you find everything you needed?” The man behind the register asked him politely.

 

“Yes we did, thank you very much” Liam noticed the fairy wand shoved in between two packages of bullets, but put it on the conveyor belt anyways. _I’m not totally heartless._

* * *

 

“That was the best Black Friday battle we’ve had yet.” Liam spoke to the night sky.

 

“Seriously,” Niall threw his hands into the air and yelled. “It was awesome!!!”

 

The boys all laughed. They were walking back to Niall’s house in the dark. The moon and stars were their only sources of light and they all felt on top of the world. Nothing could touch them.

 

“Zayn definitely helped shift the momentum. Lou, go faster!” Harry prodded Louis in the side with his shoe.

 

“Watch it, I’m the one giving you a lift.” Louis twisted to try and look Harry in the face, who was riding his back like some little kid.

 

“And I love you for it”

 

“Enough to give me a piggyback ride in return?”

 

“Well…” Harry pretended to think it over.

 

“Screw you, Styles” Louis stopped abruptly and let Harry fall to the ground. Zayn laughed darkly.

 

“You two are idiots, you know that?” Zayn stopped under a streetlight to look back at Louis and Harry. Liam turned back around and walked to stand by Zayn, crossing his arms.

 

“Seriously. Why do we keep you around?”

 

“Because without us, your lives would be boring!”

 

“Utterly boring. Want to claw your eyes out type of boring.”

 

“Thanks for saving us from that” Zayn rolled his eyes at Liam. Liam did the same, trying to ignore how good it felt to be close to Zayn. Not close in the physical sense, but close as in close. They shared a look, a common feeling. They were comrades. They were friends. Liam felt on top of the world.

 

“Can we please hurry?” Niall was at the top of the street already. “I’m hungry.”

 

“Nialler, you’re always hungry.” Louis led the others to where Niall was waiting.

 

“That’s irrelevant to the situation. What matters is I’m hungry right now and we have more leftovers in my fridge than my mind can handle. There are so many possibilities. So hurry your pretty little arses up!”

 

“We’re coming, we’re coming” Harry waved a hand at Niall before stopping to let Louis climb on his back. He slipped his arms under Louis’ legs for more support and they all continued down the street, the kings of it all.

 

* * *

 

Liam was the last one to fall asleep, like usual. They were in Niall’s basement. Louis and Harry were on the couch, Niall had taken the loveseat, and Liam and Zayn were on the floor in sleeping bags. Liam liked the darkness, the familiarity of it all. No matter where he was, the dark was the same. It comforted him, enveloped him. Energy was still coursing through his veins even though they hadn’t done anything but lay around and talk for the past two hours.

 

_I love my friends, I really do._ Liam squinted up at where he assumed Louis and Harry were on the couch. _Probably spooning. Bloody idiots._ Liam thought back upon all of the looks he and Zayn had shared throughout the day. Louis and Harry were so obvious, so incredibly obvious it made Liam’s heart hurt. He just wanted them to be together. Knowing that Louis fancied Harry as much as Harry fancied Louis made Liam’s heart burn. He knew how much their relationship would mean, just how much it would change their lives.

 

But he also knew how much it would scare the pair. They had applied to separate colleges; sure, there were a few that both had applied to, but their top choices were almost two hours away from each other. If they finally realized how in love they were, would they be able to handle a relatively short relationship before distance tore them apart?

 

Liam rolled onto his side, his eyes focusing on where Zayn was passed out. _Speaking of idiots._ Zayn looked at peace curled up in his sleeping bag, his beanie slipping off of his head. It had felt good to tell the guys about Danielle. Granted, he hadn’t told them that he was thinking about getting more serious with her, but at least now they knew that she was a person who existed and not some figment of Liam’s imagination. Liam couldn’t seem to get Zayn’s face out of his head when he had been talking about Danielle. Zayn had looked _so sad, so broken_. Liam had been tempted to ask why Zayn looked so down, but thought better of it. No one liked being called out, especially Zayn, something that Liam now knew. He loved that he was starting to know more things about Zayn, like he was some sort of puzzle and it was Liam’s mission to piece all of the pieces together. There were so many dimensions to Zayn, so many looks and sighs. There were laughs at what seemed like nothing that Liam wanted nothing more than to understand. _This totally is something normal to feel for your friends…totally_

 

Rolling back over onto his back Liam cursed himself. _I am such an idiot, as much of an idiot as Haz and Lou._

_I like him._ Liam told himself.

 

_I like him_. He mouthed, the phantom words heavy on his lips.

 

“I like him.” He whispered. Liam’s heart leapt as Zayn shifted in his sleeping bag _._

_I like Zayn. I like Zayn Malik, and I am a huge fucking idiot._ Liam felt nauseous, his elevated heart rate not helping him at all. _How fast can my heart beat before it escapes my chest?_ The sleeping bag was rough against his face so he pushed it further down, letting his chest feel the cool basement air. He felt hot. He felt like he was going to pass out. He felt like he needed a drink of water.

 

_This was the dumbest idea._ Liam was struggling to get back to his sleeping bag. He was moving about three inches per minute. _Slow and steady wins the race._ Liam’s eyes were now well used to the dark, and he could see Zayn’s form on the ground. He sighed in relief as he took a large step, _so close,_ but his heart stopped as his foot collided with Zayn’s outstretched leg. _Shit_.

 

Liam froze above Zayn. He was waiting for Zayn to wake up, panic ringing in every nerve. Zayn groaned. _Shit._ Quickly Liam took two large steps and collapsed onto his sleeping bag. _Don’t wake up, don’t wake up, please don’t wake up_. Liam held his breath.

 

“Mmm…” Zayn rolled over to face Liam. His eyes blinked open. Liam strongly considered pretending he was asleep, but he knew that Zayn would know he was faking. “Li?” _Can I just listen to him saying that for the rest of my life?_

 

“shhh, go to sleep Zayn.” Liam stretched his hand out to run his fingers through Zayn’s hair. Zayn leaned into Liam’s touch and Liam felt like this was something he could see himself doing forever. Stroking Zayn’s hair as he fell back asleep, assuring him it was okay. _I disgust myself._ “Just go back to sleep.”

 

“But…but Liam” Zayn sighed and blinked a couple of times before closing his eyes. “Mmm” Liam kept stroking his hair. “Feels…feels good”

 

Taking his hand away from Zayn’s hair was one of the hardest things Liam had ever done. But he knew better. He couldn’t trust himself, so he had to distance himself. He shuffled around and found his way back into his sleeping bag. His fingers were still tingling, as if they were still moving through Zayn’s thick hair.

 

_I’m going to regret this. Okay. So, I like him. I like Zayn Malik. I want to kiss him. I want to stroke his hair while he’s falling asleep. I want to kick his ass at FIFA and let him beat mine at air hockey. I want to know why he smiles and why he retracts into himself and refuses to let anyone in. I want to know what he thinks about the color mauve and where he sees himself in 5 years time. But I can’t have these feelings. I can’t. No. No no no. I can’t like him. I have to stop liking him. I need to like Danielle. I need to like someone that isn’t a close friend of mine. I need to find someone that likes me back. Zayn could never like me back. He deserves someone loud and playful. He deserves someone that can give him everything he wants. I don’t think I can give him everything he wants. I should just like Danielle. Danielle is nice. She’s simplistic and fun. She makes me laugh. She has an adorable smile and lips that I like to kiss before I drop her off. She’s sweet. She’s pretty. But… she’s not Zayn._

 

Liam rolled over in his sleeping bag away from Zayn who was now fast asleep again. _I can’t like Zayn. I can’t. I can’t…but I do._

 

* * *

 

**_So I don’t know about you guys, but I feel like shit. I’m literally never going to eat again. How could I have consumed so much turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes and wow I’m feeling sick just talking about it. Why do we do this to ourselves every year?_ **

****

**_Okay. To start, thank you all for your comments asking for advice. I really didn’t think I would get as many as I did…you guys really need help don’t you? And I mean that in a good way, of course. I’m in no way trying to insult you or anything. In fact I’m glad that you guys are vocalizing your problems instead of holding them all in, which you should never ever do. However, because of the crazy amount I got, I’m only going to answer one each podcast; basically what I’ll try to do is pick one that is similar to what a lot of other people asked, and answer that. Then answer the rest online. That sound good? … Good. I’m glad._ **

****

**_Now drum roll please, we have our first advice question! It’s from an anonymous listener, and they write: ‘Dear voice behind the radio, I don’t really know how to write this but since you asked for questions I thought I would give you one. I think I like this guy. Like a lot more than I should. Thing is, he’s my friend. And more importantly, I don’t think I’m gay, and I’m almost positive that he’s not gay. So how can I like him? How am I supposed to go around pretending that I don’t like him, when I do? How can I go on living this lie?’ and it’s signed as Confused and Hopeless._ **

****

**_Well, Confused and Hopeless first thing I want to say to you is that you are not hopeless. No one is ever hopeless. Never. Okay, now that I have that out of the way, I want to assure you that what you’re feeling is perfectly normal, both the big gay freak out and the falling for your friend. And while both are pretty important things, they aren’t the ends of the world. There is nothing wrong with being gay, and nothing wrong with falling for your friend. I think what you have to do is really…um…this may sound incredibly stupid, but search your feelings. If you are going to make a move on your friend, I want you to be dead certain that they are worth it. And then I want you to tell someone. I think there’s value in opening up to someone, and besides, the second opinion never hurt anyone. For all you know, your friend could be the biggest closeted homosexual to ever exist. Never rule out any possibility. There is always something out there that can surprise you. And I was serious about the hopeless thing. Keep your chin up, kid. It will all work out. Now I want you to keep me updated okay? Because this kind of hit close to home and now I’m invested in your life. Not really sorry about it at all._ **

****

**_Now Mr. Confused and Hopeless, here is a song just for you. It’s called Hope for the Hopeless, like what I did there? And it’s by A Fine Frenzy. Let Alison Sudol’s sweet sweet voice comfort you. Let it envelop you in warmth and love. Listen to her words. There’s hope._ **


	8. Chapter 8

“Alright, Lou. Can you write all the names down?” Liam hopped off his kitchen counter and grabbed a pad of paper and pen from one of the drawers, which he threw at Louis who was sitting at the table.

 

“We have myself,” Louis announced as he scribbled his name down. “And then precious Harold” he wrote the next name. “Then Liam, Nialler, and our own Bradford Bad Boy.” He finished writing and began tearing the paper into strips so that the names were all separated. He folded them and tossed them into Niall’s hat.

 

Liam reached over Niall’s shoulder, who was sitting across from Louis at the round table and grabbed the hat. He reached in and opened one of the slips of paper. He then pulled out another one and opened it as well.

 

“Hey, that’s cheating!” Harry cried, looking up from his plate of eggs. “You can only pick one.”

 

“Yea, but both of these have Louis’ name on it.” Liam emptied the hat on the table and opened each of the slips. “They all have Louis’ name on them actually” He glowered at Louis who shrugged.

 

“Can’t blame me for trying.”

 

“Here, I’ll do it.” Zayn plopped down in one of the free chairs. He uncapped the pen and wrote all of their names down quickly. Niall was looking over his shoulder and gave a thumbs up to Liam once Zayn had finished.

 

“So, same rules as always then?” Louis asked while Zayn tore the paper into strips.

 

“We’re going to need to clarify for Zayn”

 

“And me, I always forget what we’re supposed to do.” Harry had pushed his chair back and was walking to put his dirty plate in the sink. “Are we doing just one big gift or a bunch of little gifts?”

 

Liam sighed and sat down in the spot between Niall and Harry.  They had the discussion every year about how they were going to run their secret Santa exchange and every year they picked one way, but would always say they wished they had chosen the other.

 

“We do a bunch of little gifts throughout the month of December.”

 

“And then we all get together right before break and we all go our separate ways and we exchange the last gift.”

 

Liam nodded at what Niall had added. “Right. The last gift is saved until the end. There’s no price limit” he looked to the others and Louis smiled, agreeing. “But we try to keep it as cheap as possible. I mean cheap silly gifts are always the best”

 

“So how do we get the things to our person?” Zayn finished putting the names into Niall’s hat and shook it up and down a bit. “I mean, we obviously can’t use each other to help or it’ll spoil the surprise.”

 

“We enlist our friends! Or in Liam’s case, the lovely secretaries since he hasn’t any other friends besides us.”

 

Liam did his best to ignore Louis’ jibe. “And we get them to leave them in our classes or wherever, really.”

 

“Bonus points for originality in the delivery”

 

“Yea, loads of bonus points.” Niall mimicked Harry.

 

“I guess I’ll go first?” Zayn reached his hand into Niall’s hat and drew a folded slip of paper. He passed it on to Louis before opening it under the table. Liam watched his expression to try and get any clues as to the name on the slip Zayn shoved hastily into his pocket. _Nothing_. Like always, Zayn was unreadable.

 

The hat reached Liam last and with his heart clenched he reached in and pulled out the last slip of paper: Niall. _Thank god._ Liam kept his face in check as he crumpled up the slip and shoved it into his pocket. _If I had Zayn…I don’t know what I would do. Good to know things can work out for once._

 

* * *

 

“This is exactly what I needed” Liam sighed into his cup of coffee.

 

Danielle giggled over her own cup. “I’m glad I could help!” She waved a hand at their surroundings. “This place is off the beaten path. It always helps me clear my head coming in here.”

 

“I can see why” The coffee shop was practically empty; Danielle was right when she said it was off the beaten path. The only other customer was an elderly man pouring over a newspaper in the back corner. The place was warm and cozy, the perfect escape from the early December chill. I’m going to need to remember this place.

 

“So what have you gotten for Niall so far?” Liam had filled her in on who he had for their secret Santa game before they had reached the coffee shop. He was going to try and enlist her into helping him deliver some of the gifts to his Irish friend.

 

“All I have so far is some new guitar strings and picks, and a gift card to Mike’s. But I don’t know what else I’m gonna do.”

 

“The gift card is a good choice”

 

“He does tend to wear his food shaped heart on his sleeve”

 

“That he does, that he does”

 

Danielle thought about what else Liam could get Niall as he observed their surroundings. It really was a nice coffee shop. How he hadn’t found it before was beyond him. It was the perfect place to think and relax and thankfully there were no annoying people from their school

 

“Oh my god, it’s fucking freezing” _as always, I speak too soon_

 

“Seriously! Can’t it be summer already? This is the opposite of cute”

 

Liam watched (and tried his best not to scowl at) the group of girls that walked up to the counter, not caring that their voices filled the entire establishment. He met the gaze of the man in the back, who looked as disgruntled as he felt.

 

“What if we went thrifting and got him some really funky vests or something.”

 

“That could work” Liam turned back around to take another sip from his coffee. Danielle’s smile lit up her face and Liam found himself smiling as well.

 

“Awesome! How many gifts do you guys usually get each other?”

 

“Usually three or four”

 

“Oh my god, did you hear what Alicia did at Becca’s party?” _you have got to be kidding me._

 

Liam put his head in his hands. “Leave already,” he mumbled.

 

“Just ignore them, they’ll leave soon enough.” Danielle squeezed his arm gently.

 

“No, what did she do?” The girls had gotten their drinks and were now just standing around taking their sweet, sweet time to leave.

 

“Apparently she hooked up with Zayn Malik.”

 

Liam’s head snapped up so fast he should have gotten whiplash. _What about Zayn?_ He twisted around to stare at the girls.

 

“No way. The Zayn Malik?”

 

“Apparently.”

 

“What is he doing with that dumb whore?”

 

“You did not just call her a dumb whore”

 

“What, it’s true,” they all laughed. Liam however, didn’t.

 

“Zayn Malik though. Mhmm, she did good. What I would do to get some of that ass.”

 

“Or run my fingers through his hair. Ugh, I don’t even think I can talk about it right now.” They all laughed again and finally left the coffee shop. _So I’m not alone in my pining._

 

“Well that was interesting”

 

Liam took a deep swig of his coffee, finishing it all in one go. “To say the least.”

 

“Zayn gets around, huh?”

 

“Not really any of my business”

 

“I thought you guys were friends?” Danielle finished her drink as well and pushed it to the center of the table they were sitting at.

 

“We are. But, I dunno. We don’t really discuss who we hook up with”

 

“Okay. “ Danielle didn’t press Liam anymore, for which he was more than thankful. Danielle seemed to understand when enough was enough. “What do you have planned for the rest of the day? You want to just hit up the thrift store now?”

 

Liam stood up from the table, grabbing his and Danielle’s empty cups to throw away. “Yea sounds good. Let’s roll”

 

She followed him out to the car and didn’t press him as he remained silent. Liam was lost in his thoughts, the laughter of those stupid girls echoing in his mind. He didn’t care whom Zayn hooked up with, he really didn’t. _Okay, I do. I care a lot about who he hooks up with. I want him to hook up with me. I want him to kiss me. I want him to want me like I’m in some sort of Cheap Trick song. I shouldn’t care this much that he’s apparently hooking up with Alicia or whoever. Zayn’s allowed to fuck whoever he wants to fuck. Good for him. At least he’s getting some. Just sucks…just sucks that it’s not me._

 

* * *

Liam’s first secret Santa gift arrived in the form of a scantily clad cheerleader during his environmental science class. Technically it was more like before the class began, but the shame Liam felt as she waltzed through the door right up to his desk was as strong as if she had interrupted the lecture itself. Liam tried his best to ignore the curious glances and stares from his classmates as he pulled the red tissue paper out of the bag shaped like a Christmas tree. Usually they gave each other gag gifts, things like fake lottery tickets or a cheesy Jesus action figure (which Liam still had on his desk thanks to Louis a year previous).  However the gift he pulled out wasn’t cheesy or goofy in the slightest; well, the black moleskin notebook wasn’t goofy, but the neon gel pens were more on the lighthearted side. Liam checked to see if there was anything else in the bag, but the notebook and pens were it. As the class went on and he took his notes in an obnoxiously bright orange rather than his usual black, Liam pondered whom his secret Santa could be. He also praised whoever it was, seeing as his red moleskin was almost filled with his innermost secrets and desires. It was like they read his mind, whoever they were.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Liam! Wait up! Yea, hang on Ed, I’ll be there in a sec.”

 

Liam didn’t even need to turn around to know that it was Zayn chasing him down the hallway at the end of the day. _I don’t think I could forget his voice if I wanted to._ “What’s up?” He turned, a fake smile planted on his face. _I’m really not feeling up for our whole song and dance today, can we please just stop this so I can keep on pretending that I don’t have feelings for you?_ “Do you need a ride after all?”

 

“Oh, no. I’m still helping Ed and them out with their English project. I just wanted to talk real quick.”

 

“About what?” Liam snapped. _I don’t even care anymore_.

 

“Didn’t know I needed a specific reason to talk to one of my best mates” Zayn sapped right back. His body language- arms crossed, feet planted, eyes set in determination- revealed all that his tone didn’t, which wasn’t a lot.

 

“Look, Zayn. I’m tired; it’s the end of the day, and I really just want to get home.” Liam jerked his head in the direction of the hallway leading to the parking lot. Zayn looked him over for a moment and Liam’s eyes fell to the ground. People were pushing past them, oblivious to the tension between the two friends. Life kept rolling on and on, but for the two teenagers time was frozen. Nothing else mattered but the other standing right in front of them.

 

“What’s your deal?”

 

“My deal?”

 

“Yea, your deal.” Zayn repeated. “What did I do?”

 

“I dunno what you’re talking about.” Liam shrugged.

 

“Yea, you do. You’ve been acting weird towards me for the past week and it’s shit.” Zayn spoke quickly. His words tumbled out in one breath that it seemed he had been holding in for ages.

 

Liam gasped, then tried his best to cover it up with a cough. Somehow he knew that Zayn didn’t buy his bullshit. “Just been stressed is all” he spoke once his throat was clear. “What with college apps and classes and I don’t know” his voice faded away, and even he could tell what a bullshit excuse he was giving. “I’ve been a prick to everyone, not just you”

 

Zayn didn’t seem convinced, but let his arms fall to his sides. Tension dissipated almost immediately and Liam found himself breathing easier than he had been moments before.

 

“Well…don’t hold it all in. You shouldn’t do that.” Liam nodded fervently. He knew this, and yet here he was keeping his secret locked tighter than he ever had before.

“I’m here if you ever want to talk, and I mean that, Liam”

 

Liam told himself that Zayn was just saying his name for emphasis, but deep down he dreamed it was because Zayn liked saying Liam’s name, or that Zayn knew just how much Liam liked hearing Zayn say his name.

 

“Yea, thanks” his smile felt even more fake as he watched Zayn walk away. _He can tell something’s wrong, and the others can’t. They’ve known me for years and they can’t even tell I’ve been upset_.

 

* * *

 

Liam’s second secret Santa gift had him bursting out laughing during the middle of his music theory class when his teacher, Mr. Cowell, handed it to him. His classmates whipped their heads around to see what it was that made the quiet kid in the back of the corner loose his cool but Mr. Cowell called them all back to attention and began reprimanding them for their inability to differentiate between whole and half steps by ear yet. Liam knew his teacher wouldn’t mind his outburst, in fact Liam was Mr. Cowell’s brightest student and Liam knew he was the most musically adept student in the class. That was why Liam felt no shame whatsoever in pulling out the two toys his secret Santa had gotten him: a Buzz Light Year that lit up and a Woody doll that actually talked. They were child’s toys but Liam felt like they were the best gifts ever. Toy Story, for some wild reason, was one of his favorite movies and now he had two new members to add to his not so creepy shrine dedicated to the Pixar movie. After playing around with Woody’s removable hat for a while and testing out Buzz’s wings, Liam shoved the toys back into the gift bag and thanked whatever was in control of it all, be it fate or god, for giving him such good friends.

 

* * *

 

“Why have you been all weird towards Zayn?”

 

“What?” Liam looked up from his government notes to look at Harry who was perched on Liam’s bed.

 

“Louis said something about Zayn saying you’ve been acting all weird towards him or something”

 

Liam sighed and his homework was left forgotten as he twisted in his seat to look at Harry. _Are we really back to this? I thought I cleared this up with Zayn last week._ “Nothing is up. I don’t know what Zayn’s problem is. I’ve just been stressed.”

 

“No, no you haven’t. I know how you get when you’re stressed, and you haven’t been that stressed.” Harry threw a pencil at Liam’s face though he missed entirely and it landed on the floor about three feet to Liam’s left. “So why have you been acting weird?”

 

“I haven’t been acting weird!”

 

“Then why’re you defensive about it?”

 

“I’m not being defensive!”

 

Harry’s eyebrows rose. “Really? This,” his pointer finger wiggled in Liam’s direction.  “Is what you call not being defensive? And I thought you were smart.”

 

“Seriously, I have no idea what you or Louis or Zayn think is going on. Maybe Zayn is just reading too much into things. I don’t have to spend every single second with someone to be their friend. Distance is a good thing, you know.”

 

Harry got up to get his pencil from the floor. He flicked Liam in the ear. “Something is up, and I know that. We all know that. Try to deny it as much as you want, we won’t listen. We just want to know that you’re not going to explode from keeping it all in or anything.”

 

“Trust me, keeping it in is no problem” _this isn’t the kind of thing you let out into the open. Unrequited love is best kept secret._

 

“Why don’t you want to talk about it, whatever it is?”

 

“Because there’s nothing to talk about.”

 

“Fine.” Harry gave in. “There’s nothing to talk about. You and Zayn are just fine and you don’t secretly hate him or anything, he’s just being paranoid.” _Zayn thinks I hate him? Maybe it would be easier if I did hate him. I could never hate him though… he’s too…perfect. But if he hated me…now that would be a different story… if he hated me, well, you can’t like someone that hates you…right?_

 

“You finish that amendments worksheet? I need the answer to number 8.” Harry handed him the worksheet with a shake of the head.

 

“You’re lucky we all love you as much as we do”

 

“Thanks.” _Except they don’t all love me. Zayn doesn’t love me. He’ll never love me._

 

* * *

 

“Oh Liam, darling! This was left for you right after you left to go take those passes to Mr. Clemmons.” Liam looked up to see the youngest secretary holding a small package, brightly wrapped with a bow on it. “Such a sweet young man too, he had the nicest smile.” Liam smiled more than he had all week. He knew who his secret Santa was. Only Harry would make such an impression on the secretaries, the massive flirt he was.

 

“Oh, thank you!” He accepted the gift and tore open the bright green wrapping. It was a mix cd with the simple title, Liam, scrawled on the cd in girly handwriting. He opened up he case and took out the small scrap of paper shoved inside. It wasn’t a track listing, instead a note typed up. It told Liam that they hoped he liked their music choice and they put songs on there that they listened to whenever they needed a bit of a boost, since it seemed like Liam was in the need of a boost. Liam slipped the note back into the cd case and shoved it into one of the slots in his backpack sitting on the ground by the main counter.

 

He turned to talk to one of the secretaries and tried his best to contain his excitement about his third secret Santa gift. He wanted to run out to his car and start listening but knew that the anticipation would add to the surprise. He could wait a few more periods, it wouldn’t be that hard; it would certainly give him something to look forward to during seventh period when he had to try his best that he was perfectly fine sitting by Zayn, when he had to pretend that he didn’t have the world’s most massive crush on the stupid boy. Liam was distancing himself from his crush, the idea that if Liam were able to make Zayn hate him then his crush on him would go away. _It’s logic, really. Just wish logic didn’t hurt this fucking much._

 

* * *

 

“We’re only going to stay a minute or so. I just need to make an appearance and talk to Rebecca.”

 

“Sounds good.” Liam pushed Danielle forward by the small of her back. The party was loud and crowded. The music was unbearable but at least they weren’t staying long.

 

It was some dance team Christmas party that Danielle had convinced him into going to. It seemed like everyone who was anyone was there, dressed in his or her tackiest Christmas sweaters and wearing silly Santa hats. There were body shots being taken in the kitchen and apparently a game of strip poker in the basement. It was definitely not Liam’s type of party. But Danielle had asked and of course Liam obliged. Liam always obliged.

 

“You going to be okay here?” Danielle leaned into his shoulder. He only realized that she’d left his side for a moment when she returned. “I need to do some damage control. Apparently someone is making out with Rebecca’s best friend and Rebecca is pissed because she had ‘dibs’”

 

“That’s terrible” _who is Rebecca again?_

 

“Yea, and from the sounds of it your friend Zayn is somehow involved.”

 

“Zayn’s here?” Liam twisted around in panic. _Of course Zayn would be here. Of course. Just my luck._

 

“And he’s fucking everything up.” Tell me about it “So I’ll be right back. Try to be social, my friends won’t bite” she kissed him on the cheek and disappeared in the crowd.

 

Time crawled. It slowed to what felt like a complete stop. Each ticking second felt like an hour. Each awkward conversation felt like the end of the world. Normally Liam could put on a happy face and get through the party no problem. But Zayn was here and Liam couldn’t focus on anything else. He found himself sitting on the couch, squeezed between a couple making out and some wasted football player telling him about how if they had just made one play then they would have gone to states. His eyes were constantly roaming his surroundings; no one entered or left the room without him noticing. _It’s going to happen, I’m going to see Zayn. It’s going to happen, it’s just a matter of when_.

 

“Liam!” _thank the lord_

 

“Over here, Danielle”

 

“I brought Zayn! We’re like best friends now. The thing with Rebecca was all a misunderstanding.” Danielle’s drunken giggle filled Liam with dread. It was a black sludge filling his lungs, suffocating him from within. The two walked around to the front of the couch and Liam smiled up at them. _And this is where I’m going to die._

 

“Liam!” _he looks sofuckingcute in that sweater. No one should look that good in a Christmas sweater. This is absolute torture._

 

“Zayn!” he took on Zayn’s cheery tone. _It’s like we don’t know each other, the way he’s talking. How easier would it all be if we didn’t know each other?_

 

“Danielle!” Danielle giggled, throwing in her name just to join the fun. “Oh, Liam. This party is the absolute best,” Liam gasped as she collapsed onto his lap, knocking the air out of him. Zayn glared at the football player until he moved. Zayn smiled, such a little victory, and took his rightful place next to Liam. “You know that Zayn and I are friends now? “Cause we are, aren’t we Zayn? Best friends”

 

“Best friends” Zayn rolled his eyes at Liam, the corners of his mouth twitching as he tried not to smile.

 

“So I have no problems sticking up for my new best friend and asking why you’ve been avoiding him, Li.” Danielle’s arms snuck around Liam’s neck. He felt like he was being choked.

 

“I haven’t?”

 

Zayn shook his head apologetically. “She’s talking nonsense.”

 

“No I’m not! You said that Liam’s been avoiding you and I want to know why” she pouted which is _not a good look on her, at all._

 

“Danielle, how about you go get something to drink” Liam pushed Danielle up off his lap.

 

“Oh, drinks!”

 

“I was referring the non-alcoholic kind.”

 

“Oh, boo” her lower lip suck out further, but she followed Liam’s orders and wandered into the kitchen, her voice calling out for a bottle of water. And with that Liam was left alone with Zayn. Well, not really alone. The living room was crowded with other drunken hormonal teenagers.

 

“How about we go get some air” Zayn stood up and Liam followed. Of course Liam followed; he would always follow Zayn even if it meant his impending doom, which in this situation, it did.

 

“Didn’t know how hot it was in there” Liam joked when they found themselves alone on Rebecca’s back porch.

 

“Mmm” Zayn agreed with a low hum, deep in the back of his throat. God, that was hot.

 

“Nice night isn’t it? You can really see the stars. I think that’s Orion’s belt up there,” he pointed up at the sky. _Sure, I’m babbling and making small talk. Whatever it takes._

 

“Liam”

 

“You know something cool about stars? We’re actually seeing them how they were millions of years ago”

 

“Liam”

 

“It’s because of how light travels. It takes so long to reach us, we’re looking into the past”

 

“Liam”

 

“So when we send telescopes and stuff out into space they’re like traveling through time”

 

“Liam, serio-“

 

“And did you know that the universe is actually expanding? We know this because they-“ Liam finally stopped talking when Zayn reached out and smacked Liam across the face. Hard.

 

“Liam, shut the hell up.”

 

“Did you just hit me?”

 

“Only to get you to-”

 

“You just hit me”

 

“Like I was saying, only to-” And Liam punched Zayn in the shoulder as hard as he could. And after starting to go to the gym regularly and get back into boxing, was pretty damn hard. “What the fuck was that for?” Zayn gasped.

 

“For hitting me!” _Didn’t hurt that much…more my pride than anything else. But still._

 

“You’re a dick!” Zayn stared at him incredulously while rubbing his shoulder. Liam did his best to not focus on Zayn’s soft lips that were starting to chap in the bitter winter air. _I could kiss them better, no need for chapstick or anything._ “Did you know that Liam? You’re a dick” Zayn’s words stung more than Liam’s face.

 

“And where did this come from?”

 

“You bloody know where. You’ve been acting all weird around me-don’t even try to deny it- and I can’t take it anymore. I just want to know what I did wrong but you don’t know how to talk”

 

“Except you just hit me in the jaw for talking”

 

“Then you don’t know how to talk about things that matter. That star shit is plenty cool, but I really just want to go back to how things were.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. And you’re drunk…so neither do you”

 

Zayn laughed mercilessly. It unnerved Liam and _damn this shouldn’t turn me on as much as it does._ “Yes you do. How many times do I need to say that? You can’t just act aloof all the time, Liam. I know you. Just tell me what I did. And I’m not drunk…at least not drunk enough to make me forget this ever happened”

 

“It’s not you”

 

“Bullshit”

 

“Seriously, Zayn. It’s not you it’s me. I’ve been going through shit and I’ve been taking it all out on you. Yea, I’ve been a dick but I guess that’s just who I am. Sorry you’re just now realizing this.”  
 

They could hear the party still raging away inside. Here they were in their own little world. They could run off and no one would ever know. They could start fighting and no one would be able to tell the difference. They could _start making out. No, I can’t think like that. Not now._ Zayn was still rubbing his shoulder and Liam felt more shame than he had in a long time. He could pack a mighty right hook when he wanted to.

 

Zayn looked like he wanted to say something, like he knew that Liam was still hiding something. _Please, just accept it and hate me. It will make everything so much easier, more bearable. It’s going to kill me; god, it’s going to absolutely destroy me. But I need you to hate me. We can just revert to the way we were before we got close. No more late night drives. No more hair hockey or FIFA. No more you and me. That’s what’s best. It’s what needs to happen. I can’t love…I can’t like someone who hates me._

 

“You might want to get some ice for that, it’ll probably start bruising soon.” Liam turned back to walk inside. It was way beyond time to get Danielle home.

 

His hand was on the door to go back inside when Zayn spoke from behind him, “What did I do, Liam?” Liam turned to see Zayn standing against the railing around the porch, still massaging his shoulder. _God, this is breaking my heart. I hate myself_. Zayn looked so vulnerable, so breakable. Liam wanted to cross the few feet separating them and press his lips against Zayn’s and forget everything else in the world. If he could kiss Zayn nothing else would matter. Liam wanted to tell Zayn that it was going to be okay, to wrap him up in his arms and never let him go. Liam could see tears welling up in Zayn’s eyes. He blamed it on the wind.

 

“I’m sorry.” Liam mumbled to the ground. He knew Zayn had heard him, but he needed to say it again. He needed to shout it from the rooftops and proclaim it to the world. “Sorry I’m such an asshole” and he pulled the door to reality open, leaving Zayn out in the night air alone.

 

* * *

**(from Zayn Malik 3:26)  
I kno u liam n ur not a dik. Its not who u r **

**(from Zayn Malik 3:29)  
ur bttr than u think u r xxxxxxxxxxx**

**(from Zayn Malik 3:30)  
n dump dnielle **

**(from Zayn Malik 3:31)  
u dnt lke her as mch as she lks u **

**(from Zayn Malik 3:33)  
spare her the pain xxx**

 

* * *

 

The secret Santa reveal wasn’t as big of a thing as it usually was. It was hastily put together and rushed: Zayn had some group project he had to finish, Harry had plans to hang out with Gemma, Louis had some drama monologue to memorize, and Niall was just plain busy. They all met together at Mikes after school on the last Tuesday before winter break and traded their last gifts.

 

Harry had Zayn

 

Louis had Harry

 

Liam had Niall

 

Niall had Louis

 

And Zayn had Liam.

 

Liam flipped through the book Zayn had given him as his final secret Santa present: a collection of Dostoyevsky’s short stories. On the inside was a sticky note, telling him that once he read it maybe they could finally have that lengthy discussion. Liam had been too embarrassed to look up and thank Zayn. (That’s a lie. He sucked it up and gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder as thanks.)

 

Zayn left shortly after, his coloring books that Harry gave him shoved under his arm. Then Niall. Then Louis. Then it was just Harry and Liam sitting at the table.

 

“You’re kind of a dick, you know that?”

 

Liam didn’t even look up before replying. “I don’t mean to be. I really don’t.”

 

“Then open your eyes and fucking see what’s right in front of you.” Harry picked up the book and waved it in Liam’s face. “He’s just trying to be your friend and you’re shutting him down at every turn. “

 

Liam ate a handful of French fries. _Is this really the best way to be doing things? Have I just fucked it all up instead of making it easier on me? I’m such a selfish bastard._

 

* * *

 

((ZAYN’S POINT OF VIEW))

 

“Isn’t it mad how December has just flown by?” Louis passed Zayn the joint they were smoking.

 

“Tell me about it”

 

“It feels like just yesterday we were all skinny dipping in Niall’s pool after Thanksgiving”

 

“Except only you and Harry actually stripped” Zayn had to point out.

 

Louis just shrugged and grabbed the joint back from Zayn’s fingers before Zayn had a chance to take a drag. “Whatever. The month has gone by way too fast” he took a deep breath then exhaled, the smoke circling around in front of his face. “Wish I knew some cool tricks. Like Gandalf”

 

“Yeah, that would really get Harry to snog you”

 

“Can we…not talk about him right now?”

 

Zayn leaned back on his elbows. His roof was his favorite part of his new house; he could just climb right out his window and be on top of the world, literally. Falling down the two stories wouldn’t hurt all that much but it still gave him chills looking down the side of the house. The shingles were rough against his skin and he wished that he had grabbed a jacket before following Louis out the window.

 

“Why not? Thought he was your favorite subject”

 

“He is. But…god, I don’t know.” Louis was dramatic in everything he did. His arms flailed all over the place. He was a constant blur. While Zayn knew where others were, their lines constant and expected, Louis was an abstract painting. He was everywhere and anywhere all at once. Zayn loved that about his close friend, but he also hated it. Sometimes he just wanted a straightforward answer from Louis, a simple yes or no.

 

“You have a day to get these feelings situated mate. Don’t you leave with him for vacation on Monday?”

 

“Yea, and I think I’m going to be sick”

 

“And why would that be?” Zayn took the joint back.

 

“Because…because I think I love him?”

 

Zayn blew out smoke slowly before answering. “You love him?” _This is big_

 

“I think so. I mean, it may be the weed talking, but I just… I just feel for him so strongly. And I just want him to feel the same”

 

Zayn inhaled deeply, letting the smoke fill his lungs. _Fuck Liam. He doesn’t care what I think, so I’m going to stop caring about him. Well, I can’t stop caring about him…but whatever. I have to do this._ “He likes you”

 

“Hmm?” Louis had seemed to doze off in the moments it took for Zayn to respond. “What was that?” He propped himself up on one elbow and stared at Zayn, his eyes wide.

 

“Harry. He likes you.” _Sorry, Liam._

 

“Ha. I wish”

 

“Louis, I’m serious”

 

“And I’m serious. I wish he did. Could you imagine how perfect everything would be if he liked me back?”

 

“But he does.”

 

“No, he doesn’t. I would know”

 

“Harry likes you. Liam told me himself”

 

That brought Louis’ protests to a halt. “Liam told you?”

 

“Yea. Back when…back when he was actually talking to me.”

 

“Liam told you Harry likes me”

 

“About as much as you like him.”

 

“Swear on your life”

 

“I swear” Zayn raised his right hand in salute. Zayn was actually taken aback when Louis started to giggle. Not just giggle, cackle. Laughter echoed from deep inside Louis so loudly that Zayn was afraid that the neighbors were going to hear.

 

“Harry likes me?” Louis finally managed to wheeze

 

“Yes, Harry likes you.”

 

Louis brought his hands to his mouth. “Harry likes me. Oh my god, Harry likes me”

 

Zayn smiled as he watched Louis’ inner breakdown unfold. _This should have happened ages ago. But no, I have to listen to what Liam says. God, the perfect bastard. I’ll do whatever he says. I need to learn to stick up for myself. I need to learn how not to fall for people that are going to screw me over._

 

Louis didn’t ask how long Zayn had known and he didn’t really feel like telling him that he kept the secret for almost a month. _It would cause too much unnecessary drama. We have enough shit to deal with right now._

 

“This changes everything,” Louis sounded like some preteen girl, his hands still clasped tightly together. “Absolutely everything”

 

“Glad I could help” It wasn’t a lie. Zayn was pleased he could finally bring some life into Louis’ eyes. December had been hard for all of them, what with college applications and everything. Life in general seemed to be going wrong at the moment. Any bit of happiness he could provide was well worth it.

 

“Zayn, how can I make this up to you? I am forever in your debt” Louis pulled him close for a hug. He snuggled into the crook of Zayn’s shoulder. “What do you need? Just lay it all on me.”

 

“Liam.”

 

Louis’ head popped straight up. “Excuse me?”

 

_Shit shit shit shit shit._ “I mean, I want to know what’s up with Liam.”

 

“I thought you talked to him about that?”

 

“I did. I mean I tried. I did the best I could. But…”

 

“But Liam is Liam.”

 

“Exactly”

 

Louis clapped Zayn on the back. “Look, you need to know some things about Liam. Since you’re new”

 

“I wouldn’t call myself new anymore”

 

“Hey, my turn to talk. Now. You need to know some things about Liam. First off, he keeps to himself.”

 

“But he’s always wi-”

 

“Us three, well now four including you, are the only friends he has. No, let me rephrase that. Liam has friends. He has loads of friends he just doesn’t realize it. We’re the only friends he accepts as friends. We’re the only ones he thinks he deserves. You see, Liam has some issues. Harry would know more than me, but basically he tends to cave in on himself. He acts all big and strong when he’s around other people but apparently he has a hard time opening up to people. Hence, the thinking he only has four friends”

 

“But I don’t think he would consider me a friend” It was as if Zayn was finally understanding his situation. He liked Liam more than Liam would ever like him. He had smothered Liam, given too much of himself to the other boy. _It’s all my fault. It’s always my fault_.

  
“Don’t say that! Liam loves you; he’s just being a prick for whatever reason. Ya’know, we were all surprised at how quickly he latched on to you. You were the first person outside of our little group that he opened up to. That means something, Zayn.” Zayn didn’t know what to think. Sure, the guys had told him this repeatedly in the past month while doing their best to assure him that Liam wasn’t ignoring him. 

“You just need to give him time. Let him figure out whatever he’s going through. You can’t push him, you have to let him come to terms with things on his own.“ Louis reassured him.

 

“But I can’t just let it go, Lou” Zayn thought back to how the Talbert Tales host had answered his anonymous question a few weeks back. Something about their being value in opening up to someone. He didn’t think that his question was going to get answered, let alone be the only one answered. But it was, and like always the voice slipping through his headphones gave him more comfort than he ever thought possible. _Well, here goes nothing._ “Can I tell you something?”

 

“Random transition, but sure. Lay it on me.” _That’s what I love about Louis, he goes with the flow._

 

Zayn took a deep breath before letting the words fall out of his mouth. “I think I like someone.”

 

“Okay?” Louis didn’t seem to understand where Zayn was going.

 

“And I…I shouldn’t like him.”

 

“Him?”

 

“Him.”

 

* * *

 

**_Alright guys, this is going to be my last post for a while. Obviously I’m not going to make a podcast on fucking Christmas, wait… I probably shouldn’t curse in the same sentence as a religious holiday. Umm… sorry Jesus. Happy birthday._ **

****

**_But like I was saying, this is going to be the last you guys will hear from me in a while. I hope you don’t miss my voice too much. Aw, who am I kidding, none of you really care about my voice or what I say. You just keep listening to keep up on your street cred and to see when your most hated teacher finally gets fired. Which, may actually be in the works. I’m not saying any names, but someone isn’t getting a Christmas bonus this year._ **

****

**_The last song I’m going to play for you is for my man Confused and Hoping. I know I didn’t actually talk about your reply in this, but trust me. I read it and I will reply to it online. Basically, I understand what you’re going through. I’m sure he doesn’t really hate you; you seem like a really nice guy. But, like your friend said, you need to give this guy some time. Everyone handles things differently. You don’t know what he’s going through. Just give him the benefit of the doubt to be safe. Well, I guess I did answer you on air then. I just can’t be tamed. Okay. But this song goes out to you, and to me because I’m seriously in the same situation right now. It’s a mashup of I Can’t Make You Love Me and Nick of Time by one of my favorites, Bon Iver. Hope you guys enjoy it, as well as your holiday. Spend lots of time with your family, sing Christmas carols, spin the dreidel thing and light the menorah if you happen to be Jewish. Make the best out of the winter season. I’ll be back to help you ring in the New Year. Now, listen to Bon Iver and cry. I love you all. And Merry Christmas, or whatever holiday you celebrate._ **


	9. Chapter 9

It was the Friday before New Years eve and Liam was doing his upmost best to not think about Zayn; however, the thing he’d chosen to occupy his time was doing more harm than good. His fingers curled around the pages of the book that Zayn had given to him. His heart was fluttering with each and every word. He was enamored with the story.

 

_“Why don’t we say straight out what’s in our hearts, if we know that our words will not be spoken in vain? As it is, everyone seems to look as though he were much harder than he really is. It is as though we were all afraid that our feelings would be hurt if we revealed them too soon.”_

 

He highlighted the passage in _White Nights_ and then tossed the book onto the floor in desperation. There were too many lines in the book of short stories that made Liam want to curl up in a ball and cry because he’d finally found someone that understood him.

 

Winter break had been good for Liam. It had given him the chance to truly be by himself and think about things-most of which revolved around tattooed arms and black hair and eyes that seemed to know every little thing about Liam. Fact of the matter was that Liam’s little infatuation with Zayn wasn’t going to go away, and the whole ‘make Zayn hate me so it’s easier for me not to like him’ plan was a terrible mistake. The worst plan Liam had ever come up with; even Harry’s disastrous plans ended up better. Liam felt gutted whenever he thought of just how much he had fucked the whole thing up, because he had. He’d fucked up his friendship with Zayn and now _there’s no hope. Zayn probably thinks I’m some sort of freak now. I don’t want him to think I’m a freak. I just want him to understand… But Zayn can’t understand._

 

The opening to Lies by Marina and the Diamonds started playing from his laptop perched upon his pillow and Liam actually yelled “no” to his empty room. He quickly rolled around on his bed and pulled his laptop closer so he could change the song. _I do not need this right now._ He scrolled for a minute and clicked Freaks and Geeks by Childish Gambino. _There we go, much more upbeat._

 

He lay back down and stared up at his ceiling. _Zayn Zayn Zayn Zayn. I need to find some way of apologizing. There has to be something that I can do to make him forgive me for being such a complete and utter asshole. I can’t… knowing that he’s upset with me is eating me away. Why would I ever think that him hating me was the best thing? What, am I in some sort of fucking soap opera?_

 

The second verse picked up and Liam was filled with the urge to go and do something. He’d been cooped up inside for too long. Having a lie in every now and then was more than welcomed, but Liam was getting antsy from all of the nothingness. He got up from his bed and grabbed his running clothes from off the floor, rapping along with the music under his breath as he changed quickly. _A run will help me clear my head. Yea, a run will make everything better_.

 

Liam’s run led him to Harry’s house, almost five miles away from his own house. He was sweating, about to pass out, and feeling on top of the world. It had been absolute ages since he’d gone on a run, and he couldn’t seem to remember why. Every muscle seemed to be on fire and Liam loved it.

 

He walked up Harry’s drive and rang the doorbell, bouncing from foot to foot as he waited for someone to answer the door. The thought suddenly occurred to him that he didn’t have anything to talk to Harry about, he just sort of ended up at his best friend’s house. Just as he started to turn and walk away he heard the door open behind him.

 

“Liam?” He turned to see Harry’s sister in the doorway.

 

“Gemma!”

 

“Liam, how are you? Come on in.” she stepped back into the house and opened the door wider for him. He stepped through with a smile.

 

“I’m doing just great, how’re you?”

 

“Oh you know, just visiting the family. I leave back for uni on Monday.” Gemma shut the door behind Liam and started heading in towards where the kitchen and living room where.

 

“Things going well?”

 

“Really well actually,” she talked over her shoulder. “I think I made the right choice to go to school back home. But don’t tell Harry that, it’ll give him the idea that he can do it too”

 

“Don’t tell me what?” Harry peered down at them from the second landing. He was practically leaning over the railing that looked over the open kitchen. “Hey, Li. What’s up?”

 

“I was just going for a run and thought I’d stop by.” Liam shrugged. Harry disappeared, and Liam turned his attention back to Gemma. “I’m glad you’re liking it.”

 

“Me too. I really fell in love with the place, and ugh” she plopped down in one of the stools lined around the kitchen counter. “I’m just really happy.”

 

“Except she’s not happy since she doesn’t have me around to make her life hell” Harry waltzed into the room and pulled Gemma’s hair. She shoved him playfully in the arm.

 

“Piss off, Harry. Not everything revolves around you.”

 

“Please. Have you met me?” Harry scoffed. “Liam, back me up.”

 

“No need to get me involved.”

 

“You know Liam would side with me, he’s the sensible one after all.”

 

“Oh, whatever.” Harry sat down in the stool besides Gemma.

 

“Okay. I’m going back up to my room. Nice seeing you, Liam!” She pulled Liam into a quick hug, before squealing, “Oh god, you’re really sweaty.” She crinkled her nose in disgust.

 

“Yea, sorry about that.”

 

“S’fine. Just… ew.” Gemma gagged and then retreated back into the hallway that led to the upstairs.

 

“Did you run here?” Harry was taking in Liam’s appearance.

 

Liam took Gemma’s empty stool. “Yea. Just felt like getting some energy out.”

 

“So you exercise? Gross. That’s what wanking’s for”

 

“One can only do that so much.”

 

“You would know”

 

“I hate you, d’you know that?”

 

Harry cackled. “Yea, I figured. It’s nice of you to finally drop by though. I’ve been meaning to tell you something.” His voice had taken a more serious tone.

 

“You only got back yesterday” Liam pointed out.

 

Harry just waved the fact off. “Whatever. Look, so I feel like you should be the first to know, but…” he paused and took a deep breath. _Oh god, this must be something serious._ “Louis and I…” _no way_ “Louis and I are together.”

 

“Together together?”

 

“As in we had plenty of steamy sex and make out sessions and we want to make it facebook official and everything together.”

 

“More information than I needed to know, but this is brilliant!” Liam pulled Harry in for a hug and ruffled his hair. “Seriously, this is amazing.” He let Harry go and punched him on the shoulder (not as lightly as he should have, but Harry deserved it for waiting so long to tell him).

 

Harry was blushing furiously. “Thanks. It all kind of happened at once, I don’t even know just one second we were out on the back deck of the ski lodge in the snow and I was taking a sip of hot chocolate and then he was kissing me and wow…” he trailed off as he relived the moment. “Worth the wait, man”

 

“Please tell me you aren’t pranking me right now. Where’s Ashton?” Liam twisted around in his chair. Harry pushed him in the arm, sending Liam off of his stool. “Ow!”

 

“Stop being a twat. You know I wouldn’t joke about this.”

 

“I’m just so happy for you, Harry.” Liam got to his feet and got back on his stool. “I don’t think you understand how happy I am.”

 

“Oh, trust me. I know way more than you.” Harry’s eyes glazed over and Liam felt his heart constrict. _It actually happened. Harry and Louis are finally HarryandLouis. Good things actually do happen. Things actually do work out. Oh god, this is so cute I want to vomit rainbows or something. Love’s such a good look on him._

 

Liam got up to go get a glass of water. It was as if he was just realizing how far he had run and how tired his body was. “Where is he?”

 

“Lou?”

 

“Yea. Can’t imagine you could stand to be separated for too long after making it official.”

 

“He had to take his sisters to the dentist. He’s coming over later though” He winked at Liam who nearly choked on his water.

 

“Okay. I love you, but I don’t need to know about your sex life”

 

“I didn’t say anything”

 

“The wink said it all”

 

“You just need to get your mind out of the gutter.”

 

“Please, you’re one to talk. You practically live in the gutter.”

 

“And I revel in my King of the gutter status.” Harry laughed. “So why’re you here?”

 

  
Liam shrugged. “Dunno. I felt like going for a run and then I ended up at your doorstep.”

 

“How utterly romantic!” Harry pretended to swoon into a faint.

 

“Lou’s rubbing off on you. You’re getting too dramatic.”

 

“You know you love it.”

 

“Sure, whatever.”

 

“Hey! What’re you doing for New Years?”

 

“Oh,” Liam hadn’t actually thought of doing anything for the holiday. Normally he just sat in his room while the world around him rang in the New Year. “Probably nothing. Mum and Dad have gone to L.A for a few days so I’ll have the house to myself” Harry glowered at him. “What? What did I do?”

 

“You have the house to yourself for New Years and you didn’t tell me?” Harry was apparently deeply offended.

 

“I didn’t think you needed to know?”  
 

“Of course I need to know! This is excellent news! Louis and I were going to throw a party but neither of our houses worked but since you have a huge empty house all to your lonesome we can have it at yours!”

 

“Um, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

 

“And why not?”

 

“Well no one would come to a party that I threw first of all, and secondly-”

 

“We’re already working on the guest list. People will be there, no worries.”

 

“And secondly I don’t even know how to throw a party.”

 

“It’s simple. All we need is food, alcohol, music, and people.”

 

“How’re we supposed to get the alcohol?” Liam was trying to shut Harry down, but he could tell it wasn’t going to work. Harry’s green eyes were starting to light up from excitement. He could feel his own sinking into darkness from dread.

 

“Gemma said she would take care of it”

 

“I said I’d take care of what?” Gemma had returned to the kitchen to refill her mug of tea.

 

“You’re getting booze for us for the party Liam’s throwing tomorrow.”

 

Gemma’s eyes lit up and danced just like Harry’s. “You’re throwing a party, Liam? I never thought I would see the day.”

 

“Well I haven’t exactly said yes,”

 

“I’m going to go call Louis and let him know to change the address to yours.” Harry clambered off his stool and began walking away.

 

“I haven’t said yes yet!” Liam called to Harry’s back.

 

“Yet!” Harry called back before disappearing completely. Liam sighed and stared at the glass of water clenched in his hands.

 

“Don’t worry, it’s just a party.” Gemma leaned across the counter to pat him on the arm. “You want some tea?”

 

Liam nodded. “Yea. I just…”

 

Gemma laughed. “Don’t worry. I know you, Liam.” She rummaged around in the cabinets for another mug.

 

“Gemma…” Liam started but then trailed off, his weak voice failing him.

 

“Yeah?” she glanced at him over her shoulder. “Got something on your mind?” She set a mug for Liam down on the counter and turned to face him.

 

“I think.”

 

“You think?”

 

“Aha, sorry. Yes, I have something on my mind”

 

“No, don’t apologize. You can talk to me about anything, you’re like another little brother to me.”

 

“Well, I mean…” 

 

“You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to. Just if you need to,” she wrinkled her nose. “But you look like you got something on your chest. And like you should take a shower, but that’s less important.”

 

“Okay.” Liam took a deep breath. “So I need to find a way to apologize to my friend and I don’t know what to do because I treated him like crap and I’m a terrible person and I just want him to forgive me and none of the other guys know how bad I feel and I don’t think I can tell them, because yea everyone fucks up but I feel really, really bad about how I treated this guy, Gemma. And I just need to find a way to make it up to him and I don’t know if I can throw a party because then he’s going to come and I just need him to know that I don’t hate him”

 

Gemma handed him the tea she had made while listening to his little ramble. “That it?”

 

“I think, yea.” Liam took a sip and tried to ignore how hot the tea was slipping down his throat.

 

“Okay. Well, have you tried telling this guy you’re sorry?”

 

“Like with words?”

 

“Yes, Liam. With words.”

 

Liam thought back upon the dance team party where he had left Zayn out in the cold, literally. “I mean, I guess. But I was mad and he was mad and also drunk.”

 

“So I take that as a no.”

 

“Yea, I guess it’s a no.” He took another swig of tea, this time it felt better going down.

 

“Okay. And why do you think you have to do something big to apologize?”

 

“Because I messed up big time and he deserves a big apology.”

 

“Who deserves a big apology?”

 

“No one.” Gemma quickly answered Harry as he came back into the kitchen, looking at his sister and best friend in confusion.

 

“Zayn.” Liam shrugged at Gemma. What was the point of keeping things from his best friend? “I just feel like I should do something to say I’m sorry for the past month”

 

“Throw him a party.”

 

“Excuse me?” Liam’s eyebrows rose.

 

“Harry, how is it you have friends? Throwing a party is no way to ask someone for forgiveness.” Gemma shook her head at her little brother.

 

“Sure it is!” Harry said excitedly. “Everyone loves a good ‘please forgive me’ party, they’re the best. And hey, I know when you can throw it, tomorrow night.”

 

“Oh, so that’s how you’re going to guilt me into hosting your New Years party?”

 

“I wouldn’t call it guilting, but…”

 

“You’re guilting him into it, Harry.” Gemma sighed and picked up her mug. “You deserve better than this, Liam.” She jerked her head at Harry.

 

“Somehow I think I’m stuck with him.” Liam said to his tea. He wondered what on earth he was getting himself into. _Maybe going for a run wasn’t the best idea._

 

* * *

 

“Okay, so the food has been ordered and Gemma said that she would drop off everything around 7 and oh god, you’re making out on my bed! Please, just stop stop stop!” Liam shielded his eyes while he waited for Harry and Louis to adjust themselves to a more respectable state.

 

“Sorry,” Harry began to apologize but Louis cut him off with a kiss along his jaw.

 

“Nah, we’re not sorry at all”

 

“You two are so disgusting it’s sickening. Just don’t make out in my bed, alright?” Liam gagged a little. “Or anything else in my bed, actually.”

 

“You were saying what about the food?” Louis asked. He had pulled Harry into his lap and was stroking his hair. _They look so happy, why can’t I ever be that happy?_

 

“Oh, yea. I ordered the food and then Gemma’s dropping off the booze and such later on.”

 

“This is going to be such a fun party”

 

“If people show up” Liam ran his fingers through his hair. There was only one person he wanted to show up, and he hadn’t answered Liam’s text message or returned his calls.

 

“‘Course people will show up. It’s Harry and me after all. The entire school loves us!” Louis boasted confidently.

 

“Don’t people have better things to do than come to our party?”

 

“Why do you sound so upset? Liam, this is going to be the most fun we’ve had in weeks. And you know you’re excited, don’t even try to deny it.” Louis bounced off the bed and squeezed Liam’s cheek as he walked past. “I’m going to go pick up Niall and Zayn, then we’ll all be back to help set up”

 

“Wait, you talked to Zayn?” Liam followed Louis out the door and down the stairs, Harry trailing behind.

 

“Yea, like an hour ago. He sounds excited. Invited a bunch of his friends, so it should be off the chain. I hear those art kids can really party hard”

 

“I don’t think we want anyone partying hard actually”

 

“Yes you do, Liam.” Harry climbed onto Liam’s back and he carried his best friend on his back down the rest of the stairs. Once they reached the ground floor Liam let Harry fall to the ground.

 

“I just don’t want things getting out of control.” Liam bit his lip and crossed his arms. Louis glanced at Harry and they spoke to each other in tilts of the mouth and subtle eyebrow lifts before Louis responded.

 

“Liam, if you really don’t want to do this, you don’t have to.”

 

Liam let his arms fall to his sides. He looked at his two friends, their hands clasped together. His heart ached. _I want that_. “No, we’re doing it. Don’t worry, I’m not going to freak out or anything.”

 

* * *

 

“I am freaking out. Niall, I am freaking out. Oh my god, I’m freaking out.” Liam was babbling incoherently to the blonde who was pouring him another drink.

 

“Liam, you’re fine. Want some pizza?” He shoved the red solo cup into Liam’s hand and yelled at some girl standing by one of the many open boxes of pizza. “Hey, Hannah! Can you pass me a slice?” She handed a slice of pizza to another girl who then passed it on to some random guy who then gave it to Niall. It was more than a little crowded in the kitchen. “Thanks!” Niall called to the girl who raised her drink in response.

 

“Niall, I don’t want the pizza, I told you, and I’m fr-”

 

Niall shoved the slice of pizza into Liam’s mouth to shut him up. “Liam, you’re drunk and you’re hungry. Just eat the pizza.”

 

Liam coughed as he tried to take a bite of the pizza Niall was literally shoving down his throat. “I can eat it myself.” He pushed Niall’s hand away and took the pizza into his own hands. He suddenly realized that Niall was right, and he was in fact starving. He ate the pizza in four bites. Niall laughed loudly.

 

“Told you! Now. Why are you freaking out?”

 

“I’m freaking out because…” Liam looked around at his crowded kitchen. There were people everywhere and he knew that every room in his house was equally packed. The party was a rousing success and Liam didn’t know what to do about it. People were talking to him and laughing with him and letting him take body shots off of their stomachs and _maybe I shouldn’t have let Louis and Harry convince me into starting to drink. This was a horrible idea._ “I don’t know, I’m just freaking out.”

 

He was freaking out because Zayn was there looking smoldering in a white v-neck and dark leather jacket that had probably been discarded by now.

 

He was freaking out because he was drinking and he only had one kidney and what if he accidentally drunk too much without even knowing?

 

He was freaking out because he had walked in on Danielle making out with some Lacrosse player in his mom’s study and had drunkenly laughed in her face.

 

He was freaking out because Zayn had taken some shots with him and kept hugging him like nothing was wrong whenever their paths crossed.

 

He was freaking out because there were what felt like a million people in his house and if they trashed it beyond repair then Liam would be left for dead.

 

He was freaking out because he really really liked Zayn and still needed to apologize.

 

He was freaking out because he was Liam and it was his duty to freak out. “I’m just freaking out.” He repeated himself.

 

“Well freaking out for no reason at all is no fun. And you need to have fun!” Niall was leaning into Liam’s ear so he could understand the boy’s drunken drawl in the midst of all the noise. “You deserve some fun, Liam!”

 

“I am having fun!”

 

“Are you really though?”

 

Liam squinted at whatever it was that Niall had put into his cup. He took a drink and it stung. It burned. It punched him in the face. “I think, yeah.”

 

“Good. We have a little under half an hour until the ball drops. Lets get this party started!” He pumped his fists in the air and the people around them all cheered, throwing their hands in the air as well. Liam chose to take another drink instead.

 

* * *

 

“You’re full of surprises, you know”

 

“Holyfuck”

 

“What?”

 

“Zayn, you just scared the shit out of me” Liam was having serious trouble breathing. He had thought his room was empty, or at least it had been when he had escaped to it just after the clock struck midnight. But when he ventured out of his bathroom after taking a piss there was Zayn lying passed out on his bed.

 

“Oh.” Zayn said simply. “Sorry.”

 

“It’s…it’s fine. Just having trouble breathing is all” Liam was still trying to catch his breath. The fact that he was completely smashed wasn’t really helping at all. His emotions were mixing with each other and he couldn’t tell if he was more ecstatic to see Zayn lying on his bed or scared as to what he was going to do about it.

 

“Well, stop.” Zayn raised himself up on his forearm.

 

“Stop breathing? Yeah, no thanks, that would kill me. Though, I already feel like I’m dying so maybe it would be welcomed.”

 

Zayn rolled his eyes. “No you twat. Stop freaking out. It’s just me.”

 

“Yea, it’s just you.” _But that’s the problem. It’s just you._

 

“Happy New Years by the way.” 

 

“Same to you, mate” Liam collapsed on the bed near Zayn’s feet. He was aiming to land more on top of Zayn, but his body hadn’t exactly listened to what his mind was yelling.

 

“You alright?” Zayn seemed to be laughing at Liam, though somehow Liam had an inkling that Zayn had far more to drink that Liam had. He hadn’t been the only one taking shots in the kitchen.

 

“How come you’re not drunk?” he mumbled into his comforter.

 

“Oh, but I am”

 

Liam twisted his face to look up at Zayn. “How come you don’t act it?”

 

“Because, unlike you, I’m used to drinking.”

 

“Well you suck” Liam pressed his face back into his comforter. “This sucks” he mumbled. “Drinking is the worst”

 

“No idea what you just said, but I’m going to assume it was something about how drinking sucks” Liam could feel Zayn shifting around on his bed, but it hurt too much to move so he didn’t lift his head to check. He felt Zayn’s fingers running through his hair and _can this moment just last forever, except wow I think I’m going to puke oh my god I’m going to puke, I’m actually going to be sick_

 

“I think I’m going to be sick” he pushed Zayn’s arm off of him and scrambled to the bathroom. He reached the toilet just in time and vomited heavily. _This is why I never drink._ He felt another wave coming up and retched again. It helped, to get some of the alcohol out of his system, but Liam still felt like complete and utter shit.

 

He hugged onto the toilet like it was his lifeline; it was cool against his burning forehead. Adrenaline was blazing through his body, but he didn’t have the strength to move. His mind was moving a million miles a millisecond, but he couldn’t seem to even lift his eyelids. He felt a pair of hands on his shoulders pulling him away from the toilet, leaning him against the opposing wall.

 

“There we go.” Liam decided right then and there that Zayn’s voice was the best sound he had and would ever hear. “Just stay right here. I’m going to go get you some water, yeah?” Liam grunted. _As if I could move even if I wanted to_. Zayn returned what felt like an hour later and shoved a cup of water into Liam’s hand, then helped him raise the cup to his mouth.

 

“Thanks” Liam stared up at Zayn towering over him when he sat the glass down on the tile floor besides him. “For everything.”

 

“Don’t mention it.” Zayn looked around- as if trying to judge whether or not it would be okay- and then sat down next to Liam. “This is what friends are for.”

 

“But I’ve been such a shit friend to you.” Liam whined.

 

“So?”

 

“So I’m a horrible person and I just want you to forgive me and be my friend again.” Liam knocked his shoulder into Zayn’s arm. “I mean I threw you this party and everything”

 

“You threw this party for me?”

 

“Well I mean, not for you exactly. I mean, it was but it’s also New Years but I don’t know. I just wanted to do something so you would forgive me.”

 

“Could’ve just picked up the phone and I don’t know, just said ‘I’m sorry’ and actually meant it.” 

 

“Harry said this would be easier.”

 

“And you listened to him?” Zayn’s laugh made Liam’s head pound furiously, but it was worth it.

 

“Don’t know what I was thinking”

 

“I don’t either.”

 

“Zayn, I…” Liam could hear Zayn hold his breath as he paused, “Oh god” he crawled forward and puked again into the toilet. He felt Zayn’s hands running down his back soothingly.

 

“Don’t worry. You’ll feel like shit for a while and then it will be all over.”

 

Liam wiped a bit of vomit from his chin on his sleeve. “And then I’m never doing this again.” He hated that Zayn was seeing him in this pathetic drunken state. There was no way for him to control what he was saying or doing. His body didn’t seem to be connecting with his brain at all. It was taking all of his strength to yell at himself _don’t kiss him, don’t kiss him, don’t kiss him_. “Sorry if I made you hate me”

 

Zayn pushed Liam’s hair back off his forehead. “Nothing you do could make me hate you, Liam. You’re my…” he pulled Liam back away from the toilet and helped him to his feet, taking most of Liam’s weight on himself. “You’re my friend and I’m always going to be here for you. Now come on, you need to sleep this off.”

 

“But there’s still people downstairs and the house is a mess and I have to clean.”

 

Zayn’s laughter was soft in Liam’s ear. _Why did I think I wanted him to hate me? Hell would be better than him hating me._ “Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of making sure the house isn’t totally trashed”

 

“But people can’t drive, they’ve been drinking.” Zayn helped Liam onto his bed. Liam instinctively curled up beneath his covers and stared up at Zayn. “I don’t want anyone getting hurt.”

 

“Christ, Liam.” Zayn muttered but it may have just been Liam’s imagination. Either way it didn’t sound insulting, more endearing than anything else. “I’ll make sure no one tries to drive home if they’ve had a bit to drink. You can trust me.” He ruffled Liam’s hair and started to back away for the door leading downstairs.

 

“I can always trust you.” Liam called weakly after him, sleep beginning to pull him away from reality, clouding his mind. “Thank you.”

 

Zayn paused in the doorway and gaped back at Liam. Liam couldn’t be sure, drunken haze and all, but he thought Zayn was about to say something. He could just feel the weight of something important pressing down on Zayn and he wanted to sit up and tell Zayn that everything was going to be okay, that he could talk to him. But he remained where he was, cocooned up in his bed and Zayn let the door shut quietly behind him as he left.

 

* * *

****

**_Welcome to the first podcast of the New Year! Do I sound any different? Do you feel any different? Because I sure as hell feel different, but that may just be the hangover talking. That’s right, I actually went to a party last night and had a bit more than I should have to drink. But hey, this is what being young is all about, right? Shout out to ugh, Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles for throwing such a ragger. I swear almost our entire senior class was there, and most of the junior too. It was nice seeing all of you as wasted as I was._ **

****

**_So. It’s a new year, an entire 365 days for us to change who we are and become that which we so want to be. Except three weeks in we’ll all give up trying to change ourselves and revert back to our shitty ways of living. Not that there’s anything wrong with keeping true to your ways. It’s just…I wish that this New Year mentality of ‘I can conquer the world’ would actually last into February. Because we can conquer the world; maybe not literally, but we can definitely make a difference and I wish that we could all realize that. You know, it doesn’t take much to make a difference. Smiling to someone who looks like they’re having a bad day, helping someone with their groceries, not acting like an ass to your teachers, treating people like you want to be treated; there are plenty of ways to make a difference._ **

****

**_Now I’m just going to say my New Year’s resolution on here, so that you guys can hold me to it, I am resolving to be more positive in my outlook on life. Now, I know that’s not really interesting and the gym all of you are going to start going to won’t be seeing another new member, but whatever. I know that I need to work on my pessimism, I’m sure all of you have been able to tell I’m a bit of a downer, yea? So hopefully I can start trying to look on the bright side of life. Things really aren’t as bad as they seem. Your friends don’t actually hate you. Life will go on even if you don’t get into your top college choice._ **

****

**_Speaking of college shout out to my fellow seniors for turning all of our apps in! Unless the schools you’re applying to have later dates that is. But for the most part, go us! It’s finally over and now we can actually start having fun. Well, maybe after midterms. Then we can start having fun._ **

****

**_Okay. Let’s play some music shall we? First is a song that I always find myself listening to whenever a new year rolls around, and I wonder why. It’s called This Is the New Year and it’s by Ian Axel. It’s upbeat and uplifting and just fills me with all sorts of confidence when I play it on the first of January. The song I’m going to play after that is called This Year and it’s by The Mountain Goats. I just really like the line “I’m going to make it through this year if it kills me”. It’s a mentality that I really admire, a sort of ‘I’m gonna get shit done no matter what’s thrown at me’ attitude. So yea. Music time. Enjoy!_ **


	10. Chapter 10

“The steps to primary succession. Go.”

 

“Okay. Primary succession. First the soil has to be established by pioneer species like mosses and lichens. Then small perennial and annual grasses start to grow. They have short lives and add nutrition to the soil, and their roots help break up the rock. Third is…third...”

 

“Mid-success-”

 

“Third is mid-successional shrubs and less tolerant species replace the perennials and annuals. They help provide shade for the tree sprouts starting to grow. Then lastly the late successional species start to grow and most of those are trees. That it?”

 

Zayn checked the flash card and then gave Liam a thumbs up. “Good job! You got everything word for word. Are you sure you can’t see through this thing?” he raised the flash card up to look at it under the light.

 

“No, I’ve just been studying my ass off is all.”

 

“You really have. If you don’t ace all of your midterms something is seriously wrong with the world. You’re practically killing yourself with stress” Zayn tossed the flashcard onto the pile of others they had already reviewed.

 

“I just want to get good grades is all. Can we do just one more then we’ll stop, I’m sure you’re more than tired of helping me study.”

 

“Sure. And it’s no problem. Gives me something to do while we wait for the others” Zayn glanced down at the flashcard on the top of the pile. “Factors that control succession.” He flipped it over to check the answers. “And there are three”

 

“Okay.” Liam bit his lip and thought hard for a moment. _I know this, I know this. The answer is somewhere in here…_ “Um well one is facilitation where one species brings another. And then there’s inhibition where one species prevents another. The last one is… tolerance where plants and animals are largely unaffected by those that come in later stages of succession.”

 

“I have no idea what any of that means, but you said what’s on the card, so gold sticker for you”

 

“I’ll put it in my collection.”

 

They were sitting in a booth in the far back corner of Mike’s. The place was empty, which was a rare sight for the frequented diner. It was understandable, however, seeing as it was the day before midterms started. Zayn had dragged Liam out of the house, claiming that Liam needed some form of social interaction outside of school or else he would combust. The others were supposed to be meeting them there so they could all hang out and relieve some stress before their exams. However the other three were almost an hour late. Not that Liam minded or anything, he and Zayn were getting along quite well. The time had passed quickly and he had only gotten out his flash cards to prove to Zayn that he had them. But then of course Zayn had to be polite and offer to help Liam study and next thing he knew they were almost halfway through the thick stack of flash cards.

 

“God, where are they?” Zayn asked slowly, craning his neck to look around the empty diner, as if they were sitting at some other table.

 

“Well, let’s think.” Liam shuffled the flash cards as he spoke. “Harry and Louis probably got distracted and are shagging each other’s brains out right now, and Niall might have decided to take a quick little nap before coming and ended up sleeping through his alarm.”

 

“Yeah, sounds about right.”

 

A redhead waitress walked up to their booth. “Do you need any refills or anything?”

 

“Some more water would be lovely, thank you.”

 

“And can I have a menu?” Zayn asked politely.

 

“Sure thing. Water and a menu. Be right back.”

 

“You going to get something?”

 

“I mean, why not. Those appetizers weren’t as filling as I thought they would be.” He nodded towards the plates they had emptied before busting out Liam’s environmental science flash cards.

 

“I think I’m going to text Harry and see what’s taking them so long.” Liam pulled out his phone to do just that.

 

“You really think he’s going to answer?”

 

“Probably not, but it’s the thought that counts. This way, I have something to hold over his head; he owes us now.” Liam sent the text message and set his phone on the table.

 

“Here you go,” The waitress had returned with Liam’s water and a menu for both of them. “And I got you one too, in case you felt like getting something also.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Thanks!” Liam opened the menu-which he had practically memorized but it was nice to look at the choices- and chewed on his thumbnail. The menu blurred in front of him as he drifted off, his mind taking him from one tangent to another: he needed to make a study guide for statistics, call James and ask if he could come over and study for music theory, and see just when his mom was getting back from France so he could make sure that his dad knew to be home so they could have dinner as a family.

 

“Liam, stop it.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“You’re chewing on your nail. That means you’re thinking too hard. So stop it.”

 

Liam glanced down at his thumb and blushed deeply. “Oh, I didn’t even realize. Sorry.” He grabbed the menu with both hands and focused intently on the salad selection.

 

“It’s fine. Just don’t need you having an aneurism or anything”

 

“Thanks for worrying about my safety.”

 

“Hey, if you get sent to the hospital I’ll have to ride the bus. I’m just looking out for myself.”

 

“Oh, that’s real lovely.”

 

“What can I say, I’m a great friend.”

 

“That you are, Zayn. That you are.”

 

The waitress returned to take their order. “Do you boys need more time? And are you still waiting on the rest of your party?” she motioned to the three pairs of silverware lying on the table in front of empty seats.

 

“No, we’re just going to assume that they’ve found better things to do with their time.” Zayn shrugged. “Liam, you want to go first?”

 

“Sure. Um I’m just going to have the chicken Caesar salad.” 

“Excellent choice.” She scribbled it down on her little notepad. “And for you?” she turned to look at Zayn.

 

“I’ll have one of your famous orders of cheese fries”

 

“That it sweetie? You don’t want anything else?”

 

Zayn shook his head. “Nah, that’ll be it for me.” She collected their menus and left to go put their orders in. “So,”

 

“So?”

 

“So.” Zayn laughed a little before continuing. “So I was wondering if you had any big plans for this weekend. Well, more like Louis and I were wondering.”

 

“I don’t think so. Probably just going to curl up in a ball and sleep forever and try not to think about school at all. Why, what are you guys planning?”

 

“It’s going to be a surprise. Just make sure you don’t have anything planned Friday night.”

 

“Why do I feel like I should be scared? No wait, why am I scared? I shouldn’t be scared”

 

“Relax, Liam. It will be fine. I’ll protect you.” Zayn rolled his eyes at Liam’s slight freaking out. _I don’t think I’ve ever wanted someone to protect me before; I’ve always been able to fight for myself. But I think I could handle you protecting me._

 

“I better not be agreeing to some sort of crazy death scheme”

 

“You won’t die. Don’t be so dramatic”

 

“We’re talking about you and Louis coming up with the plan. I have every right to be dramatic.”

 

Zayn shrugged at that comment. “Fair enough. But really, there is no need for you to worry. You’ll have plenty of fun.”

 

“I better.” Liam pointed a finger sharply at Zayn. “Or else”

 

Zayn raised his hands in surrender. “Trust me, I know better than to cross you. I think my shoulder still hasn’t fully healed.”

 

Liam tried to shrug off the jibe about when he had punched Zayn in the shoulder. “Don’t test me, Malik.”

 

“I won’t, Payne. Now,” he pulled the pile of flash cards back from Liam’s side of the table. “What is the equilibrium theory?”

 

“The equilibrium theory…the equilibrium theory… the equilibrium theory is that ecosystems work to move to the climax form where they become balanced and things are at equilibrium. However new research disputes this, saying that there aren’t preordained steps towards the climax of an ecosystem.” 

“Correct as always.”

 

* * *

 

As a result of locking himself away from all forms of the real world, Liam managed to breeze through his midterms. Statistics had been the only exam he had even struggled on in the slightest, but Liam wouldn’t call guessing on a handful of questions struggling. The week had flown by and on Friday he found himself in Harry’s basement talking about how easy his last exam had been. To everyone’s dismay.

 

“Seriously, Liam. Shut up.” Louis threw a pillow across the room that hit its target right in the face.

 

“Ow!” Liam threw the pillow back, though his aim was far less accurate and it landed far from Louis.

 

“Louis is right,” Harry called from the bathroom where he was attempting to do something about his right eyebrow, which Louis might or might not have tried to shave off as a joke. “Even if he is the worst boyfriend in the entire fucking universe, he’s right. No more talking about school.”

 

“I’m the best boyfriend you could ever ask for, Hazza! Don’t even try to deny it.” Louis cooed.

 

“Really?” Harry stuck his head out of the bathroom door. His hair was pulled back by a thin headband and he was pointing to his eyebrow, a dark frown on his lips. “The best boyfriend would do this?”

 

“Ugh, nothing is wrong, Harry.” Liam said

 

“Liam! Are you blind? This one is shorter than the other!”

 

“Only by like half a centimeter” Louis giggled. He got up off of the floor and wandered to the bathroom where Harry had retreated again. “Not my fault you woke up.”

 

“Of course I was going to wake up, you were shaving my eyebrow off!”

 

“You’re no fun.” Louis had disappeared into the bathroom as well, but Liam could still hear their sickening flirting go back and forth. _God, I never thought I would be against PDA. But damn. These two might just be a bit much._

 

“Please, I’m the most fun you’ve had in months. I just happen to like my eyebrows being the same length.”

 

“But where is the fun in that?” Liam’s heart dropped when the sounds of the pair kissing began escaping from the bathroom.

 

“Okay. I think this is my cue to leave. Let me know when you’re coming to pick me up.” He got up off of the couch and began walking towards the stairs. “Harry? You hear me?” He got no response, only the sound of tongue against tongue, teeth clacking against teeth. _Yeah, he didn’t hear me._

 

Liam let himself out and practically danced to his car parked on the street. He was happy and he couldn’t put his finger on the exact reason. There were a million reasons for him to be happy: the sun was shining, he was alive and breathing, midterms were over, in a few weeks he was going to get news back from his top college choice, and he was apparently doing something big with all of his friends that night. He unlocked his car door and slipped into the driver’s seat, his hand already fumbling with his ipod searching for the perfect driving song. _Yes, perfect_. He waited until after he had started driving to start playing the song, the opening lines saying all that he really wanted.

 

_Let’s go to a rave and behave like we’re trippin’ simply ‘cause we’re so in love_

 

Liam was tempted to roll down the windows and sing along with the Orson song at the top of his lungs but knew better. He didn’t feel like getting hypothermia or anything, which driving with the windows rolled down at the end of January was sure to do. So he compromised by turning the volume up even louder and belting out the chorus as loud as he could.

_When I’m dancing with you tomorrow doesn’t matter. Turn that music up ‘till the windows start to shatter. ‘Cause you’re the only one who can get me on my feet and I can’t even dance._

 

Of course all Liam was thinking about as he sang along on his drive home was Zayn. All he was ever really able to think about was Zayn. Zayn Zayn Zayn. It was always Zayn and Liam felt-just like every teenage boy with a silly little crush felt- like it would always be Zayn. Liam and Zayn had fallen easily back into how their friendship had been before Liam realized just how head over heels he was for the new kid. Granted, Liam was careful to keep his distance, but things for the most part were back to the way they were. He had even worked up the courage to call out Zayn again on his podcasts, asking why Zayn had given up the hunt. Harry had been furious at that.

 

 (“If anyone should get another shout out, it should be me.”

 

“But I gave you and Louis one after the party. And now people won’t stop coming up to you in the hallways.”

 

“Well…whatever. How come Zayn gets two?”

 

“I dunno. It’s my show. Piss off”)

 

Liam reached his house after the song had shifted to another song that reminded him of Zayn. _Christ, I need to find myself a hobby or something._ He got out of the car and ran inside, the chill already seeping into his bones.

 

“Hello?” He called after he closed the door behind him. “Anyone home?” It was a stupid question. Liam knew no one was home. His mom had just left for god knows where, and his dad wouldn’t get back (if he was even coming back that weekend) until later on in the night. “My midterms went well” he called to the empty walls. “I think I passed them all.” He talked as if his parents were right beside him. “I’m going out tonight with all of the guys.” He made his way up the stairs to his room after hanging up his jacket and putting his shoes where they belonged in a basket by the door. “I think that they want to try to loosen me up or something, so hopefully I’ll make it back in one piece.” Liam reached his bedroom door and opened it. _I should feel silly, talking to myself…but no one really understands how comforting it can be to hear your own voice after being alone for so long_.

 

* * *

 

“Is it too late to turn back now?”

 

“Yes, Liam. For the millionth time, it’s too late to turn back.” Harry groaned.

 

“I can’t believe I let you guys drag me into this.”

 

“It’s just a club!” Niall shoved Liam into Zayn who then helped Liam back on his feet. 

 

“Yea, a g-”

 

“Just a club. And a club won’t kill you, Liam.” Louis cut Harry off before Liam could even register what Harry was about to say. “Besides, this is Zayn’s idea. And you wouldn’t want to disappoint our dear little Zaynie now would you?”

 

“I guess not.” Liam pushed his hands into his jacket pockets and picked up the pace. They were walking down a crowded sidewalk in the heart of the city to some club that Zayn said was going to blow their minds. Liam had wanted to turn back when he had realized half way there just where exactly they were going (how Harry’s text telling him to dress nicely didn’t tip off was beyond him) but of course he’d been outnumbered.

 

Louis skipped ahead of the pack and threw his hands in the air. “I love the city! Can you just feel all of that energy? That life? And here we are, a part of it all!” people were looking at him strangely.

 

“Lou, shut up!” Harry tried his best to quiet his boyfriend, but somehow Louis coerced Harry into shouting and singing along with him. They pair skipped ahead of the rest, their arms linked together like little schoolgirls.

 

“Why do we keep them?” Niall asked the other two.

 

Zayn shrugged. “Don’t know.”

 

“They’re idiots.” Liam answered, looking slyly at Zayn before continuing. “We all need some idiots in our lives.”

 

“Well those idiots better quiet down.”

 

“Niall, it’s the city. It’s anything but quiet.” Zayn laughed at the blonde.

 

“Oh,” he clearly hadn’t thought about that. “Right. So how far away is this…club?”

 

“Another block, then we’ll take a left and it’s right there.”

 

“Awesome.” Niall left Liam and Zayn behind to catch up with Harry and Louis

 

“Am I going to regret this?” Liam asked Zayn. He didn’t specify that he was talking about the whole club thing, since he figured Zayn would be able to follow his train of thought.

 

“No.”

 

“You sound so certain.”

 

“I’m not, not at all actually. But I have a feeling this will be fun for you. Of course I could be totally wrong and this will be the thing you look back on when you’re talking to your therapist 30 years down the road”

 

“Oh, lovely. I feel so much more comfortable now.”

 

“Don’t worry. I’m leaning more towards you being perfectly fine. We don’t have to stay too long if you don’t want. I can leave early with you and we can call a cab if you start freaking out or doing your whole ‘Liam’ thing.”

 

“My ‘Liam’ thing? And what exactly is that?”

 

“Your freaking out.”

* * *

 

“Okay,” Liam had to lean into Zayn’s shoulder and yell so he would be heard over all of the noise. “I think I’m doing the ‘Liam’ thing”

 

Zayn let out a harsh laugh and pulled Liam in so he could say something. “Don’t worry. These guys don’t bite.”

 

“You sure?” Liam glanced at a pair of guys who looked like they could be male strippers grinding on each other in the middle of the dance floor.

 

“Positive.”

 

“You know, I’ve never been to a gay bar before.”

 

“And how’re you liking it?”

 

Liam gulped. “I’ll have to let you know.”

 

Zayn laughed again and was soon dragged away by Louis and Harry. He shot an apologetic look over his shoulder at Liam, but he just waved the boy on. _I’ll be fine at the bar_ Liam told himself. _Just fine._

 

He plopped down in one of the empty bar stools and pulled out his phone. They had been in the club for almost fifteen minutes. _Surprised I’ve lasted this long_. Liam thought Harry was joking when he let it slip they were going to a gay club right before they reached said club, because that was something Harry would make up to make Liam uncomfortable. Not that Liam had anything wrong with the whole gay aspect or anything ( _hello, I want to fuck Zayn Malik until the only thing he can say is my name over and over_ ), it was just that clubs in the first place made Liam uncomfortable, and a gay club…well Liam didn’t know how he was going to handle himself.

 

None of the other guys knew that Liam was gay, or at least bisexual; Liam hadn’t really thought it over. _Though now might be the perfect place to stick a nice big label on my forehead_ Liam mused as he watched the bartender flip a bottle of vodka through the air and catch it behind his back. He blushed and glanced back down at his phone. There were attractive men everywhere Liam turned his head. He’d never seen this many tight shirts emphasizing bulging biceps or bright flashy clothes highlighting other various body parts. It was like he was in some sort of gay kid heaven; only he didn’t know what to do with himself. If it had been any other club he would have stuck to the edges and maybe asked a girl to dance, if he was feeling lucky. But in this club…Liam needed a drink.

 

While he waited for the bartender to finish with the other customers Liam began playing a game of solitaire on his phone. _Am I really doing this? I’m sitting in a gay bar, surrounded by tons of hot guys, and I’m playing fucking solitaire._ Liam was ashamed of himself. But solitaire was a healthy distraction from the thing that was fighting to gain control of Liam’s senses. After loosing a game, he gave in to temptation and let his mind wander freely. Zayn had brought them all to a gay bar. A gay bar that he had already been to; enough times to be able to waltz right up to the bouncer and get them all in without even being carded _._

_Is he gay? He has to be gay; he frequents a gay bar for Christ’s sake. Is this his way of telling us? But he can’t be gay. He had Perrie and then that redhead and then… he could be bisexual. Yea… but what if he isn’t? I can’t get my hopes up. I can’t do that to myself. But if he is…if he does bat for the other team so to speak…could I have a chance?_ Liam fought the demon that was hope deep down in his chest _. No. I can’t think like that. I can’t get my hopes up. But, he brought us to a fucking gay bar…._

 

“What can I get you?” The bartender’s voice pulled Liam away from his inner battle.

 

“Something good.” Liam felt foolish as the words tumbled out of his mouth

 

The bartender laughed and Liam felt himself swooning under his gaze. “Something good, coming right up.” He turned his back to Liam who felt like he wanted to crawl under a rock.

 

 _Something good? Something good? I really can’t come up with anything better than something good? Its no wonder I haven’t had any action in god knows how long._ Liam cursed at himself.

 

“Here you go. Something good, curtsey of the gentlemen down there.” Liam followed the bartender’s gaze to the guy sitting at the very end of the bar. The guy looked up from the conversation he was having with his friends and winked at Liam. _He’s cute. Oh god, and he sent me a drink oh god, what do I do_. Liam took the glass from the bar and raised it in the air, his eyes still on the mystery man. _Do I go over and say thank you? I’ve always been the one to send the drinks thanks to Harry egging me on. I don’t know how this whole thing works._

 

Liam dragged his eyes away from the pair still staring at him across the bar, and searched for one of the guys. He needed to talk to someone that knew him. He was in serious need of backup. _I can’t hook up with anyone tonight. No, I need to keep tabs on Zayn. I need to make sure he doesn’t hook up with anyone. But if he hooks up with someone, then I’ll know for sure…but I don’t want him to hook up with anyone. I want him to take me by the hand and lead me out to the dance floor like that stupid Orson song. Fucking fate that I was singing it earlier. God._

He watched as Louis and Harry melded into one being. Niall was nowhere to be seen and Zayn seemed to be surrounded by potential dance partners.

 

“Should I be worried about a boyfriend hunting me down?” Liam heard a smooth voice in his ear. He turned to see a sweet smile and kind gentle eyes- the guy who sent him the drink.

 

“Uh, no.” Liam tightened his grip on the glass. _What am I doing right now?_ “No boyfriend to be worried about.” He unconsciously glanced over his shoulder in the direction of the dance floor where he saw Zayn hanging off of some skinny blonde. They seemed to only have eyes for each other. And of course, all Liam had was eyes for Zayn. _Well, I guess that answers my question about Zayn’s sexuality._ _Guess I don’t have to keep tabs on him anymore... and this means I can have a little fun myself_.

 

“My name’s Olly.”

 

“Liam.” He shook Olly’s hand.

 

‘You’ve been here before, Liam?” Olly sat down in the stool besides Liam.

 

“No, actually. First time coming to uh…”

 

“A gay bar?”

 

“Yea. Still feels a bit silly to say.” Olly’s eyebrow rose. “Not that I have anything wrong with it being a gay bar. Not at all. I mean, I’m…there’s nothing wrong with it, I’m just a bit overwhelmed”

 

Liam was scared that Olly was going to laugh in his face or something. He was pleasantly surprised when Olly started laughing. “You are adorable.”

 

“Excuse me?” _I don’t think that’s the reaction I want…_

 

“You’re adorable Mister Liam.” Olly shook his head, still laughing. “So you’ve never been to a gay bar before. Nothing wrong with that. We don’t bite. In fact, I can help show you the ropes if you’d like. That is, if you are gay.”

 

“Oh, I’m sure you can show me the ropes” Liam cheekily replied by way of answering Olly’s question about his sexuality. Thankfully, Olly caught on. _Thank god other people actually have functioning gaydars._

 

“Sassy, I like it!”

 

“I certainly have a sassy side that tends to slip out every once in a while.” Liam found himself falling into the rhythm of playful banter quite easily with Olly. It felt like there was something off, like Liam was flirting with the wrong person or something, but he disregarded his gut feeling and took a drink.

 

“You definitely have that unmistakable glint in your eye. I can tell you’re more trouble than you let on.”

 

Liam held back a full on smile, restraining himself to a half smile that didn’t reveal just how pleased he was. “And what exactly were those ropes you were going to show me?” _Do I really want to be getting myself into this?_ He thought about Zayn pressed against the blonde and anger welled up deep inside him.

 

“How about we start with dancing. You look like you know how to use those long limbs”

 

“Is this your idea of flirting? Calling out my long limbs?” Liam allowed himself to be dragged to the dance floor by the hand. Olly laughed and pulled Liam to him, his hands wrapping themselves around Liam’s waist.

 

“It got you up out of your seat, right?”

 

Liam had to smile at that. “You have a point” and he closed his eyes as he let the thumping dance music take over his body, wishing that the hands running along his sides belonged to another.

 

* * *

 

“Excuse me, can I cut in for a moment?” Liam looked up from Olly’s smile to see Zayn standing over their table in the back of the club.

 

“Oh, hey Zayn.” He dropped his hand from Olly’s arm and shifted over so there would be room for Zayn to sit down.

 

Zayn shook his head at the space Liam had created and said, “It’s fine.” He glanced from Liam to Olly, taking in just how close they were sitting. Liam felt his heart drop. _We’re not together. We’re not together; I’m just having fun. You’re the one locking lips with blonde models. I’m allowed to have just as much fun as you,_ Liam wanted to yell, but knew better. “I just thought I would let you know that Niall, Harry, and Louis all left half an hour ago. It’s just us now”

 

“Seriously?” Liam pulled out his phone to check the time. It was way later than he thought it was. “Oh wow. It’s late.”

 

“It’s only 1:00, not bad at all.” Olly laughed. “Is it past your bedtime?” He joked.

 

Liam blushed. He was taken aback when Zayn replied harshly. “Yea, it is. We best be going.”

 

“Give me a moment?” Liam asked Zayn forcibly. He could tell that Zayn was tense but had no idea why. _He got some tonight, why is he trying to stop me?_ Zayn nodded in reply and left the table. “Sorry about that. My friend is uh…” he stopped when he realized he couldn’t really describe his relationship with Zayn

 

“Don’t worry about it.” Olly lifted Liam’s hand and squeezed it. “That the guy?”

 

“Yea. Wait…what guy?”

 

“Liam, you’re sweet. You really are. And I would count myself lucky to be able to bring you back to my place. But I can tell you’re taken, even if it’s not official.”

 

“Are you talking about Zayn?” _am I really that obvious? Talk about embarrassing_.

 

“Whoever that guy was, yea.”

 

“No, you’ve got it all wrong. I mean Zayn’s…Zayn is Zayn”

 

“And you want him to be your Zayn.”

 

“No I… I mean…well…”

 

“Have I told you that you’re adorable?”

 

“Only like twenty times tonight.”

 

Olly squeezed Liam’s hand again. “Well it’s true. You’re young and in love. What I would give to be in your shoes again” he sighed dreamily, recalling his own past loves.

 

“Trust me, you don’t want to be in my shoes.” Liam shook his head. “It’s like hell.” He was perfectly aware that he didn’t deny Olly’s ‘in love’ comment, and he was positive Olly realized that he hadn’t denied it. He just hoped that Olly wouldn’t pry; they had spent the entire night on each other’s arm and he had a gut feeling that Olly wouldn’t do that. Olly seemed like a genuine nice guy, even after Liam had told him that he wasn’t interested in anything sexual with the older man.

 

“No,” Olly placed his hand on Liam’s check and stroked it gently. He was comforting Liam like an older brother would take care of their younger sibling. “You’ll experience real hell one day. Enjoy these moments of bliss while they last, young padiwan.”

 

“Thanks, Obiwan.” Liam couldn’t help but feel a tug on his heart as Olly removed his hand from his face. It took him by surprise when he realized what Olly was doing. “That’s my hand”

 

“Excellent observation.” Olly uncapped a pen he had pulled from his pocket with his teeth. “And this is my number. I may not be the right guy for you, but I’ve had fun with you tonight. You’re a really great guy, Liam, even if you aren’t exactly sure who you are yet.” He scribbled his number down on Liam’s hand and drew a little smiley face for good measure. “I just want you to know that you can talk to me at anytime. About school, life, boys, Zayn” he nodded in the direction of the bar where Liam saw Zayn sitting, eyeing the two of them. “I’ll be your gay best friend”

 

“But my best friend is gay…”

 

Olly rolled his eyes and shoved Liam playfully into the back of his seat. “Fine. I’ll be your other gay best friend.” He pulled Liam to his feet and nudged him in the direction of the bar. “I think he’s getting a little anxious.”

 

“I don’t know why though. It’s not a big deal, we’re just having fun.” Liam began weaving through the crowd to where Zayn was waiting. He felt Olly’s breath against his neck before he actually heard his words in his ear.

 

“He’s just protective of his territory is all.” Liam spun around to stare at Olly who raised his eyebrows suggestively. “Telling it like I see it.” He pulled Liam to a stop to say goodbye when they were a few yards away from the bar. “It was nice meeting you, Liam.”

 

“You too, Olly. Really. And I’m sorry about not…” he made wild gestures with his hands, hoping that Olly would get what he was trying to communicate.

 

Thankfully, Olly understood and pulled Liam into a hug. “You have nothing to apologize for. I may be going home to an empty bed feeling horny as fuck, but I made a great friend.” He pulled away and clapped Liam on the ass and winked. “I was serious about keeping in touch.”

 

Liam patted his phone in his jacket pocket. “I will. Don’t worry, I will” surprisingly, he actually meant it. He gave Olly a quick wave and then pushed his way through the crowd to where Zayn was waiting.

 

“You ready?” Zayn’s voice was dark; his eyes were clouded over, and almost everything about him seemed moody and depressed. Liam’s heart broke just looking at him. _It’s okay, Zayn. There is nothing to be sad about. Did the blonde turn him down? Oh no, Zayn._

 

“Yea. Ready when you are.”

 

* * *

 

“You need to be more careful.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“You heard me. That guy looked like he was forty.”

 

“He’s 28”

 

“Liam, that’s ten years older than you! What were you thinking?”

 

“I was thinking that he was a nice guy.”

 

“Well you shouldn’t have started talking to him. Should’ve seen the way he was looking at you.”

 

“Why the fuck do you care?” Liam practically shouted at Zayn.

 

Zayn didn’t respond, choosing instead to turn his head away from Liam and stare out the cab window. It had taken more than a half of the ride back home for Zayn to speak to Liam. At first Liam had been thankful of the silence, it let him think the night over and over in his head; however, he didn’t like where this conversation was going. “And you’re one to talk”

 

“What was that?”

 

“I said you’re one to talk. I saw you bouncing from guy to guy; they were all eating out of the palm of your hand. If anyone should be more careful, it’s you.”

 

Zayn stared at him coldly. “Funny. I didn’t notice anyone else, only you and that creepy pedophile hanging out in dark corners the entire time.”

 

“Look, can we just drop this?” Liam wanted to punch something, anything. He settled for just slamming himself further into the seat.

 

“Fine.”

 

“Fine.”

 

The cab driver turned up the radio and the pair didn’t talk for the rest of the drive home.

 

* * *

**(to Haz Styles 2:23)  
Can I ask u something?**

**(from Haz Styles 2:25)  
at 2:30 a.m it bttr b good**

**(to Haz Styles 2:26)  
is Zayn bisexual?**

**(from Haz Styles 2:27)  
ur a fking idiot **

 

* * *

 

**_And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you should never let a sub try to turn on the projector. Apparently it’s going to take two weeks for them to deliver a new one, so sorry Mr. Robinson’s math classes, you’re going to have to go old school for a few weeks._ **

****

**_So how is everyone feeling tonight? Have you had a good weekend? Are you all ready to go back to school after the hell, otherwise known as midterms, we all survived? Because, personally I think I could use a week’s break. How much longer until spring break? Wait, no, how much longer until graduation? Nah, I’m kidding. I’m actually one of those thickheaded people who actually enjoy going to school. I know; I’m pretty weird right? But you all knew that. How I even have friends is beyond me. It makes sense why I don’t have a significant other though._ **

****

**_That’s right, you heard me correctly. If any of you have actually been paying attention to the tiny details about my personal life I let slip, the person I was kinda sorta talking to ended up finding another guy a few weeks ago and they just made it facebook official. I’m happy for her, I really am. She deserves the best. And I deserve the best too, so now I just have to wait for the best to come into my life. However, just because I’ve accepted the fact that I’m just going to have to wait for love doesn’t mean I’m okay with it. I’m actually pretty damn upset about it, especially since my crush is well…unobtainable._ **

****

**_I’m sure there are plenty of people out there that would understand my feelings- I’m looking at you Mr. Confused and Hopeless, whom I actually haven’t heard from in a while. I hope you’re doing okay, bud. I hope that your romantic life is going a lot better than mine. And if not, give me a call and we’ll get together and eat Ben & Jerry’s and cry and maybe watch some cheesy movies and then play some stupid video game to distract ourselves from the pain. Wow, I sound desperate don’t I? _ **

****

**_Anyways. I feel like shit lusting after someone who will never look at me in a romantic sense, so I’m just going to play this song and you guys are going to suck it up. It’s called Watching You Watch Him and it’s by Eric Hutchinson. Don’t make fun of me; I’m a teenage guy. I’m allowed to have feelings too._ **


	11. Chapter 11

**((ZAYN’S POINT OF VIEW))**

 

Zayn Malik had a crush on Liam Payne, end of story. He’d tried to ignore it as best as he could for months, but it just wasn’t something that was going away. It had been easier when Zayn thought Liam couldn’t like him because Zayn was a guy. But as soon as Zayn had dragged Liam to the gay bar, everything changed.  Now that Zayn knew Liam was at least bisexual…life was hell.

 

Louis- the one person Zayn had confided in about his crush- had counted the gay bar as a rousing victory; the torrid love affair between the two could finally be set into motion. It convinced him that Zayn had to make a move on Liam or else the world would come crumbling to a halt (Louis’ dramatic flair leaved nothing to be desired). 

 

Zayn, however, was quite set on not making a move on Liam. He saw no point in disturbing the balance of their friendship. December had been painful enough, and he didn’t want to bring things back down again after going so well. Somehow Louis’ arguments began to creep into his mind, slowly defeating his doubt and uncertainty. That’s how he found himself listening to Louis on the phone while grocery shopping, Louis planning out a romantic declaration of love for Zayn to give Liam on Valentines Day.

 

“Louis, I don’t know about this”

 

“Zayn, you know deep down you want to do this. You want to sweep Liam off of his feet and ride off into the sunset and everything else a little gay boy dreams about”

 

“Why do I confide in you again?”

 

“Because I give the best advice.”

 

Zayn laughed at that. “Yea, if that’s what you call it.”

 

“Hey, the gay bar was a great idea!”

 

“To prove he isn’t into me”

 

“If Liam told you there isn’t anything between him and that Olly guy, then there isn’t. Don’t be such a pessimist”

 

“I keep telling you, you didn’t see the way he was looking at me on the ride home. It was pure hatred and disgust”

 

“Well maybe Evan wasn’t really helping the situation”

 

Zayn vaguely recalled some blonde at the bar. _Was his name Evan? I can’t remember…_ “I don’t handle high pressure situations well”

 

“Apparently not”

 

“Okay. But can we just think this whole thing through?”

 

Louis laughed so loudly Zayn had to pull the phone away from his ear for a moment. “Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?”

 

Zayn ignored that and continued. “So we know Liam and Danielle are done.”

 

“Correct”

 

“And we know that he isn’t…totally straight” Zayn felt sick just thinking about how that creep Olly looked slung around Liam’s shoulders. _That’s where I belong, not him._

 

“Correct again.”

 

“But are you sure we shouldn’t do some more…research or whatever? If I put myself out there like you’re suggesting then I want to know that the chances are at least slightly in my favor.”

 

“Zayn, Zayn, Zayn.” Zayn could tell that Louis was shaking his head at him. “I keep telling you, there is no way that Liam is going to turn you down. He’s just too polite”

 

“But I don’t want him to not turn me down out of politeness. I don’t want him to pity me, I want him to be honest with me.” Zayn let his head fall into his chest, forgetting the fact that he was steering a shopping cart and could potentially crash into something. “Besides, asking him out on Valentines Day is so incredibly cliché it hurts. He’s just going to laugh in my face”

 

“Would Liam really laugh in your face?”

 

 _In my darkest nightmares he does. All he does is laugh._ “Probably not”

 

“Exactly. Stop being so damn negative”

 

Zayn glanced down at his grocery cart, which was filled after the long conversation with Louis. “Alright. I should probably get going. I need to check out.”

 

“Come around mine later?”

 

“Can’t, I’ve got an oceanography packet to finish.”

 

“Oh, oceanography. Good luck with that.”

 

“It probably won’t be all that bad, but thanks. Besides, it will give my mind a bit of a break”

 

“Please. As if you want a break from thinking about biceps and red knit jumpers and the way he knows how you take your tea and-”

 

“I’m hanging up now.” Zayn laughed before ending the call with Louis. He slipped his phone into his jacket pocket and pushed his cart into one of the checkout lines. Louis was right; he really didn’t want a break from thinking about Liam. But it wasn’t really healthy to obsess over someone who was unobtainable.

 

* * *

 

“So Liam. Have any big plans for this weekend, the big one before Valentines Day?” Louis asked; ignoring the poke in the side Zayn gave him. Zayn tried to feign disinterest as Liam began to answer, staring at the book he has to finish reading for English later that day.

 

“Well my mum is coming back in town on Monday so I’ll have to spend most of Sunday cleaning”

 

“Whoa, don’t go crazy or anything” Niall joked.

 

Liam rolled his eyes and closed his statistics textbook. “Don’t worry, I won’t go crazy.” He thought for a moment about what else he was doing. Zayn couldn’t help but notice that he was hanging on every one of Liam’s words. “And then I’m meeting up with Olly on Saturday to hang about the city because I” and he trailed off, mumbling nonsense that no one could understand.

 

“What was that?” Louis grabbed Liam’s chin and lifted it. “Didn’t quite catch that last bit there.”

 

“Well Olly is showing me around because I got in and so I’m going to need to know my way around the place,”

 

It took what felt like five minutes for Liam’s news to set in. _Liam got in, Liam got in. Ohmygod, Liam got in. He got into his dream school, oh this is perfect. I could literally scream right now. He got in!_

 

“You got in?”

 

“Oh my god!”

 

“Liam you sly bastard!”

 

“I’m so proud of you” Zayn’s comment went unnoticed as they all pulled Liam in for a group hug.

 

“How long have you waited to tell us?” Harry demanded as they let Liam get some air.

 

“Yea, why weren’t we the first to know?” Niall sounded heartbroken.

 

“I mean I got the letter last week, so”

 

“Last week?” Louis screamed. Zayn felt his heart slowly curling in on itself. _Why would he keep this from us? Am I not important enough for Liam to confide in?_ Zayn thought back a week to when Liam had called out of the blue asking if he wanted to go get something to eat. Zayn hadn’t really thought anything of Liam’s good mood, other than the fact that he wished he could help make Liam feel that happy. Now it all made sense. Zayn’s spirits suddenly soared. Liam had chosen him to celebrate with, none of the other guys, just him. That is, if that was the day Liam had found out. If not, then Zayn was just looking for Liam’s affection in every little possible thing.

 

Liam was blushing furiously. “Yea, last week. I just didn’t know how to tell you guys since I don’t know…I didn’t want to brag about it or anything.”

 

“Are you kidding me?” Harry slapped Liam on the back of his head. “You’re an idiot. A bloody smart idiot who got into college, but an idiot nonetheless.”

 

“You just pick up the phone and say ‘hey guys. Got into college. Let’s go celebrate’. It’s really not that hard. That’s what friends do, keep each other updated on what’s going on in their lives” Louis grabbed Harry’s hand and began playing with Harry’s fingers. It was like the two couldn’t go more than five minutes without some sort of physical contact. It made sense, seeing as the pair had waited three years to finally be able to touch each other. But still, it was slightly sickening.

 

Zayn suddenly realized just how uncomfortable all of their comments were making Liam and tried to do some damage control. “At least he’s telling us now.” He drawled, tossing his book to the side. “Better late then never.” He met Liam’s gaze and smiled. “We’re all really happy for you”

 

“Thanks.” Liam looked at his hands.

 

“Wait, back up.” Louis had suddenly remembered something important. “So you’re hanging out with…Olly?” he let the name slip out filled with loathing and disgust. He even snarled a bit. _Always with the theatrics._

 

“Yea. Got a problem?” Liam got defensive quickly. It seemed like he was pointedly not looking at Zayn, staring at Louis instead.

 

Louis shrugged. “He just gives off a bad vibe.”

 

“You’ve never even met him.”

 

“I’ve heard enough”

 

That made Liam finally look at Zayn. “Oh, I see.”

 

Zayn felt like his entire essence was being ripped apart under Liam’s gaze. “I…uh…” he pulled his book back to him and opened it up to the page where he had left off. _Not worth the fight._ His book cover didn’t seem to work as he felt Liam’s eyes still upon him. After what felt like ages he lifted his eyes nonchalantly and sure enough, Liam was still glaring at him. “What?” he asked innocently. Liam just shook his head in response.

 

“What about you, Niall? Any big plans for the weekend?” Louis shifted the group’s attention to the dyed blonde.

 

“I’ve got a date.” Niall shifted in his seat, sitting up taller. “With that girl Abby I introduced you to last week”

 

“You’re joking”

 

“Our little Niallenator all grown up”

 

“Good for you!” Zayn clapped Niall on the back. “Abby seems like a nice girl”

 

“Where’re you taking her?” Liam asked.

 

“Haven’t really thought about it yet.” Niall’s eyes fell as if he was literally just realizing the fact that he hadn’t. “Maybe…ugh…food?” They all laughed maniacally at that.

 

“Niall, you can’t have everything you do be based upon food.”

 

“Yeah, you have an identity besides all the crap you put into your mouth”

 

“Hey,” Niall pointed a finger at Louis. “That could be considered dirty, watch it” his words made Louis laugh even harder.

 

“Yea,” he giggled. “Okay Liam.”

 

“Shut it, Louis” Liam rolled his eyes, not wanting to be dragged back into the conversation. He had returned to his homework and now he and Zayn were the only ones not talking animatedly about where Niall could take his date.

 

“Poor sap doesn’t even realize the mistake he’s made”

 

“Hmm?” Zayn glanced at Liam, not sure if his words had been in Zayn’s imagination or not. Liam met his eyes then nodded at Niall on Zayn’s other side.

 

“He asked her out right before Valentines Day?” he shook his head in _disgust? Oh no._ “Poor soul. Now he’s going to have to deal with all of that on top of a regular date.”

 

Terror was slipping into Zayn’s veins. “So you have something against Valentines Day?”

 

“Not necessarily, no.” Zayn waited for him to continue since there was obviously more for him to say. “It’s just, I hate how forced it is. The thought behind it is lovely and really meaningful, love, and that’s great. But with our generation it’s all about who can buy the biggest teddy bear or most chocolate and it all just makes me sick to my stomach”

 

“This because you’ve never had a Valentine before?” Zayn attempted to joke. His heart was racing. _Why didn’t I see how he felt about Valentines Day before letting Louis convince me to do this stupid plan oh god, now he’s going to turn me down and hate me._

 

“No” Liam flipped a page in his textbook then clarified. “I haven’t”

 

Zayn paled a bit. “You’ve never had a Valentine?”

 

Liam smiled as he shook his head. “Nah. I’m sure they’re nice, but nope. No one’s ever wanted me as one.”

 

It took all the strength Zayn had not to pull the textbook out of Liam’s hand and kiss him right there in the courtyard in front of all the others. He looked so defeated and worn; his smile was still a smile, but there was the ghost of sorrow and pain on the edges of his lips. _What the fuck have people been doing, letting this beauty slip by unnoticed? How could anyone not want you when you’re the only thing I think I’ve ever really wanted in my entire life?_

 

“Well people are shit”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

Zayn shrugged nonchalantly (or what he hoped appeared as nonchalant) “People are idiots to let you pass them by”

 

Liam seemed to be confused by Zayn’s remark. “Um, thanks” Zayn could see the beginning of a blush creeping around Liam’s neck. He dragged his eyes away so he wouldn’t be tempted to make any move on the boy right then and there.

 

“Just telling the truth.” Liam didn’t reply to Zayn’s remark and he didn’t add anything else so the two sat and worked while the others continued planning Niall’s date.

 

Zayn didn’t realize he had read the same passage three times until he found himself repeating the same sentence over and over again under his breath. His mind was far from Madame Bovary, his thoughts revolving around the muscular boy sitting beside him. He was angry, with himself and with Liam. _Why would I think that Valentines Day would be a good idea? Of course it would be a stupid idea. Stupid stupid stupid. And I still don’t know if the whole thing is worth it. I mean, sure I’ve been watching him closer these past two weeks, and sometimes he treats me more…just more than other people. But is that just because I’m his friend?_

 

Zayn thought back upon all of the recon he and Louis had been doing. It seemed like they had overanalyzed everything; the way Liam waved to people in the hallways compared to Zayn, the way Liam let Zayn have control of his ipod in the car, the way Liam always seemed to take the seat besides Zayn and sometimes even waited for Zayn to sit to ensure his seat next to him, the way Liam’s eyes lit up when Zayn laughed at one of Liam’s jokes. But it didn’t matter how much ‘research’ the boys found, Zayn was still filled with overwhelming doubt. His pride would be completely destroyed if Liam shut him down, and he didn’t know if he could handle that sort of rejection.

 

“You alright, Zayn?” Zayn glanced up to see Harry looking down at him. The warning bell hand rung and the others were already walking to the door leading into the building.

 

“Oh. Yea, I’m fine.” He got up and shoved his book into his backpack. “Just thinking.”

 

Harry was looking at him funny. His eyes were concentrated on Zayn’s face and Zayn realized just how uncomfortable Harry’s scrutiny was making him. He felt embarrassed, and he didn’t know why. It was like Harry could tell just what Zayn had been thinking of. _Has Louis told Harry how I feel? I haven’t told him not to…but would he do that? What if Harry knows something that I don’t know…should I say something?_ Harry didn’t say anything else and followed Zayn out of the courtyard and back into the crowded hallways.

 

* * *

 

“Harry, what’s up?” Zayn stumbled forward as Harry swung his arm around Zayn’s neck. “I almost punched you, thought you were some random person” he nodded towards the sea of random people surrounding them in the hallway.

 

“I need to talk to you.”

 

“Um, okay?”

 

“What class do you have next?”

 

“Advanced math.”

 

“Good. We’re skipping.” Harry let go of Zayn’s neck and started walking down the crowded main hallway, not waiting for Zayn.

 

“Where’re we going?” Zayn asked breathlessly once he managed to push through the people and catch up with the head of curls.

 

“Lunch.”

 

Zayn nodded. This wasn’t such an unusual thing for Harry to do; the two skipped class often seeing as none of their other friends had the guts. They slipped into an art classroom and crossed it quickly to the door leading to the outside. None of the other students gave them a second glance. The February air was bitter and Zayn immediately regretted leaving his heavier jacket in Liam’s car that morning. He didn’t complain and followed Harry’s lead around the back of the school and down the path that wound through some woods before ending at a shopping center.

 

Harry waited until they had gotten their sandwiches at Subway and sat down at one of the tables to start talking. “Okay. So I just want you to be honest with me.”

 

Zayn swallowed his bite. “‘Bout what?”

 

“Don’t play coy with me, Malik.”

 

“I’m being serious. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

“Think about it.” Harry took a large bite of his sandwich and waited for the wheels in Zayn’s head to click. They didn’t.

 

“I give up”

 

“Liam.”

 

Zayn set his sandwich down, his appetite gone in a blink of an eye. “Oh.”

 

“So talk.”

 

“What is there to talk about?”

 

“Drop the act Zayn. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before, but it’s really sickening. You’re over the moon. Have I said I can’t believe I didn’t notice it before?”

 

“I don’t know what act you’re talking about.”

 

“Fine. Tell me how you feel about Liam hanging out with Olly this weekend.”

 

Zayn felt his anger betraying him. Harry smiled and took a bite before saying, “That’s what I thought.”

 

 “I just…I don’t know. It’s his life, not mine. But…”

 

Harry smiled at Zayn’s admittance of defeat. “I knew it! I knew you liked him”

 

“I just said I don’t know. Nothing about me liking him” but Zayn knew his denial was just fuel for the fire. He’d been caught.

 

“But you said it all dreamy like with heart eyes. Please, you’ve got it bad for Liam”

 

Zayn opened his bags of chips and took one out, munching on it before responding. “I guess you could say that.”

 

“Why do you sound so sad about it? This is excellent news, love is in the air!” Harry said in a singsong voice.

 

“Because it feels like shit.”

 

“Don’t say that about liking my best friend!” Harry was suddenly very defensive and just Zayn rolled his eyes.

 

“Please, you just have to understand how much this sucks. I mean I really like him, Harry.” He let his voice drop to a whisper. “A lot more than I should” he ate some more chips loudly.

 

“Are you a fucking idiot?” Harry’s words were garbled seeing as he’d just taken a huge bite of his sandwich. He finished chewing and continued. “I mean really, I know you’re no Liam, but seriously. You’ve got to be smarter than that.”

 

“What’re you talking about?” Zayn began picking at his sandwich to give his hands something to do. The conversation was sending waves to his stomach, making eating anything seem like the wrong idea. He was already regretting those chips.

 

Harry sighed dramatically. “Zayn, I love you. You’re a great friend, but you are seriously as thick as a box of rocks.”

 

“Thanks”

 

“I say it out of the kindness of my heart.” Harry joked. “Look, You like Liam. You want to kiss Liam. You want to do unspeakable things with Liam that will tarnish his ‘mister perfect’ persona.” He waited for Zayn to confirm this.

 

“Basically”

 

“Okay. Now why on earth would you ever think these are feelings to be ashamed of?”

 

“Because he doesn’t feel the same way?” the obvious felt like bile coming out of his mouth.

 

Harry’s laughter felt like a punch to the gut. “You just have to promise to treat Liam like the little angel he is, okay? I don’t want you to fuck him up too much.” _What the fuck is he talking about? Are we even having the same conversation?_

 

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

 

“Your intentions. I know I’m going all fatherly on you, but really. You better have the best intentions for my best friend or I will kill you” his threat was joking, but there were real emotions behind his words.

 

“I’m just going to say yes, even though I’m not following at all”

 

“Just treat him with the respect he deserves, alright?”

 

“Do you think I wouldn’t” Zayn looked around wildly. _I’m so confused right now._ “Who’re you talking to?”

 

“You, you idiot”

 

“But…about what?”

 

“Liam, obviously.”

 

“But, he doesn’t like me back” each time Zayn spoke the words aloud they became more real. “I’m just taking a wild leap with this whole Valentines Day plan and-”

 

“Valentines Day plan?” Harry’s voice rose in confusion and excitement. “What’s that?”

 

“Just ask Lou.” Zayn said with a wave of his hand “But I’m taking a wild leap of faith because I’m desperate, even though I know it’s all going to end in disaster.” Misery hung on every word.

 

Harry shook his head. “Zayn, Zayn, Zayn” he lifted the last of his sandwich to his mouth and finished it off. “Zayn.” He spoke with his mouth full. “November 13th”

 

“What?”

 

“November 13th”

 

“What does November 13th have to do with anything?”

 

“It’s everything.”

 

“Do you know how annoying it is to listen to all of your cryptic shit?” Zayn chomped down on his sandwich. He still didn’t have much of an appetite, but he knew if he didn’t eat now he would regret it later. Harry smiled, his stupid fucking dimples that I want to punch. God. Why can’t he even just say things how they are? All of these riddles and shit are giving me a headache. “Seriously, why is November 13th important?”

 

“It just is, okay? I can’t give away all of my secrets”

 

“Harry, you’re not some bloody magician hiding his tricks. Just tell me” Zayn whined.

 

Harry frowned. “Where would the fun be in telling you? The best part is the mystery of the puzzle.”

 

“I hate puzzles”

 

“Well you suck. Now hurry up and finish. I want to go to the grocery store and look at the toys for Louis”

 

“Are you sure you won’t tell me what November 13th means?”

 

“Positive. But really,” he reached forward to pat Zayn on the arm. “Keep your hopes up. Things aren’t all that bad, trust me” 

 

“Whatever you say” Zayn shook his head and resumed eating his sandwich. His appetite had come back slightly so it wasn’t all that hard to force it down. _This has probably been one of the weirdest conversations. Maybe not the total weirdest…but still. What the fuck is Harry going on about? Jumping from one thing to another…just wish he would make sense for once. Should I try talking to Louis about what he’s talking about? Would Louis even know what he’s talking about? Better yet, does Harry even know what he’s talking about?_

 

Zayn finished his sandwich and crumpled up his trash into a small ball. He followed Harry out of the building and along the fronts of other shops and restaurants to the grocery store at the end of the shopping center. The date Harry had said was repeating itself over and over in Zayn’s mind. _Why’s it so important? It doesn’t ring a bell… I’m just so fucking confused._

 

* * *

 

 

_She didn’t say a word. He said nothing, as captivated by her silence as he would have been by her words._

 

“Well, that’s too familiar for comfort” Zayn muttered to himself as he highlighted the line in his used copy of Madame Bovary. It was Saturday night and Zayn was attempting to occupy his attention by getting some of his reading done for English class. The book, however, seemed to have different plans and kept bringing him to the subject he was so desperately trying to avoid. _Christ, that’s exactly how I feel sometimes. Like Liam could just sit there in deep meditation and I would be the happiest I’ve ever been, just to be around him, to be near him._ Zayn was tempted to write something deep and meaningful in the margins, about how writing can bring two souls together or some shit, but decided against it. He stuck his highlighter back behind his ear and continued reading. A few pages later he was struck again with a familiarity so strong he felt weak.

 

_But the more Emma grew aware of her love, the more she repressed it, in order to hide and lessen it._

 

He highlighted the lines and tried to ignore the beast roaring deep inside him. _I know that, I feel that. Someone out there understands the pain I’m feeling. I’m not some sort of freak of nature._ He continued reading, wondering what else he was going to find that he related to a lot more than he should.

_“Besides, he doesn’t love me” she would think. “What will become of me? What rescue can I look forward to? What consolation, what lessening of my pain?”_

 

Zayn closed the book and threw it across the room where it landed next to his desk. He was fed up with his feelings. There were too many stupid silly emotions flowing through him, mixing with each other and confusing him. He was tired, _so so tired._ His love, (crush he told himself firmly) seemed to be draining him of all life. And yet it was the very thing that gave him life. He was certain he could live off of his infatuation for Liam alone and be content. He needed nothing else to occupy his attention. He needed someone to give him some sort of pep talk, someone that wasn’t Louis. He needed to hear that he wasn’t crazy for taking the wild leap of faith by making a move on Liam without being positive that Liam felt even remotely the same way.

 

Suddenly, an idea hit him across the face so hard it felt like…well like someone was hitting him across the face. He sat up in bed, his eyes wide. _The Talbert Tales guy, he’ll give me some help. Yeah, I’ll just write him another message and ask him for some motivation._ He crossed his room to his desk and opened a new tab. He clicked the top visited page and waited patiently for it to load. He clicked comment on the latest podcast and then he stopped. Zayn’s fingers hovered over the keys. He had so much to say, so much that he needed to put out into the world, but of course no way to actually say it. Eloquence was escaping him.

 

 _What is there to say? I mean there’s the whole thing to say. But what…what is the thing I need help with the most? I don’t want to be some annoying bugger that won’t leave the poor chap alone. But…_ Zayn thought about how all of his questions as Confused and Hopeless had been answered, and the voice had even questioned where he’d been on multiple occasions. _Okay, I can do this._

 

 _Dear Friend,_ he typed _. Sorry I keep dumping all of my relationship drama on you, I’m sure you’re probably starting to get a bit annoyed. But I mean, if you are you don’t have to answer this or anything. So somehow I have been convinced that the best way to proceed with my feelings for my friend is to make a big courageous declaration of love on Valentines Day. Valentines Day-how cliché is that? I mean the plan isn’t all that dramatic, really. Just you know, take him out to dinner and casually spring the fact on him that I’ve liked him since I first saw that dumb smile and heard his silly accent. And then of course pray that he doesn’t pour his drink in my face. God, I need some motivation. So I guess that’s why I’m sending you this message even though it’s Saturday and you probably already have your podcast all planned out. I’m in some serious need of courage and motivation and overall good spirits. I’m just terrified that…that this isn’t a good idea. Like maybe I should just let my secret crush stay a secret until the end of the year and just forget about it. Okay, I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. I think this has gone on long enough. Thanks for reading this, if you have. Signed, Confused and Hopeless._

 

Zayn quickly pressed send before he could even look over what he wrote. _Please see this and read it. Please help me._ He prayed to whatever being in charge of it all.

 

* * *

 

**_“So, to start out our little show I want to go ahead and answer this ugh, comment from my friend Confused and Hopeless. I just…I just really hope that this isn’t one of my friends pranking me because seriously, this is literally my life right now. Summed up for you listeners at home, Confused and Hopeless needs some motivation or words of encouragement because he’s planning on asking out the friend he’s liked for a while on Valentines Day and is terrified that he’s going to get rejected. Have I said how much I feel with this? Your entire situation, because really. Are you my evil twin or something? Okay, enough about me. This is about you. So you’re planning on doing something big for Valentines Day. I applaud you. That takes guts, mate. And in all honesty, even those dead set in their hatred for the Hallmark holiday can be swayed by a little love on the glorious day. But you need encouragement? I don’t know if I’m exactly the best person to be asking for that…but I will try my best._ **

****

**_You can do this. Wow, is that really how I’m gong to start? Oops. Well, you can do it. You have nothing to worry about. I mean, you do have a lot to worry about, but this is a part of life; taking chances and doing things that make you want to slink into a hole from embarrassment. There are moments all of us have, things that we have to do in order to…to make us feel more alive. And I think this is one of them. No matter which way it goes, good or bad, you will be changed for the better._ **

****

**_I don’t really know if this helped at all. Probably not, sorry I’m so shit at giving motivational speeches. Last time I gave one I think one of my friends hit me in the head with a nerf gun…so I apologize if I did more harm than good._ **

****

**_Now on with the program! I have to admit, while I was looking at what I was going to talk about this week I was tempted to just boycott Valentines Day completely, but then I thought about it, and that would have been a pretty dick move. Everyone loves Vale-”_ **

 

Zayn clicked pause on the podcast and leaned back in his chair. In all honesty, he hadn’t really doubted that the guy was going to respond to his comment. He’d learn to depend on the voice behind the speakers. He saw himself and the voice as friends as weird as that may sound. He knew that he could depend on the guy, and that the guy found comfort in Zayn’s confiding in him. If he was telling the truth, he was going through the same things Zayn was and Zayn knew just how good it felt to know that someone out there was sharing in the misery.

 

 _It’s just something I have to do. It’ll make me feel more alive._ Zayn picked up a pen lying on his desk and twirled it in his fingers. _It’ll make me feel more alive. Liam in general makes me feel more alive, so this will be interesting._ He set the pen down and leaned forward again to press play.

 

 _Wait…_ he stared at the most recent podcast, the date in black bold letters. _November 13 th…no way_. The idea was a small thing in the back of his mind. He pressed play on that day’s podcast and continued listening. Still, the idea remained. It began to creep slowly deeper and deeper. It overtook memories and song lyrics. It controlled math theorems and silly little things like addresses and phone numbers he memorized. The idea began to conquer all. But Zayn refused to acknowledge it.

 

 _There’s no way. No, the date has to mean something else._ But the idea clung to his words and he doubted their validity. _No…Harry was just messing around with me._ The idea finally grabbed him by the throat and twisted its way down his heart. It had no mercy as it clung to his vital organ. _Fuck._

 

He quickly opened up his calendar application and went back to November. Sure enough, the 13th had been a Sunday. _No way._ He went into the search bar on the Talbert Tales page and typed in the date Harry had told him, the date that he hadn’t been able to get out of his head. His fingers were trembling like he hadn’t had a smoke in a while. He clicked play and tried his best to ignore how hard his heart was pounding in his chest.

 

Nothing seemed out of place

 

It was a normal podcast

 

Jokes

 

Gossip

 

Music

 

_Wait,_

 

The music.

 

**_“This song means a lot to me right now because…well because of stupid teenage boy with a crush reasons. I like to sit and think that maybe someone out there listens to it and thinks of me. But feelings are dumb. It’s by Death Cab for Cutie, and it’s called Passenger Seat.”_ **

 

Zayn felt his eyes begin to water as the song began, the music already taking his breath away, but he made no move to try and wipe them. It was as if he knew more were to come.

 

**_I roll the window down and then begin to breathe in_ **

 

Memories of Liam driving him home flooded Zayn’s memory.

 

**_The darkest country road and the strong scent of evergreen_ **

 

It was the place that he had found himself falling for Liam, the passenger seat in that worn Jeep.

 

**_From the passenger seat as you are driving me home_ **

 

All of the car rides: early in the morning, after school, late at night, they all meant something. Every single one of them held value.

 

**_Then looking upwards I strain my eyes and try to tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites_ **

 

Tears were beginning to fall now, stinging his cheeks slightly.

 

**_From the passenger seat as you are driving me home._ **

 

Zayn was trying to convince himself that this was a coincidence. It was all just a freak act of nature, and yet…

 

**_“Do they collide?” I ask and you smile_ **

 

This song epitomized how Zayn felt about Liam, an effortless sort of love. He had a place where he belonged, and it was by Liam’s side.

 

**_With my feet on the dash, the world doesn’t matter_. **

 

And that’s exactly how he felt whenever he was with Liam. Nothing else mattered when he was with Liam. It was always just Liam.

 

**_When you feel embarrassed, then I’ll be your pride. When you need directions, then I’ll be the guide._ **

 

Then it all clicked

 

**_For all time_ **

 

Liam was the voice

 

**_For all time_ **

 

He’d always been the voice

 

The sense of humors fell in line perfectly. He worked in the office; he knew things no one else knew; his music taste was, obviously impeccable and matched everything that was played; he could fake an American accent so well even Zayn had been fooled. Liam had been there when it seemed like no one else had. Liam had helped him without even knowing it. 

 

Liam was the one.

 

 

* * *

 

**((LIAM’S POINT OF VIEW))**

 

**(from Zayn Malik 11:48)  
cn we talk?**

 

The text from Zayn pulled Liam from a not so peaceful slumber. All he’d been thinking about was the message from Confused and Hopeless. He still wasn’t convinced that Harry wasn’t playing some sort of prank on him. When he read the message on Saturday, the first thing he did was call Harry and demanded him to confess. Of course Harry denied everything but Liam still wasn’t convinced. So he answered the plea for help on the podcast and prayed that it wasn’t some sort of joke. Still, he found himself not being able to stop thinking about it for more than five minutes. _I just want someone to be planning something for me. I want Zayn to want me. It would be so much easier if he wanted me like I wanted him. I want a Valentines Day like everyone else; I want to wake up and know that someone is mine._

 

He stared at his phone for a few minutes, not knowing how to respond. It was a no brainer; of course he was going to talk to Zayn no matter how late it was. He would always be there for Zayn; he just wished the feeling in the pit of his stomach would go away.

 

**(to Zayn Malik 11:53)**

**Yea, what’s up?**

 

He sat up in his bed, all chances of sleep gone.

 

**(from Zayn Malik 11:55)  
I’m at your house **

 

 _What? Why is he…_ Liam threw off his covers and slipped on a shirt before clambering down the stairs, turning on various lights as he went. _Is this some sort of practical joke? Because April Fool’s isn’t for a long while_. He switched on the light in the foyer and unlocked the front door. Liam couldn’t help but notice just how hard his heart was pounding. The door opened easily and sure enough, “Zayn”

Zayn was dressed similarly to Liam, an old t-shirt and sweatpants which Liam knew did wonders for Zayn’s ass _But I can’t really think about that now can I?_ “Hey, can I come in?” Liam stepped out of the doorway to let Zayn in. He shut the door behind him and leaned up against it. Zayn was nervous, twirling his phone in his hands. He walked further into the foyer before turning back around to face Liam.

 

“So, uh…hi” Liam gave Zayn a half smile as he crossed his arms. He felt self-conscious and he didn’t know why.

 

Zayn grinned. “Look, sorry about this. I know it’s late and it’s a school night and I don’t even know if your parents are home,”

 

“They’re not” Liam assured him. _Why is he so nervous? What could have happened that upset him this much?_

 

“Good.” Zayn took a deep breath. “So I need to talk to you”

 

“Okay…” It suddenly hit Liam just how much tension was in the air. It was thick. It was electric. It was every cliché in the book. Liam couldn’t tell if it was a good thing or a bad thing; he was praying for the former.

 

Zayn took a few steps closer to Liam and with each step Liam’s heart pounded louder and harder. _This is going to give me wet dreams I swear._ “Liam, I…”

 

“Did something happen? Should I call the police?” Liam’s mind was going to the worst possible scenario.

 

“No, nothing happened. I mean, something did happen, but nothing worth calling the police.”

 

“So what is it?”

 

“I…uh…I…” Zayn was still playing with his phone nervously. Liam was tempted to take it from his hands; the action was starting to make him nervous as well. “I’ve been an idiot.”

 

 _That’s not what I was expecting._ “No offense, but I don’t really understand”

 

“Liam, I’ve been an idiot” he took a few steps closer to Liam. Now only a few feet separated the two. Liam felt his heart hammer.

 

“Yea, you said that but I don’t understand”

 

“I’ve been a massive idiot” as Zayn inched closer; Liam felt the air slowly escaping from his lungs. “A massive,” he took another step, “massive” _I think I’m dreaming._ “Massive idiot” and Zayn’s lips were pressed against Liam’s.

 

Liam fell back against the door as Zayn deepened the kiss, his hands finding their way to the back of Liam’s neck. It took a moment for Liam to respond, his mind crashing in on itself _. I’m kissing Zayn. Oh god I’m actually kissing Zayn I think this is the best feeling oh god I’m going to explode he tastes even better than I would imagine_. Once his instincts kicked in, he pushed back. Liam pressed his lips harder against Zayn’s and he could feel Zayn’s lips turn up slightly into a smile.

 

He pulled back, his heart dropping as their lips separated and whispered, “So this is happening?” Zayn’s hands traced down Liam’s stomach and rested along his hips. His fingers tightened and Liam’s stomach flipped. Every place Zayn touched felt like it was on fire. It was a pure burning passion that Liam thought briefly he needed or else he would die right then and there.

 

“If that’s cool with you” Zayn chuckled into Liam’s neck. “Please don’t turn me down now.”

 

Liam felt his inner animalistic instinct take control. “Never” he growled and grabbed onto Zayn’s hips and twisted around so Zayn was the one pressed up against the front door. He nipped at Zayn’s collarbones, placing kisses just above where his shirt turned into skin. _This has got to be some sort of dream. This is too good to be real_. Zayn’s hands were tracing Liam’s back. _God, I never want this to end._

 

“You know” Zayn used a hand to lift Liam’s chin, bringing their lips together again. “As much as I love this” he bit Liam’s lower lip. “We should probably move to somewhere a little more comfortable” Liam surged forward and kissed Zayn as deeply as he knew how.

 

“You know,” Liam pulled back and pressed a chaste kiss onto Zayn’s forehead. “I think you’re right” He stepped away from Zayn and let him lean up from against the door. Zayn’s eyes were dark with want. Liam felt the fire still deep within his stomach. This is all he’d ever wanted, _and god it feels good to get what I want_. He took a few more steps back and turned to walk down the hall to the living room. “Coming?” He cocked and eyebrow at Zayn who seemed to be staring at him in shock. Zayn stumbled forward and fell in line with Liam, their fingers intertwining as they walked down the hallway in perfect step.

 

“Did I mention that I’ve been a bit of an idiot?” Zayn asked sheepishly.

 

Liam let out a loud laugh, “A few times, yea. But then again, so have I”

 

“We’re just a pair of idiots” Zayn sighed dramatically as he collapsed onto the couch. Liam fell on top of him, not as dramatically, but with some flair.

 

“Idiots indeed.” He hid his face into the crook of Zayn’s shoulder. He felt Zayn’s arm wrapping itself around Liam’s waist.

 

“So I feel like I need to explain myself”

 

“Hmm?” Liam was too busy kissing Zayn’s shoulder to really pay attention.

 

“I don’t think you understand how much I like you, Liam”

 

“Please tell me this isn’t a dream” Liam struggled to sit up and still manage to keep Zayn’s arm around him.

 

“If it is, I never want to wake up.” Zayn kissed Liam’s check. “Seriously. I’ve fancied you for so long, I just…” he stared at the flat screen opposing the sofa. “I just used to think it was hopeless.”

 

“Hopeless?” Liam’s heart broke, because _god how is this real._

 

“Guess it’s not though”

 

Liam shook his head like a little child. “No,” he grabbed Zayn’s free hand and took it in his own. “Not hopeless at all” He was perfectly aware of the silly grin plastered on his face, only because Zayn looked like he was seeing the sun for the first time. He was looking at Liam like Liam was the sun, and of course all Liam could do was smile. A blush was beginning to creep across his cheeks, but Liam had no shame. “What made you change your mind?”

 

Zayn tilted his head in confusion. “About?”

 

Liam lifted their entwined hands in the air _I can’t believe we’re already acting like a couple oh god I can just see myself doing this for months to come this isn’t healthy at all._ “about us being hopeless.”

 

“Oh.” Zayn smiled at their hands and twisted them so Liam’s hand was facing him. He placed a gentle kiss on the back of Liam’s hand. “I heard a song.”

 

“You heard a song?” _what kind of cryptic bullshit is that?_

 

“I heard a song.”

 

“Well, I hope you’re aware that I’ve fancied you since I think the moment we met”

 

“Really?” Zayn sounded dubious. Like he couldn’t believe Liam holding a fascination with him for that long.

 

Liam nodded and focused on their hands, instead of Zayn’s face. He could feel Zayn’s eyes upon him and the blush seemed to spread even further. “Ever since I almost plowed you down in the art museum.”

 

“I still think that was my fault.”

 

“Doesn’t matter whose fault it was” Liam finally built up enough courage to meet Zayn’s eyes. “I’m just glad it happened. Like you said, I was just so hopeless.” He couldn’t help but think about his sad pathetic state just fifteen minutes prior. It seemed like there wasn’t any hope nor would there be any hope. Life was just something to get through. However now that he was leaning into Zayn’s embrace Liam didn’t understand how he could ever think in such a way. Of course there was hope. There would always be hope. Hope was everlasting and eternal.

 

“Liam,” Liam stared deep into Zayn’s eyes. I don’t know if there has ever been a beautiful sight than Zayn’s chocolate brown eyes. His vision was obstructed as Zayn moved in to kiss Liam, slow and sweet. Liam’s eyes fluttered open. “I never want you to feel hopeless again.”

 

* * *

 

Liam could have sworn that he had just lain down to sleep when his alarm was going off at 5:45. He had simply blinked and suddenly there was his alarm, dragging him from the dead. Granted, his body felt like it was dead, but his mind and spirit had never been more alive. Zayn had left his house around 2:30, claiming that Liam needed some sleep before the next day. Liam had tried his best to convince him that no matter when he left, he wouldn’t be able to sleep. Of course he had been right.

 

By the time he had managed to shower and get himself somewhat ready, Liam felt like he was going to be sick. He still wasn’t convinced that the previous night or morning more like it had been some sick twisted dream. It was something that his subconscious would create; the kind of dark hell fate would throw him into. He stared at his reflection, feeling a changed man. _Am I a changed man?_ He asked his reflection aloud. He could still feel the phantom ghost of Zayn’s lips against his. As he drove to pick Zayn up, he could still feel Zayn’s arms wrapped around his waist, his fingers fitting in perfectly between his own. He pulled into Zayn’s drive and the front door to Zayn’s house swung open automatically, as if Zayn had been waiting just inside. _Am I changed?_ He asked himself as Zayn smiled at him before he opened the door. _Yes, I’ve been changed._ Zayn slid into the passenger seat and kissed Liam.

 

“How are you?”

 

“Better.” Liam smiled. “Now that I know that it’s not some sort of dream”

 

“No,” Zayn shook his head. “This is not a dream” He paled for a moment, “Do you want it to be?”

 

“Oh god, no” Liam reached over and squeezed Zayn’s hands reassuringly. “No, no, no.” He shook his head repeatedly. “I don’t want this to stop for anything”

 

“I’m glad.” Zayn kissed Liam and Liam felt his heart flip. “Now that we have the cute sappy bullshit out of the way,” Liam laughed at that but let Zayn continue, “I made these for you” He reached down and pulled up a plate of chocolate chip muffins covered in plastic wrap. “I hope you like them. It was some box recipe, not from scratch or anything…”

 

Liam stared blankly at Zayn, not knowing if it was a joke or not. “You…baked me muffins?”

 

Zayn blushed. “I mean I had time”

 

“You got up early to make me muffins?”

 

“Well I mean” Liam could tell Zayn was getting flustered. _Is he embarrassed? Why would he ever be embarrassed? This is the sweetest thing I think anyone has ever done._

 

“No one’s ever baked me anything before.”

 

“Really?”

 

Liam nodded. “I swear on my life. This is,” he glanced down at the plate in his hands. He peeled back the plastic wrap and pulled out one of the muffins. It was still hot. He bit into it. _Goodfuckinglord._ “This is the sweetest thing anyone as ever done.”

 

“Well happy Valentines Day, then”

 

Liam almost choked on his bite. He had completely forgotten the fact that it was Valentines Day. “Shit”

 

“Do they taste that bad? I’m sorry, I thought I followed the directions right but I could be wrong”

 

“No! No, no. This is good” he finished the muffin in one large bite, chewed and swallowed before continuing. “I just forgot that it’s Valentines Day.”

 

Zayn relaxed visibly. “Oh, well no matter. Why would that be a big deal?”

 

“Because I didn’t get you anything?” Liam felt like he deserved a slap to the face. _How could I forget that it’s Valentines Day?_

 

“Liam, you didn’t have to get me anything”

 

“Of course I do, you’re my, my…” Liam paused when he realized that they had yet to discuss what exactly they were. He didn’t want to take the leap without being certain Zayn was comfortable with it.

 

“You’re my boyfriend” Zayn filled in for him. “And that is gift enough”

 

Liam pulled Zayn close to him and kissed him breathlessly. He gently opened Zayn’s mouth with his own, his tongue tracing the inside of Zayn’s mouth. Time seemed to fly by as they sat in Liam’s car making out and eventually Zayn made the comment, “You know, we should probably leave soon if we want to go to school”

 

Liam glanced at the clock; it was already 7:00. “Oh…right.” He quickly shifted into reverse and backed down Zayn’s driveway. “You know, being on time is overrated anyways.” He winked at Zayn as he changed into drive and began down the main street.

 

They were halfway to school when Zayn casually remarked, “I can stand to miss first period. All we’re doing is watching a movie”

 

Liam was quiet for a few moments and finally responded by saying with a shrug, “That’s a coincidence. I seem to have a large plate of muffins that I won’t be able to finish all by myself.”

 

“I wonder how you can solve that problem”

 

“Indeed. I wonder who on earth could possibly help me”

 

“You know, I have a feeling it might require a lot of time. Sounds like a lot of work, all of those muffins”

 

Liam nodded, his eyes still focused on the road leading them to school. “It just may. An entire hour…maybe even two”

 

“Good thing you drive me to school, who else would be here on such short notice to help you in your time of need”

 

“I know. I’m so lucky to have met you”

 

“You really are” Liam flicked on his turn signal and took a sharp right turn. “How about the park? I think that’s the right place where these muffins need to be devoured.”

 

“Oh, I agree. And then maybe the coffee shop off of 27, by Lightner”

 

“Absolutely right” _It’s Valentines Day. To hell with school._

 

* * *

 

 **(from Haz Styles 7:10)**  
whr r u???  
  
(from Haz Styles 7:15)  
did u die?

**(from Haz Styles 7:17)  
Liammmmmmm**

**(from Niall Horan 7:18)  
harry’s frkng out where r u 2?**

**(from Tomlinson 7:22)**  
u coming 2 school???  
  


**(from Haz Styles 7:20)  
R U W/ ZAYN**

**(from Haz Styles 7:20)**

**LIKE W/ HIM W/ HIM**

**(from Haz Styles 7:21)  
U R RN’T U**

**(from Haz Styles 7:21)  
I KNEW IT**

**(from Haz Styles 7:22)  
I BLOODY KNEW IT**

**(from Haz Styles 7:23)  
U OWE ME PAYNE **

**(from Tomlinson 7:30)**  
u n malik?? Good on u mate ;))))  
  


**(from Niall Horan 7:32)  
y rnt u in skool?**

**(from Niall Horan 7:40)  
u and zayn r togethr now?**

**(from Niall Horan 7:41)**

**took u long enough**

 

* * *

 

“I think it’s safe to say, this was the best Valentines Day ever”

 

“That’s such a big compliment”

 

“I mean it”

 

“As do I”

 

Liam turned to look at Zayn, who was staring up at the night sky. They were lying on the top of Zayn’s mom’s car (which he had borrowed in order to take Liam out to dinner that night) and were parked in Liam’s drive way. Just sitting, that’s all they were doing and had been doing for the past hour. Saying nothing and everything all at once. _I don’t think I’ve ever had such a perfect day_ Liam thought as he reflected on the day he spent entirely on Zayn Malik’s arm. _It truly was…perfect._ Zayn was wonderful and being able to call him _mine, mine mine mine,_ Liam felt like he was going to burst from the seams. After what felt like years of being unhappy, he was finally seeing the good in life.

 

“Zayn”

 

“Yea?”

 

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

 

Zayn was silent for a few moments then, “You can ask me whatever you want; I’m always going to be honest with you.”

 

“Are you…” Liam thought about how he could possibly phrase his question. It had suddenly clicked while they were at dinner that it was all for him. Everything Zayn had done that day was for him. Zayn had orchestrated a plan for their day, an elaborate plan, just like the one his listener Confused and Hopeless had outlined. Liam was the object of Zayn’s affection. Zayn was Confused and Hopeless, and Liam had been the person he had been writing about. However Liam needed to confirm his suspicions, and so cautiously proceeded. “You…you still listen to Talbert Tales, don’t you?”

 

“I do indeed”

 

“And you…well…last night you said that you were hopeless. Are you…” his breath was shaking. _Why am I so nervous? It’s just a simple question. Just ask you bloody idiot._ “Confused and Hopeless?”

 

Zayn took in a deep breath. Oh no. “Can I answer your question with a personal question of my own?”

 

“It would be only fair”

 

“When were you going to tell me what you do on Sunday nights?”

 

* * *

 

**_Hello my wonderful listeners and happy Sunday night. I hope that all of you are doing well. Unfortunately, I think tonight is going to be a short little post. Not much has happened in my life to tell you. Actually, that’s a lie. Everything has happened. Everything a boy could ever ask for._ **

****

**_I have...uh…well I’m proud to say that I’m no longer single. Not that any of you care, really. But Hell, I want to go shouting it from the rooftops. I want to dance in the hills and sing to the wind like Maria in the Sound of Music. So if you know of any good hills for me to dance upon, just let me know._ **

****

**_But yes. I’m actually…happy. It’s been one of those weeks where, my eyes have been opened to the light. It’s like I see beauty in everything now, even in my bullshit assignments and lectures. You know something is wrong with me when I start thinking about just how lovely the formula to find z-scores is. I may be in the need of some psychiatric help, but for now I’m content in my happiness._ **

****

**_I do actually have a bit of news for you guys, concerning prom. Can I get an ooohh? I hope you guys will like it. I don’t think it’s set in stone yet, but personally I love spoilers. So sue me._ **

****

**_Alright. Here is a song to start us off. It’s dedicated to my …significant other. I’m sorry if you think this is cheesy or stupid, but it’s my show and I can do whatever the hell I want. So babe, this is for you, as a late Valentines Day gift.. It’s one of my favorite quote-un-quote love songs, and I really hope you like it. It’s called Thank You, and it’s by Led Zeppelin._ **


	12. Chapter 12

“So then she gave us this test and actually expected us to be able to finish it in half an hour”

 

“Even though she didn’t teach you guys the chapter”

 

“Exactly! She assigns us chapters to read and then expects us to be ready to take a test the very next class! I mean where is the logic in that? There isn’t any, let me tell you”

 

“Well that’s what you get for taking an AP math class”

 

“Trust me, if I could go back and not take it, I would”

 

“Liar. You know you would still have taken it. You like to ‘challenge’ yourself”

 

“Are you mocking me?”

 

Zayn pursed his lips in thought. “Only slightly”

 

“I’m hurt” Liam stopped in the middle of the packed hallway and pouted at Zayn who had kept walking before he was pulled back by his hand, which was still firmly grasped in Liam’s. He tugged on Liam’s hand and Liam grudgingly resumed his stride by Zayn’s side.

 

“That’s not really a good look on you,” Zayn pointed at Liam’s face with his free hand. “The whole pouting thing.”

 

“Oh please, my puppy-dog eyes make you weak at the knees and you know it”

 

“The eyes, maybe” Zayn admitted as he jerked to a halt before crashing into some teacher pushing a cart through the crowd. “But the trembling lower lip thing,” he shuddered and Liam laughed. “I get enough of that from my sisters”

 

“I’ll keep that in mind when I’m trying to get you to do something. So puppy-dog eyes are a yes, while the lower lip is a no” Liam pulled his hand away as they walked through a doorway separated into two by a metal pole. As soon as they reached the other side his hand found Zayn’s. _Exactly where it belongs_. He tightened his grip on Zayn’s fingers as if he was reassuring himself that Zayn was really there. Zayn’s fingers tightened as well. _Am I really doing this? God, it’s been about three weeks and I still can’t believe I can actually do this and not get yelled at or whatever._

 

“Zayn! Liam! Wait up!” The pair stopped in their tracks and turned to see a ginger head weaving is way through the flow of people behind them.

 

“Hey Ed!” Zayn dropped Liam’s hand as Ed reached them and gave him a hug. Liam stood there awkwardly for a second before Ed pulled him in for a hug as well.

 

“How you doing man?”

 

“I’m doing just fine. How about you?” Liam asked politely.

 

Ed grinned. “I’m doing perfect. Just perfect” he turned to face Zayn. “Hey. So I talked to Mr. Cardle like you suggested and he said he would be fine with sponsoring, we just need to get the stamp of approval from the principal and pick a day”

 

“Seriously? Yes! This is great”

 

“I know right? I’m already asking around and it sounds like a lot of people would be interested in signing up or just coming to listen”

 

“Dude, this is going to be the best!”

 

“It really is” Ed looked around at the people passing around them. “Okay. I’m going to go pop my head in the office and see if I can set up an appointment to talk to him. Talk to you guys later?”

 

Zayn nodded, his hand finally finding its way back to Liam’s. “Sounds good, mate”

 

Liam waited until they had resumed their trek to the library for study hall before asking, “So what’re you guys doing?”

 

Zayn’s eyes lit up “Oh! Haven’t I told you? Ed and I came up with this idea to have a sort of open mike night, talent show type thing to help raise money for prom and other senior class things.”

 

“Aw, no way. That’s a great idea”

 

“Isn’t it?” Zayn squeezed Liam’s hand excitedly. “I really think it’ll be a lot of fun. I hope it all works out”

 

 _It’s such a simplistic thing, so why does it make me so happy? It’s only hands touching hands, Fingers interlocking perfectly. The bare minimum of physical contact and yet…_ Liam tried not to stare at his hand entwined with Zayn’s. _And yet it means so much. There is so much said with this little display of affection. It says it all. It’s a message loud and clear for everyone to see. I am his, and he is mine. We belong together. Us-Liam and Zayn. We are taken. He completes me, and I him, at least…for the time being. And people can see this, know this, just by looking at our hands, our hands that fit so perfectly together. I’m in some sort of fucking fairytale, I swear_ Liam glanced up to see a couple of jocks _stupid lax bros_ walking towards them on the opposite end of the hall. The tallest seemed to zero in on Liam and Zayn’s hands and nudged the boy to his left who then seemed to pass the message on to the others. Liam braced himself for the insults, for the laughter and crude jokes. Instead they were met with smiles and a nod from the tallest. A sigh of relief escaped Liam’s lips as they walked further away from the group of jocks.

 

“I don’t see why you expect people to hate us” Zayn rolled his eyes at Liam.

 

“To be honest, I don’t know why either” Liam countered as he dropped Zayn’s hand to pull open the library door for his boyfriend _boyfriend! That word still makes my stomach do flips_. They walked to the back where the others were already sitting discussing some juvenile topic with more enthusiasm than it really deserved.

 

“If people accept those two freaks,” Zayn motioned towards Harry and Louis who had just started play fighting over some novelty animal shaped pencil topper. “Then they’re going to accept us” He pressed a kiss warmly into Liam’s cheek and pulled his chair out for him. “You forget how liberal this school is, Li”

 

* * * 

“That will be $6.43. And can I have a name for the order?”

 

“Liam.” Liam answered the barista’s question as he handed her the correct change. He smiled as she handed him his receipt in return and turned to walk back to the table in the far back corner of the coffee shop that Zayn had claimed for the two of them. Zayn’s eyes lit up as Liam neared the table. _I’m never going to get used to that_

 

“This place is really nice”

 

“Isn’t it?” Liam sat down and reached for his backpack that Zayn had so carefully rested against the base of the table. “Now, physics”

 

Zayn groaned. “Why do you have to be so motivated? It’s Monday. Why can’t we just relax and enjoy our coffee and stare into each other’s eyes or something”

 

“I mean, I’m all for staring into each other’s eyes, but I would also really like it if you managed to pass this class”

 

“But physics is so utterly boring. And I’m terrible at math, you know that” Zayn pouted.

 

“How come you can pull off the puppy-dog pout perfectly and I can’t? Lower lip and everything.”

 

“It’s because I’m perfect.”

 

“Uh huh, okay. Whatever you say”

 

“Admit it, I’m perfect”

 

“Somehow I really don’t think perfection would include getting a D in physics.”

 

“But-”

 

“But you are pretty damn close to perfection, I do have to agree” Liam leaned across the table and pecked Zayn lightly on the lips. “Happy?”

 

“Mmm, very”

 

They kissed again before Liam pulled away, “Seriously though, you need to memorize these formulas. I know you’re not the best at math, but as long as you understand what to plug in where, you’re fine. Physics isn’t exactly rocket science” Liam reached into his backpack and pulled out the formula sheet he’d saved from his physics class the year before.

 

“Now, you get that force times mass equals acceleration, right?” he looked up at Zayn. “Zayn?” Zayn seemed very interested in his cuticles all of a sudden. “You okay?” Liam twisted round to see a floral dress and long brown curls standing at the counter. _Danielle. Shit_ “Oh” he whipped his head back around and stared hard at the formula sheet. This was the first time that he’d seen Danielle since he and Zayn had made their relationship official. _Please don’t look over here, please don’t look over here. Just get your coffee and go. I know that this is ‘your place’ but please leave soon._

 

“Liam?” The barista’s loud voice shot down all of Liam’s vain hopes. _Why the hell is she yelling? There are like five of us in this place, god._ Zayn waved a hand at the girl to flag her down.

 

“Here you are” she sat their mugs down in the middle of the table. “Enjoy!”

 

“Thank you!” Liam spoke kindly to the girl even though he was harboring an intense loathing for her obnoxious loud voice.

 

“Uh, Liam?” Danielle had walked towards their table, still shoving her change into her brightly patterned wallet. “Hey, what’s up?”

 

“Oh, um, hey Danielle” Liam tried to smile as friendly as he could. He debated internally for a moment on whether or not he should stand up and give her a hug. He settled with waving at her awkwardly. _Why am I so awkward?_ “I’m doing well, how are you?”

 

“Oh, you know.” She gave a half-smile. “The same.”

 

“Good…good.” Liam took a drink before realizing _I should probably do something about Zayn._ “You know Zayn right?” It was a rhetorical question. He knew very well that he’d introduced them at the movies and that she’d talked to him back when the pair had been talking. Zayn looked up from the formula sheet that he had grabbed from in front of Liam at some point and smiled warmly up at Liam’s past flame.

 

“Hey”

 

“HI” Danielle answered. “Yea, we’ve met before. Well, I’ve met him as my-friend-Zayn, but not as my-boyfriend-Zayn.” She laughed lightly.

 

 _Okay. She seems comfortable with this whole thing, even if I’m not in any way, shape, or form_ “Oh, right. Well now you’ve got a proper introduction. Danielle, this is my boyfriend Zayn”

 

“How’re you and Ryan?” Zayn cut in quickly before Danielle could say anything else. His hand had found its way to Liam’s and was holding on to it tightly, possessively. “He’s on the lacrosse team, right?”

 

Danielle nodded and Liam couldn’t help but notice her eyes focus in on their hands for a brief moment. “Yea, he plays lacrosse. Goalie actually. And we’re doing just fine, our two-month is this weekend”

 

“Aw, that’s wonderful!”

 

“Yea, congratulations.” Zayn echoed Liam’s sentiments, though his enthusiasm seemed a bit more forced. 

“Thanks” Danielle pushed a few curls away from her blushing face. “Yea, it’s been a really nice two months.”

 

“Danielle?” the barista’s voice cut sharply through the air once again. “A to-go order for Danielle?”

 

“Over here!” Danielle answered cheerfully. She grabbed the to-go cup and thanked the barista with more enthusiasm than was really necessary. _But hey, that’s just how Danielle is_. “Well, I guess I’ll see you guys later” she took a small sip from her cup. “And I hope this isn’t, I don’t know, awkward or anything,” _It probably will be, knowing my luck_ “but you two are just too adorable together, and I mean that. You are such a nice fit for each other. A lot better than we were, Liam.”

 

“Thanks, Danielle,” Zayn answered before Liam could find the words. “That means a lot”

 

“Okay, well, bye!” Danielle turned and walked to the door, the little bells around the door handle chiming, as it slammed shut behind her.

 

“Well, that was fun” Liam squeezed Zayn’s hand. “Wouldn’t you say?”

 

“Oh yea, loads of fun” Zayn drew his hand back and wrapped it around his mug, brought it up to his lips, and took a deep drink. “Ex-es are always such a pleasure to interact with”

 

“I don’t know if I would exactly call her an ex,” Liam tried to reason “We were only ever talking, and even that was just as a distraction from you”

 

Zayn’s eyebrows rose. He was so surprised he had to set his drink down and steady it before responding. “You didn’t like her?”

 

“I liked her enough, but not what she deserved” Liam felt embarrassed, like he was sharing some deep dark secret. “Yea, she was more like something pretty to focus on instead of you”

 

“Well…I think I’m flattered. You liked me enough to try to go out with someone else just to distract you. But, you could have just asked me out, it would have made things a lot easier” he took a sip and then mumbled, “and can you like…not call her pretty?”

 

“Why?”

 

“I dunno, I just…don’t want to hear you say she’s pretty” Zayn blushed into his mug.

 

“Why, you going to get jealous?”

 

Zayn turned his head to the side, his nose slightly up in the air. “Maybe.”

 

“You’re insane”

 

“But you love it”

 

“Yes, I love how insane you are.” Liam met Zayn’s eyes welcomingly. “But I would also love it if you would possibly start studying instead of worrying about whether or not I think someone I could have dated is pretty”

 

Zayn sighed dramatically. “Damn it! I thought you’d forgotten”

 

“Sorry, you can’t distract me that easily”

 

“You’re no fun”

 

“I’m plenty fun, and you know it” Liam pushed his coffee to the side and reached to grab the formula sheet back from Zayn’s side of the table. “Alright.” He pulled out a pen from inside his backpack. “How about…these five” he drew a box around five of the formulas. “Memorize these five and we can call it a day” Zayn groaned a little more, but after a few moments filled with sighs of defeat, he grabbed the formula sheet and tried to memorize the formulas Liam had assigned.

 

* * *

 

“And here are the left over passes from earlier. Anything else you need me to do right now? I can go sort mail if you’d like”

 

“That’d be great, Liam. Thank you”

 

“No problem” Liam walked around the front desk and past the various desks filling the office. The secretaries all smiled at him as he passed, he could do no wrong in their eyes. The mailroom was empty and he stationed himself near the door leading back into the main office to sort the piles of mail. This was where he managed to hear the best gossip, when the secretaries were by themselves and believed him to be out of earshot. It amused Liam to no end how easily the women would let the gossip flow. One would think that at least some discretion would be used but it seemed like the ladies didn’t know the meaning of the word, not that Liam minded or anything.

 

No, he thrived on the gossip almost as much as they did. It helped knowing that nothing they would ever say would relate to him. His life would be considered poor and pathetic in the eyes of his beloved secretaries. _A real blessing in disguise_ Liam thought as he divided letters and put a few into the cubbies of the teachers for whom they were addressed.

 

It only took about two minutes after Liam had left the main room for the loudest secretary to call out to the room at large, “So did you hear was Dianne was talking about this morning?”

 

 _Here we go_ “No, what was it?”

 

“So apparently there’s this thing-”

 

“Oh! Are you talking about the thing Julie mentioned the other day? The one all of her kids were talking about?” Another voice cut in.

 

“Yea, the thing”

 

“Will someone please clue me in?” _Oh Suzanne, clueless as always_ “Dianne, really”

 

“Okay, so there’s this thing that all of the kids are talking about”

 

“And from the sounds of it, Dave isn’t going to be happy when he finds out” _The principal? This must be some serious shit going down_

 

“You think? I think it’s all just harmless fun”

 

“What is it? You guys aren’t telling me anything at all”

 

“It’s this online radio type thing, that’s how you’d describe it, right, Emily?”

 

“A podcast.”

 

“Yea, that’s what the kids call it. A podcast.”

 

Liam dropped the pile of letters he’d been holding. _Holy fuck. No way_. His heat felt like it was going to thunder out of his chest. His knees were weak as the mailroom spun madly around him. It was an out of body experience; Liam could see himself frozen, trying to process the information without completely breaking down.

 

“So it’s called Talbert Tales and it’s run by some senior. We don’t know who”

 

“The kid is anonymous and he knows a hell of a lot about the inner workings of the school”

 

“Oh really?” Suzanne sounded completely sucked in

 

“Really!”

 

“You know, I wonder if it really is a kid though. It has to be someone with access, a staff member of some kind”

 

“You think so?” Dianne questioned the other secretary involved in the conversation, Emily.

 

“I do! I mean none of these kids has that kind of access”

 

“That’s very true” Dianne agreed.

 

By now Liam had regained control over his limbs and was beginning to pick up the things he had dropped. He was trying his best to stay calm and remain rational, but it was hard. _They’re going to know it’s me. Of course they’re going to know it’s me. I’m so obvious, oh god. I knew this day would come deep down in my bones I knew it would come. They know it’s me and they’re just messing with me. They’re playing with me, waiting for me to confess. Oh god, how could I be so stupid? Wait…just…pull it together._ Liam took a deep breath.

 

 _Just keep breathing, relax. Stop being so paranoid. They don’t know it’s me. I just need to relax and stay calm. They were just saying they thought it was some staff member, that no kid could have the access. It’s all going to be okay. They’ll notice something is wrong if I start freaking out. Breathe in, and out. Breathe in, and out. In, and out. In, and out._ Liam repeated the mantra over and over in his head until he’d finished sorting the mail into alphabetized piles. He was about to begin putting the mail in the slots when he heard Dianne’s voice calling his name. 

“Liam? Hey Liam honey, can you come out here please?”

 

 _Okay. Here we go. Game face on, I can do this_ Liam slipped a smile onto his face and walked out into the main room. “You rang?” He headed straight for the larger than life woman sitting behind a dark metal desk covered in what looked like everything daisy related that ever existed. “What can I help you with?”

 

“Oh, Liam! There you are” Dianne pulled off her daisy patterned reading glasses and set them down upon her daisy print desk calendar. She picked up a pile of passes she had just finished filling out. “I know you were just out, but would you mind going and taking these down to the orchestra room? It’s for some school trip they’re going on tomorrow and I would have Rebecca do it, but” she rolled her eyes as she mentioned the unreliable office aid that shared in Liam’s responsibilities that class period.

 

“Sure, I can take them.” Liam lifted the pile of hot pink passes off the daisy themed desk and began to walk out of the office.

 

“Such a nice boy, that Liam” He heard Dianne sigh as he closed the glass door behind him. _Yea, I’m such a nice boy. Would they still call me a nice boy if they knew? Would I still be the golden little British kid they all want their daughters to date if they knew I was the one leaking their secrets to the world?_

 

By the time Liam had delivered the passes to the orchestra room and laughed as the teacher praised him for being the only one to distinguish between the orchestra and chorus rooms, he had decided that he wasn’t going to worry about the gossip in the main office. It really wasn’t the end of the world that his lovable secretaries knew about his podcasts.

 

_I mean, it was really only a matter of time before they found out. I’m just surprised it’s taken them about a year to catch on to the whole charade. Some weeks my show is the only thing people talk about, they were bound to hear about it at some point. And really, what are they going to do? There’s nothing they can do. I just need to forget about it and move on with my day_

 

* * *

 

“I can’t believe you’ve never seen Coffee Talk”

 

“I can’t believe that this is actually a big deal to you”

 

“Of course it’s a big deal, this is Saturday Night Live we’re talking about”

 

“But it’s an American show”

 

“And your point is?” Zayn twisted around from where he was sitting on the floor in front of his xbox to stare at Liam who was sprawled out on the couch, his environmental science textbook laying on his lap long forgotten.

 

“Well, you’ve only lived here for like, six or seven months”

 

“And that means I can’t appreciate American culture? I’ll have you know,” Zayn pointed a finger at Liam, “That I’ve been a fan for a long time. Years even”

 

Liam shook his head at his boyfriend. _God, the fact that I can call this dumb idiot mine-ridiculous_. “Fine. You’ve been a fan for years.”

 

“Ever since my dad brought me back the best of Chris Farley from one of his work trips”

 

“He brought you back a best-of movie as a gift?”

 

“Watch the attitude. My dad isn’t the best at giving gifts, alright?” Zayn tossed the empty case to the side and walked back to plop down on the couch besides Liam. He pressed play disc and waited for it to load. “So what’s been bugging you?”

 

“What?” Liam was confused at the abrupt subject change, but was also slightly pleased that Zayn knew him so well. “Nothing’s bugging me”

 

“Bullshit”

 

“Can’t let anything slip by you, can I?”

 

“No, no you can’t” Zayn pulled Liam in tighter to him and kissed Liam’s forehead. “What’s up, Li?”

 

 _I really can’t hide anything. It’s like he can see right into me. God, that’s so scare and intimidating and yet…I love it; it’s such a breath of fresh air._ “I don’t know. I heard some of the secretaries talking this morning about Talbert Tales”

 

“Oh? What were they saying?”

 

“Nothing really. Just like it was a thing. One of them thought there’s no way it could be a student run thing.”

 

“Well that’s good.”

 

“I guess. It’s just, I know I shouldn’t be worried about it…but”

“But you’re just paranoid”

 

“Basically” Liam raised his hands to cover his face, letting his textbook fall carelessly to the floor. “I’m being stupid, aren’t I?”

 

“No, not at all” Zayn reassured him gently. “Of course you’re going to be worried that people will find out you’re behind it”

 

“But I shouldn’t be”

 

“No, you shouldn’t be”

 

Liam bit his lip. “Of course I’m still going to be paranoid though”

 

“But of course, you are Liam after all”

 

“Oh yea? I wasn’t aware that I was Liam, thank you for pointing that out”

 

“I do what I can” Zayn shrugged as a bright smile tugged on the corners of his lips.

 

“So are we gonna just do the thing?” Liam asked by way of bringing the subject back to the TV screen where the Best of Mike Meyers menu was playing.

 

“Let’s just do the thing” Zayn said in a deep, goofy voice like he was quoting something. Liam stared at him blankly and waited for him to explain. “You haven’t seen the cowbell sketch either? I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription, is more cowbell! Really? Nothing?”

 

Liam shook his head. “Sorry, haven’t heard of it”

 

Zayn fell back and grabbed one of the throw pillows at the foot of the couch and threw it at Liam who managed to deflect it with the palm of his hand. “You haven’t lived! Thank god you have me to help bring you to the light”

 

“I worry you’re taking all of this too seriously”

 

“Oh, absolutely” Zayn sat up; his hair messed up from where it had been pushed up by the cushions. _Damn, he looks good with his hair all messed up like that_ “There is nothing I take more seriously. SNL is serious business, Liam. I don’t think you understand”

 

“If you say so”

 

“Oh, I do” Zayn spoke gravely. He searched around for the xbox controller to start the DVD. Liam handed it to him after spying it stuck in between two of the seat cushions. “And you’re going to understand why” he clicked through the different sketches and selected one labeled Coffee Talk. As the sketch began Zayn leaned back into the back of the couch and Liam subconsciously followed. Zayn’s left arm wrapped itself around Liam’s shoulders where it remained for the duration of all the sketches.

 

 _Okay, I have to admit, this is some pretty funny shit_ Liam thought after the Hedly and Wyche British toothpaste mock commercial had finished. But not all of Liam’s attention was on the television screen; he was acutely aware of just how close Zayn was, of the few layers of fabric separating skin from skin, of how easy it would be to lean over and start making out right then and there in Zayn’s basement, of how he couldn’t do that because Zayn’s mother and sisters were all somewhere upstairs, and of how much he adored _loved_ cuddling with Zayn. It was easy and natural, relaxed and carefree; Liam had this feeling deep down in the pit of his belly that this was a good thing, a thing he could do for a while. And to be honest, the feeling scared Liam more than anything else had scared him before.

 

* * *

 

**(to Zayn! 10:26)**

**talked 2 secretaries. They’ll put it in the announcements 4 the rest of the week :)**

**(from Zayn! 10:30)**

**ur the best xxxxxxx.**

**(to Zayn! 10:32)**

**nah, but its nice 2 hear. Now stop txting during english**

**(from Zayn! 10:35)**

**but its boring :(**

**(to Zayn! 10:36)**

**its your favorite class tho**

**(from Zayn! 10:39)**

**not when u grade freshman essays. Kill me pls**

**(to Zayn! 10:41)**

**ur too cute to kill. I’d miss u**

**(from Zayn! 10:42)**

**save me from my misery**

**(from Zayn! 10:42)**

**this is hell**

**(to Zayn! 10:45)  
not that bad. Just suck it up and do it**

**(from Zayn! 10:50)  
h8 u **

**(to Zayn! 10:52)**

**no you don’t**

**(from Zayn! 10:54)**

**:(**

**(to Zayn! 10:55)**

**> :(**

**(from Zayn! 10:57)**

**u suck**

**(to Zayn! 10:59)**

**just do your work**

**(from Zayn! 11:08)**

**finished :) xxx**

**(to Zayn! 11:10)  
what a good boy**

**(from Zayn! 11:13)  
u guys serious about spring break?**

**(to Zayn! 11:17)  
if you want to come, of course! **

**(from Zayn! 11:21)  
its going 2 b awesome **

**(to Zayn! 11:25)  
it always is when us 5 r together **

 

* * *

 

Liam was overwhelmed at the sheer volume of people that greeted him when he walked into the cafeteria on a Friday night for the open mic night that Ed and Zayn had put together. He stood in the back by himself for a few minutes, searching wildly for someone he knew well enough to sit next to.

 

“Hey Liam! There’s a few seat over here if you’d like!” Liam looked around at all of the crowded rows before gritting his teeth and walking over to where Danielle was sitting. “Hey!” She stood up and gave him a hug

 

“Hey yourself! How’ve you been?”

 

“Been better.” She shrugged before sitting back down. “Dance drama as always.” She patted the empty seat next to her. “Don’t worry, I don’t bite or anything”

 

Liam laughed, the tension and nerves disappearing from his body. He’d forgotten how easy it was to be around Danielle. “Thanks” he said as he sat down.

 

“No problem! You got here just in time, I think it’s going to start soon” She looked up at the makeshift stage taking up a huge amount of the wall space. The seats they were sitting in were decent: third row and near the middle of the stage. Danielle had done well.

 

“Looks like a lot of people are here” Liam said. “I mean, anything Ed does is successful so I shouldn’t be surprised.”

 

Danielle laughed. “It’s like he’s king Midas or something. But yeah, this really is a good turn out. I’m surprised no one thought of doing this before.”

 

“Me too! I’ve only ever been to open mic nights in underground coffee shops in the city”

 

“You mean where all the cool college kids hang out and read their slam poetry? Oh, you hipster you. Where’s your flannel and thick dark rimmed glasses?”

 

“Be nice” Liam rolled his eyes. “Not all of them are like that”

 

“Whatever. I think this will be fun too. Even without the excess flannel.”

 

“Definitely.” Liam nodded. He glanced around the cafeteria as his peers milled about; more and more of them were starting to find their way to seats.

 

“So where’s Zayn?” Danielle asked

 

“He’s somewhere. He had to show up early and help Ed set up since this is partly his idea too. It was their brainchild, him and Ed I mean.”

 

“That’s awesome” Danielle glanced up from her phone.

 

“And how about Ryan?”

 

‘There was some lax thing he had to do. I swear, it’s like they’re a cult or something”

Danielle shook her head as she spoke, like she was embarrassed or ashamed of what her boyfriend did.

 

“I have a feeling all teams are like that. All cult-like in their own ways”

 

“No. Not all…well…dance isn’t exactly…okay. I can see your point.” She giggled.

 

“Check. Check. Check 1. Sibilance. Sibilance. Check. Check. Check 2. Sibilance. Sibilance.” Zayn’s voice crackled through the speakers as he tested the mic level. “Can you guys hear me alright?”

 

A few weak voiced cheers told him that the mic was indeed working. Zayn grinned into the crowd and Liam could tell that Zayn was trying to find him in the sea of people. He wanted to shout Zayn’s name, but before he could Zayn was stepping out of the way for Ed who pulled the microphone off of the stand and brought it to his lips.

 

“Alright, how is everybody doing?” cheers filled the room. “Good, good! Well, in case you don’t know who I am,” Ed pretended to look offended. “My name is Ed Sheeran and I will be your m.c for the night. You guys okay with that?” more cheers and a few cat-calls. “Before we start I just want to thank all of you for getting your lazy butts off of your couches and joining us on this lovely Friday evening. It really means a lot and all of the money from tickets and concessions will go to fun things like prom and I don’t know, prom.” Ed laughed at himself and shook his head to get his red hair out of his eyes.

 

“Now there are still a few spots left up on the sign up, so feel free to do that whenever you’d like. But to get this show on the road we have two gentlemen who clearly need no introduction. Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson will be uh…’singing’ as the Hiphopopotamus and the Rhymenoceros in the song Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros by Flight of the Conchords. Take it away boys!”

 

Of course Harry and Louis- both perfectly filled with the comedic timing necessary to pull of the Flight of the Conchords song- did an amazing job at getting the crowed riled up and ready to go. The acts following the couple however struggled to capture the audience’s attention and it wasn’t until Ed announced that “my man Niall Horan will be our next act” that Liam breathed easy. He had trouble listening to people who thought they could sing when…they couldn’t. _I mean, if that’s what you’re passionate by all means, do what makes you happy. But damn, some of these people really can’t sing at all_.

 

Thankfully Niall-as he always did when performing- shined in the spotlight and more than half of the crowd stood up and cheered when the blonde had finished his acoustic rendition of Bieber’s Boyfriend. The next hour dragged on, the only highlights being Ed singing Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right and Cher bringing new life to a Coldplay song. Liam was more than ready for it all to be over by the time Ed came back to the stage and announced that the following act would be it for the night and thanked them all again for spending their Friday night at the very place they were all trying to escape for the weekend.

 

“Now, without further ado, may I present my partner in crime, and mastermind behind this whole event, Zayn Malik accompanied by the Irishman Niall Horan!”

 

 _What the fuck?_ Liam didn’t even feel Danielle punch him excitedly in the arm as he craned his neck to get a better view of his boyfriend taking the mic off the stand and walking back to the empty stool next to Niall who was fiddling with his guitar. _Did I even know he sang? I mean, along with the radio, sure. Is he even good? Oh god, please let him be good. What am I saying? Of course he’s going to be good. Everything he ever does is good. What is he going to sing? Will he dedicate to me? God, can I just stop being a disgusting ball of feelings. He won’t dedicate it to me, he’s just singing. Feelings are gross_

 

“Wow, there’s a lot more of you than I thought. Um, hi” Zayn laughed into the microphone. “I’m Zayn and this is Niall, as you all know” he gestured to Niall who smiled and waved at the crowd. He was greeted with loud cheers. “Now, this whole thing is a little last minute. Had I known I was going last I would have picked a more upbeat song to leave you all with, but I didn’t. So…sorry”

 

A voice from the back of the room called out “I love you, Zayn!”

 

Zayn laughed along with the crowd. Liam realized he was blushing _I’m disgusting_.  “And I’m sure I love you too, whoever you are. Okay, so I’m just going to stop talking and sing my song. This is Gravity by Sara Bareilles and I’m dedicating it to my boyfriend Liam, wherever he is. Sorry if this is a bit cheesy”

 

As Niall began to strum Liam’s heart and thoughts were racing a million miles a second. _I’m the luckiest guy in the world. I think my heart is going to burst. This is just so cute and I hate sappy shit like this. I mean, I thought I hated sappy shit like this. I’m swooning. Literally swooning. He looks so fucking hot right now; hot, attractive, beautiful, sexy, every good thing under the sun. I actually get to call him mine. He’s mine. All mine. I feel like this is a dream. How can he be real? Oh, he’s starting. Oh god, he’s starting_. Zayn lifted the microphone up and with his eyes closed, body swaying gently in time with Niall’s guitar, began to sing. _Yep, I’m a goner_

 

* * *

 

**_And congratulations to uh, Ed Sheeran and Zayn Malik for putting on that awesome open mic night on Friday. I know I was there and there were some pretty good acts. If you didn’t go, you really missed out._ **

****

**_So who’s as excited as I am for spring break? Only a few more days left in March and then it’s April and next thing you know it’s finally time for us to be free of this harsh oppression known as school for an entire 9 glorious days. Would it be a bit premature of me to start a countdown? Yea? No? I’m talking to myself right now? Yea…I’m really cool._ **

****

**_Okay. So not that any of you really care, but things have been going really well for me. My significant other is about a million times better than yours, and all of you can suck it. Ahah okay, that was a bit rude. I apologize. If you have a significant other, I’m sure they are perfect for you. If you don’t, they will come along into your life eventually there is no need to worry or stress. I used to think being single was absolute hell. No, that’s a lie. I was actually so used to being alone, that I thought I was always going to be alone. I used to think that no matter what I did I was only going to have myself to depend on. Turns out life had a different plan for me, and for that I’m very thankful. So if you’re single please don’t hate yourself. If anything, it’s all the bastards around you that are dumb, not you._ **

****

**_But yeah. I’ve been in a wonderful mood lately and I had this song on repeat while I was cleaning my room and can’t get it out of my head, so I’m just going to go ahead and play it for you. It’s called To Be Surprised and it’s by Sondre Lerche. I hope you guys like it as much as I do!_ **


	13. Chapter 13

Liam was almost done packing for the beach trip that Harry, Louis, Niall, Zayn, and he were all taking for spring break, almost. He had his clothes, his toothbrush, his swimsuit and beach towel, plenty of sunscreen as well as aloe in case any of them got severely burned, and books to read while he lounged on the beach doing absolutely nothing. He had games for them to play and movies to watch in case there was some bad weather (he liked to be prepared even though the forecast was calling for perfect weather the 6 days they were going).  There were several reusable grocery bags filled with various snacks and drinks to get them through the long days spent in the sand and waves. Liam had thought of everything and yet, he was almost done packing.

 

He’d thought of everything and in this case everything included the fact that he and his boyfriend of three months were going to be sharing a bedroom with a queen-sized bed for 5 nights. He’d thought of everything, so naturally he was staring at the box of condoms Harry had given him as a gag gift back in freshman year. The box hadn’t been opened; Liam was somehow still a virgin.

 

_Jesus Christ._ Liam pulled his phone out from where it was charging and pressed the name of his most recent call.

 

“I swear, if you’re calling me to remind me to bring sunscreen, I’m going to make you walk there”

 

“Can we talk?”

 

“Isn’t that what we’re doing?”

 

“I mean about…personal things”

 

“Oh,” Harry’s tone changed immediately. “Uh, sure. What’s up?” Liam could hear Harry pushing things around. _He’s probably packing right now too_

 

“Promise you’re not going to laugh”

 

“Liam, when have I ever laughed at you?”

 

“You really want a list?”

 

“Okay, okay. Fine. I promise I won’t laugh”

 

“You better not. I just need your opinion on something.”

 

“Okay”

 

“So I’m debating whether or not to bring that box of condoms you gave me for Christmas”

 

“Shit,” Harry giggled. “You still have those? Would’ve thought you’d had used them all by now”

 

“Well…”

 

“Why is that even a question though? Of course you should bring them.”

 

“You see….”

 

And then in an instant Harry caught on “You bastard! You mean to tell me that you’ve been dating since February and you haven’t had sex yet?!”

 

“Way to make me feel like a freak. Fuck you”

 

“No, I didn’t mean to make you feel like a freak at all. Shit, I’m sorry. But…you guys really haven’t fucked yet?”

 

Liam found himself blushing. _When did I turn into such a prude?_ “No, not yet”

 

“But you’ve gotten each other off, yea? Blowjobs? Hand jobs? Anything?” He paused slightly after each, waiting for Liam to cut in. “You guys seriously haven’t done anything?”

 

“We’ve made out and stuff”

 

“But”

 

“No, Harry. No”

 

“Oh”

 

Harry fell silent and Liam let the silence echo between them until he agreed, “Yeah, oh”

 

“So why’re you calling again? I’m sorry, this news is a bit much to process”

 

“Glad to know you care so much about my sexual life…or lack thereof”

 

“What are best friends for if not to care about each other’s sex lives?”

 

“I don’t care about your and Louis’ sex life”

 

“Come on, you know deep down you care whether or not I’m getting a good shag”

 

“Not really”

 

“Don’t lie to me. You want me to only have the best, and let me assure you, Louis is the best I mean the things he ca-”

 

“I really don’t care, Harry. Tell yourself whatever you want to, but I really don’t care”

 

“Fine. No need to get sassy on me”

 

“Sorry, I’m just…stressed I guess”

 

“Really? I couldn’t tell.”

 

“So are the condoms a yes or no”

 

“Well do you think you’re going to use them?”

 

“I honestly have no idea.” Liam realized he’d been standing for the entire conversation and collapsed onto the small space on his bed that wasn’t covered in things he’d decided not to pack. The condoms stared at him, the bright orange box mocking him from atop his desk. “I mean, it’s best to be prepared, right?”

 

“Something you tell me repeatedly”

 

“But I don’t even know if he wants to have sex”

 

“Liam…really?”

 

“Okay, I don’t know if he wants to have sex with me”

 

“God, for someone with an above a 4.0 gpa, you’re incredibly thick. Li, there’s a reason I was so surprised just now. The way he looks at you, trust me. He wants to have sex with you”

 

“Then why hasn’t he said anything?”

 

“Shit, you guys haven’t had the sex talk either? I just assumed this was just something you guys decided on, like you’re saving your first time for prom or something cheesy like that.”

 

“I mean, there have been times when we could have talked about it, as well as done it…but we just haven’t. I dunno”

 

“Damn” Harry was silent for a moment and Liam chewed on his lower lip while he waited for Harry to continue. “So,” Harry spoke slowly. “Shouldn’t you be having this conversation with him, instead of me?”

 

“He’s going to laugh at me” Liam’s heart constricted in anxiety at the thought of trying to ask Zayn if he wanted to have sex with him. _I wouldn’t even know what to say._

 

“He’s not going to laugh at you, and you know it. He cares about you too much. Did I mention the sickening adorable way he looks at you?”

 

“I’m assuming it’s much like the look you give Louis”

 

“I can neither confirm nor deny that, but really. If you’re ready to have sex, then talk to him about it. Now get that box of condoms and shove it in your bag”

 

“Okay”

 

“No, I want you to do it right now. Get your lazy ass off of your bed and put the condoms in your suitcase.”

 

Liam groaned but did as Harry commanded. “Done.” He said after hiding _why am I hiding them?_ the box under a raggedy sweatshirt.

 

“Good. Don’t you feel better?”

 

“I guess”

 

“See, now if you guys do talk about it and want to, you’ll be prepared. I mean, you could always just ask me for some, but since you’re a terrible friend and don’t care about my sex life I don’t see why I should care abo-”

 

“Yea, yea. Whatever. Thanks haz”

 

“No problem. See you tomorrow.”

 

“Yea, sounds good”

 

* * *

 

The boys left later than Liam would have liked, and by the time they had finished unpacking the car and loaded everything inside to where it belonged the sun was beginning to set. The beach house they were renting wasn’t exactly the best thing on the block. It had seen quite a bit of wear and tear and had needed renovations for the past few years. But it was cheap. It was small and cozy. It had a hot tub and walked right out onto the beach.

 

“This is breathtaking” Zayn inhaled the salty sea air.

 

Liam did the same. “It really is” he leaned his head to rest on Zayn’s shoulder.

 

“Move it, lovebirds!” the pair separated at Niall’s bark from behind them. “We’ve got s’mores to make!” he pushed his way through them, a metal fire pit in one hand and two logs in the other.

 

“S’mores?”

 

“No better way to start the week than with the greatest summer tradition to ever fall upon mankind” Niall called back as he jogged onto the beach and set the pit down in the sand a couple of yards from the house.

 

“Niall, a bit further away” Liam called out to the boy who was trying to light the fire pit. “Not so close to the house!”

 

“It’s plenty away, don’t worry” Zayn assured him. He rubbed a hand down Liam’s arm gently. It didn’t matter how gently Zayn touched him, it seemed like every bit of contact left Liam as breathless as he’d been when they’d first gotten together.

 

Liam followed Zayn into the house and they helped Louis and Harry gather the supplies for the s’mores, as well as getting chairs for them all to sit in around the fire.

 

“But how’re we supposed to cuddle?” Louis asked bluntly after they had all sat down in the chairs spaced far apart and started roasting their marshmallows.

 

“You’re not.” Niall snapped. “You promised I wouldn’t feel like the fucking 5th wheel, so no bonfire cuddling.” He swung his stick menacingly at the eldest boy in the group. “And I mean that Tommo. Don’t test me”

 

“I wouldn’t think of it, Nialler. Don’t worry” Louis rolled his eyes, but Liam could just make out his hand stretching to hold Harry’s through the smoke that was rising up into the night sky. He glanced at Zayn to see if he wanted to hold hands as well, but his boyfriend was too preoccupied with blowing out his flaming marshmallow.

 

After they’d eaten the conversation turned deep. Zayn had gone back into the house at some point and returned with a six-pack of beers and a couple of joints. Liam declined both politely. They teased him for always being the mother, but he didn’t mind. Liam wouldn’t admit to it, but he took pride in being the parental unit of their little renegade group; he liked being responsible, or at least, he’d grown to like it. That being said, he took a back seat as the conversation flowed loosely between the guys. From embarrassing stories to concerns about the future, they talked about it all. They all felt freer than they had in months, or years in Liam’s case.

 

Niall had just finished telling them that he wanted to go major in music when Liam felt the sudden urge to just confess everything. The fact that Louis and Niall still had no idea that he was behind Talbert Tales was suddenly too much for him to handle. _How can I sit here and keep such a big thing in my life a secret from these guys? They deserve to know_

 

“I have a confession to make” Liam spoke.

 

“Ooh, a confession” Louis giggled. “And completely sober too. This ought to be good,” Harry giggled into Louis’ shoulder (their chairs had somehow managed to scoot right up against each other over the course of the night).

 

Zayn raised an eyebrow up at Liam. Liam could tell that Zayn had an inkling as to what he was about to do. He shrugged at Zayn. _Why not._ Zayn shrugged as well and he nodded, his smile saying, “It’s up to you”.

 

“I really should have told you two earlier, but I kind of do this thing that no one knows about”

 

“What, are you like a drug dealer or something?” Niall joked.

 

“Oh!” Harry called from directly across the bonfire. He’d caught on.

 

“Yea, Zayn and Harry already know, but basically-”

 

“Why do they already know?”

 

“What do they already know?”

 

“Let him speak! Damn, you two are like little hyenas or something” Zayn laughed and took a swig of his beer, finishing it off.

 

“Thanks. Um, they know because, well I told Harry when I started, and Zayn found out in February. But basically I run Talbert Tales.” Louis and Niall were both quiet for a moment.

 

Niall spoke first, “but the guy’s American”

 

“Hey guys, I hope you’re all having a nice night. It really isn’t that hard to talk like an American, you just have to practice” Liam’s real accent disappeared as he slipped behind the mask he’d come to know and love.

 

“Holy fuck. That’s like…black magic” Niall’s eyes were wide. He reached down and pulled the last beer from the pack. “Seriously” he opened it and took a drink.

 

“You need a little work on your vowels”

 

“Okay, Mr. Drama. I’ll make sure to get right on that”

 

“But…yeah. It kind of makes sense?” It was a question rather than a statement. “I mean, who else would it be.” Louis shrugged. He suddenly paled; at least it looked like he paled in the dark light. “Shit, I’ve been making fun of you all year” That made all of them laugh, Liam, the hardest of all. “I am so sorry, seriously” 

“It’s fine, I really don’t mind. If anything, it helped me from getting a big head” Liam calmed Louis down. “Really, don’t worry about it”

 

“Wait…” Louis’ voice got very excited all of a sudden. “So you’re Confused and Hopeless!” he pointed a finger accusingly at Zayn.

 

“Guilty as charged”

 

“Isn’t it romantic?” Harry sighed into Louis’ shoulder.

 

“Christ” Niall muttered and took another deep drink. “What did I say about being a 5th wheel?”

 

“We’ll find you a nice strapping young lass, don’t you worry.”

 

“You better. Soon. Or else I’m going to kill all of you cunts. Being lonely is the worst,” Their laughter echoed deep into the night air.

 

“At least you’ll always have your alcohol, right?”

 

“Don’t tell me that. I don’t want to end up some raging alcoholic by the time I’m 20”

 

“But…you’re Irish”

 

“Fuck off Styles”

 

Liam laughed along with the others and relaxed back in his seat. The topic had already moved on to something else and Liam could breathe easier. It felt so good to get that off his chest. Now his closest friends knew the truth. _I wonder how good it’ll feel when I actually come clean with this whole thing. If telling two people is therapeutic, what about over 4,000?_

 

* * *

 

“Did that feel good to get off your chest?”

 

“It did, yea.” Liam remained standing as Zayn collapsed onto the bed.

 

“I could just lie here forever” Zayn murmured. “I’m just so tired”

 

“Too bad you have to get up so I can put the sheets on”

 

“But that requires moving” Zayn groaned but rolled over and pulled himself up. “Ugh, you’re the worst”

 

“You seriously would rather sleep without sheets?”

 

“No. I just need someone to blame for every little hardship in my life.” He stood up and pulled Liam closer. Their lips collided. It was a chaste kiss. Zayn’s lips pressed against Liam’s and that was it. Liam wanted more, the deep pit in his lower belly wanted more. He would die if he couldn’t get more. Liam tugged on Zayn’s lower lip with his teeth and Zayn groaned. “Fuck, Li”

 

Liam pulled away, out of breath and stared at Zayn. _I need to say something about the sex thing. Yea, okay. Just say Zayn; we need to talk about sex. I can do this_

 

“Come back” Zayn pouted

 

“I ugh, have to do the sheets” Liam gave some bullshit excuse. _I can’t make out with you because that will lead to other things and the more I think about it, the more I think I’m not ready for those things. As much as I want it, I don’t know if I want it. I just…_

 

“Oh. That’s fine.” Zayn shrugged. He seemed only slightly defeated at the abrupt end to the make out session. Liam unzipped his suitcase and pulled out the set of queen-sized sheets he’d packed on top. He stripped the bed and began to make it again. It was hard to put on the fitted sheet, not because he was by himself, but because Zayn was changing in front of him and while he’d seen his boyfriend change before there was just something different about being in the beach house and seeing him change. The possibilities were endless; they could do anything and no one would ever know.

 

“Here, let me help” Zayn held down one corner while Liam finished the rest.

 

“Thanks”

 

“So I’m just going to shower in the morning. Don’t judge me, alright?”

 

“Only if you don’t for me doing the same” Liam put the covers back onto the bed and threw his pillow on the right side of the bed. He practically heard Zayn smirk from somewhere behind him. “What?”

 

“I just…” Zayn pulled out his own pillow and tossed it on the left side. “I sleep on the left, and you on the right”

 

“Oh…well glad that worked out in our favor” Liam felt want pooling up inside as Zayn stared at him. _god, put a fucking shirt on. I don’t need this right now_

 

“Tell me about it” Zayn shook his head, still amused by the fact they just learned about each other, and walked to the bathroom with his toothbrush and toothpaste in hand.

 

Liam sat down on the corner of the bed and stared at his suitcase. The box of condoms was hidden far from sight, and yet Liam swore he could see the bright orange peeking out from underneath his shirts. “Hey, Zayn?”

 

“Mmhmm?” Zayn poked his head out of the bathroom door, his orange toothbrush making Liam nauseous.

 

“Can we…ugh…talk?” Zayn’s brow furrowed and his head disappeared. Liam heard him spit and the faucet run for a few seconds before Zayn returned to the bedroom.

 

“What’s up?”

 

“Well so I was thinking that, ugh,” Liam took a deep breath, “well we’ve been dating for a while, and I know that with relationships there are certain expectations and I guess people could say that we haven’t filled those expectations and I was just wondering if you- if you wanted to maybe-”

 

“Are you… are you trying to talk about sex?”

 

Relief mixed with a hint of embarrassment rushed over Liam like the waves that were crashing outside their window. “Maybe”

 

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want it, but I know you’re not ready,” Zayn said as he walked to his suitcase and picked up a worn t-shirt. He seemed to ponder it for a moment, before tossing it back down, opting to remain shirtless for the time being. Liam remained where he was on the bed.

 

“Even though we’ve never talked about it?” Liam blurted out and then realized what Zayn had said. “I’m not ready?” _Fuck. He’s right. I’m not ready. Hell, I’m nowhere near emotionally ready to have sex with Zayn. How the fuck did he know that, when even I didn’t?_

 

“Liam, I think you underestimate just how much I hear you, even when you’re not talking. I can tell you’re not ready. I’m here when you are. Sure, my hand’s getting a bit tired of all this wanking at the thought of fucking you senseless, but it’s not the end of the world. I still get to call you mine. I would never push you like that.”

 

“But Harry and Lo-“

 

“Are fucking horny bastards. Please tell me you didn’t go to them for sex advice or anything”

 

Liam’s cheeks heated up. “’Course not. Christ, that would be an awkward conversation”

 

Zayn laughed along with Liam. “It would be, wouldn’t it? So why don’t you just talk to me?”

 

“Because I’ve never had to talk about this before” Liam got up off of the bed and walked to his own suitcase to start changing into his pajamas.

 

“You mean with a guy” Zayn was still shirtless, his head tilted slightly to the side. _I’ve seen him shirtless before. This is nothing new, nothing to freak out about. Please don’t let me get some sort of awkward boner right now._

 

“With anybody” Liam mumbled

 

“What?”

 

Liam tried his best to calmly fold his now smoke infused shirt before answering. “Yea, I’m a virgin. Let’s all have a good laugh,” he laughed darkly. “Ha ha ha”

 

“Liam,” Zayn’s arms were around Liam’s waist and his voice was in his ear. “Hey,” Liam couldn’t help but lean back into Zayn’s embrace. He was too ashamed to turn around and face Zayn, but he could do this. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of”

 

“Yeah?” Liam covered Zayn’s hands with his own. He kept his head focused forward, on the painting of a beach chair on some sand dune hanging above the head of their bed. “Except it really is”

 

“Except it’s really not”

 

“Zayn, don’t you realize how intimidating it is to be a virgin? Saying it out loud reminds me just how much of a fucking freak I am. I mean no one wants to have sex with me? Can’t get any worse than that”

 

“Um, Liam” Zayn pulled his hands back from Liam’s front and pulled on his hips, twisting Liam around so they were facing each other. It hit Liam like a freight train just how incredibly shirtless Zayn really was. “I don’t know if you were aware, but I kind of want to have sex with you. Like…a lot”

 

Liam blinked. “You…you do?”

 

“Yea? Do you not realize how incredibly sexy you are? Your entire being is just yelling ‘fuck me’”

 

“You’re just saying that” Liam had to drop his gaze and stare at the floor. His face was heating up.

 

“No, I’m really not. Hey,” Zayn used a finger under Liam’s chin to bring Liam’s eyes back to his. “I mean it” He kissed Liam sweetly. Like before, it was a simple and chaste kiss. But the emotion behind it was heart wrenching. As much as Liam wanted to explore every inch of Zayn’s body with his mouth, he knew that this was just as powerful. This feeling of pure belonging was… _exactly what I need_

 

As they fell asleep that night Liam thought about what Zayn had said, about him knowing Liam wasn’t ready. _Could he be any more perfect?_

 

* * *

 

It took Liam a few moments to realize just where he was when he woke up in the morning: a warm body next to him, an arm across his chest, the sound of waves in the distance. He stared up at the ceiling and tried his best to soak it all in. _Why does this feel like the best moment of my entire life?_ Zayn shifted and rolled over so his face was no longer pressed into his pillow. Liam’s heart did flips as Zayn’s arms retracted and went to pull the covers closer to him.

 

Zayn mumbled incoherently and for a brief second Liam thought Zayn was going to wake up and look over and see Liam watching him. _It’s not really that good to be caught staring at someone while they’re sleeping._ But Zayn didn’t wake up. Zayn remained peaceful and beautiful and Liam had never wanted a photographic memory more than in that moment. He wanted to keep the picture of Zayn like this forever, ingrain it on his retinas so it was all he’d ever see. _Okay, that’s a bit drastic. But god. I’m like the Grinch and my heart’s swelling three sizes or whatever_

 

Liam chewed on his lip as he watched Zayn breathe in and out, using his arm to prop himself up. There was a funny feeling in his chest and when Liam eventually understood what he was feeling, he blushed. _God, I’m fucking turned on just by watching him sleep, by knowing we shared the same bed_. Zayn’s comments from last night bombarded him one after another. _So maybe I’m not exactly…emotionally ready for full on sex._ His stomach twinged. _Yea, not ready for that quite yet. But…there are other things I could do_ He felt his cock harden slightly at the idea of giving Zayn a morning blowjob. _He’d like that_. Zayn shifted under the covers making Liam hold his breath as he waited for Zayn to wake up. A sigh slipped from Zayn’s chapped lips and Liam saw his eyes flutter open. _He’d like it, and I think…I think I’d like it too._ Liam felt the want deep inside burn even more at the thought of Zayn’s length in his own mouth.

 

“Zayn?” he whispered tentatively. He rolled over closer to Zayn, his cheek finding Zayn’s shoulder. “y-you awake?” adrenaline pumping, Liam stretched an arm across Zayn’s chest. He traced circles absentmindedly as he waited for some sort of answer from Zayn.

 

“Mmm” _here we go_

 

“You awake?”

 

“What time is it?” Zayn’s morning voice was low and rough. It was showing the wear and tear from the night before and was exactly the thing that pushed Liam over the edge.

 

“Dunno. Just needed to know that you were awake before I did this” Liam let his hand creep lower and lower down Zayn’s chest. “If you don’t mind of course”

 

“What’re you talking abou- oh!” Liam’s hand had begun to tug on Zayn’s sweat pants, his finger pulling back the waistband of his boxers. Liam could feel that Zayn was now wide-awake. He’d moved down towards the end of the bed, the covers shoved to the side, when he realized that he’s never actually given a blowjob before. He’s received one, but _that was awkward and I really don’t want to think about that ever again. But still_ , Liam couldn’t deny to himself just how much he wanted to try. So in a moment of truth, Liam gritted his teeth and slipped down Zayn’s pants and boxers in one fluid motion. _He’s perfect_ Liam sighed.

 

“m’what?” _Did I say that out loud?_

 

“Don’t worry about it” Liam’s fingers were trembling as he reached them forward to trace Zayn’s length and by the time his fingers were around the base of Zayn’s cock Liam couldn’t take it. He leaned forward and, “this okay?” he asked with his mouth literally inches from Zayn’s dick.

 

“I-oh, fuck”

 

It wasn’t as bad as he’d made it out to be, the whole sucking cock thing. In fact, Liam liked it; he liked it a lot. _I guess I really am gay._ He was running on pure animal instinct. The one blowjob he’d received had been uncomfortable and awkward and Liam was praying to himself that he was doing a better job than the poor girl during sophomore year. But it was hard to focus on anything other than the pure bliss he was feeling as he alternated long pulls with flicks of his tongue, tracing Zayn as if he was trying to memorize him. Zayn was growing hard and Liam felt his own cock beginning to throb as he continued to suck Zayn off.

 

“Li…jesus…that’s…” Zayn’s fists were clenched up in the sheets. Liam couldn’t tell much from his vantage point, but he was under the impression that Zayn was enjoying it. “I’m going to come. Fuck, Liam. I’m going to come”

 

“So am I” Liam spoke breathlessly. It was the truth; his hand had found its way to his own cock and was trying to relieve some of the tension that was building at an exponential rate.

 

“I’m, fuck” Zayn came and Liam, not knowing what to do, simply swallowed him down. _That’s…Oh I like that,_ and _should I like that?_ were the only thoughts Liam was really able to process before his hand did its job and warmth pooled from his tip onto his hand. He looked around for something to wipe his hands on, before settling on the white shirt he’d worn to bed but somehow took off in the middle of the night and tossed onto the floor. He rolled out of bed and grabbed the shirt to wipe his hands clean.

 

“Am I dreaming?” Zayn was still lying flat on the bed, his boxers still pushed down to his knees. Liam felt his cock twitch at the sight of Zayn, so open.

 

“Nope” Liam tossed the shirt back onto the floor and crawled back onto the bed. He flicked the tip of Zayn’s cock playfully as he stretched over Zayn to pull the covers back over top of them. “Sorry”

 

“Who are you, and what have you done with my boyfriend?” Zayn fidgeted around with his boxers and sweat pants, then turned on his side to face Liam. They were lying almost nose-to-nose, forehead-to-forehead.

 

“I hope that wasn’t…too much. Or not enough, for that matter”

 

Zayn only had to lean forward slightly to kiss Liam’s forehead, nose, and lips in that order. “Liam, you’re perfect. You always have been, and you always will be”

 

* * *

 

Liam and Louis were laughing loudly, not caring about all the people staring at them, as they walked back from their surfing lesson. Louis kept making cracks about how the rude girl in their class probably could have beaten them up and Liam, despite himself, couldn’t control his laughter. His body had taken a nasty beating over the course of the day, he was wearing an incredibly uncomfortable and revealing wetsuit, and he was so tired he felt like collapsing on the hard sand and sleeping for months. And yet he felt more alive than he had in ages. The beach was doing wonders for him, for all of them. The five boys were thriving on their own and Liam wished that the week could just last on and on.

 

“And then when that wave took her down, oh! Talk about perfect timing”

 

“You are a horrible person”

 

“And you weren’t wishing that she would fall flat on her face? Sure”

 

“Well, I mean she was sort of a bitch. But laughing at her isn’t all that nice”

 

“Who cares? We’re never going to see her again. We’re never going to see any of these people again!” Louis yelled at the top of his lungs, arms spread wide. The looks they got from their fellow beach goers were sickening, but Liam found himself laughing instead of trying to apologize.

 

“I guess you’re right.”

 

“Oh! So I forgot to mention earlier. You might want to back down on the shit you talk about on your show”

 

“Excuse me?” _Louis should be crowned king of abrupt subject changes or something, I fucking swear_

 

“Your show. You may want to, I don’t know,” Louis kicked the remnants of a sand castle. “I just remembered that a bunch of my teachers have been talking about it”

 

“Are you serious?” Liam had to stop and stare for a moment at Louis who kept walking forward in the direction of their beach house. “Like, what do you mean by talking?”

 

“I mean like, asking us if anyone had heard of it. But nothing crazy serious. I overheard some math teachers talking about it in the hallway while we were changing classes, but what they were saying didn’t make any sense”

 

“Fuck” The feeling of bliss Liam had been feeling was slowly slipping away.

 

“Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you, cheer up.” Louis clapped him on the back. “Look, there are all the guys” Liam looked up and sure enough they had reached their little makeshift camp on the beach in front of their house.

 

“Hey, how’d it go?” Niall looked up from some music magazine to smile at them.

 

“Great. We both managed to stand up!”

 

“And then Liam totally ate it, you should have seen it!” Louis was laughing at the memory

 

Liam rolled his eyes. “Yea, it was a pretty epic wipeout. I’ll have the bruises for a while, that’s for sure.” He looked around. Harry was passed out on a towel, a shirt covering his eyes instead of sunglasses. And the chair under the striped umbrella Zayn had claimed as his own was empty. “Hey, where’s Zayn?”

 

Niall twisted back in his chair and frowned. “Hmm, I didn’t realize he’d left. I have no idea”

 

“Harry,” Louis kicked Harry’s foot, who groaned in response. “Where did Zayn run off to?”

 

Harry pulled the shirt off his face and raised a hand to cover the blaring sun so he could actually see who was talking to him. “Zayn’s gone?”

 

“Great.” Liam felt worry and panic begin to set in.

 

“Li, I’m sure he’s fine.” Niall assured him. “He’s probably just inside”

 

So Liam ventured into their house to change into a normal swimsuit and to look for Zayn. Five minutes later he walked back out, changed, but alone. “No, he wasn’t in the house.” He chewed on his thumbnail and he thought about where exactly Zayn could have run off.

 

“He’ll be back” Louis assured Liam from Zayn’s seat.

 

“I know.” Liam told the guys and himself. “I just want to know” He grabbed his phone off of the top of the cooler where he’d left it before going to the surf lesson. He texted a quick ‘where are u?’ to Zayn and plopped down in the sand while he waited.

 

“Li, he’s not a little kid” Liam didn’t hear Niall’s comment as his phone buzzed and his heart leapt as he checked the screen.

 

**(from Zayn! 2:26)  
sorry! im @ lifeguard stand xxx.**

**(to Zayn! 2:27)  
y? are u okay??**

**(from Zayn! 2:30)  
yea. Cming back now**

 

Liam tossed his phone onto the pile of towels as he stood up. He walked back to the empty stretch of beach that separated the masses of people and the rows of houses. He turned to his left and didn’t see a lifeguard stand, nor did he remember passing one on the way back from the surf lesson. His right was vacant of lifeguards as well, but there was _oh. Is that?_ he pulled his shades off of his head and onto his eyes so he could see better in the harsh light. _He’s on the ATV. Please don’t let him be hurt._ Of course Liam would jump to conclusions, he was Liam after all. He remained where he was standing as the atv came closer and closer. There was a tall, built blonde driving the vehicle, Zayn holding on to him. _Oh, hell no_ Liam felt jealousy roaring inside his throat, but tried to shove it down as paranoia. The lifeguard stopped the atv right in front of Liam and Zayn climbed off, a smile on his face. 

“Hey!”

 

“Are you okay?” Liam kept still as the lifeguard dismounted from the atv as well. He looked over the tan guy who looked like he had just walked off of the runways at New York fashion week. He couldn’t help but snarl slightly.

 

“Oh yea, I’m fine.” Zayn lifted his foot into the air, which was sporting a bandage, but began to lose his balance. The lifeguard beat Liam to steady Zayn and Liam couldn’t help but notice how his hands went to Zayn’s waist and Zayn’s smile up at the blonde. Zayn faced Liam again after he lowered his foot back to the ground. “I went for a walk and got stung by a jellyfish so Marty here helped me.”

 

“Hey, I’m Marty” the lifeguard smiled a toothpaste commercial worthy smile. _Gag me_

 

“Hi. I’m Liam. Zayn’s boyfriend” He hadn’t meant to snap, but the words were sharp as they spilled out. Liam realized that he wasn’t ashamed of his tone, proud actually.

 

“Nice to meet you.” Marty’s smile didn’t falter. “Make sure you stay safe, Zayn, alright?” He punched Zayn lightly on the shoulder like _they’re fucking friends or something. What the hell? Why is he looking at Zayn like that? Only I get to look at Zayn like that_

 

“Aha, yea. I will.” Zayn walked closer to Liam who couldn’t help but notice how much Zayn was hobbling.

 

“How about I help inside where you can sit down and rest” He reached an arm around Zayn’s back, his free hand going to Zayn’s arm. “It was nice meeting you, Marty” he was fully aware just how much venom was in the lifeguard’s name.

 

“You too.” Marty didn’t seem phased at all and cheerfully got back onto his atv and drove away.

 

“God, Zayn.” Liam sighed as he helped Zayn up the steps onto the back deck of their beach house and through the sliding door. “What happened?” The rest of the boys were still outside, and Liam knew asking Zayn his story now meant that he was going to have to retell it again. He didn’t really care though.

 

“Like I said. I was walking and I saw this really cool seashell and so I went to go pick it up and as I was standing there I felt this stinging on my foot and next thing you know I can’t feel it and they had to go get a lifeguard to help me” Liam helped sit Zayn down on the couch and pulled the glass coffee table closer so Zayn could elevate his foot. He then took his place by Zayn’s side on the couch.

 

“You poor thing” Liam cooed. He ran his fingers through Zayn’s hair, pushing it back off of his face. His words could have been taken as sarcastic, but he meant it. He knew how much Zayn didn’t trust the water, and a traumatic experience wasn’t going to help his aversion to the ocean at all.

 

“It really doesn’t hurt that bad anymore. Marty put some stuff on it”

 

Liam stiffened and took his fingers out of Zayn’s hair. “Did he now?”

 

Zayn cocked his head to the side, taking in Liam. “You’re…” Liam ducked his head down. “You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

 

“No, why would you say that?”

 

“You are! You’re jealous of Marty”

 

“No I’m not. It’s just it’s my job to help you, not his” he spat out the last word, which he realized too late helped Zayn’s argument rather than his own.

 

“Liam, why would you be jealous of him?”

 

“Did you see him?” Liam asked bluntly. “He looked like a male model. And the way he was touching you,” he shuddered. “I just didn’t like seeing it”

 

“Obviously not.” Zayn’s eyes were dancing with delight. “You know you have nothing to be jealous of, right?”

 

Liam’s fists were clenched. “Yeah,” he smiled. “’Course I know that”

 

Zayn stared at him for a few seconds. Liam wondered if Zayn was going to call his bluff. “Good,” Zayn joked. “Even though, I have to admit. You look really hot when you’re getting all worked up. Jealousy’s a good look on you”

 

Liam rolled his eyes. “Yea, sure. Green’s my color, huh?”

 

“The perfect shade” Zayn leaned in and their lips found each other effortlessly. Liam traced Zayn’s jaw gently, then not so gently moved his hand further back, to the back of Zayn’s neck and pulled Zayn closer, pressed him tighter against him. He needed them to be close. Closer than they had ever been before. Zayn reacted by doing the same, only his hands threaded through Liam’s hair instead of the back of his neck.

In a moment Liam became possessive as he kissed Zayn. He pulled away and began kissing Zayn’s neck, Zayn’s jaw line, Zayn’s collarbones, _Zayn Zayn Zayn_. Liam’s jealousy began to melt away as he was physically reminded that he really was Zayn’s, and that Zayn really was his.

 

“Fuck, Li” Liam had bit a little harder than he’d intended; but, he wasn’t really sorry at all and he could tell by the pleasure deep in the back of Zayn’s voice that Zayn doesn’t really mind.

 

“Oi! Get a fucking room you two!” They jerked apart to see Niall standing in the doorway. “I mean, your room is like two doors down.” He shook his head, “bloody idiots”

 

“Sorry, Niall” Liam halfheartedly apologized.

 

“Whatever.” Niall shrugged, the incident already forgiven. “Wanna play Frisbee?”

 

Liam looked at Zayn. “Sure, I don’t know how good I’ll be, but I’m game”

 

“I’m in too,” Liam said. He clambered off of the couch and helped pull Zayn up to his feet.

 

* * *

 

“You know, I’m glad we did this” Zayn spoke lightly.

 

“Glad we did what?” Liam took his elbows off of the deck railing and turned to lean against it instead, his eyes focused on Zayn.

 

“This” Zayn gestured to the beach in front of them where a couple of kids were laughing hysterically as the waves rolled forward and took down their poorly constructed sand castle. “Getting away from it all. I’m glad we did this”

 

Liam smiled as he watched the kids hastily begin building another sand castle before another big wave rolled in. “Yea, I’m glad too”

 

It was their last night, and he could hear the others making a ruckus in the kitchen. The week had flown by and Liam wished more than anything he could keep living it over and over again. It had been the perfect mix of work and pleasure. Somehow he’d managed to finish reading Hamlet and could start the essay way in advanced. However, the highlight wasn’t getting a head start on his English homework. No, the thing Liam was always going to remember was the way he and Zayn fit together so well. The way they meshed like they had been built to co-exist. He was going to miss waking up in Zayn’s arms and giving him morning blowjobs, and even receiving some as well. He was going to miss lying around on the beach doing absolutely nothing. He was going to miss the sense of freedom he knew all of them were feeling.

 

_But all good things must come to a close_ Liam told himself. _Besides, there are some things that will continue. Oh yea, plenty of things we’re going to keep doing._

 

* * *

 

**_Welcome back everyone. I hope you all had a lovely spring break, because I sure as hell did. I got away from this place and managed to get some vitamin D, which I really needed. I could have done without the third degree burns I accumulated over the week, but what can you do. Did you guys know that they make spf 100? Because they do. And if you ever need some, I can hook you up. Wow, I sound like a drug dealer or something. Except instead of drugs all I have to offer is extreme suntan lotion. Somehow I don’t think it will help pay my way through college. Maybe I should switch products._ **

****

**_But I digress. I hope all of you had fun sleeping in and forgetting about your responsibilities. But unfortunately now we have to go back and I kind of sort of just want to crawl in a hole and die. Now that breaks over we have to think about AP tests and prom and fuck, even graduation. Man, this year really has sped by hasn’t it? I know people say that all of the time, and sometimes I want to punch people who say it, because really, we get it. Time flies by when you’re having fun. But…I guess I’m only just now realizing that they’re all right. Time really does seem to fly by._ **

****

**_Okay. So my break was really relaxing so this song I’m going to play for you is one that I listen to when, well when I’m relaxed. Go figure. It’s sort of an odd song, but I adore Sufjan Stevens. He’s really talented and can sort of do no wrong in my eyes. The song is called The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is Out To Get Us! and I really hope you guys like it. I highly recommend his stuff, especially on such a calm and peaceful day like today. Enjoy!_ **


	14. Chapter 14

**_So I have one more thing to say before I let you all get back to your homework, even though I know it’s highly unlikely any of you actually intend to do your homework. Unless you’re weird like me and actually care about school, but somehow I think that I’m the only one left in our school whose actually still doing homework…I really hope I’m not. But hey, maybe that means I’m cool, right? Just kidding. But yea, I have something to say. This is for one person in particular, a shout out I guess you could say. They know who they are so I’m not going to actually call them out by name. But this is for my significant other, who well, means the world to me. Cheesy, aren’t I? Now I know that big declarations of feelings are incredibly cliché and let’s be real, I kind of detest them with a passion more than necessary. But, of course I’m human and I have a soft spot for adorable romantic declarations of devotion. So, this is me asking if my incredible significant other would do me the honor of accompanying me to the cliché high school dance known as prom. So what do you say babe? You, me, getting dressed up and slow dancing to shitty music? Just let me know, I really hope it’s a yes. Goodnight everyone and see you in school tomorrow!_ **

 

* * *

(incoming call from: Zayn! 12:04)

 

“Hey,”

 

“Hi”

 

“So…”

 

“So…”

 

“I listened to tonight’s show”

 

“I was hoping you would” Liam took a deep breath. _I shouldn’t be this nervous. Of course he’s going to say yes, why wouldn’t he say yes?_ “And?”

 

“And that was possibly the cutest fucking thing...like ever?”

 

Liam fell back onto his wall. He could already feel his cheeks beginning to hurt from smiling so hard. “So I take that as a yes, you’ll go to prom with me”

 

“Liam, of course I’m going to go to prom with you. I mean, I thought that was going to go unsaid. Like, of course we’re going to go to prom together”

 

“Well I just thought I should be polite and ask you”

 

“Yea?”

 

“Yea. I mean, everyone wants to be asked to prom, right?”

 

“You know, I never thought I did… but I guess you’re right. You’re wonderful”

 

Liam’s heart swelled and he thought that he was going to puke from happiness, _if that’s even possible. The way that Zayn said wonderful was so honest, real. He said it like he meant it._ “You are too Zayn. You’re wonderful”

 

“Thanks for asking me” Liam could hear Zayn’s smile through the phone. He rolled onto his side and curled into himself. He couldn’t help but close his eyes and pretend that Zayn was right there next to him, his body fitting in with his.

 

“You deserved to be asked” Liam exhaled slowly. His imagination was going crazy. _I don’t really need this right now; I still have music theory homework to finish_

 

“How did I get so lucky?”

 

“I dunno”

 

“Really though, do you know how lucky I am to have you?”

 

“You’re making me blush”

 

“And you look so adorable when you blush. Especially when I’m the one making you blush” Liam grabbed his pillow and smashed it on his face.

 

“Stop it”

 

“God, why aren’t you next to me? My bed feels so empty without you”

 

“Zayn, you know you can’t say these things”

 

“But I have to say these things”

 

“I miss you” the words were out of Liam’s lips before he could stop them. (fuck it,) he continued, “I really want to feel your arms around me. I need to know that you’re here besides me”

 

“Li,”

 

“That’s not dumb is it?”

 

“Liam, what are you doing right now?”

 

Liam sat up in his bed. “Lying on my bed avoiding music theory…why?”

 

“I’ll be over in ten minutes”

 

“We have school tomorrow?”

 

“And you drive me to school. Unless you don’t want me to come over because then I can just, you know roll over and-”

 

“No!” Liam practically yelled. “I mean,” he lowered his voice a few decimals. “No. You can come over. Of course you can come over” he let a few seconds of silence pass before saying, “you can always come over”

 

“Yea?”

 

“Yea.”

 

“Be there in ten”

 

“Okay. Bye”

 

“Bye”

 

* * *

 

Liam was doing his hardest to tune out the argument between Niall and Harry during lunch, but as always it was impossible to study when the two were at it. He bit down aggressively on his sandwich and pulled his textbook closer to his nose. _Why does this fucking matter?_

 

“But I wanted Mexican” Harry whined

 

“No one cares what you think”

 

“Hey, I care what he thinks!”

 

“That’s just cause he’s the one sucking you off, Lou” Niall said with a mouthful of mac and cheese. “We are not going for Mexican” He jabbed his fork in Harry’s face, a few noodles flying onto Harry’s tray in the process. “No way”

 

“Then where pray tell do you want to go?”

 

“I was thinking Italian” Niall shrugged. “Classic, elegant”

 

“But that’s where everyone goes. Do we really want to deal with all of the crowd and mayhem?”

 

Zayn jumped into the conversation as he slid his lunch tray onto the table and sat down in his spot next to Liam. “What’re we talking about?”

 

Liam finished his mouthful of pb&j before answering, “they’re arguing about where we’re going to go to dinner before prom”

 

“Oh. I thought we decided on Mexican?” 

 

“Ha! See, Mexican” Harry cried triumphantly. “Zayn agrees with me”

 

“Only because that’s what you told me we were doing.”

 

“Because that is what we’re doing”

 

“No, I don’t want Mexican”

 

“Not everything is about you, Niall. I really hate to break it to you” Liam sighed. _Why does this have to be so complicated?_ “Okay. So what are our options?” Liam closed his textbook. It was only a matter of time before he took control of the situation.

 

“Mexican”

 

“Italian” Niall and Harry both said their answers at the same time.

 

“Okay. So Mexican or Italian.” Liam nodded authoritatively. “Has anyone asked Ed or Cher what they want? Or the other people that are apparently in our group?” Liam looked expectantly at Zayn, seeing as he was the one who invited the others into their prom group.

 

Zayn shrugged. “I think they could be up for anything”

 

“You think?”

 

“I mean…I can ask him right now? I think he’s out in the courtyard” Zayn got up from his seat and Liam tried his best not to stare as Zayn walked through the tables with such confidence and power. _damn_

 

“Okay. So the great thing about doing things in a group is that we have to compromise. You remember that word?”

 

Harry and Louis both sighed in perfect time.

 

“Yes, Liam.”

 

“You only tell us about its importance like every day”

 

“We’re big kids. We know how to handle ourselves”

 

“Except apparently you don’t” Liam pulled out a Dorito from his Ziploc bag and threw it at Niall’s face. “Especially you”

 

“Hey, I can compromise”

 

“Not when it comes to what we’re eating”

 

“Fuck off, Styles” Niall grumbled.

 

Liam let the subject drop and change naturally to some party that happened the past weekend and all of the drama that entails with high school parties. They would figure out the details for prom later, all that mattered was that they were all going. It was going to be a huge group, the five of them, Niall’s date, Ed and Cher, and some of Ed and Cher’s friends. Liam had a feeling that planning the affair was going to be more work than any of them were prepared for, but that was just high school. It was all about biting off more than you could chew.

 

“He’s going to talk to Cher about it” Zayn said as he slid back into his seat next to Liam. “I guess she has a lot of plans”

 

“Girls always have a lot of plans” Louis shook his head. “Fucking girls”

 

“I think you’re more trouble than they are” Harry poked Louis in the cheek

 

Louis gasped. “I take offence to that”

 

“Both of you are idiots” Liam rolled his eyes. He picked up his sandwich and pulled off a bit, chewing on it slowly as he pulled his textbook back towards him and flipped to the page he’d been studying.

 

* * *

 

“So the office gave me these things to pass out to you guys,” Mr. Cardle glanced down at the stack of papers in his hands. They’d stopped talking when he’d walked up to their table during study hall; it was rare that their laid back teacher ever ventured past his table in the front of the room to check on them. Liam raised an eyebrow. _I don’t remember the office needing to send out any school wide notices_ “I have no idea what it’s for. I’ll be honest with you guys, I haven’t read it. But if they give it to me and say I need to pass it on to you, I do as I’m told” He licked his thumb and pulled the top five papers from the stack.

 

“I love how informed you are” Louis said as he pulled the stack and distributed them among the others. “It gives me such confidence in the American school system”

 

“Hey,” Mr. Cardle pointed the papers, now rolled up, at Louis. “I don’t need any of your British sass”

 

“Oh, excuse me.” Louis rolled his eyes, laughing. Mr. Cardle too was chuckling as he walked away

 

“So who has some skin disease or swine flu” Niall asked as he folded the paper into a paper airplane. “Or did someone get fired?” He looked at Liam expectantly.

 

“I dunno”

 

“You don’t know what’s in here?” Zayn asked

 

“Seriously?”

 

“Seriously.” Liam nodded his head in confirmation. “For once, I’m just as clueless as all of you”

 

“Well, let’s have a look shall we? Dear parents and students of Talbert High School. It has come to my attention that a student, who has yet to be named, has created an internet podcast entitled Talbert Tales.” Liam felt his heart skip a couple of beats as Louis’ voice trailed off. His fingers were gripping the paper so tight it was beginning to crinkle. _This can’t be happening_

 

They were all silent as they read the letter asking for any student or parent with information about the identity of the creator of Talbert Tales to come forward at once. No one said anything as they all read the vague threat at the end of the letter, stating that there would be consequences for the student if they did not come forward soon. Liam felt himself paling, waves of nausea thundering over him with each passing sentence.

 

“So…” Harry tossed his paper to the center of the round table.

 

“So…” Niall echoed Harry’s actions.

 

“So…” Louis followed suit

 

“So…” Zayn tossed his paper to the center of the table as well, and then looked at Liam. They were all waiting for him to say something.

 

“So…I’m fucked?” Liam crumpled up the letter, wishing that it was the principal’s face he was crushing easily with his fingers instead of a piece of paper.

 

“No, you’re not fucked” Harry tried to assure him

 

“Yea, actually I am. I’m fucked in every sense of the word. Like, beyond fucked. I’m majorly fucked. I’m fucked. Fucked, fucked, fucked.” Liam laughed darkly. “I’m fucked” he grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder, leaving the guys staring at him as he left.

 

“Mr. Cardle, I have to go” Liam called over his shoulder as he pushed open the library door and went out into the hallway. He didn’t hear any response, so kept moving forward. His entire world was crushing down on him. It was all crumbling; down, down, down.

 

They found him eventually, as they always did. Of course, the trunk of his jeep probably wasn’t the best hiding place, but still. They found him about ten minutes after he’d left and took him in their arms and brought him to Mike’s. They sat him down in their booth and had the waitress bring them an order of onion rings and cheese fries on the double. It wasn’t until he’d finished his iced tea and eaten a handful of onion rings that Liam actually said anything.

 

“So, I’m fucked, right?”

 

“Basically”

 

Harry threw an onion ring at Niall’s face. “No, you’re not fucked” He glowered at Niall.

 

“Yea, you’re not.” Zayn threw his arm around Liam and pulled him into his side. “Really, you’re not” he whispered into Liam’s ear. Louder, he said “I mean, there’s still no way anyone knows it’s you”

 

“Yea, I mean, we’re the only ones that know. Right?” Harry continued after Liam nodded. “So there’s no need for you to worry. Li, we know how careful you’ve been about this whole thing. There is no way anyone would know it’s you”

 

“But Zayn figured it out on his own” Liam pointed out, his mouth filled with cheese fries. He swallowed. “I mean, Harry gave him a hint, but still.”

 

“That’s just because I’m a genius” Zayn elbowed Liam playfully.

 

“But…”

 

“Liam!” Louis’ voice filled the empty dinner. “There is nothing to worry about. It makes sense to us because we know you. But really, no one else is going to figure it out”

 

“You think?”

 

“Liam, we know”

 

“Yea,” Niall swallowed his mouthful of food and reached over the table to pat Liam on the shoulder, nearly knocking over Liam’s glass in the process. “Seriously, you’ll be fine. Sure, people care about your show but not enough to find out who you are”

 

“Wow, thanks” Liam rolled his eyes. He lifted up his glass and sucked on his straw until all that was left in the glass was the ice.

 

“I mean it in the nicest way possible!” Niall tried to cover his tracks.

 

“Mmhmm”

 

“Really! It’s a good thing that no one really cares about who you are! Tell him, Zayn!”

 

“He’s right.” Liam looked up into Zayn’s eyes and _god, he is right_

 

“Okay, okay. So I’m not…totally fucked”

 

“No. You’re not fucked in the slightest” Niall smiled his wide smile that Liam couldn’t help but smile at. Niall’s smile was always contagious, even when Liam didn’t feel like smiling at all.

 

“I mean, we have no idea if he’s fucked. That’s between him and Zayn. I mea-” Liam kicked Harry’s shin underneath the table “Ow! The fuck was that for?”

 

“I think the point of a sex life is for it to be between the two people.” Zayn said, his arm tightening around Liam.

 

“You two are no fun.” Louis pouted.

 

“You guys don’t go bragging about your sex life, so why should we?” Liam asked

 

“Oh! I didn’t know you were interested.” Harry leaned forward. “So the other day Louis texted me during class and”

 

“Christ! Not while I’m eating!” Niall groaned and they all laughed.

 

* * *

 

**(to Zayn! 11:36)  
so I’m going to pick you up at 2 and go 2 Niall’s 4 pictures. Good?**

**(from Zayn! 11:40)  
perfect 2 me :) xxxxx**

**(to Zayn! 11:42)  
awesome!!!**

**(from Zayn! 12:05)  
my mom wants 2 make sure our colors match. Can u stop by later today to check?**

**(to Zayn! 12:10)**  
sure. Now?  
  


**(from Zayn! 12:13)  
yea. If that’s cool w/ u**

**(to Zayn! 12:34)  
sorry, harry just called to confirm dinner reservations. **

**(from Zayn! 12:37)  
no worries. And?**

**(to Zayn! 12:40)  
I’ll let u know whn I get 2 urs. 5 minutes?**

**(from Zayn! 12:41)  
LIAM PAYNE ARE U TXTING WHILE DRIVING?**

**(from Zayn! 12:42)  
I AM ASHAMED OF U**

**(from Zayn! 12:43)**

**PUT UR PHONE AWAY**

**(to Zayn! 12:45)  
im at a stoplight don’t worry!!**

**(from Zayn! 12:46)  
put the phone away payne or else **

**(to Zayn! 12:52)**

**hereeeeeeeeeeeeee:)**

 

 

* * *

 

Liam shifted his car into reverse and pulled out of his driveway before he could really settle on the fact that his parents were standing in the doorway, waving at him. He could still see them in his rearview window and his hands tightened on the steering wheel. His tux was uncomfortably tight, despite the fact that it had been professionally tailored and customized for optimum comfort.

 

A stop sign at the end of the street loomed out of nowhere and Liam blew right past it. _oops_ Pure panic and fear pounded down on every nerve in Liam’s already anxiety filled body. _I drive down this street at least five times a day. What if someone had actually been there, I could have killed someone_. He tried to breathe as deeply and slowly as he could but his vest was doing the opposite of what he needed it to do. _fuck. This isn’t a good sign_

 

There were no cars in sight as Liam turned onto the main road and pressed down on the gas pedal. _I have bigger things to worry about than the fact that I just ran a stop sign. I’m on my way to prom. Prom, actual prom; the thing that every high schooler fantasizes about. And I have a date. I have an actual date to the actual prom. Tickets were expensive as hell, just like they always are. My date is waiting for me and then we’re going to go take cheesy pictures and eat dinner at a place way to expensive for all of us, but we all have our parents’ credit cards so it doesn’t really matter. And then we’re going to go to the dance and it’s going to suck but who cares, because we’ll actually be there. We’re going to prom. Prom. Fuck, I’m going to prom. I’m…I’m actually doing high school right. After years of waiting and wishing, all of the pining and hoping, I’m actually doing it. I’m being social. I’m reaching out of my shell. I have a boyfriend, an actual living, breathing boyfriend who wants to go to prom with me. We’re going to prom together. Zayn and I. Prom. I’m going to prom_

 

Liam turned the volume on the stereo up as the song changed to one of his favorite Two Door Cinema Club songs. He felt the bass deep within his chest-which was still feeling the panic from running the stop sign-and rolled down his window with a press of a button. The emotions running through him were crashing into one another, mixing into things that didn’t make sense. He was overwhelmed, but he felt like he was on top of the world. Never before had he felt this much in control. Likewise, never before had he felt this powerless.

 

_Do you want it, do you want it, do you want it all?_

 

Liam did want it all

 

_Do you want it, do you want it, do you want it all?_

 

But Liam did have it all

 

_Do you want it, do you want it, do you want it all?_

 

For the first time in his life Liam actually had it all

 

_Do you want it, do you want it, do you want it all?_

 

Liam was actually happy; or, he was close to being happy.

 

He let his left hand drape out the window. He let the wind play with his fingers as he pressed down on the gas, the car moving forward faster.

 

_All because you want to be_

 

He was less than five minutes away from Zayn’s house

 

_All because you want to be_

 

Less than five minutes and he would be making memories that he would hold deep within him for years to come

 

_All because you want to be_

 

Less than five minutes and he would be living the right way, the way every teenager should live

 

_All because you want to be_

 

Less than five minutes and he would be in Zayn’s arms, who would undoubtedly be looking more handsome than Liam could handle.

 

Less than five minutes and Liam would finally be living.

 

* * *

 

They lasted about an hour at prom, if that. They walked into the venue like they owned the fucking place, but after realizing just what all was there, hated themselves. There were people everywhere, which was to be expected. But still, Liam was taken aback at just how crowded the room was. There was little room for them to move, even when they retreated to one of the far sides of the room that was filled with tables covered with discarded shoes and bejeweled clutches that wouldn’t be used again. Sweating teenagers clambering for any source of refreshment surrounded the small tables by the door where drinks were being distributed. Of course they all went to the dance floor as soon as they set their stuff down. The music sucked, as they knew it would. It felt good to have Zayn’s arms around Liam’s waist, but it didn’t feel good to have some random girls ass grinding up against his. However, they did last an hour. An hour of shitty music and sweaty dancing and fake smiles whenever someone who vaguely knew them came up to yell in their faces about how much fun they were having.

 

It was Harry who drew them all together (them being Louis, Zayn, and Liam) and yelled in their ears that they should “get the fuck out of here”

 

“But where’re we gonna go?” Zayn questioned, his voice already horse from having to yell to be heard over some Nicki Minaj song that had been played twice already.

 

Harry turned to Louis whose eyes lit up. “We are in the city…”

 

“What?” Liam leaned closer in so he could actually hear what the guys were saying.

 

“We’re only a few blocks away”

 

“Dude, let’s go!” Zayn pulled back from the group and looked around.

 

“Right now?” Louis yelled

 

“Yea, let’s do it”

 

“What are we doing?” Liam was having trouble keeping up with their train of thought. He let Zayn take him by the hand and pull him through the crowd on the dance floor.

 

“We’re going to that gay bar!” Harry yelled into Liam’s ear.

 

“What?”

 

“The one Zayn took us all to”

 

“Oh!” Liam grabbed his jacket off the table and followed them all out into the lobby and then out into the night air.

 

Louis hailed a taxi and gave the address of the bar to the driver as they all squished themselves into the back seat.

 

“Are we seriously skipping out to go to a bar?” Liam was laughing at the absurdity of it all.

 

“Why not? We’re young. We look fierce as fuck. We should go party in style” Harry shook his head of curls.

 

“You don’t mind that we left, do you?”

 

Liam shook his head at Zayn. “Not at all. I mean, we are young like Lou said. This is the kind of thing we’re going to remember forever, right?”

 

“That’s the spirit!” Louis stretched across Harry and Zayn to ruffle Liam’s hair. “I knew you would come around eventually”

 

“What do you mean ‘come around’? What’s that supposed to mean?” Liam knew he should be upset, but he was living off the adrenaline high. He felt like they could get in a car crash and he would still walk away smiling. _Okay, maybe not that. But seriously, I don’t think anything could really piss me off right now_. He let his hand fall to rest along Zayn’s inner thigh.

 

“Just that you’re actually living!”

 

“Have I been dead this whole time?” Liam joked

 

“You know what I mean”

 

The taxi pulled along the side of the curb right outside the bar and they all climbed out, leaving Louis to pay the driver.

 

“You guys ready?” He asked as he shut the door behind him and the cab drove off.

 

Liam grabbed Zayn’s hand. “Never been more ready”

 

The music was louder than what it was back at the dance. There were more people pressed closer together and Liam felt awkwardly out of place in his tux. He didn’t, however, feel out of place with Zayn’s hands against his waist, his hips pressed against his own. They were dancing like no one was watching and like everyone was watching at the same time. They were all each other saw. Zayn’s collarbone peeking out from his white button down shirt was doing things to Liam that he didn’t think was possible.  He was just so…alive. Zayn’s eyes were closed as they danced to the club music. Liam almost wished that there were words to the music that pounded through the speakers. It would be easier if he had something besides Zayn to focus on. _But then again, do I really want something else to focus on? God, I just want to fuck him right here and now_

 

Liam let his eyes close as well. He tried to let his other senses gain control, tried to take it all in without actually seeing. This wasn’t exactly how he planned on spending his prom night; a sweaty club filled with other gays. But as he thought about it-as well as thinking about how good it felt to have Zayn pressed this close to him, their hips grinding together in perfect time with the deep bass-it made sense that this was how he was spending it. There was no other way he wanted to spend his prom night. This was better than prom. This was like prom on steroids. _Hell, all I really wanted out of prom was to be with Zayn,_ Liam’s heart jolted as Zayn’s hand wrapped itself around the back of Liam’s head and pulled it to his, their lips crashing together in the heat of the moment. _and fuck, do I have him_

 

“Liam? Liam, is that you?” Liam pulled his lips from Zayn’s and swung around. He could have sworn he heard someone calling his name, _but who would be?_ Zayn’s hands tightened around his waist and suddenly he felt Zayn pulling him away from the dance floor, taking his hand and dragging him past the bar and into the hallway that led to the bathrooms.

 

“What’s going on?” Liam barely got the words out before Zayn’s lips were against his again. Zayn was kissing him harder and fiercer than he’d ever before. It was like Zayn was trying to lay possession on Liam, claim him as his own. _Or maybe he just wants it rough right now_ “Zayn, seriously” Liam put his hands against Zayn’s chest and steadied himself. “Have we moved onto the sex in a dirty bathroom stall stage in our relationship?” He was joking, but he couldn’t help but notice the way that Zayn’s eyes lit up at his suggestion.

 

“Can we?”

 

“I…um…” Liam bit his lip. A large part of him would totally be for giving (or receiving) a blowjob or handjob in the bathroom stall. But then again, there was something off about the way Zayn was acting. He was just so… _possessive_. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

 

Zayn’s eyes darted past Liam’s head back out onto the dance floor. “No” Liam twisted around to look out into the crowd.

 

“Zayn”

 

“Okay,” _that didn’t take much_. “I just…I think I saw Olly”

 

“Really? No way!” Liam took his hands away from Zayn’s chest and pulled out his phone. Sure enough, there was a text from Olly. “Yeah, he’s here.” He looked up at Zayn. “Want to go say hi?”

 

“Not really” Liam was taken aback by the abruptness in Zayn’s voice _. I thought…well, I know he isn’t the biggest fan of Olly. But the least he could do is be polite_

 

“Um, okay”

 

“No, I’m sorry.” Zayn leaned up off of the wall Liam had pressed him against and pushed him forward by the small of his back. “I’m being rude. Text him to see where he is” Liam allowed himself to be led forward to the bar where there were a few empty seats.

 

“Liam! Zayn!” A voice called their name almost as soon as they sat down.

 

“Olly!” Liam waved his hand in the air to flag Olly down. “Over here” He was only slightly aware of Zayn’s hand grabbing his and squeezing it tightly quick before Olly and the guy he was with came to stand right in front of them. Olly gave Liam a hug and Zayn a polite handshake.

 

“Hey, I’m Olly.”

 

“I’m Zayn”

 

“I know” Olly smiled at Zayn whose hand went straight to Liam’s back. _Oh, he’s still jealous. I see how it is. Shit, I should be more thoughtful_ Liam thought as he leaned back into Zayn. “And this is my friend Andy” Olly’s friend stepped forward and shook both Liam and Zayn’s hands.

 

Liam gave Olly a questioning look over Andy’s shoulder, but didn’t say anything.

 

“Nice to meet you” Andy spoke cheerfully. His words were slightly slurred, but Liam didn’t mind. Andy was nicer than some of the other guys Olly had introduced him to. 

 

“Likewise” Zayn smiled at Andy. Liam felt Zayn press closer against him. And for the duration of the time they all spent talking at the bar, Zayn’s hand didn’t leave Liam’s back. Sure, it might have strayed occasionally to stroke Liam’s arm absentmindedly, but it was always in contact with Liam. For the entire night, the two were connected.

 

* * *

 

They took a cab back to Niall’s house where Liam’s car was waiting. Zayn paid the driver as Liam started the car. They drove home in silence, both reveling in the night. It was almost 4. Liam felt like he could keep going for hours and hours, just drive onto the highway and keep going until the gas ran out. And yet- he looked over at Zayn staring out his window, his jaw line haunting in the light from the streetlights lining the neighborhood- Liam’s entire body felt weak to the very core. His limbs were tired and heavy. He wanted to curl up in Zayn and never let go.

 

Liam scrolled through his Ipod and picked a song; the intro to Stick With Me Baby began playing and Liam smiled, as Zayn’s fingers found his own. There were no other cars on the street; it was just them; them and the night sky: the moon and the stars that seemed to stretch on and on for all eternity.

 

As he drove through Niall’s neighborhood Liam recalled the night. He remembered how it felt to have Zayn’s lips around his length, Zayn’s hands gripping his ass, how cramped they were in that disgusting bathroom. He remembered watching, so scared he thought he was going to puke, as Olly took Zayn aside and talked for what felt like ages. He remembered Zayn coming up to him later and whispering in his ear “Olly’s an okay guy” and feeling beyond relieved. He remembered what it felt like as they danced in the middle of the packed dance floor, not caring in the slightest that they were spending their prom night in a club, instead of at the dance itself. He remembered Zayn getting a text from Ed saying that he and Cher had won prom king and queen. He remembered laughing into Zayn’s shoulder as they waited in the cold night air for a cab. He remembered five minutes earlier when he looked over and realized that Zayn was actually his, and that the whole night had been real.

 

He pulled up to his house and turned the car off. Zayn shifted in his seat; he’d fallen asleep on the ride from Niall’s to Liam’s. Liam took a hand and caressed Zayn’s cheek. Zayn’s eyes flickered open and a smile began to form on his lips.

 

“Hey, we’re home.” Liam whispered.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah.” Zayn blinked a few times before sitting up. “You need help?” Liam unbuckled Zayn’s seatbelt before Zayn had a chance to answer him.

 

Zayn smiled lethargically up at him. “You know…I…” Liam felt his heart stop. Like full on jerk to a halt. _He’s going to say it. He’s going to says he loves me. Oh no, I don’t know if I can handle that right now. Too many feelings_ “I really like you, Liam. Thank you”

 

Liam sat with his mouth open for a few moments before letting the words tumble out on their own, “I really like you too, Zayn.”

 

Zayn laughed warmly. It was such a lovely sound, and Liam wanted to surround himself in it and relive that night forever. _If I could do that, I could truly be happy_. “I’m glad you understand me” Zayn smiled.

 

“I’m glad too”

 

* * *

 

**_Good afternoon! Well, it’s not really the afternoon. Does 7:00 count as the afternoon? I actually have no clue. But yes, good afternoon or night. Whatever greeting is more appropriate._ **

****

**_So prom! That was a thing that actually happened. We all got dressed up, took pictures which are now already on facebook, ate expensive dinners, and danced to our little hearts content. And then of course we all left and partied. Speaking of which, I really hope all of you were safe. I haven’t heard of any crazy stories, but I’m sure the hallways tomorrow will be filled with all of the juicy gossip. I’m really hoping that all of your livers are in tact and that none of the drugstores ran out of plan b or will run out of pregnancy tests in the near future. Because… that would certainly be unfortunate._ **

****

**_Now, to get some serious business out of the way, it has come to my attention that our fine administration team has been made known-does that even make sense? They have been made known? They know about my little show. But why the sudden interest I must ask. I’ve thought it over, and I suppose that some of the things I give away are a bit personal. Sure, I might have leaked the details of the prom location and such in advance, so sue me. But why does the administration suddenly care about finding out who I am? You guys don’t care who I am, right? I know we had a guy earlier this year, but I think Zayn gave up on that whole fight didn’t you Zayn? Trust me, I’m harmless. There is nothing I can do that will harm any of you. Admin, if you are listening to this, I assure you, I am nothing for you to worry about. Don’t you have more important things to worry about, like making sure all of us are prepared for the upcoming AP tests? I think you guys really need to sort out your priorities, if that’s not rude of me to say._ **

****

**_Okay. So here’s a song that I heard played multiple times at prom before my group and I ditched. I really need him to come back in my life, because really we need some new music by him. Justin, please, whatever you’re doing isn’t as important as making new music. So yea, this is Sexy Back. I don’t know about you, but I’m about to have a total dance party in my room. Hope you guys join me so I don’t feel like such a freak._ **


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just as a warning, this chapter gets a bit... dark? Idk, it may be a bit triggering for some people; there is a lot of self-loathing so if that bothers you, please proceed with caution.

“And our last announcement for the afternoon comes from Principal Mathews himself, so everyone listen up.” The girl reading the announcements cleared her throat. Liam was straining to hear said announcements, seeing as the others had given up on being quiet thirty seconds into them.

 

“Shh!” Liam tried to hush them, with little success as always.

 

“Liam, you already know what she’s talking about, Mr. Office Aid” Niall threw an eraser at Liam’s head.

 

“Ow!” Liam massaged his temple where the eraser had made contact. “Actually, I don’t. That’s why I want to listen”

 

“Good afternoon, students. This is your principal. I just wanted to remind you that if any of you have any information regarding the identity of the student behind the podcast titled Talbert Tales, please come forward at once. You can remain anonymous if you would like. But whoever is behind this will face serious consequences. Our school has a name, a name we take pride in, and we don’t need that name tarnished. Thank you.”

 

“Shit”

 

Liam was still staring blankly up at the ceiling at the speaker. He didn’t even register Niall’s comment, or the rest of the guys’ comments that soon followed. No, Liam was in a daze. The principal’s words were repeating themselves in his head. Over and over they rang. This was worse than when they had gotten the flyer. That he could crumple up and forget about no questions asked. But the administration had taken it to the next level. Liam had a gut feeling that if he was to log onto the school’s website right there, he would see an announcement saying exactly what the principal had just said.

 

“Fuck.” Liam said under his breath. The guys tried to comfort him as they all walked out into the parking lot and went their separate ways, but Liam didn’t hear them. Well, he heard them, but he didn’t register them. Their words were meaningless. He barely felt anything as he drove to Mike’s where Zayn was apparently meeting some friends.

  
“See you later?” Zayn asked after giving Liam a kiss goodbye.

 

“Hmm?” Liam looked at him like he had just realized Zayn was sitting beside him.

 

“You okay?” Zayn rubbed Liam’s arm. “You can talk to me, you know.”

 

“Yeah.” Liam put on a smile. “I’m fine. No worries.” He pulled Zayn in for another kiss, this one far less chaste than the previous.

 

“Damn” Zayn said breathlessly as they pulled apart. “You never cease to surprise me, Payne” he shook his head as he got out of the car and slammed the door. He motioned for Liam to roll the window down, which he did. “I’ll call you later, yeah?”

 

“Yea.” Liam turned his attention back to navigating through the crowded parking lot. Liam drove home in silence, his mind jumping from thing to thing. He really just needed to get home and think. He needed to lie down on the couch with a cup of tea and watch Toy Story. He needed to breath. _In and out. In and out._

 

 

* * *

 

Liam lasted three days after the initial announcement before he had a complete and utter mental breakdown.

_They’re going to catch me and I’m going to get in trouble. They’ll expel me, or make it so I can’t graduate. Or…what if they take my scholarships away. I can’t let them take those away. I can’t let them find out it’s me. But it’s too late, they’ll find out soon enough. I’m not smarter than them, why would I ever think that? I should have never started this damn thing. It’s brought so much trouble and stress. Fuck Harry. Why did I listen to him? I should know by now never to listen to him when he’s drunk. God, why am I such an idiot. I hate myself. I really do, I fucking hate myself._

_Fuck, and there’s other shit to worry about too. AP tests are coming up and I’m nowhere near ready. I need to get all 5’s or else. Fuck, if I don’t …I can’t even think about that. And then I have to do all that financial aid crap, and figure out just how the hell I’m going to pay for everything. It’s all just too much…_

_I just can’t do it. There is too much, way too much. I’ll never be able to do it all. Oh god, there’s just so much for me to do. I’m never going to be able to please everyone. I’m going to fail. That’s all I’ll ever be, a failure. I’m going to amount to nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. I’ll be an embarrassment. I’ll be a source of shame._

_No one’s ever going to really love me. How could anyone ever really love me? What am I good at? I’m good at nothing. I have nothing to contribute to society. I have no social skills. I have no talent. I am hopeless. The future, hell. I don’t even want to think about the future. Every time I do…it’s just black. I don’t see anything. Fuck, I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life. All I can really see is failure. Failure after failure after failure. And who would ever love a failure?_

_Shit. Love. Fuck, Zayn. I think…no. I can’t think like that. I can’t think about our future. I can’t think that I might possibly lo-…no. No, I’m not going to do that to myself. I can’t let myself get in too deep. Hell, I’ve already gone in too deep haven’t I? I like him way more than he likes me. I’m too attached. I care more than he cares. I just…what’s the fucking point? He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I can’t remember a time when I was actually happy. I used to want to curl up and cry myself to sleep every night. I was lonely. But now, god. He makes me feel like I actually belong. He makes me feel like no matter what I do, even if I fail, that he’ll always be there for me. It’s like….it’s like he loves me. But no, he couldn’t love me. I’m…well I’m me. How could anyone love me?_

_Oh god, he’s going to break up with me. I mean, of course he will eventually, but…it’s actually going to happen. There’s going to come a day when I really do love him, and he won’t love me back. There will be a day when he won’t be there for me, and he won’t care that I’m there for him. It’s going to happen. Sooner rather than later more likely, if my luck has any say. He’s just too good for me. How dumb am I to think that this whole thing would really last? Of course it’s not. I doubt we’re going to make it to graduation. He’s going to realize just how pathetic I really am, and…then it will all be done._

_What’s the point? We should just break up now. I mean, spare myself the heartache down the road. What is the point in waiting, if we already know how it’s going to end? I should…yea…_

 

* * *

 

“Liam, what are you saying” Liam bit his lip. He could tell by Zayn’s voice that he was starting to cry. _It’s what’s best. I have to do this. Better now than later. This will be better for us, in the long run_

 

“I just,” he heard Zayn’s breath hitch. _Or maybe that’s just the connection. He’s not crying, he can’t be_ “I just think it would be easier if we took a break”

 

“And by break you mean…”

 

“Yeah”

 

“So. This is it? We’re breaking up”

 

“I just think that it’s better this way”

 

“The fuck? That doesn’t even make sense, Liam”

 

“It does to me, okay?”

 

“And we’re not even going to talk about this? You’re just going to call me and tell me that we’re breaking up, because you have the only say?”

 

“Look, I’m sorry. I just… I can’t do this anymore”

 

“Liam, why can’t you just talk to me? I don’t understand”

 

“I don’t either.”

 

They fell into silence for what felt like an eternity. Liam could hear Zayn’s heart shattering over the slow cracking of his own.

 

“I guess this is it”

 

“Yeah”

 

“Thanks for everything then.” Zayn snapped. “Really, these past few months have been the best of my life.”

 

“Zayn,”

  
“Goodbye, Liam”

 

* * *

 

**(from Olly Murs 2:42)  
u  should come 2 the city. I’ll help cheer u up **

**(to Olly Murs 2:45)  
thx but not really feelin it**

**(from Olly Murs 2:50)  
im here if u want 2 talk**

**(to Olly Murs 2:51)  
thx**

 

* * *

 

**(from Danielle 4:18)  
hey! Im here if u need anything **

**(from Danielle 4:19)  
seriously we can go get coffee and talk it out if u want  <3**

**(to Danielle 4:23)**

**thx. I’ll let u know**

 

* * *

 

**(from Haz Styles 5:49)  
Liam goddamn payne u answr me rite now**

**(from Haz Styles 5:56)  
seriously liam **

**(from Haz Styles 5:59)  
I just want 2 b here 4 u **

 

* * *

 

After he broke up with Zayn, Liam stopped going to study hall. Instead, he spent the last period of the day helping out in the main office. He also managed to time his morning drive perfectly, so that just as he pulled into his assigned spot in the morning, the warning bell was echoing throughout the halls. The benefit of knowing his best friends’ schedules by heart was that Liam knew how to avoid seeing them. He went a week without even seeing Zayn, Louis, Niall, or Harry in person. Sure, there had been a couple of close calls, but Liam had managed to slip by unseen.

 

They were mad, of course. Every day Liam was bombarded with texts and calls. Voicemail after voicemail Liam deleted without even listening to them. The ones from Zayn were the hardest to ignore, but Liam remained strong. He cut himself off from everyone. _Alone is all I have. I’m the only one I can really depend upon. I’m the only one who can sort my life out._

 

It took his mom knocking on his door for Liam to realize that maybe he’d made a mistake.

 

“Hey, sweetie.”

 

Liam pulled out his headphones and closed his laptop. “Hey, mom. When did you get back?”

 

She waved her hand in the air absentmindedly. “Oh, I don’t know, a few hours ago. My eight o’clock got canceled and I thought that maybe we could have dinner together tonight.” That took Liam aback. It was a Wednesday, and therefore not one of the days that his mother tended to remember her ‘family’ duties.

 

“Ugh, okay. What were you thinking?”

 

“How about that new Italian place downtown? I hear it’s excellent”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Can you be ready in say,” she glanced down at her brand name watch. “Twenty minutes?”

 

“Yea, I can do that.”

 

“Excellent. I’ll be downstairs.” His mom closed his door as she left, leaving Liam more than just confused.

 

Naturally, he went with it. He got dressed and went to dinner with his mom, just the two of them. It was something they hadn’t done in months, maybe even years. The whole thing felt so foreign, Liam felt as if there had to be some sort of ulterior motive.

 

Sure enough, once the breadbasket had been set down and his mother’s wine glass had been topped off, his mother began what Liam knew was going to be an uncomfortable conversation.

 

“So, I hear you and Zayn have broken up”

 

“Where’d you hear that?”

 

“Anne called me at work this morning and we met for lunch” 

 

“Ah” _Well that explains everything._ The bread tasted like cardboard going down Liam’s throat but he had no choice but to continue eating it.

 

“When were you going to tell me?”

 

Liam shrugged. “I dunno. I didn’t know it was really…your business”

 

“Of course it’s my business. Liam, this was your first serious relationship.”

 

Liam blushed despite himself. _God, I do this way too often._ “What do you want me to say mom? That I’m sorry it didn’t work out?”

 

Liam’s mother took a sip of her wine and said, “No, what I’d like is for you to explain why you’re treating this immaturely. I want to know why you’re not talking to any of your friends.”

 

“How do you know I’m not talking to any of my friends? I have other friends than Harry, Louis, and Niall.”

 

“But you know what I mean. You’re avoiding the friends who want to be with you the most. They just want to help you

 

“I don’t need help,” Liam blurted out roughly. His mother stared back at him, her eyes wide at his abrupt answer. “I’m fine dealing with this on my own”

 

Liam felt his mom take his hand in hers across the table. “Darling, it’s okay to ask for help.” Liam squeezed her fingers before pulling his hand back to his side of the table.

 

“I just…” he couldn’t seem to find the words.

 

“It’s okay. I understand. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. I just want you to know that you do have people who are here for you. Even me. I know I’m not around as much as I should, and I apologize for that. But Liam, you don’t have to struggle in silence all by yourself. You are such a charming gentlemen. You are everything I could ever hope for in a son, and I mean that.”

 

Liam felt a lump beginning to form in the back of his throat. His eyes were stinging and the tears he’d held in ever since he’d called Zayn to break it off were fighting their way out. “Ugh,” he cleared his throat. “Thanks mum”

 

The dinner conversation changed after that to what his mother was working on at the moment and it didn’t return to Zayn or the others for the rest of the evening. In fact, Liam had thought he’d had the last of it when he was climbing into his bed that night, his textbook in his lap to help drift him off to sleep. But another knock on the door told him it wasn’t and as his mom walked into the room, he gritted his teeth for whatever was to come.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I forgot to give this to you earlier.” She pulled a cd case from behind her back and handed it to him. “Anne asked me to pass it along to you. I suppose us mothers are playing the go-betweens.”

 

Liam glanced down at the cd and knew right away whom it was from. “Thanks”

 

“No problem. Sleep well. I’ll be at the office all day tomorrow. Call if you need anything.”

 

“I always do.” Liam smiled as she kissed him on the head like she’d done for as long as he could remember; it didn’t feel childish, in fact, it felt comforting.

 

He waited until after the door had closed and then a few seconds longer before scrambling to get his laptop and sliding the cd into the disk drive. He knew exactly who gave Anne the cd, Zayn. Liam was scared to find out what was on it, but he knew he couldn’t just ignore it like he’d done with all of the voicemails and texts.

 

His iTunes popped up right away and Liam pressed import tracks. None of them were titled. He was intimidated staring at the untitled tracks. He created a new playlist and shifted all of the tracks to it. Biting his lip, he pressed play.

 

It was as cliché as mix cds go. There were songs that Liam remembered vividly singing along to in the car as they drove. There were songs that Liam had dedicated to him on Talbert Tales, which Liam regretfully listened to the entire way through. Then there were songs like track number 12 (which Liam later looked up to be I Can’t Understand by Air Traffic) that ripped Liam to shreds. Guilt washed over him as he listened to the songs that Zayn had put on there for a distinct reason.

 

Liam told himself over and over that it was a good thing he’d broken it off with Zayn. _It was going to happen eventually. He was going to get tired of me. He was going to find someone better and leave. That’s just how things go. I was being the bigger person_.

 

But then as the last song played and Liam pressed repeat after it had finished, Liam began to rethink his decision to break up with Zayn.

 

_Thought you’d never be mine_

_I thought I was wasting my time_

_Darling every day I think of you_

_I can’t believe it’s true_

_That you’re here by my side_

_And I’m petrified, I’m hypnotized_

_Every time you walk by_

_And I’m petrified, I’m hypnotized_

_Every time you walk by_

_And I can’t get you out of my mind_

_I can’t get you out of my mind_

_I can’t get you out of my mind._

 

* * *

 

When Liam heard the doorbell ring at 11:30 on the Saturday before AP week started, he was more than tempted to just let it keep ringing. He really didn’t feel like putting on a fake smile for girl scouts or the Mormon missionaries or whoever the hell was ringing his doorbell. _But of course, I’m too polite. I can’t ignore it_ Liam thought to himself as he wandered through the front hall to the door. He’d prepared himself for some solicitor, so when he opened the door to see his boyfriend, _ex-boyfriend_ Liam’s heart skipped a beat.

 

“Zayn,”

 

“Hey.” He was dressed in a thin t-shirt and jeans. Liam wondered if he’d rolled out of bed looking that good, and then shook his head the fact that Zayn probably did just that. Liam crossed his arms instinctively, holding himself together. _I can do this. I can be strong. I can._

 

“So what’s up?”

 

“I was wondering what you were up to” Zayn shrugged. His hands were obnoxiously adorable, thrust in his jean pockets and Liam felt the urge to mess with the cigarette sticking out from behind Zayn’s ear.

 

“I have a cell you know”

 

“But would you have answered it?”

 

Liam had to give that to him. “Probably not”

 

“Exactly.” _How can he be so happy? How is he still smiling at me, making me feel like I’m the most important thing in the world. He should hate me. That’s how these melodramatic high school relationships go._ “So, what’re you doing right now?”

 

Liam glanced back into the house, “Um, I’m trying to study.”

 

“You want to have a picnic with me?”

 

Liam blinked a few times, a bit taken aback. “A picnic?”

 

“Yea. Like with a blanket and food and in a park”

 

“Well...I have a study packet to finish”

 

“Which you can do later tonight”

 

“Then I have to work on”

 

“Liam,” Zayn cut him off sharply. “Put some jeans on, and come have a picnic with me”

 

Liam knew that tone of voice far too well. Zayn wasn’t going to give in, he was going to keep at it until Liam gave in and did whatever Zayn wanted, which in this case was the complete opposite of what Liam wanted to do. All Liam wanted to do was go back inside and curl up in a blanket and force his attention on his studies and forget that he ever had dated Zayn. _But, I guess I’m going on a picnic_

 

“Give me five minutes, yea?”

 

Zayn nodded. “I’ll be here” he nodded at his mom’s car sitting in the driveway.

 

Fifteen minutes later (Liam took a quick shower and stressed out over which shirt to wear for longer than he should have), Liam locked the front door behind him and slid into the passenger seat.

 

“You ready?” Zayn asked. Liam nodded. “Here we go then” Zayn shifted into reverse and backed easily out of the driveway. Liam wanted to tell him to actually focus on the road instead of changing the CD, but felt like it wasn’t his place anymore.

 

 It took Liam a few minutes to recognize the song, and he smiled at Zayn as he asked, “Your Hand In Mine?”

 

Zayn kept his eyes on the road, but shrugged. “I like Explosions In The Sky”

 

“So do I” Liam was inclined to ask if the song was just a coincidence, his mind was jumping to the conclusion that Zayn was playing the song to send out some sort of subliminal message; but, instead he turned his head to stare out the window as they drove down winding road after winding road. Liam was hyper aware of everything, and each time Zayn’s grip shifted on the steering wheel, or his fingers went to fiddle with the air conditioning dial, Liam held his breath. _I just don’t know how I’m supposed to act. I broke up with him then proceeded to avoid him and the others for far too long._ Liam swallowed hard, but the lump in his throat didn’t go away. _I just want him to yell at me and get it over with. I don’t need any of these stupid games. But…what the hell. Might as well just close my eyes and enjoy it, pretend that nothing happened and we’re still…good._

 

They drove in silence all the way to the park, letting the instrumental music speak for them. The parking lot in front of the playground was empty and yet Zayn pulled into one of the spots furthest away from the entrance to the park.

 

“Really?” Liam laughed as he unbuckled. “We’re parking here?”

 

“It’s my mom’s car, okay?” Zayn stepped out of the car in a fluid motion and went straight to the trunk from which he pulled out a wicker picnic basket, a small cooler, and a folded up blanket. “Can you get this?” Zayn lifted the cooler up.

 

“Sure, no problem” Liam shut his door and walked back to take the cooler from Zayn’s hands. As he followed Zayn through the parking lot and playground out into the open field, Liam couldn’t help but wish they had done this back when they were dating. It had always been a cliché dream of his, to go on a Saturday picnic; however, the dream usually involved someone he was actually seeing, not someone who he’d dumped a week before.

 

Zayn led the way to an open spot of grass near a large weeping willow. “This okay?”

 

“Yea, this is fine”

 

Zayn unfurled the blanket and then set the picnic basket down on one of the corners. He plopped down on the blanket and leaned back on his hands. “Gonna join me?”

 

“Oh, right” Liam set the cooler down next to the picnic basket and then set himself down on the opposite end of the blanket, facing Zayn. He looked up to see Zayn studying him, and of course, Liam blushed furiously. “So…what now?”

 

Zayn lifted a hand and pulled the cigarette down from behind his ear. He studied it as he answered, “you hungry?”

 

“Not particularly.”

 

“Then I guess we could talk”

 

“Which I’m assuming was the whole point of this operation”

 

“Or I could have just wanted to have a picnic with you” Zayn slid the cigarette back behind his ear.

 

“But…why”

 

“Because picnics are the best. Do I need another reason?”

 

“Well…yeah you do”

 

“Not really.”

 

Liam sighed in frustration. He just wanted to know what Zayn’s deal was. _I’m sick and tired of this bullshit_ “Seriously, why’re you doing this? And don’t give me some crap answer. You know what I mean”

 

“Because I care about you” Liam felt a knife plunge through his back and straight to his heart. _Ow_

 

“Why?”

 

It was Zayn’s turn to sigh. “Do I really need a reason?”

 

“Seeing as last week I…I broke up with you, I’d kind of like one”

 

Zayn avoided answering Liam’s question by reaching over to pull the picnic basket closer to him. He lifted its flap and pulled out two sandwiches. Liam accepted the one Zayn handed him, forgetting that he wasn’t really hungry. He decided to repeat his question after Zayn had handed him a water bottle as well. “Why do you still care about me?”

 

“Why do you think that I won’t?” Zayn’s eyes poured into Liam’s soul.

 

“Like I said, I broke up with you” Liam mumbled. He opened his water bottle and took a quick drink before continuing, “I mean, we’re not together any more so why would you care?”

 

“Because even if you think we can’t work, I know we can.” _fuck_ “And even if you’ve given up on yourself for whatever reason, I’ll never give up on you, Liam.”

 

“But.”

 

“Can I ask you a question?” Liam’s mind was still trying to process what Zayn had just confessed, but nodded. “Why?” 

 

“Why what?”

 

“Why did you break up with me?”

 

Liam looked wildly around the park for something to divert his attention. He really didn’t want to have this conversation. _Not now, and not ever_.

 

“Seriously, Liam. You owe me an honest explanation at the very least”

 

Liam set his sandwich down on the blanket and stared at the group of kids playing tag in the field before them instead of making eye contact with Zayn. _How do I even explain it?_ “Well like I said, I just couldn’t do it anymore”

 

“What is ‘it’?”

 

“Us. A relationship. I couldn’t do it”

 

“That’s the whole reason? You couldn’t handle being in a relationship?” Liam stared intently at the kids, though not really seeing them at all. He could picture Zayn’s face perfectly and he didn’t think his heart could take seeing it for real.

 

“I just…have a lot of stuff on my plate”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like AP tests”

 

“Which we all have”

 

“And college shit”

 

“Once again, we all have to deal with that”

 

“I don’t know, Zayn” Liam snapped abruptly. “I don’t know, okay? I was just sitting in my room thinking about how shit everything is, and I realized that we were going to end. Eventually we were going to fall to pieces. You would start to hate me as much as I hate myself and we would break up and everything would be even shittier than it already was. I mean, you weren’t shitty. Hell, you were the best part about my life.” Liam laughed lightly, though he could feel the pain that echoed throughout it. He knew Zayn heard it too. “I just…I couldn’t stand knowing that it was all temporary.”

 

“Who said that it was temporary?” the deadpan honesty in Zayn’s voice made Liam finally turn his head to look at his ex.

 

Liam gave a noncommittal shrug. “It just was. I knew that, and so did you”

 

“You’re putting words into my mouth, Payne.” Zayn shook his head. He’d brought his legs up, and was holding them close to his chest with his arms. He was curled up in himself, and Liam just wanted to kiss him and pretend like nothing bad had ever happened between them. “I never said it was temporary”

 

“Admit it, you knew we were going to break up eventually. That’s how everything always works. The honeymoon stage can only last so long. While now we’re compatible…give us another few months and who knows. You really think we could have survived college?”

 

“Our schools are only two hours away”

 

“Seriously, Zayn. Tell me honestly, did you think we could actually make it? That we could actually…be real?”

 

“Don’t you?”

 

“I…” Liam’s voice faltered then faded away.

 

“Really, Liam. Don’t you realize how good we are for each other? Do you not see it?”

 

“But what’s the point in seeing it if it’s all going to end”

 

“How do you know?” Zayn yelled, throwing his arms into the air. “Liam, you can’t know these things. You have to talk to me. These are things we discuss as a couple. You can’t just shut yourself away because you think that I’m going to leave you.”

 

“Well, aren’t you?” Liam closed his eyes tightly, scared of the answer that was to come.

 

“No.” Liam opened his eyes when he felt Zayn’s arms wrap around him. “Liam, I’m not going to leave you, that’s the thing you need to realize. I love you and I’m not going to leave you.”

 

 _He just said it. Fuck, he just said it. I don’t know if I can…I can’t say it back_ “But you deserve so much better.” Liam realized he was crying only when Zayn wiped the tears away with his thumb.

 

“How can I do better than you? Liam, do you not realize how...” Zayn searched for the right words as he stroked Liam’s hair. He had moved so he was right behind Liam, supporting him. Liam didn’t even realize that he’d subconsciously leaned back into Zayn, like he belonged there. “How can you not see how utterly brilliant you are. And I mean that in every way. I know you don’t see it, what with whatever funk you’re in right now, but seriously. You’re charming, sexy as hell, witty, clever; I could stare into your eyes for ages. I know you don’t see how great you are, but you’re fantastic. I can’t describe just how…you make me feel.” He pressed a kiss on Liam’s forehead. “You make me want to be a better me. And for that, I thank you.”

 

“That was…that was a bit much.” Liam tried to laugh, but it didn’t come out the way he intended. It sounded more like a sob than a laugh. Zayn tightened his hold on Liam.

 

“I just want you to see how much I care about you”

 

“You mean how much you love me.”

 

Liam swore he could actually feel Zayn’s heart skip a beat and his breath hitch. “Oh god, was that too much?” Zayn pushed Liam forward and Liam turned to look at him. “I’m sorry if it was, it sort of just slipped out and I wasn’t sure if you were going to catch it. I don’t want to freak you out or anything. Of course you don’t have to say it back. Hell, you probably don’t even feel anywhere near the same seeing as you dumped me and”

 

“Zayn,” Liam surged forward, his hands pulling Zayn’s face to his, their lips coming together perfectly, just like they always had. “I’m just scared.”

 

“There’s nothing to be scared for” Zayn whispered into Liam’s lips. He kissed Liam reassuringly. “I’m not going to leave you.”

 

* * *

 

**_You know, it really hurts having your flaws pointed out by someone that you love. But that’s what makes you love them. Sometimes, it’s best to just let things happen and like the song I played to start us off, you have to Let It Be._ **

****

**_But yea. I want to apologize for being so…angsty these past two weeks I guess. I’ve been going through some personal shit. I just…you ever sort of start thinking a negative thing and then next thing you know it just spirals into this deep dark pit of basically depression? And you don’t want to talk to anyone and you hate yourself more than anything? Basically that’s been my life. So yea, it’s been rough. Sorry if my podcasts have been less than steller. In all honesty, I can’t even remember what I said in them, everything’s a bit of a blur._ **

****

**_I do however remember the principal saying that I’m going to get in trouble for doing this. And in all honesty, I don’t really understand why. I mean, what exactly am I doing that’s so harmless? I’m just exercising my right to free speech. I mean, sure I may have given a few secrets away. But that’s just a part of gossip. Obviously I’m getting my information from somewhere, so maybe you guys should work on keeping your shit more private._ **

****

**_Okay. I actually do have some gossip for you guys, just to stick it to the man. But before that I want to get something off my chest. Basically I fucked things up with someone who means a lot to me. I…yea. This is I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend by Discovery. I’m sorry for what I’ve put you through. Babe. I just hope you can forgive me._ **


	16. Chapter 16

It took more convincing than Liam would have liked, but eventually the boys managed to convince him not to worry. There were only two weeks of school left before their senior finals; school was practically over. Most of their teachers had accepted the fact that their work ethics were nonexistent, and therefore the boys found it easy to sneak into one another’s classes, or just so happen to be in the courtyard at the same time. Liam let them convince him that everything was going to be fine. He was going to manage to squeak by without any detection. The administration was never going to know that he was behind the whole Talbert Tales thing. They were never going to know. However, Liam’s guilty conscious still wouldn’t let him get any sleep at night and more often than he liked he found himself rolling over in bed and calling Zayn.

 

Opening up to Zayn had come naturally once they had gotten back together. Liam, who used to pride himself on being relatively guarded and emotionally detached, found a strange sense of security in Zayn; Zayn was always there for him no matter how juvenile a problem. And as the days passed Liam began to realize that opening up wasn’t a bad thing. Hell, it was a freeing thing. While there were still things Liam kept to himself, problems began to slip out in casual conversation and were discussed thoroughly until Liam was no longer stressed. It was like something clicked deep within Liam’s psyche. He wasn’t alone; he was never going to be alone. Even if Zayn did break up with him (like he still thought was going to happen deep down) Liam was going to have friends he could turn to. There would always be people there for him to turn to for comfort, for reliance, for security. Liam was never going to be alone.

 

* * *

 

“Liam, I swear, if you bring this up one more time, I’m going to punch you in the balls.”

 

“Well, that’s not very nice”

 

“I mean it.”

 

“Yeah, I wouldn’t test him. We all know how Tommo can get.”

 

“Really, Niall? Thanks for that.”

 

“Just trying to be helpful.”

 

“But really,” Harry slung his arm around Liam’s shoulder. “You need to stop worrying about this.”

 

“I know I should, I just…can’t.”

 

“And why not?”

 

“Niall, don’t egg him on!”

 

“Shut it, Louis!”

 

“Oh, now you get involved, Zayn.”

 

“I only just got out of class!” Zayn not so casually pushed Harry’s arm off of Liam and replaced it with his own. He kissed Liam lightly on the lips before asking, “Now what exactly is going on?”

 

“The same thing that’s been going on for the past bloody month,” Louis said, rolling his eyes dramatically.

 

“I meant besides skipping class.”

 

“Oh.” Louis looked expectedly at Liam while they rounded the corner and headed down the hallway leading towards the parking lot.

 

“I guess I’m just being paranoid again.”

 

“Again.”

 

“Lou.” Liam furrowed his brow at Louis’ back.

 

“Sorry, I won’t interrupt.” Louis reached the door first and held it open for the rest of them.

 

“Like I was saying, I guess I’m just freaking out over the getting caught thing…again.”

 

Zayn shook his head and laughed. Surprisingly, his laughter didn’t hurt. Liam knew that Zayn wasn’t really laughing at him, only found his paranoia endearing.

 

“When are you going to give this up, babe?”

 

Liam lifted his shoulders and let them fall. “Dunno. Once I walk across that stage with my diploma in hand.”

 

“I still don’t know why you stress out about it so much.”

 

“Because, Niall, I-”

 

“Niall! Don’t get him started again.”

 

“Lou, be nice!” Harry scolded his boyfriend.

 

“No, Louis is right. I need to stop bringing it up.” Liam unlocked his car and they all piled into it. “I mean, it must be pretty annoying.”

 

“Pretty annoying? More lik-”

 

“Hey!” Zayn turned around in his seat and punched Louis on the knee.

 

“Fuck, Zayn! You bastard.” Louis somehow managed to pull his knee up to his chest and caressed it. “I think you gave me a bruise.”

 

“I’m sure. Now let Liam talk.”

 

“Defending my honor, always a way to sweep me off my feet.” Liam turned the car on and began to drive out of the parking lot.

 

“I do what I can, what can I say.” Zayn took Liam’s free hand and wrapped it in his own.

 

“Thanks.” Liam kissed Zayn’s knuckles.

 

* * *

 

**((ZAYN’S POINT OF VIEW))**

 

“So are we sure we want to do this?”

 

“Zayn, it’s a good idea.”

 

“But, are you sure, Lou?”

 

“Course I am! We’re not going to get in that much trouble. Haz is up for it too.”

 

“You talk to him?”

 

“He’s here right now.”

 

 _Of course he is._ Zayn heard a bed creaking and then Harry’s rough voice through the phone.

 

“Hey, Zayn.”

 

“You ready to help?”

 

“You know I’m always there for Liam.”

 

Louis’ voice cut in,  “So when is this whole thing going to go down?”

 

“Yeah.” Harry’s voice overpowered Louis’. “How much longer do we think Liam can last?”

 

“Well,” Zayn had to actually think that one through. Liam was doing better; he was throwing himself into what little schoolwork he had, and other various hobbies such as golfing with Niall. But Zayn could see that Liam was still concerned about getting in trouble for his podcast, even if Liam couldn’t see it himself. “I think the sooner the better.”

 

“How about Wednesday?”

 

“Our last full day?”

 

“Why not?”

 

Zayn pondered what Harry had suggested. “Yeah, Wednesday sounds good.”

 

“You talked to Niall yet?”

 

“I texted him earlier and he just said to let him know when to ditch class.”

 

“Brilliant.”

 

“Yeah…I hope so.”

 

“Zayn,” Louis mumbled something before Harry continued, “you really want to do this?”

 

Zayn took a deep breath, “Yeah. I do”

 

* * *

**((LIAM’s POINT OF VIEW))**

 

**(to Zayn! 7:23)  
can’t come over 2nite. Awards thing**

**(from Zayn! 7:24)  
I 4got bout that! Congrats boo xxxxxxxxxxx.**

**(to Zayn! 7:26)  
thx :) g2g **

**(from Zayn! 7:32)  
:) xxxx.**

 

Liam smiled as he saw Zayn’s last text flash across his screen. The award ceremony was just beginning and Liam still had no clue what exactly he was getting an award for. There were only a few people in the audience; it was a close-knit affair.

 

 _These must be the departmental awards,_ Liam mused as the principal stood and went to the microphone. As it turned out, Liam was correct and the awards ceremony consisted of each department chair taking the stand and calling up the most influential students in their fields. Liam sat politely in the back row, waiting for his name to be called for whatever award he’d received, but it didn’t come. His heart sunk deeper and deeper into his stomach as each department chair called out the names and his was noticeably absent. _What am I doing here, if I’m not getting anything?_ Liam was embarrassed, and was more than tempted to sneak out through one of the back doors in the auditorium.

 

Luckily, he didn’t need to make a daring escape, for his name was called by the principal himself who said as Liam walked up to the stage, “This award goes to a young scholar who lives and breathes the Talbert spirit. Liam Payne has been an integral part of our front office team for three years. One of the secretaries said this of Liam, ‘It is students like Liam that make me regret giving up teaching ten years ago. He is dedicated and driven; he truly cares about his peers and elders; he respects those around him and is the prime example of a true good person. We will all be sad when Liam graduates, seeing as we have come to depend on him so much in the office.’”

 

Liam had reached the stage and was now standing next to the podium. He felt uncomfortable with the praise and didn’t know what to do with himself. He settled on smiling and shoving his hands in the pockets of his dress pants, even though it would ruin the pocket creases.

 

“Liam, this award is for all of the work and dedication you have given your school. Like Mrs. Walters said, you are the reason some of us staff have hope for the future generations. Congratulations, and thank you.” Liam shook the principal’s hand and walked down off of the stage.

 

The plaque was heavy in his hands. There was so much value in that silly piece of wood with fake gold lettering. They trusted him; they respected him. And yet all Liam could think about as he drove home, trudged up to his room, and set the plaque down gently on his desk, was that he had betrayed that trust. While he never said anything particularly harmful on his podcast, he had said things he shouldn’t have. There was a reason the school was trying so desperately to figure out who he was. The anonymous voice intimidated them to no end. He threatened them.

 

Liam collapsed onto his bed and brought his pillow over to cover his face. _How did everything get so complicated?_ he asked himself as he felt the guilt take over.

 

* * *

 

It was the last full day of Liam’s high school career. Two more class periods and then Liam would be free. _Well, not technically free. I still have one final on Monday. And then graduation practice on Thursday, and then graduation itself…but basically I’m free_. Liam felt butterflies low in the pit of his stomach. Graduation was so close he could practically taste it. That’s when everything was going to change, when he was finally going to be in the clear.

 

Graduation was going to change everything. Mostly Liam was thinking about how after he walked across the stage and received his diploma he would finally be free from the guilt hanging over his shoulders. Once he graduated he wouldn’t be able to be punished for the Talbert Tales fiasco, which of course he was going to confess to as soon as he did graduate, _that’s only the right thing to do_.

 

Of course, graduation was also going to change him in other ways. He was going to have a diploma. He was going to close a chapter of his life and flip the page for the next adventure. _Next adventure…shit._ Liam blushed down at his feet as his mind went back to a late night conversation he and Zayn had in the back of Zayn’s new car.

 

(“Hey, Zayn.” Liam wasn’t sure if Zayn was asleep, but found himself whispering anyway into the crook of Zayn’s neck.

 

“Mhm?” Zayn’s arm tightened its hold around Liam’s waist, pulling him closer. “What’s up?”

 

“I…I’m ready.”

 

“Ready to go home?” Zayn started to sit up.

 

“No, no.” Liam pressed a hand to Zayn’s chest, pushing him gently back down.  “No, I’m not ready to go home.” Zayn was confused. “I mean, I’m ready.” Liam placed emphasis on ready and thanked the dark night sky and lack of streetlights along the side of the road for hiding his blush.

 

“You’re….oh. Oh. Oh!” Zayn caught on. “Are you sure? I mean it’s a big step, and-“

 

“Yes. I’m sure.” And Liam found that he actually meant it. He was sure. He wanted to have sex with Zayn. He wanted to see what all the hype was about; but more importantly, he wanted to take things to the next level with Zayn. He truly felt that it was time for him to lose his virginity. _Well, it’s been time for a while. But I think I can handle it, emotionally now._

 

“Okay.” Zayn kissed Liam on the top of the head. “But not now.”

 

“What?” Liam felt like he’d been slapped in the face.

 

“Don’t give me that look” Zayn smiled at Liam and leaned forward to kiss him sweetly. And then not so sweetly when Liam pushed harder. “If you say you’re ready, then it’s going to happen. You know I can’t really deny you anything.”

 

“You flatter me too much.” Liam batted his eyelashes and Zayn rolled his eyes in response.

 

“I know, it’s a real problem. But,” Zayn cleared his throat and sat up a little, pulling Liam up with him. “now isn’t the best time. I mean, just because I’m gay doesn’t mean that I carry around lube and condoms with me at all times.”

 

“Oh. That makes sense.”

 

“Yeah. And besides, car sex can be really hot, trust me. It can be hot. But…”

 

“But not right now.” Liam pulled himself tighter to Zayn, as if that was possible at all. “I understand.” The pair grew quiet, just holding each other in the backseat. They let the music playing from Liam’s iPod do the talking for them.

 

“Thanks,” Liam said in Zayn’s ear as they kissed goodbye on Liam’s front doorstep. “For everything.” Liam looked down at the ground. He wasn’t sure that Zayn was really going to understand just how much he meant that ‘thanks’. Because there really was so much Liam had to thank Zayn for, and Liam wasn’t sure if Zayn knew. But when he met his boyfriend’s eyes, he was relieved to see that Zayn knew. There was a twinkle in Zayn’s eye and a smile that said it all.

 

“Love you, Li.”)

 

They hadn’t talked after that about when exactly they were going to have sex. _I don’t think that’s the sort of thing you really…plan. Or when you do,_ Liam tried to think about the teen movies he’d seen over the years. _I don’t think it ends well._

 

He pulled his headphones out of his ears as he entered the front office. After sitting in a class doing nothing for the entire period, he was looking forward to actually being able to do something of value. What he wasn’t expecting was Louis sitting in one of the chairs just outside the principal’s office, smiling and literally twiddling his thumbs.

 

Liam glanced around, confused, at the secretaries before walking across the room to where Louis was sitting.

 

“Afternoon, Liam!” Louis said in a singsong voice.

 

“Um, hello…what you up to?”

 

“Oh, you know. Just biding my time. Waiting for my man to get out of a meeting.”

 

Liam raised an eyebrow at Louis. “Yeah? You didn’t…do anything?”

 

Louis stretched out a leg and kicked Liam in the shin. “Please, you’d be the first to know if I did anything.”

 

“Liam, can you come here for a moment?” Dianne called his name from across the room and Liam had no choice but to oblige.

 

Liam left to go run passes and when he returned, he realized two things: one, that the principal was still in whatever meeting seeing as Louis was still cheerfully outside of his office door; and two, that a friend had joined Louis.

 

“Niall?”

 

“How’s it goin’ Li?” Niall waved enthusiastically from across the room.

 

Liam shook his head. _There’s something going on, I just know it._ He went to drop the extra passes off onto Dianne’s desk when he heard the front door to the office swing open behind him. He turned, a smile on his face to greet the visitor, and was faced with, “Zayn?”

 

“Hey.” Zayn raised his hand slightly to wave at Liam. “Didn’t know you’d be here.”

 

“I’m an office aid this period…” Liam didn’t really know how this fact could have slipped from Zayn’s memory.

 

“Oh, duh.”

 

“Yeah. Wait,” Liam spluttered, “What are you doing here?”

 

“I uh…have a meeting.”

 

“With who?”

 

“Liam! Can you come back here please?” Dianne’s shrill voice was calling from the mailroom this time. 

“Be right back?” Liam smiled at Zayn.

 

“Yeah, I’ll be here.”

 

Liam went back to the mailroom trying to sort out whom Zayn could possibly have a meeting with this late in the year. _Or any of the guys for that matter._

 

“Oh, thank goodness. Look, can you start organizing all of these?” Dianne handed Liam a stack of what looked like exams. “Just sort them how you usually do mail. These teachers never get their shit together in time, pardon my language.”

 

“It’s fine.” Liam set the stack down on the counter. 

“Okay, I’ll be out here if you need me.”

 

“Hey, Dianne?” Liam called out to the secretary who had just left the mailroom.

 

“Yeah?” she said, poking her head back into the doorway.

 

“Do you happen to know what those guys are doing, waiting outside the principal’s office?”

 

“Oh, do you know them?”

 

“Yeah, they’re sort of my best friends”

 

“Oh!” She stepped out of the mailroom and Liam followed. They both looked over to where the three boys were sitting, all whispering amongst themselves. Suddenly the door opened and Liam was, for some reason, not all that surprised to see Harry waltz out. They watched as Niall jumped out of his seat and entered the office, closing the door behind him.

 

“Do you know what they did?”

 

“Oh, I don’t know if it’s exactly my place to say...”

 

 _Of course, the one time I really need to know something is the one time Dianne decides to get a conscious._ “I mean, I don’t mean to pry or anything. It’s just that they wouldn’t tell me.” Liam tried his best to sound nonchalant.

 

“Well…” Liam was about to walk back into the mailroom when he heard a commotion coming from the principal’s office.

 

“That’s it!” The door swung open and the principal stepped out into the doorway. “You three. In here. Now.” He jerked his thumb back into his office and Liam watched, dumbfounded, as Louis, Zayn, and Harry all trudged into the office.

 

“Oh dear.”

 

“Can you please tell me what’s going on?” Liam begged.

 

“Well they all came in saying they had information about the Talbert Tales fellow, I’m sure you’ve heard all about him. But Dave sounded upset…I hope they aren’t giving him a hard time.” She _tsked_ under her breath and went back to her desk.

 

Liam was frozen still. ‘ _Information about the Talbert Tales fellow’. There’s no way…no, they wouldn’t do that. There’s no way. They wouldn’t turn me in. God, why would I think that?_ Liam tried to slow his breathing down and regain some sort of regular heartbeat. _Wait, so what are they…are they…shit. They are. They’re taking the fucking blame for me. They’re saying that they were behind it. All of them. They’re trying to help me. God…I love them._

 

Without thinking Liam ran across the office and pulled open the door. The five heads in the room all whipped around to stare at him. Liam glanced quickly down at his best friends, thinking _those idiots,_ before blurting out, “It’s me. I’m the one behind Talbert Tales.”

 

* * *

 

“I got a call from the principal today, Dear.” Liam’s mother spoke nonchalantly once Liam had begun to cut his steak. _Crap._

 

“Oh really?” Liam’s dad set his own fork and knife down. “What for? They need another donation?”

 

“No, actually,” Liam felt his heart drop as his mother took a sip of her wine. “he wanted to talk about Liam.”

 

“Oh, they giving you another award?” Liam tried to smile as his father punched him lightly on the arm. “They love you in that place, don’t they?”

 

“Well-”

 

“Well, it would seem that Liam is actually getting an award taken away.”

 

Liam set his fork down, all appetite lost. He’d intended on telling his parents…eventually. _I don’t know if I’m ready for this._

 

“What?” His father was astounded. “What for?”

 

“It would seem that Liam thought it would be a-”

 

“Look, can I just explain it myself?” Liam implored his mother. She sighed, but nodded. “Okay. Here’s the deal, Dad.” Liam shifted in his seat to face his father who was staring at him expectantly. “Towards the end of junior year I was bored and thought it would be a cool idea to maybe start an online podcast where I talked about…I don’t know, life and stuff.”

 

“As well as-”

 

“As well as a few things about the school that I probably shouldn’t have talked about. Yes, I will admit that I shouldn’t have done that, but it’s too late now.”

 

“I don’t see the problem.” Liam’s father was confused.

 

“Honey, Liam was giving away school gossip to the public and making a laughing stock of the school.”

 

“I was not! It was all harmless things like where prom was going to be-”

 

“And about why teachers got fired.”

 

“Oh…maybe some of that too.” Liam focused on pushing around his mashed potatoes.

 

“So…what I’m getting here,” his father was speaking slowly, “is that Liam has a podcast thing, that must be popular if this is even an issue, and the school is upset with him because in it he was airing their dirty laundry.”

 

“Essentially.”

 

“Luckily, they went easy on him seeing as he confessed.” His mother raised her wine glass in toast at Liam.

 

“And going easy on him means what exactly?”

 

“That they took away that award I got the other night.”

 

Liam’s father was silent for what felt like a minute and Liam had finally started eating again when his father began to laugh. “That’s…that’s it?”

 

“Honey! This isn’t a laughing matter.”

 

“You have to be kidding me!”

 

Liam found himself starting to chuckle as well. “No, that’s what they did.”

 

“Stop laughing!” Liam’s mother was clearly upset, but his father wasn’t having any of it. He was far too amused.

 

“Liam, I have to tell you,” he said in between giggles, “that I’m proud of you.”

 

“No! We do not condone going against authority!”

 

“Look at what he did! This is going to be a story he tells to his kids and grandkids!” Liam beamed with pride as his dad reached across the table and patted Liam on the shoulder. “Who cares if they took your award away? You weren’t going to keep it, were you?”

 

“I mean, I was planning on it.”

 

“Eh, doesn’t matter.” his father said, clearly shrugging it off. “I’ll make you another award.” He picked up his knife and fork and began cutting his own steak. “I can’t believe,” he set his utensils down again, “I can’t believe you. That’s such a…badass thing to do.”

 

“Honey!”

 

“What? It’s true!”

 

“Don’t curse at the dinner table.”

 

“You need to loosen up a bit,” his dad replied. Liam rolled his eyes while his dad grabbed his mom’s hand.

 

“Liam, I want you to know that I am still upset with you. This is not the sort of behavior I would like you to continue in college.”

 

“Yes, I know.”

 

“And I, too, Liam, want you to know that I am proud of you. And if you don’t continue this sort of behavior in college, then I will be very disappointed in you.”

 

Liam laughed at his father’s words. He took a bite of mashed potatoes, chewed, and swallowed before answering, “Alright, Dad.”

 

* * *

 

It was the night before graduation and the boys were drunk. Well, all of the boys except Liam were drunk. They were camped out in Liam’s basement waiting for the clock to hit 12:01 when it would officially be the day of graduation. The credits for Love Actually were rolling on the TV screen and the remnants of the pizza they’d ordered were strewn across the room. They were all just sitting there, too tired to move and yet too wired to fall asleep.

 

“I just can’t wait to do something massive on stage.”

 

“Louis, how many times do we have to tell you,” Liam tried his best not to chastise his drunk friend. “You can’t do anything crazy or else they’ll withhold your diploma.”

 

“Fuck that.”

 

“Yeah, come on, Liam. Where is your sense of adventure?”

 

“It’s nonexistent, I hate to break it to you.” Liam answered Harry’s question with a smile. “You know me, Liam Payne. Mr. Unadventurous.”

 

“Except do you remember that time you punched a guy, freshman year?” Niall laughed into the bowl of popcorn he was hogging all to himself. “Man, that was great.”

 

“Christ!” Harry let out a cackle, “I forgot all about that!”

 

“And didn’t you try to apologize after?” Louis sat up in his beanbag and threw a piece of pizza crust in Liam’s direction.

 

“Well I felt bad about breaking his nose!” Liam spoke as if it was obvious.

 

“Wait, slow down.” Zayn stood up off the couch, readjusted the pillow he was siting on, and then sat back down. “You broke someone’s nose?”

 

“I didn’t mean to!”

 

“Yeah, it was just an accident that your fist collided with his nose so hard it broke.”

 

“Shut it, Styles.” Liam curled up into Zayn’s side. “It was more of a misunderstanding.”

 

“And what exactly was the misunderstanding?” Liam could smell the alcohol on Zayn’s breath but didn’t really mind.

 

“The guy was being a dick.” Liam played with a stray thread on the hem of Zayn’s sweater.

 

“More like the guy was making fun of Toy Story.”

 

“So he was being a dick!” Liam tried to kick Louis’ head, but his foot didn’t quite reach.

 

Liam felt Zayn laughing more than he heard him. “You serious?”

 

“That’s not the only reason. He’d been a dick the entire year. It just so happened that the last straw was making fun of my favorite movie. No big deal or anything.”

 

“God, I love you.” Liam blushed and leaned in for a kiss.

 

“Hey, no sappy shit!” Liam jerked up from Zayn as Niall threw popcorn at the pair. “I may be drunk, but not enough to let the PDA slide.”

 

“So you want another beer then?” Zayn lifted Liam up and stood up. “I kinda like kissing my boyfriend, and if you need to be smashed for that to happen, so be it.”

 

“No, Zayn.” Liam reached out and tugged on Zayn’s arm. (He was tempted to smack his ass instead, but thought against it). “We don’t need anyone to have a hangover tomorrow.”

 

“Can you guys really believe that we’re graduating tomorrow?” Louis pulled away from Harry, with whom he’d just been making out without detection. “I mean…how sick is that?”

 

“It’s pretty sick, man,” Harry agreed while pulling Louis’ arms around him. Harry had somehow shifted to sit in Louis’ lap. “Pretty damn sick.”

 

“It feels like just yesterday we were walking in for the first day of senior year.”

 

“Yeah, just yesterday that we were meeting this cunt.” Niall threw some popcorn up at Zayn. “Has it felt like that for you?”

 

“In all honesty?” Zayn asked the room. The boys all nodded. He took a swig of his beer before answering, his grip tightening around Liam’s shoulder as he spoke. “It feels like I’ve been friends with you guys for ages. It feels like it’s been years rather than just a few months. And man, these months have flown by and yet…they’ve dragged on. Can something feel like two things at once? Does that make sense?” Zayn shook his head. “Don’t laugh at me, but I guess I see you guys as my brothers now. And it’s weird to think that there was actually a time when you guys weren’t a part of my life.”

 

“Aww, our little Bradford Bad Boy is getting emotional.” Louis pretended to wipe away tears.

 

“DJ Malik, I’m so touched.” Harry fanned himself. “I didn’t know you felt that way about us.”

 

“And this is why I never tell you guys anything.” Zayn pulled out the pillow from behind him and threw it at Louis and Harry who were still playing up their emotions.

 

“I get what you mean though, about the feeling two things at once,” Liam said. “That’s how all of high school has felt for me.” He paused for a moment then continued, “And I wonder if that’s what college is going to be like. Or, the rest of our lives for that matter.”

 

“What do you mean?” Niall set the empty bowl of popcorn down and stared up at Liam. 

“Well…I don’t know. I just wonder if this is how life is supposed to feel; a constant struggle between feeling that time has passed in a blink of the eye and the feeling that time is the slowest moving thing in the entire universe.”

 

“You’re feeling pretty deep tonight, aren’t you, Liam?”

 

“And he’s not even drunk!”

 

“Alright you two.” Liam flipped off Louis and Harry casually. “Don’t be assholes.”

 

“But where’s the fun in that?” Louis deadpanned.

 

“Seriously though, guys…” Harry spoke slowly and they all turned to stare at him. “We’re graduating tomorrow.”

 

“Today, technically.” Zayn waved his phone in the air.

 

“Shit.” Harry sighed.

 

“Yeah, shit.” Louis echoed

 

“Guys, in two months we’re going to be getting ready for college. Actual college.”

 

“Or uni.”

 

“Whatever.” Niall disregarded Harry’s comment with a wave of his hand. “You and Lou are going to uni while we go to college. The fact is still the same. We’re like…fucking adults now.” He choked and coughed. “Graduation is just the start of all the change that’s coming our way.”

 

“Niall, I think that’s the deepest thing I’ve ever heard you say.” Harry was serious. The only time Niall ever got sentimental was over food, and that happened so often the guys had all become accustomed to it.

 

“You know, just because everything is going to change, doesn’t mean that it’s bad.” Liam shrugged out of Zayn’s embrace and stretched down to give Niall a pat on the back. “I mean, sure college-”

 

“Or uni.”

 

Liam shot Harry a death glare. “I’m sure college or uni will be a change for all of us, but it’s not like we’re ever going to leave each other. We will still find ways to get together. Sure, it’s not going to be as often as we’d like. Sure, it will be easier for us three,” he motioned to Niall and Zayn, “to get together, seeing as we’ll at least be on the same continent, but we’re never going to stop being friends.”

 

“Yeah, mate.” Louis had stood up and walked over to where Niall was sitting. He plopped down and laid his head on Niall’s shoulder. “I hate to break this to you, but you’re never getting rid of us.”

 

“Seriously. We’re brothers.” Niall smiled up at Zayn’s words.

 

“Shit,” Niall laughed. “You sure I can’t have another beer? I’m not used to all these…feelings.” They all laughed and piled in to give Niall a group hug. Niall waited until they had separated to joke, “but really…can I go get another?”

 

* * *

 

**(to Haz Styles 10:24)  
so wats the plan?**

**(from Haz Styles 10:29)  
prty @ eds. Every1 guna b there **

**(to Haz Styles10:32)**

**see u there I guess**

**(from Haz Styles 10:32)  
:))))))))))))))))))) xxxxxx**

**(to Zayn! 10:40)  
u need a ride 2 eds?**

**(from Zayn! 10:45)  
already here :) xxxx**

**(to Zayn! 10:53)  
on my way then **

**(from Zayn! 10:54)  
cant wait 2 snoggg u**

**(to Zayn! 10:56)  
u drunk?**

**(from Zayn! 10:57)  
not at all :) ! xx. **

**(to Zayn! 11:00)  
aha ok**

 

* * * 

Ed’s house was one of those houses that when you pulled up in the drive, you wanted to hate him. It looked like it should belong to some sort of movie star _which, I guess his mum being a news reporter would count_. There were cars lining the drive and all along the street. People were everywhere. It was out of control and for the first time in his life _probably due to the fact that I just fucking graduated high school_. Liam didn’t feel like he had to try and calm things down and make sure that everything was all right.

 

He parked his car next to Cher’s large pick up truck and walked up the driveway, smiling and waving back at the people who acknowledged him. Almost as soon as he walked through the front door he found a red solo cup in his hand and a drunken Niall sliding down the banister of the main stairs.

 

“LIAM PAYNE!” Niall screeched. He stumbled off the banister and into Liam’s arms. The group of girls sitting on the bottom steps all laughed at Niall’s drunken act of bravery. “Oh, hello,” Niall wiggled is fingers at them suggestively. They giggled some more.

 

“How you doin’ Nialler?”

 

“Oh, I’m doing wonderful. Beautiful. Spectacular. This is a party!”

 

“That it is, mate. This is indeed a party.” Liam was trying to contain his desire to cackle at Niall.

 

“I’m gonna go talk to those girls,” Niall shouted in his ear. Liam was pretty sure Niall thought he was whispering, so he responded with a simple nod and pushed Niall towards the group still sitting on the stairs.

 

“I’m going to go find Zayn, ‘kay?” Liam called to him as he climbed the stairs, but Niall was already chatting up the blonde he fell into.

 

Taking the stairs two at a time, Liam reached the landing where most of the people present were hanging out. Liam ducked under the waving arms of a guy that he was certain sat behind him in History sophomore year and maneuvered around a gaggle of people doing shots with glasses lined up on the banister.

 

A bit further down the hallway, a door was open and pounding pop music spilled out from it. _They must be in there,_ he thought _._ Dodging a few more people, Liam made his way to the room.

On the far wall sat a large speaker system, which was making all the noise. To his right was a small couch which Ed sat on and on the carpeted floor lay Zayn, sprawled out on his back beside a few people Liam was sure didn’t even go to their school. Liam stepped over the teens, nodding his head in passing to Ed who returned the gesture, to reach his boyfriend, crouching down near his head.

 

“Hey Zayn!” he yelled over the music. “You okay?”

 

Zayn angled his head upward, his eyes bloodshot and drooping.

 

“Hey, babe! When did you get here?”

_Babe? He must be drunk._ Liam shook his head at the situation. He knew he owed Zayn

one for staying with him during his own drunk episode, but that didn’t mean he had to enjoy it.

 

“Let’s get out of here!” he yelled down to him. Liam stood up and moved to Zayn’s middle, grabbing his arm he pulled Zayn up. At times like these Liam was happy that he built up muscle boxing; no way would he have been able to do this without it.

 

“Oh no!” Zayn cried and Liam pulled him from the room.

 

“I think you’ve had enough partying, Zayn,” Liam said at a normal level, now that they could actually hear each other without shouting. Ed’s home was humungous which gave Liam plenty of options on where to take Zayn. Going back towards the stairs with the numerous people faffing about was not an option, so Liam turned to the other doors along the hallway. Dragging Zayn with him, Liam opened a few doors. Many of them were occupied by comatose seniors that Ed had probably put to bed, a few held couples who were engaged in the sort of business that made Liam blush.

 

Finally Liam found an empty guest room to deposit Zayn in. It was a simple room with a large bed pushed up against the right wall, a small white dresser against the left, and straight ahead a window that did not have any blinds, allowing light to slice through the darkness.

 

Liam half dragged, half carried Zayn to the bed, dropping him unceremoniously onto the duvet.

 

“Can you stay here? I have to go find Haz and his idiot boyfriend. God knows what those two are getting themselves into.”

 

Liam turned to leave when Zayn’s hand wrapped around his wrist.

 

“No!” He whined pathetically, “Stay here with me!”

Liam looked down at his boyfriend and almost immediately looked away. Zayn cut quite the image, leaning back on the bed. His muscles stood out against the fabric of his shirt which had risen up enough from Liam to just barely see the bones of his pelvis. Liam swallowed audibly.

_I can’t think like this right know! Zayn is drunk! Like drunk drunk. Drunk as a skunk. I cannot be turned on right now._

 

Liam pulled his arm away from Zayn. He missed the warmth but told himself that it was for the best; he is the responsible one and not even his devilishly attracted boyfriend could make him break.

 

“I have to go check on the others,” Liam tried to say as calmly as possible. He could feel his body reacting to Zayn, who at the moment seemed to realize the effect he was having on Liam.

 

“Are you sure?” Zayn licked his lips, “Because I think we could have more fun here.”

Zayn again reached for Liam and this time he had no will to fight it. He allowed himself to be pulled onto the bed. He lay beside Zayn, stalwartly trying to keep every other part of their body’s from touching and failing miserably as Zayn wiggled closer to him.

“Hold me!” Zayn wailed. Liam winced at the loudness of it but complied nonetheless.

_What’s the harm in hugging him? We practically are anyway. But nothing more than that, I can’t do anything with someone so drunk._ Liam wrapped his arms around Zayn’s waist. As he did, his finger’s grazed against something in Zayn’s back pocket.

 

“What this?” Liam reached in and pulled out something small and wrapped in plastic. Behind Zayn’s back he rolled the object between his fingers, trying to determine what it was.

 

Liam’s mouth dropped open.

 

“Why do you have this?” Liam shoved the condom back into Zayn’s pocket and tried to remove himself from Zayn’s arms which did not allow him to move an inch.

 

“I brought it because it helps to be prepared,” Zayn said in a decidedly not drunk voice. Liam pulled back as much as he could to look at Zayn’s face. The languidness that had encompassed it previously had all but fallen away replaced by the smiling face of sober, playful Zayn.

 

Liam felt like kicking himself.

 

“Are you ever actually drunk?” he asked, annoyed that he’d been had.

 

Zayn laughed softly, kissing Liam on the cheek before speaking.

 

“I’m a bit buzzed but nothing too bad. I guess Tommo isn’t the only one of us who can act, huh?”

 

“And here I thought you were an honorable man!” Liam sighed dramatically.

 

“Oh, I’m honorable all right.” Zayn moved to lean over Liam’s body, “Real honorable.”

They began to kiss, slow and intimately, exploring each other with both their tongues and their hands. At that moment, Liam made a decision. It was rash and childish and totally and utterly un-Liam like.

_To hell with it! I should just live while I’m young!_ Liam wrapped his arms around Zayn’s shoulders, grasping them and shoving them up a bit so that he could look at his boyfriend clearly.

 

“We should go ahead and, well…we should just get on with it and all.”

 

Liam hated that he didn’t sound as confident as he felt, but nonetheless stared up at Zayn with open eyes, allowing him to see how serious Liam was about this.

 

Zayn opened his mouth, and then closed it. He did that a few times before he actually recovered his ability to speak.

 

“Are you sure,” he asked, “Because I was joking with the condom and all. I mean not really, ‘cause being prepared is good, ‘ya know, but like, no pressure or anything, Liam.

We don’t have to do this tonight.”

 

Liam silenced him with a kiss.

 

“I want to,” he said simply.

 

Zayn blinked a few times, gathering up all his facilities before smirking.

 

“Then let’s do it,” he said, his voice going up with excitement.

 

Liam laughed softly, a hint of nerves, as Zayn started to undress him, taking his shirt off between kisses. His fingers danced along Liam’s sides, and Liam drew his breath in sharply.

 

“You okay?” Zayn said, lips against Liam’s ear.

 

“Yeah,” he replied, kissing Zayn in reassurance, smiling against his mouth. “Just ticklish.”

Zayn’s fingers went to the button on Liam’s jeans, quickly unbuttoning it and maneuvering them down Liam’s thighs, biting lightly at his hips and then tonguing over them. He moved back up to Liam’s face and kissed his already flushed cheeks. 

 

“You too!” Liam said against Zayn’s persistent lips. Zayn quickly ridded himself of his own clothes, momentarily forgetting his shoes and having to pause their make out session to pull them off so that he could get his pants down. Liam giggled the whole time Zayn fumbled about.

 

“Stop that!” Zayn called from the floor where he was trying his best to untie his shoes.

 

“Then get up here!” Liam called back.

 

Finally Zayn removed his shoes. With renewed determination, he launched himself back onto the bed, nearly colliding with Liam’s knee in his haste to return to their activities.

The kisses grew longer and more intense, incorporating their whole bodies. Zayn pulled back slightly to show Liam a little bottle he now held in his hand. Liam hadn’t realized Zayn was holding it but knew instantly what it was.

 

“You carry around lube?” Liam laughed openly, taking it from Zayn and turning it over in his hand for a moment before giving it back.

 

“What did I say before? It’s good to be prepared.”

 

Zayn popped open the cap and applied the gel liberally onto his fingers. He then leaned down to whisper in Liam’s ear.

 

“Slow, okay? I have to get you ready, but you tell me if I go too fast or if anything hurts. I won’t do anything you’re not ready for. “

 

Liam nodded his understanding. He expected to immediately feel Zayn’s fingers pressing into him, but Zayn was true to his word and moved slowly. He focused his touches on Liam’s length, stroking him gently, almost fondly. Before Liam could fall into a rhythm, Zayn’s hand was gone, moving on to trace the shape of Liam’s entrance, circling the tight muscle with the tip of his index finger.

 

Liam arched his back, moving himself onto Zayn’s hand. The feeling of being touched was so strange, but when he closed his eyes, all he noticed was how good those hands felt against him.

 

“Ready?” Zayn asked one last time, looking at Liam searchingly. Liam felt an overwhelming warmth spread throughout his chest and breathed out a yes. He felt Zayn’s finger press slowly into him, and then he began to do the Liam thing.

_Oh, God! He’s in me, actually inside me right now! When’s the last time I washed down there? What if he thinks it feels funny? What is he doing? Shit, that feels good! I can’t look at him, shit this is embarrassing!_

 

Liam threw his head to the side to stare fixedly at the wall for lack of anything else to focus on, not wanting to see Zayn’s face just yet.

 

“Hey, Liam?” Liam could feel that Zayn had paused his movement and knew he must be looking at him, but he continued to stare at the wall.

_God, can’t we do this part without talking?_ The pressure building in his lower abdomen struck him hard. The sensation of fingers dipping into the indentations on his hips, the other hand farther down, stroking him firmly overwhelmed him.

 

“Liam?”

_Oh, God! Does it always feel this way? I should have talked to Harry. I should have asked someone what this was like._ Liam’s eyes clenched shut as Zayn touched him, a single finger touching Liam from the inside. Unconsciously, Liam’s hips shifted, drawing Zayn in further. Cold air washed over Liam’s hip. He wondered why that was as Zayn’s hand had been there not two seconds ago when he felt said hand grasp his chin.

 

“Liam!”

 

Zayn jerked Liam’s chin forward. Liam’s eyes opened in surprise at the sudden movement. Zayn’s face appeared cut, half of it drowned in the darkness of the room, the other glowing in the light from the open window. Liam could do nothing but stare at this person above him, this person that Liam has placed all his trust into, this person that Liam loves and shockingly loves him back, this man that Liam wanted more than anyone else at this moment.

 

Holding eye contact, Zayn moved his finger within Liam, eliciting a low groan deep in his chest.

 

“Stay with me,” Zayn said lowly, bringing his face closer to Liam’s, “share this with me. Please don’t look away.” It felt as if Zayn was breathing into Liam, speaking not to his body but to his soul.  All he could do was nod. Zayn flashed Liam a quick smile before working another finger into his body.

 

“Oh, God,” Liam whispered, bringing his hands up to wrap around Zayn’s neck. The fingers stilled for a second as Zayn moved down, rubbing his nose in the junction between Liam’s neck and shoulder. When they began to move again, Liam moved with him. He drew up his knees so that his feet could plant themselves on the mattress. With the new leverage, Liam could now help Zayn ease him open, moving his ass with the rhythm of Zayn’s hand, fingers moving in and out of him. Zayn withdrew his hand from Liam’s chin and brought it back to his hip, squeezing at the flesh there.

 

The embarrassment that had plagued Liam before had all but disappeared. He wanted this, he wanted to touch and be touched by Zayn and any shame or doubt that entered into his mind faded when he looked into Zayn’s eyes, the eyes that catalogued all of Liam. The eyes that took in every single one of Liam’s facial expressions, the eyes that memorized the notches in his spine and the slope of his stomach, the eyes that looked down to where his fingers connected to Liam’s body, and those eyes that crinkled around the edges with joy when Zayn saw that he did something right.

 

“I think,” Liam gasped into Zayn’s ear, “I think I’m good.”

 

Zayn pulled back, his hand stilling, holding him open.

 

“You sure?” he asked softly. Liam could read everything there on his face. Zayn wanted to move forward but didn’t want to pressure him. If Liam wasn’t already in love with him, he might have fallen for him then.

 

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

 

A broad smile stretched Zayn’s face, eyes crinkling in that familiar way, and Liam couldn’t help but smile back up at him.

 

“Yes, yes! Okay wait one moment, yeah? One moment!”

Zayn pulled out of Liam’s body and jumped off the bed, nearly tripping over his discarded shoes. Liam giggled as he watched his boyfriend scramble around for his pants wherein the condoms would be found.

_God, I shouldn’t be laughing right now!_ Liam tried to smother his mirth behind a hand, but Zayn’s flailing about didn’t allow for that. Zayn soon found his pants a pulled a condom from the back pocket. He turned to glare at Liam, his perfect lips turned down. Liam stopped laughing, mouth dried up at the way Zayn’s eyes became hooded.

 

“You’re gonna regret that,” Zayn said, walking back towards the bed. Feeling a bit playful, Liam smirked back up at him.

 

“Oh am I?” he said. Zayn crawled up Liam’s body, kissing both sides of his hip and just above his belly button before reaching his face.

 

“Yeah, you’re going to regret that,” he said, sliding his body against Liam’s, dragging a moan from his lips. Zayn ripped the condom open with his teeth, making sure that Liam focused on his mouth the whole time. He leaned up so that the length of his body shown in the moonlight. Warmth pooled in Liam’s gut. _How did I ever get a guy like this? I can’t possibly deserve him._

 

Zayn rolled the condom onto his length. Liam tried not to stare too much at what Zayn was doing, but finally gave up and just looked at him, all of him that the minimal light allowed him to see. _What’s the point of having a hot boyfriend if you can’t look at him?_

 

Zayn rubbed lube onto himself and crouched back down over Liam, placing his hands beside his head. Liam felt cocooned by Zayn, like his world ended at the edge of this bed.

 

“You sure?” Zayn asked. He hovered above Liam, not allowing any part of his body touch Liam’s until he received a response. Liam closed his eyes.

_Am I ready? I love him. But am I ready for this?_ Liam looked into Zayn’s eyes, so filled with love that he stopped breathing for a moment.

 

“Yes,” Liam said. “Yeah, I’m ready.” Zayn kissed Liam hard.

 

“Then let’s get started.” Zayn grabbed Liam’s hip and dragged him down, he positioned himself and began to press in.

_Oh shit!_ Liam clenched his eyes shut, this time in pain.

 

“Shit, shit, shit! Are you okay? Liam? Are you okay? Should I…what do I need to do? Liam!” Zayn kissed Liam about the nose and cheeks. Liam hadn’t realized he was crying until Zayn’s fingers were wiping the tears from his cheek, cool against them.

_Oh God, is it supposed to hurt like this? Shit, it burns._ Liam gulped several times, trying to get himself under control.

 

“I’m good, Zayn,” Liam whispered, finally returning Zayn’s incessant kisses. Passionate kisses turned languid, Zayn remained still inside Liam, allowing him to adjust to the new presence within him.

 

“You,” kiss, “good?” Zayn licked the seam of Liam’s mouth.

 

“I already said I was,” Liam pecked him on the tip of his nose.

 

Zayn smiled down at Liam.

 

“Great, that’s…that’s um, really great,” he kissed Liam one last time before moving up to place all his weight on the palms of his hands. All Liam could do was close his eyes and enjoy the pleasure that erupted within him. The pain had not faded but instead it morphed into a mix of intense discomfort and poignant friction, sparking trembles of rapture to roll down his spine.

 

Zayn worked above Liam, driving in and out of him in a heady rhythm that drove Liam crazy. Opening his eyes, Liam felt that this was his time to memorize Zayn. To take in the way his lower lip quivered, how his hair flattened across his forehead with sweat, the swath of red staining his cheeks, and the deep groan he let out with each thrust.

Liam’s back moved across the bed, driven by Zayn’s body. Liam reached for him, pulling him down to kiss him again and again, to drown in the feeling of his lip and skin, to soak in the taste of his tongue twisting around his own.

 

“Liam,” a sharp gasp ripping from Zayn’s throat, “Are you close?” Liam thrust up into him with such force that Zayn bite the inside of his mouth.

 

“Yeah,” Liam said, “So close. Just touch me.”

 

It took Zayn a second to realize what Liam wanted from him. Once realization hit, Zayn was quick to reach down and grasp Liam firmly in his hand. His hand, still slick with lube, worked Liam with the same intensity as Zayn’s hips snapped into him. Liam moaned loudly, forgetting that they were at a party, completely forgetting that there were people on the other side of the door. All he could see and feel and smell and touch was Zayn Malik, the boy that stole his heart.

 

“Now?” Zayn mumbled into the curve of Liam’s ear. He nodded vigorously, pressure building up low in his stomach.

 

Zayn pressed down on Liam’s body, trapping him down to the mattress when Liam’s orgasm tore him apart. Liam wailed into Zayn’s shoulder, grasping at his side, fingers digging into Zayn’s hot skin.

 

He took little notice of Zayn’s own completion, trapped in a rosy daze. He felt Zayn’s muscles twitch, the cradle of his hips pulling away from him. Zayn moved away from Liam temporarily, discarding the condom in a little wastebasket beside the bed. He crawled back to bed, lying down next to Liam above the blankets.

 

Liam turned his head and the two looked at each other, sweaty and sticky and tired and utterly beautiful in this moment together.

 

“I don’t know why I waited so long,” Liam whispered.

 

“I do,” Zayn replied, his voice deep and rough. “You wanted to be sure. You wanted it to mean something.”

 

“And does it?”

Zayn scooted closer to Liam. The moonlight now silhouetted his body, casting his sharp features in shadow.

 

“It means everything. You gave yourself to me,” Zayn gave Liam a chaste kiss. “And I gave myself to you. What more can two people share?”

 

Liam smiled. He smiled at his boyfriend and at the end of high school and at his life.

 

“Nothing. You can’t give anyone anything else but yourself.” Liam caressed the length of Zayn’s face.

 

“Exactly,” Zayn said, cuddling into Liam’s body.

_Exactly._

 

* * *

****

**_Wow. I…I guess this is my last podcast. Does it feel like it’s been forever to you guys? Because damn…it feels like I’ve been doing this forever, sitting in my room and talking to my computer. I can’t believe that it’s finally over._ **

****

**_So yeah, graduation was a thing that happened. No one did anything too incredibly stupid. There were a few names messed up, but I suppose that was to be expected. The speeches were all well done and motivational, but I think I was the only one actually awake to listen to them._ **

****

**_I’m sitting here trying to think of the best way to explain to the underclassmen the feeling I had when I walked across stage to get my diploma and how I feel now and…all I can really think of is free. I feel so incredibly free now that I have graduated. Even though in some aspects, high school wasn’t all that bad for me, it’s still an incredible lift off my shoulders being done with that place. And I’m done! I’m actually done with high school. We have closed that chapter and are now focusing our sights on the next._ **

****

**_And speaking as someone who is sort of terrified for the future, I am so incredibly excited for college. And I think everyone should be both terrified and excited for whatever is that next step they take, be it college or working or whatever. The great thing about life is that we can have a mix of emotions; we can be too scared to do anything and yet know that no matter what we do, it will all work out for the best._ **

****

**_So, I guess I should leave you guys with some thoughts. I probably should have actually planned this before, oops. Well…I guess all I can think of is just to stay true to who you are. Because as cliché as it sounds, it’s shit trying to be someone else. You are the only you. Also, be grateful for the people around you, and there are always people around you who are there for you, always. Oh, and don’t be scared to take that leap of faith. Hell, this podcast thing was a leap of faith and here I am thinking it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. You may not think something will make a big difference in your life, but you’ll never know until you try it._ **

****

**_You know, I never thought this podcast was going to be a big thing. Have I ever told you lot that? Yeah, it started out as a drunken dare from my best friend. He said that I needed to loosen up and release some tension. So I did. I talked and you listened. I can never thank you guys enough for listening. You know, I guess I also have this show to thank for bringing the greatest person into my life. Well, we didn’t meet through this podcast…I mean…I guess in a sense we did. But, god this is going to sound cheesy, but this podcast is the reason my boyfriend and I got together. We were both too scared to do anything and then I guess…this podcast helped. I don’t know. I’m rambling and I think all of you hate me, ahaha._ **

****

**_So, I don’t really know what else to say. I don’t have any more school secrets to share. I have my last song already queued and ready to go. I wish I could actually ask you guys what you wanted me to say here…because I sure as hell don’t know._ **

****

**_Well, I guess this has been awkward enough and I should probably just end this here. So thanks to all of you listeners. Thank you for letting me into your homes and for actually liking what I have to say. Ehem. Sorry, this American accent is a bit much on the throat, especially when you have a cold. Should I just drop it? Hell, it’s the last podcast why not._ **

****

**_So, you guys see that coming? I’m one of the Brits. Liam, actually. Liam Payne. It’s nice to meet all of you officially. I’ve already confessed to the administration, so no need for any of you brownnosers to go running to the office, they already know._ **

****

**_But yeah, thank you guys so much. You have made this whole thing one of the greatest things about senior year. I really do appreciate and love all of you._ **

****

**_And with that, here is the last song I’ll ever play for you guys. It’s called Epic Last Song and it’s by a brilliant band called Does It Offend You, Yeah?. I love them a lot, and even if this song isn’t really all that applicable, I couldn’t resist the title._ **

****

**_All right, here you go. I hope you enjoy and I hope you guys have a wonderful summer, and for once in my life, I actually mean that from the bottom of my heart._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shout out to my girl WWDD for helping me with the sex in this chapter. I owe you one!


	17. Chapter 17

**((ZAYN’S POINT OF VIEW))**

 

Zayn was pissed and he didn’t know why. Well, he did know why; it was finally fall break and within the next few hours campus would be deserted as kids went home for the weekend. Of course, he was not one of the lucky few going home. No, he was going to be alone in his dorm for the next four days. All alone. No one to keep him company. Just him, his homework, and Netflix.

 

He had plans, but of course fate fucked him over. Liam had called earlier in the week and said that something came up and he wasn’t going to be able to come stay the weekend. Zayn didn’t mind and he didn’t hold it against Liam. _Things always come up. I can’t get mad at him for this. Sure, I’m disappointed._ Zayn rolled on his bed and looked out his window out onto the courtyard behind his dorm. It was filled with students and their suitcases, waiting for parents to pick them up and whisk them away. _But it won’t be all that bad. I’m going to survive_. Zayn twisted back onto his back and stared up at his ceiling.  He could hear the laughter and joy through his window. _Yeah… I’ll be fine_.

 

He was still trying to convince himself that he was fine when his roommate Justin came back from his class and began packing.

 

“You okay?” Justin asked from behind the closet door where he was struggling with shoving all of his laundry into his duffle bag.

 

“What do you mean?” Zayn paused his game of Black Ops and tossed the controller to the end of the bed.

 

“I mean with staying here for break”

 

“Oh. Yea…I’m…I’m fine.” Zayn coughed. “Yeah, I’m totally fine. It’s no big deal. I have homework I can get started on. I have some ideas for my portfolio that I want to get moving on.”

 

“Dude...you serious?” Justin slammed his closet door shut and tossed his packed duffel bag to the ground. He crossed his arms and cocked an eyebrow. “That sounds like your bullshit tone to me”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”

 

“Look, we may have only known each other for about two months, but I can tell when you’re lying.”

 

“No you can’t” Zayn scoffed.

 

“What were you doing last Thursday when I came back from lab?”

 

“I…told you. I was just watching a movie”

 

“What kind of movie?”

 

“It was ugh…Toy Story”

 

“Yea? Sure it wasn’t porn?”

 

“I…shit. I do have a bullshit tone, don’t I?”

 

Justin laughed and began walking to the bathroom. “Hate to break it to you, but you do”

 

“I don’t know, I guess I’m still just really bummed”

 

“That Liam can’t come down?” Justin asked from the bathroom.

 

“Yea. I mean, it’s been ages since I’ve seen him and I just…miss him”

 

“Aw,” Justin poked his head out from behind the bathroom door. “Dude, I’m really sorry”

 

“Thanks” Zayn flashed him a half-smile. “Distance sucks”

 

“I hear you on that. Did I ever tell you about how I tried to stay with my ex when she went off and I was still in high school?”

 

“Only like a million times. And, no offense but that’s not really the example I want to think of right now”

 

“Oh. You’re probably right.” Justin walked back out of the bathroom with his bag of toiletries in hand. He unzipped his duffle bag and shoved the extra things in, then spent a good five minutes trying to zip it back shut. “How the hell do people do this?” he muttered under his breath.

 

“It might have helped if you actually did laundry”

 

“Hey, I have enough clothes. Why should I do laundry if I don’t have to?”

 

“Because then you end up lugging ten pounds of it back home to do”

 

“Fuck off”

 

“Just telling it like it is” Zayn laughed and stretched to grab the controller. He pressed play and resumed his mission.

 

Justin’s phone vibrated with a new text. “Alright,” he said after typing a reply. “My mom’s here. You sure you’re going to be fine here?”

 

“Yea. I mean, I may cry myself to sleep, but you know, what makes that any different from any other night”

 

“You know you’re not that pathetic” Justin rolled his eyes. He slung his duffle bag over his shoulder and then paused. “Call me if you need anything, alright?”

 

“Okay”

 

“I’m serious, Zayn. Distance sucks. Love sucks. It’s the best thing and it’s the shittiest thing at the same time. But you can get through it. Liam is a great guy. Both of you are made for each other; just keep your head up. You’ll be able to see each other soon”

 

“Ugh…thanks. That was actually a really nice pep-talk”

 

“What can I say,” Justin dusted off his right shoulder. “I’m a pretty good friend” his phone vibrated again. “Okay. I’m heading out. Have a nice time by yourself”

 

“You know, I’m not going to be the only one staying here for break”

 

“And I also know that the chances of you actually leaving the room all weekend are pretty slim.” Justin pulled open the door and waved goodbye to Zayn. “Just promise me that you’ll try to get some fresh air at least once”

 

Zayn was tempted to throw his controller at his roommate, but decided on just flipping him off instead. “Bye, Justin”

 

“See ya, Zayn!” Justin let the door close behind him and then Zayn was left alone.

 

_God, I hate being alone_

 

* * *

 

Zayn had finally managed to fall asleep after having spent two hours making a playlist entitled “fuck feelings” that was entirely made up of songs that reminded him of Liam. It had been a mistake and Zayn knew that as soon as he started but _man, sometimes it feels good to hurt_

 

However a pounding on his door disturbed his long sought after sleep. At first, Zyan ignored it. _Probably just drunk assholes trying to be funny_ , but it kept going until finally Zayn called out, “Alright, I’m coming!”

 

He slid off of his bed and rubbed his eyes. His phone told him it was 11:35. _Jesus Christ, who the hell is bothering me at 11:30?_ The pounding started up again.

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Zayn groaned. He reached the door and ripped it open. “What the fuck do you- Oh.”

 

Liam was standing in the doorway sheepishly, a backpack slung over his shoulder and the beanie Zayn had sent him a few weeks ago covering his hair. His nose and cheeks were flushed from the cold and Zayn wanted nothing more to wrap him up and kiss him all over until he was warm. He raised the hand that wasn’t holding onto his backpack strap and waved.

 

“Um…surprise?”

 

“I…I…what are you doing here?” Zayn was still stunned and moved easily aside as Liam pushed past him into the room. Liam set his backpack down on the floor against Zayn’s desk and began shedding his layers of clothing.

 

“Surprising you,” Liam pulled off his hat and ruffled his hair. He had gotten it cut _and god it looks good_. “What did you think I was doing?”

 

Zayn was still standing by the door that had closed. “I thought, I thought you weren’t able to come”

 

Liam shrugged as he twisted off his scarf. “I thought it would be nice to surprise you. You are surprised, aren’t you?”

 

Zayn nodded slowly.

 

“I think the fact that you haven’t kissed me yet shows just how bad I got you.” Liam let his scarf fall to the floor and closed the gap between him and his boyfriend. He wrapped his hands around the back of Zayn’s head and pulled their lips together.

 

Zayn responded immediately. He had forgotten what Liam tasted like, what Liam felt like. He was mad at himself for forgetting, because _this is pure bliss_

 

“Wait,” Zayn pulled away, pulling on Liam’s lower lip before going to nibble playfully at Liam’s collarbone. “How long are you here?”

 

“When does fall break end?”

 

Zayn had a hard time thinking with Liam’s hands pulling at his shirt and fumbling with his belt. “Um, Tuesday. Tuesday’s the last day of break”

 

“Then I’m here until Tuesday”

 

* * *

 

“You know, I’d forgotten how talented you are with your hands” Zayn sighed into Liam’s shoulder. They were curled up in Zayn’s bed after just having spent a few hours re-acquainting themselves with each other’s bodies. Zayn slipped his fingers into the spaces between Liam’s. “You’ve got that magic touch”

 

“I feel like I should be offended. If I’m as good as you say, you wouldn’t have forgotten”

 

“In my defense, I’ve had almost two months to forget”

 

“Still surprised I didn’t leave a lasting impression” Liam pulled his hand back from Zayn’s and traced along Zayn’s palm with the tips of his fingers.

 

“Hey,” Zayn huffed, “I’m trying to give you a compliment here and you’re sort of ruining the moment.”

 

Liam laughed. _God, I have missed that sound so much. Sure, I’ve heard it on skype and over the phone, but there’s something about hearing it again in person._ Zayn’s stomach fluttered and he felt like he go for another round. “You know,” Liam kissed Zayn’s forehead. “How about I accept the compliment, and give you one back in return.”

 

“I’m waiting.” Zayn smiled and fluttered his eyelashes expectantly.

 

Liam rolled his eyes, but said, “If I’m good with my hands, then you are a fucking legend with your mouth”

 

“Oh yea?” Zayn pursed his lips. Liam met them with his own. _God, I’ve missed this. How have I gone so long without this?_

 

“mmhmm.” Liam whispered into Zayn’s lips. “The very best”

 

“Don’t let Louis hear you saying that. He’s composed entire sonnet’s to Harry’s lips”

 

“They’re an entire ocean away, I don’t think we need to worry about Lou’s jealousy.”

 

Laughter from the show blaring from the TV pulled them both away from their conversation. They laid in comfortable silence until the commercial break when Zayn decided it was time to play the role of host and offered Liam something to drink.

 

“You know, they think they’re going to be able to come back over our winter break” Liam said before taking a sip from the water bottle Zayn handed him. “Lou and Haz I mean”

 

“Seriously?” Zayn took a sip from his. “Louis mentioned something about it a few days ago but I didn’t know it was actually going to happen”

 

“Well nothing’s set in stone, but Harry said it was a definite possibility”

 

“That’s awesome”

 

“Yea, it really is. The gang reunited at last”

 

* * *

 

Zayn woke up on Tuesday with a pit in his stomach. In a few hours Liam would be driving away back to his school and life would resort back to normal. The perfect weekend was going to come to a close. Zayn rolled over and felt Liam’s arm tighten on its grip around Zayn’s stomach, pulling Zayn back closer to him.

 

“Where you going?” Liam mumbled.

 

“Nowhere.” Zayn whispered.

 

“Good. I don’t want you going anywhere.”

 

* * *

 

“What’s this?” Zayn was looking at the webpage opened up on his browser. “Liam, did you pull this up?”

 

Liam walked out of the bathroom, his toothbrush in his hand. “Oh,” Liam tossed his toothbrush into his backpack and walked over to where Zayn was standing. He wrapped his arms around Zayn’s waist and Zayn leaned naturally back into Liam. “That’s my school’s radio website”

 

“Your what?”

 

“My school has a radio program.”

 

“Really? That’s awesome” 

 

“Yea. Most schools do, you big dork”

 

“Okay…so why am I looking at yours?”

 

“Well,” Liam pulled back and reached around Zayn to click on one of the links on the top banner. Zayn was trying to piece it all together when Liam stopped scrolling and put his hand back where it belonged on Zayn’s waist. “That’s why.” Liam said into Zayn’s ear.

 

“Li…is this serious?”

 

“Yea.”

 

Zayn twisted around so he was facing Liam. “You seriously have your own radio show?”

 

“I wouldn’t call it a radio show exactly. It’s just a few hours a week where I get to play music and talk about whatever I like. They’ll give me a co-host so I’m not doing it alone or anything, but,”

 

“But this is incredible”

 

Liam bit his lip and looked down at the ground. Zayn felt himself swooning at Liam’s blush. “You really think?” Liam asked shyly.

 

“Hey,” Zayn lifted up Liam’s chin gently. Liam’s eyes met his and Zayn felt his heart flutter. _Nine months, and I still get butterflies. Incredible._ “It’ll be just like old times”

 

“Except people will know who I am.” Liam gestured to the computer screen where his picture and bio were displayed for the world to view.

 

“I guess that won’t make things as fun, will it?”

 

“I’m sure I can have just as much fun without my fake American accent”

 

Zayn pulled Liam in for a hug. “I’m excited for you, Li” He kissed Liam deeply and soundly. He tried to put as much emotion into the kiss as if it was their very last. _It feels like it’s going to be the last_. “Seriously, I know how much this means to you. You’re a natural behind the mic”

 

“Thanks,” Liam initiated the kiss this time and Zayn’s stomach flipped as he felt Liam’s lips smile against his own.

 

“So…when do you have to leave?”

 

“I should probably be gone by the time all of your friends come back”

 

“But, that could be in a few hours”

 

“It could be. But I should give you some time to yourself before Justin comes back”

 

“He’s not coming back until later tonight”

 

“So what do you suggest we do until then?” Liam raised an eyebrow.

 

Zayn pursed his lips and pretended to think hardly. “Well…I have a faint recollection of you being able to do something quite well with your hands…”

 

“Oh come here you big idiot,” Liam laughed as their mouths crashed together and their hands began running all over one another.

 

* * *

 

**_Hey guys, welcome to Late Night with Liam, this is your host, Liam Payne. I thought I was going to have a cohost for this whole thing, but looks like I’m riding solo. Sort of like Han Solo…minus Chewie…so I guess not like Han Solo at all. Wow, talk about your failed reference._ **

****

**_Anyways, I always think music is a perfect way to start a radio shift. If you think I’m wrong, go ahead and change the station. Even though that would make me very upset and I don’t think we’d be friends if you did. But I digress. So here’s a song to get you in the mood for tonight. That’s right, turn up your volume all the way and blast this song, as you’re getting ready to go out and hit up the parties. It’s called Closer and it’s by Tegan and Sara. I’m dedicating it to a listener a few hours away, but what the hell, you can dedicate it to anyone you want. Dedicate this to that perfect someone, because we all know we’ve felt like this before. So get ready to get your jam on. This is Closer, and I hope you guys enjoy._ **


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